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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband called me a bitch

126 replies

PelaLa · 02/10/2021 06:47

Asked DH quietly to stop snoring/ move over a bit to see if that would help.
He stormed through to the spare room, slammed the door and shouted that I was a fucking bitch.

I know it's annoying to be woken up, but I couldn't sleep either due to the snoring.

Surely this is an overreaction?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 02/10/2021 11:13

I'd have called you a fucking bitch if you'd woken me up too.

DP and I have a conversation the next day if one of us has been kept awake from snoring (which only happens when we're ill/when I was pregnant) and whoever kept the other awake always says "oh next time wake me up and tell me" so we're expecting to be woken.
We wouldn't wake each other up without having a conversation first because if we're in such a deep sleep that we're snoring we clearly need the sleep.

Mumoblue · 02/10/2021 11:14

“Men are the enemy” hahahahha oh poor men!
It’s so hard not to scream “fucking bitch” at your wife! Someone think of the men.

The bar is on the floor and some guys will tunnel into the earth to avoid it.

We all get to decide what we tolerate. I personally would not tolerate that kind of behaviour.

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:15

@Harford

*She hasn’t called anyone a cunt. She’s said some men behave cuntish to women. How on Earth can you equate that to him calling his WIFE a fucking bitch?!

What are you even doing on this site if you hate women so much*

ok, so posters who called out double standards are told to go to Reddit or are women haters. Please give me a quote I said that is woman-hating. And it is using the word 'cuntish' that can be seen as misogyny, you don't have to call a person the latter for it to be so.

What a load of shit. What double standards have you called out? Neither you nor Kurt have provided any actual example threads, just posted a load of unfounded accusations.

Still waiting for examples.

Women using the word cunt or cuntish to describe a man is not misogynistic.

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:16

@KurtWilde

You clearly haven't been on here long if you haven't come across them yourself. I also have better things to do than argue with a random.

Been here longer than you I’d bet, Kurt.

Been here for years which is why I have no time for yours and @Hateford’s nikkah it, especially not after what’s happened to women recently.

You are the problem.

BillMasen · 02/10/2021 11:16

[quote Cadent]@KurtWilde so no example threads of these double standards? Thought so.[/quote]
I think an example on this thread might be that none of the many posters saying he’s terrible, leave him, have or would say the same to any of the female posters explaining they do the same thing.

I’d be interested why they think it’s ok to blame him, but skim past women saying they do the same

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:17

@KurtWilde you’ve got no examples have you? 🤣😂🤣 so fucking obvious.

BillMasen · 02/10/2021 11:17

@WishingYouAMerryChristmasToo

He needs to go
Take this for example

Will you say to the women posters admitting they do the same that they need to leave?

icedcoffees · 02/10/2021 11:19

@GrandmasCat

Why is always the woman who needs to accommodate the man? He had a spare room he could go to but is wifey who has to and she Isa bitch for waking him up?

In certain things we are still living in the 1950s…

Because she's the one lying there awake.

Why should they both be awake in the middle of the night?

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:21

@BillMasen

I think an example on this thread might be that none of the many posters saying he’s terrible, leave him, have or would say the same to any of the female posters explaining they do the same thing.

I’d be interested why they think it’s ok to blame him, but skim past women saying they do the same

Men can fight their own battles. Why don’t you call these women out Bill? Why is it my job?

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/10/2021 11:22

Iwantmyoldnameback

What a wonderful rarified perfect world some of you live in.“

What a bloody awful one some live in.

Not being called a “fucking bitch” by someone who loves you is “rarified”?

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:22

Will you say to the women posters admitting they do the same that they need to leave?

Yes if she’s snoring and calling him a fucking bitch, he should leave.

BillMasen · 02/10/2021 11:26

[quote Cadent]@BillMasen

I think an example on this thread might be that none of the many posters saying he’s terrible, leave him, have or would say the same to any of the female posters explaining they do the same thing.

I’d be interested why they think it’s ok to blame him, but skim past women saying they do the same

Men can fight their own battles. Why don’t you call these women out Bill? Why is it my job?[/quote]
What?

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/10/2021 11:27

The thing is I think some posters are not realising that snoring also causes sleep deprivation for the person snoring as well as whoever they are keeping awake. For things to have come to an outburst, I would expect months of OP laying awake frustrated, prodding and waking her DH up night after night after night for snoring, which let’s get real in most cases there is no cure and it cannot be helped or controlled. I highly doubt this was the very first time OP prodded her DH awake because he was snoring.

They are both sleep deprived and not thinking clearly. Obviously calling OP a “fucking bitch” is not acceptable and the DH owes her an apology. But at the same time it does not mean the DH is a misogynistic bastard and his calling her that once a dealbreaker/the marriage is over. I take a middle view that it’s understandable and forgivable. And that OP and her DH need to change their sleeping arrangements because not doing so will only lead to a build up of resentment and more sleep deprivation on both their parts.

BillMasen · 02/10/2021 11:28

@Cadent

Will you say to the women posters admitting they do the same that they need to leave?

Yes if she’s snoring and calling him a fucking bitch, he should leave.

So, you weren’t the poster I was referring to, and they said the snoring man needs to go. I was wondering why they hadn’t told the self admitted snoring woman she needs to go.

You’ve somehow taken this as being about you, and interestingly said the man should go. In both circumstances I presume?

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:28

Give me strength, if you can’t understand basic questions, why are you posting?

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:29

@Harford

It's mn, men are the enemy remember.

Yep, Wayne Couzens was a real friend to women, wasn’t he?

BillMasen · 02/10/2021 11:29

@PlanDeRaccordement

The thing is I think some posters are not realising that snoring also causes sleep deprivation for the person snoring as well as whoever they are keeping awake. For things to have come to an outburst, I would expect months of OP laying awake frustrated, prodding and waking her DH up night after night after night for snoring, which let’s get real in most cases there is no cure and it cannot be helped or controlled. I highly doubt this was the very first time OP prodded her DH awake because he was snoring.

They are both sleep deprived and not thinking clearly. Obviously calling OP a “fucking bitch” is not acceptable and the DH owes her an apology. But at the same time it does not mean the DH is a misogynistic bastard and his calling her that once a dealbreaker/the marriage is over. I take a middle view that it’s understandable and forgivable. And that OP and her DH need to change their sleeping arrangements because not doing so will only lead to a build up of resentment and more sleep deprivation on both their parts.

A sensible middle view? Brave…
always2tired · 02/10/2021 11:30

@Harford

*Really??

He's been woken up in the middle of a sleep, and is grumpy.

Unless there is any other behaviour that is worrying then I think you might be a tad over reacting*

It's mn, men are the enemy remember.

  1. If they walk behind you they are terrifying you,
  2. if they want to be sensible with cash they are financially abusive,
  3. if they are pissed of over something they are bullies,
  4. if a group of men socializes together they are being misogynistic ad spend their time belittling women.
  5. if any double standard against men is called out on mn or a poster is being nasty to one it's ok as men have caused all the problems in the world since time began so every man must pay,
6.if they are white they are very privileged and live in a mansion...
  1. If they chat to a woman in any way they are creeps.
  2. if they leave a dirty cup out then LTB.
This 😂
BillMasen · 02/10/2021 11:30

@Cadent

Give me strength, if you can’t understand basic questions, why are you posting?
Why don’t I call those women out? I literally did in the post that wasn’t about you
KurtWilde · 02/10/2021 11:31

[quote Cadent]@KurtWilde you’ve got no examples have you? 🤣😂🤣 so fucking obvious.[/quote]
Or.. shockingly.. I just can't be bothered with you.

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:32

@BillMasen

So, you weren’t the poster I was referring to, and they said the snoring man needs to go. I was wondering why they hadn’t told the self admitted snoring woman she needs to go.

You’ve somehow taken this as being about you, and interestingly said the man should go. In both circumstances I presume?

What are you on about? I responded because you quoted ME in your post of 11.16. Go back and read.

In another post you asked if ‘they should leave’, presumably asking if the man should leave the woman after being called a fucking bitch, and I said yes, he should leave.

Is that not what you wanted?

Do keep up.

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:33

@KurtWilde

Or.. shockingly.. I just can't be bothered with you.

How convenient. You’ve got nothing to say as can’t back yourself but still linger like a smell.

BillMasen · 02/10/2021 11:34

Which I then followed up by quoting the actual person who said it and asking them if they’d say the same regarding a woman…

Which you asked me to do

After I’d done it

And don’t be so fucking patronising

Cadent · 02/10/2021 11:35

@BillMasen so then why are you surprised I responded after you quoted me?

Tal45 · 02/10/2021 11:38

So it's ok for him to keep you awake all night with his snoring but it's not ok for you to wake him so he turns over and stops snoring? Instead he behaves like a dick, calls you a fucking bitch and storms off?

Hopefully it was a one off, he's apologised and you can come to some agreement on how to handle the situation in the future. Because that's what adults do, they don't storm around swearing at each other and behaving like pricks.