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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dropping out of wedding last minute

150 replies

weddingwedding · 02/10/2021 18:48

Wedding booked for next weekend, save the dates went out last year and invitations 2 months ago.

Wedding taking place is brides home town, lots of Londoners travelling down.

A group of 6 RSVP'd yes but did not book accommodation until this week and there is nothing left so now can't make it.

Caterers paid etc, bride annoyed.

Who is BU? Guests or bride?

OP posts:
Workyticket · 02/10/2021 20:30

Guests are unreasonable

We got married recently.

2 people I thought were very, very good friends dropped out less than a week before with shit reasons

Both of my brothers fucked off after the meal. Both only told me they were doing so 2 days before

Really brought home what I meant to certain people

SunshineCake1 · 02/10/2021 20:30

I think it is three months before that is more acceptable and reasonable these days but then you did give twelve months notice with the sage the date cards.

Backtoblack1 · 02/10/2021 20:37

Not the brides fault

SunshineCake1 · 02/10/2021 20:40

@Shelddd

Guests are unreasonable but bride should expect it to happen. It happens in virtually every wedding... but that doesn't mean it's okay... people get murdered everyday that's not okay either.
Murder ? Honestly.

Save the date cards when the recipient isn't then invited is probably helped to cause this issue as people know a STD card doesn't mea you will get an invitation.

RandomMess · 02/10/2021 20:44

Can't believe they can't find anywhere affordable within an hours drive and won't suck it up and not just drink rather than say they aren't coming!

NamechangeApril21 · 02/10/2021 20:48

I thought 2 months beforehand for invites was pretty standard? Especially if there had previously been a save the date.

Guests are in the wrong here.

Darceyhemingway · 02/10/2021 20:49

Do they have to stay? Can they not travel back that evening?

HermioneAndRoger · 02/10/2021 20:50

@underneaththeash

I don't believe there's nothing either.
I can believe there might be nothing. DH’s hometown isn’t that small but it is remote and has one hotel, a couple of B&Bs, and two taxis (we had a party there years ago and guests didn’t believe us about the last bit). There are more options in summer with camping and glamping sites but I wouldn’t fancy them in October.
Takemetothe90s · 02/10/2021 20:52

@Clymene

Guests are idiotic.
Not really. Your wedding isn’t everyone else’s priority.
Meh2020 · 02/10/2021 21:02

How far from London is it OP? Can they not travel down on the train abs get a late-ish one back?

For what it’s worth guests seem to do this - I’ve been to so many weddings where this has happened. It’s rude but please don’t let it ruin your special day.

Your save the dates and invite timescales are fine by the way! Totally guests being unreasonable

stayathomer · 02/10/2021 21:08

Guests but can see how it could have happened: work or childcare issues, one thought other had booked, issue with reservation etc or maybe it was a covid thing and they weren't sure they'd go. Hope the wedding goes well op

Mydogmylife · 02/10/2021 21:09

@BiscuitLover09876

Guests. But invitations are very late.
I'm with the bride re the 6 weeks, that's the traditional time. Also it's not as if the invite came out the blue - save the date cards were sent out much earlier
stayathomer · 02/10/2021 21:11

I thought 2 months beforehand for invites was pretty standard?
Do people not book their wedding about a year in advance? (I know covid has messed that up but in general)

Frazzled2207 · 02/10/2021 21:19

Guests. That said I was worried about this (pre covid) and we did block book some “emergency rooms” at the local holiday inn just in case. Some were cancelled and some were def used!

BoredZelda · 02/10/2021 21:44

2 months’ notice to book hotels is not a long time. I’d be annoyed if I had bumped anyone for them, but I had bigger things to worry about when planning my wedding.

BoredZelda · 02/10/2021 21:46

Also it's not as if the invite came out the blue - save the date cards were sent out much earlier

But you wouldn’t book non refundable accommodation on the basis of a save the date. If you expected your guests to do that, why not just send out the invite then? I never bothered with save the dates, can’t see the point. The wedding is either arranged or it isn’t.

Wineandroses3 · 02/10/2021 21:47

Guests are complete shit bags doing this but it’s surprisingly common. A pair of twats did it to me when we had paid per head for our son’s christening, day before he called to say her mother was not well - load of shit.

JacketPotatoQueen · 02/10/2021 21:47

Guests. Am sure they could find somewhere nearby enough to get a taxi back to, even if not in the town itself.

Insomniacexpress · 02/10/2021 21:49

Debretts says 1-3 months in advance for wedding invites to be sent out if save the dates have been sent. I don’t think you’ve given too little notice, particularly as you sent save the dates and so much accommodation has a no cancellation fee option these days. Not booking until a week before is just lazy and shortsighted particularly with the number of staycationers this year.

RosesAndHellebores · 02/10/2021 21:52

Guests are VVV U
6 weeks standard for invitations
Most booking.com reservations can be cancelled
Atrocious behaviour

Mumwithbaggage · 02/10/2021 21:56

Guests are unreasonable. Save the date (especially during the last couple of years) I book something I can cancel without charge on Booking.com - hopefully, the wedding I've made my 3rd booking for will go ahead in December. If it doesn't, or they uninvite me (unlikely but numbers allowed may change) I've lost nothing.

Kite22 · 02/10/2021 22:01

I think it does depend a little on the availability of accommodation near the wedding.
'Bride's home town' could cover a multitude of different scenarios, but I think the bride should have highlighted that guests would need to book accommodation and there is nowhere near the choice or amount of accommodation that might be expected elsewhere, if that was the case.
I also think it would help, if people need to stay, to have sent the invitations our earlier. 'Save the Date' are only really helpful if you are someone like a sibling who would 100% make the cut for the guest list even if it were a tiny wedding.

Of course guests should have cracked on and booked accommodation when they received the invitation, but if that was likely to prove awkward, why wouldn't the bride have given them a heads up ?

fiveleftfeet · 02/10/2021 22:10

The fault of the guests but if it was local to me I'd be tempted ot use my local knowledge to sort something out for them. e.g. staying with friends, or somewhere a bit further afield that's a cab ride away.

Do they want to solve this or is it a done deal that they're not coming?

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 02/10/2021 22:11

As per pp said, it’s probably that everything left now is more expensive than if they’d booked 7 weeks ago like everyone else

I’d be fucking FUMING op

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 02/10/2021 22:17

Guests. If you want to go to a wedding you prioritise it and you get your accommodation sorted well in advance. If you don't want to go then you should rsvp not attending promptly.