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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband called me a bitch

126 replies

PelaLa · 02/10/2021 06:47

Asked DH quietly to stop snoring/ move over a bit to see if that would help.
He stormed through to the spare room, slammed the door and shouted that I was a fucking bitch.

I know it's annoying to be woken up, but I couldn't sleep either due to the snoring.

Surely this is an overreaction?

OP posts:

WishingYouAMerryChristmasToo · 02/10/2021 06:50

He needs to go

midsummabreak · 02/10/2021 06:51

Ok so he’s woken from a deep sleep ( while keeping you awake snoring)
No excuse for lashing out verbally.

Best decision he ever made was to storm out.

Catnuzzle · 02/10/2021 06:52

I snore since I've put weight back on. I've spent the last 2 nights on the sofa so I don't disturb my DH. No name calling. I wouldn't tolerate anyone calling me that, let alone the person supposed to love care and respect me most in the world. What are you going to do?

FreeBritnee · 02/10/2021 06:56

Move into the spare room permanently. He’s not going to solve his snoring anytime soon.

Donotgogentle · 02/10/2021 06:58

“Fucking bitch” is clearly out of order but why didn’t you go to the spare room if the snoring was bothering you rather than wake him up?

People can’t help snoring, they’re not conscious.

Rainbowheart1 · 02/10/2021 07:01

I don’t know if that’s fair, what is he normally like?

I don’t ever swear at my DH and kids, ever I don’t think, but if D H wakes me I verbally abuse him and storm downstairs to the sofa. I wake up to find myself there, I don’t even know I’ve done it, we’ve been together a long time so I trust him when he says I do it, and he never reacts to me because he knows I don’t even know I’m saying it, and don’t act that way in day to day life. Some people are weird when they are woken in the night

ChirpyChirp · 02/10/2021 07:48

He was out of order to call you a fucking bitch. Does he swear at you at other times or is this a one off?

Is there a reason why you woke him up rather than moving into the spare room yourself?

Lockheart · 02/10/2021 07:51

You 'quietly' asked him and this resulted in him instantly waking up and storming off?

Sorry but either he's an incredibly light sleeper and completely unhinged or there was a bit more of an argument than you're letting on.

HouseOfFire · 02/10/2021 07:54

@WishingYouAMerryChristmasToo

He needs to go

Really??

He's been woken up in the middle of a sleep, and is grumpy.

Unless there is any other behaviour that is worrying then I think you might be a tad over reacting

readwhatiactuallysay · 02/10/2021 08:11

So you are annoyed at being kept awake and you "quietly ask him to stop snoring or maybe move on slightly as that might help "... really or did you give him a little push or raise your voice to wake him up maybe ??

Either way, his choice of language wasn't great, but he had been startled awake. If he is normally fine with no swearing or name calling, i would just let it go.

Why you didn't just move into the spare room, snoring is not a conscious thing, he cant help it.

How does it normally pan out when he snores?

SpongebobNoPants · 02/10/2021 08:52

Tbh I think you were in the wrong here. He was already asleep and you weren’t so you decided to wake him up to help you sleep?
Why didn’t you move to the spare room if it bothered you so much?

People act like snorers can help it and get so precious about their lack of sleep whilst simultaneously trying to ruin their partner’s sleep.

HikingforScenery · 02/10/2021 08:56

Sure you woke up him up, hence his annoyance but I would be really shocked if mine said that in his sleep. He never uses that sort of language at all. It would scare me tbh

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 02/10/2021 08:57

Has he found out why he is now snoring and has he done anything to try to make it better?

grapewine · 02/10/2021 09:02

Why didn't you go to the spare room instead of waking him up? I'd be annoyed at being woken up too.

bg21 · 02/10/2021 09:05

I'd probably call you worse than that if you woke me up lol

Harford · 02/10/2021 09:07

*Really??

He's been woken up in the middle of a sleep, and is grumpy.

Unless there is any other behaviour that is worrying then I think you might be a tad over reacting*

It's mn, men are the enemy remember.

If they walk behind you they are terrifying you,
if they want to be sensible with cash they are financially abusive,
if they are pissed of over something they are bullies,
if a group of men socializes together they are being misogynistic ad spend their time belittling women.
if any double standard against men is called out on mn or a poster is being nasty to one it's ok as men have caused all the problems in the world since time began so every man must pay,

6.if they are white they are very privileged and live in a mansion...

If they chat to a woman in any way they are creeps.
if they leave a dirty cup out then LTB.

Harford · 02/10/2021 09:12

*You 'quietly' asked him and this resulted in him instantly waking up and storming off?

Sorry but either he's an incredibly light sleeper and completely unhinged or there was a bit more of an argument than you're letting on*

Not really, a lot of people would be pissed off at being woken from sleep as it can be very hard to get back to sleep after being disturbed. Yea his choice of language wasn't great but he's human and we all let rip sometimes. I'd be fuming if somebody woke me from my sleep as I find it hard to get back after and I feel tired the next day.

gannett · 02/10/2021 09:14

If I'm suddenly woken up from my nice deep sleep I would (and have) definitely reacted with an angry "fuck off!" "fuck's sake!" "fucking bastard!" etc.

If he calls you a fucking bitch often then he is a massive problem. If he did it once after being unreasonably woken up, well... I would suggest not waking people up suddenly tbh.

(I recommend separate bedrooms to solve all issues of snoring, light sleeping, tossing and turning etc.)

WellLarDeDar · 02/10/2021 09:18

Why didn't you go to the spare room? Instead of waking him up?

Cupoteap · 02/10/2021 09:19

How is he to stop snoring?

2Two · 02/10/2021 09:21

Asked DH quietly to stop snoring

With every respect, OP, that was a daft thing to ask. How on earth is he supposed to control an involuntary action that happens when he's asleep?

Cadent · 02/10/2021 09:21

He should be trying to sort the snoring out, not abuse you.

Don’t minimise it, give the dick hell today.

ineedaholidayandwine · 02/10/2021 09:22

He should never speak to you like that but you should have gone to the spare room, you were awake.

Hankunamatata · 02/10/2021 09:24

Yeah I'm not great at being woken like that. Esp if Dh has nudged me a few times. I may have called.him several swear words over the years when he woke me for snoring

Cadent · 02/10/2021 09:24

Why should OP go the spare room? The dick was in her space (she asked him to move over).

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