Page 2 | Husband called me a bitch

PelaLa · 2021-10-02T05:47:28+00:00

Asked DH quietly to stop snoring/ move over a bit to see if that would help. He stormed through to the spare room, slammed the door and shouted that I was a fucking bitch. I know it's annoying to be woken up, but I couldn't sleep either due to the snoring. Surely this is an overreaction?

KarmaStar · 02/10/2021 09:24

What is your Aibu exactly?

Cadent · 02/10/2021 09:26

@KarmaStar

What is your Aibu exactly?

It’s in her OP.

DillonPanthersTexas · 02/10/2021 09:29

He needs to go

Wow, first post, a record?

Evangelo · 02/10/2021 09:32

@Harford

*Really??

He's been woken up in the middle of a sleep, and is grumpy.

Unless there is any other behaviour that is worrying then I think you might be a tad over reacting*

It's mn, men are the enemy remember.

If they walk behind you they are terrifying you,
if they want to be sensible with cash they are financially abusive,
if they are pissed of over something they are bullies,
if a group of men socializes together they are being misogynistic ad spend their time belittling women.
if any double standard against men is called out on mn or a poster is being nasty to one it's ok as men have caused all the problems in the world since time began so every man must pay,

6.if they are white they are very privileged and live in a mansion...

If they chat to a woman in any way they are creeps.
if they leave a dirty cup out then LTB.

I totally agree with the list!

OP, you've come on here with that title, expecting the usual reaction but even I am surprised at the reasonable posts.

To your OP: It depends. If you normally swear at each other, then it's no biggie. If this is the first time, then it's a big deal. Not a 'LTB' big deal but a "We need to have a talk. I won't be spoken to that way no matter what!" sort of big deal.

I also think you should go to the spare room (since you have one) next time you can't sleep. Not sure why people think they have to sleep next to each other if all they're doing is sleeping (or trying to sleep, in your case).

Popcornriver · 02/10/2021 09:39

It's really unfair to wake him up for snoring when it's something out of his control and there's a spare room you could have went to. And yes you should have went because you were already awake. Getting him up and telling him to stop snoring isn't going to help is it? He'll fall asleep and start again. It's something to speak about the next day, whether anything can be done about the snoring.

He's so out of order to scream you're a fucking bitch though. Can't believe anyone thinks that's an appropriate reaction to being woken up. If he's screamed it as well I'm guessing it was loud. What if your children had woken up to their dad screaming their mum was a fucking bitch?

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/10/2021 09:40

I snore. My snoring seems to stop me from reaching deep sleep, because I can hear DH whisper 'Stop snoring.' to me. I turn onto my side and that stops me snoring. What I do NOT do is call DH names and storm off in a tantrum.

I would very much doubt he is in deep sleep (when I'm in deep sleep even a car alarm outside the bedroom window takes time to get through).

His behaviour was uncalled for. Probably best if he stays in the spare room until he deals with his snoring. He has no right to inflict sleep deprivation on you. (And neither have I on DH, which is why I'm in the spare room for now.)

HouseOfFire · 02/10/2021 09:41

@Harford

*Really??

He's been woken up in the middle of a sleep, and is grumpy.

Unless there is any other behaviour that is worrying then I think you might be a tad over reacting*

It's mn, men are the enemy remember.

If they walk behind you they are terrifying you,
if they want to be sensible with cash they are financially abusive,
if they are pissed of over something they are bullies,
if a group of men socializes together they are being misogynistic ad spend their time belittling women.
if any double standard against men is called out on mn or a poster is being nasty to one it's ok as men have caused all the problems in the world since time began so every man must pay,

6.if they are white they are very privileged and live in a mansion...

If they chat to a woman in any way they are creeps.
if they leave a dirty cup out then LTB.

glad its not just me

its like some of the threads here are on a different planet

Harford · 02/10/2021 09:43

OP, you've come on here with that title, expecting the usual reaction but even I am surprised at the reasonable posts

There was a thread on here several weeks ago with confessions we are taking to the grave, so many posters talked of the dreadful things they did to exs etc and justified it that the men were 'abusive' and yet on mn 'abusive' is so thrown around it has lost all meaning.

1 poster said she posted a nude pic of her ex with his ass showing on his FB profile page and changed his account. She was applauded. I can imagine the reaction on here if a man did that to a woman.

On the same thread, a male poster said he did a prank phone call to a girl at school when he was about 16 and he got hung as he scared the girl. Such hypocrisy.

MitheringMytryl · 02/10/2021 09:45

Horrible.

The storming off I can maybe sympathise with, a bit. It's OTT but I am always very grumpy when I'm woken from a deep sleep and sometimes get huffy. But calling you a fucking bitch?! Good grief, absolutely no need for that. My DH has never called me that in all the years I have known him. That crosses a line.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 02/10/2021 09:52

Maybe go to the spare room yourself?

CaptSkippy · 02/10/2021 09:56

OP

I have always considered a gendered slur a deal breaker. I have woken up a partner before due to snoring. Never I been called anything insulting as a result.

In fact the only ever personal insults I have received are from guys I had broken up with.

Rosebel · 02/10/2021 09:58

@Harford

*Really??

He's been woken up in the middle of a sleep, and is grumpy.

Unless there is any other behaviour that is worrying then I think you might be a tad over reacting*

It's mn, men are the enemy remember.

If they walk behind you they are terrifying you,
if they want to be sensible with cash they are financially abusive,
if they are pissed of over something they are bullies,
if a group of men socializes together they are being misogynistic ad spend their time belittling women.
if any double standard against men is called out on mn or a poster is being nasty to one it's ok as men have caused all the problems in the world since time began so every man must pay,

6.if they are white they are very privileged and live in a mansion...

If they chat to a woman in any way they are creeps.
if they leave a dirty cup out then LTB.

You are so right. I have never seen such hatred towards men except on here. OP I know it's really really annoying to be kept awake by someone snoring. My husband does snore and it's the most irratating noise ever. I know he can't help it but it doesn't stop me jabbing him in the ribs until he turns over. We don't have a spare room and the sofa isn't very comfortable or I'd sleep there. I'd just go in the spare room next time. Have you spoken to him this morning? Regardless of if you should have slept in the spare room or not he has absolutely no right to call you horrible names. He owes you an apology and a sincere promise he won't call you that ever again.

Evangelo · 02/10/2021 10:05

@Harford

OP, you've come on here with that title, expecting the usual reaction but even I am surprised at the reasonable posts

There was a thread on here several weeks ago with confessions we are taking to the grave, so many posters talked of the dreadful things they did to exs etc and justified it that the men were 'abusive' and yet on mn 'abusive' is so thrown around it has lost all meaning.

1 poster said she posted a nude pic of her ex with his ass showing on his FB profile page and changed his account. She was applauded. I can imagine the reaction on here if a man did that to a woman.

On the same thread, a male poster said he did a prank phone call to a girl at school when he was about 16 and he got hung as he scared the girl. Such hypocrisy.

Not surprised. Always hypocrisy. Can't take people serious when they display double standards.

SnottyLottie · 02/10/2021 10:08

I don’t think I would have reacted well to being woken up because I’m snoring either.

If I was in your situation I would have probably ended up going into the spare room and then discuss it in the morning. Just explain that his snoring is keeping you awake and suggest some ways to alleviate it. If it still doesn’t work then suggest he goes to the doctors as it’s something you cannot live with and it’s really disturbing your sleep.

Ronnii · 02/10/2021 10:10

I would say he's BU. Have you ever discussed how to deal with his snoring?

I will push my DH to roll over or prod him awake if needed, he is fine with this, we've discussed it, why should I lie awake, esp when he falls straight back to sleep!

I don't think you should have to go spare room either, for us the expensive comfy mattress is the main bed so that's where I'm staying!

I don't think being woken is reason to call you fucking bitch. You had both been woken!

billy1966 · 02/10/2021 10:14

What a horrible way to speak to you.

Is that how he speaks to you normally?

If it is, it sounds awful.

KittenMama · 02/10/2021 10:16

Not ok to call you names.

My DH snores terribly due to a medical condition with his nose. I don't quietly ask him to move anymore because it doesn't work, it's a bit of prodding and repeating his name to ask him to move. This is so he's propped up to breathe properly through his nose but he has never once sworn at me. He has always been very grumpy though, whether it was a gentle wake or not.

In my experience of people in my life who have been snorers, they are very grouchy if woken (even from light sleep), don't like being told they snore and will swear they weren't sleeping if they've just nodded off (even if you've heard them snore)

Whydidimarryhim · 02/10/2021 10:22

I’d see if he apologises when he woke up. I think that will tell you everything - have a conversation with him about how to move forward.
I find bitch such a strong word.

MintJulia · 02/10/2021 10:24

Some people are just bad tempered when they are woken up. It's hardly a reason to kick him out.

On the other hand is he overweight? Had a heavy meal close to bed? Drinking too much? Then he needs to own the problem and stop blaming you. He's already woken you up, so you have every right to be just as bad tempered. Time for a serious conversation.

me4real · 02/10/2021 10:26

I'm surprised at people saying that OP should just've gone to the spare room.

'Could you shuffle over a bit?' 'could I have a bit more quilt?' are probably things both I or my partner might say on occasional nights. Or my partner might nudge me onto my side to lessen my snoring, that happens fairly often. I think he sometimes even says 'stop snoring.'

I would imagine sleeping in the spare room as just for if you've had an actual argument while conscious, if you sleep apart from your partner at all. It would be used to convey doubt about the relationship, anger etc. Just my opinion of it.

KurtWilde · 02/10/2021 10:27

@Harford

*Really??

He's been woken up in the middle of a sleep, and is grumpy.

Unless there is any other behaviour that is worrying then I think you might be a tad over reacting*

It's mn, men are the enemy remember.

If they walk behind you they are terrifying you,
if they want to be sensible with cash they are financially abusive,
if they are pissed of over something they are bullies,
if a group of men socializes together they are being misogynistic ad spend their time belittling women.
if any double standard against men is called out on mn or a poster is being nasty to one it's ok as men have caused all the problems in the world since time began so every man must pay,

6.if they are white they are very privileged and live in a mansion...

If they chat to a woman in any way they are creeps.
if they leave a dirty cup out then LTB.

Couldn't have put it better myself. MN is riddled with toxicity towards men.

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/10/2021 10:30

I remember feeling like this back when we were trying to delay the inevitable with DH snoring and my asthmatic wheezing. Many sleepless and sleep interrupted nights one or the other of us keeping the other up. So I don’t think your DH snoring is a new problem. It’s provably been going on awhile with him keeping you awake and you prodding him awake. So you’re both sleep deprived and grumpy. So I’d forgive him his outburst if it’s built up to it over months of snoring and no one getting good sleep.

But, start planning to have separate bedrooms. Many people do this and it helps because no one is nice to be around when chronically sleep deprived.

toolazytothinkofausername · 02/10/2021 10:30

YABU. He was asleep, you woke him up. If my DH woke me up I'd also be pretty annoyed.

You should have gone to the spare room, then broached the subject the next day.

TheWoleb · 02/10/2021 10:32

You should have gone to the spare room yourself and then waited until today to have a chat about it.

What is he doing about his snoring? There are things he can do, but he needs to get off his arse and research what he would like to try first and then do it. He should also be seeing his GP for a sleep clinic referral.

He does need to take action. If he refuses then that tells you everything you need to know. He knows this is affecting you more than him so if he wont even try stuff then he just doesnt give a fuck.

You shouldn't have woken him up in the middle of the night when you have a spare room. Maybe different if the only alternative was a sofa; then I would agree with telling him to go sleep on it because it is him that's the problem. But you had a whole other bed available. You should have just gone to sleep there and sorted this out when everyone was rested.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 02/10/2021 10:36

What a wonderful rarified perfect world some of you live in.