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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Benefits of having only 1 child?

117 replies

TheOneTed · 01/10/2021 00:09

Shamelessly posting on AIBU for traffic.

I'm TTC and it's been nearly a year. I know others have been trying for far longer than me, but I'm starting to lose hope.

I already have one DD so know I am very lucky to have her. Please can people share positives about having one child? I always said I'd TTC for a year and then stop as I don't want it to become a huge stressful process and I am already late 30s.

Thank you in advance :)

OP posts:
MarineBlue33 · 01/10/2021 00:13

You have more money to spend on your dd.
Your dad and you can really have a close relationship

Saz12 · 01/10/2021 00:21

No wierd sibling rivalry.
DD can do activities she wants whenever they crop up
Money! And time.

Gwrach · 01/10/2021 00:22

Mine are

One child is cheaper than multiple
Parenting one child is easier than multiples
Only one child's schedule for activities
Only one child's homework to help with
All my attention can go on to one child
I don't have to pretend I don't have a favourite (yeah yeah, it happens my brother is the favourite)

FrankButchersDickieBow · 01/10/2021 00:29

I can't think of any cons to be honest.

I am one of 5 and my husband is one of 3.

Active decision to have one.

Not sure if it's because I grew up 'poor but happy and I just wanted to be able to give dd everything I never had.

I never missed it btw and had a happy childhood, but I cannot deny, with our one kind, funny, confident, friendly, independent 12 yo daughter (almost 13), we have the life of Riley tbh.

We have the money to do whatever we want. Any clubs/hobbies she is interested in, we can afford. Theatre is one luxurious hobby of ours.

Days out, lunches etc, easy peasy.

Our bond is amazing and to be perfectly honest, I think she would be my favourite if we had any more.

DeborahAnnabel · 01/10/2021 00:30

For me the main thing is that you can keep a semblance of your old life without being too enmeshed in mum life. If you have two or more you may as well just embrace it. But with one, it’s possible to go to nice restaurants, holidays etc etc either with girlfriends or with husband. Far harder if you have a brood. Everything is just so much effort.

Anonymonster · 01/10/2021 00:33

All of the above for me, plus thinking well into the future..financially speaking..supporting with driving lessons, first car, supporting through university, first property, help with wedding.. if we had more than one DC we would definitely struggle to support with these thing if/when necessary.

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 01/10/2021 00:40

No fighting! I have 4 and it’s horrific at times, I’m sick of playing referee. Can give one all your attention, another thing I struggle with, more money. And fwiw my kids regularly tell me they wish they didn’t have siblings and it was only them, so not all kids love having siblings.

avamiah · 01/10/2021 00:56

I have one child who is 11 and i had her when I was 36 and that was it for me.
I had a 3rd degree tear and couldn’t even breast feed her as I was on so many drugs so let’s just say nothing went near there for a very long time ( sorry to sound crude).
Be happy with one child that’s what I say.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 01/10/2021 01:31

@Anonymonster

All of the above for me, plus thinking well into the future..financially speaking..supporting with driving lessons, first car, supporting through university, first property, help with wedding.. if we had more than one DC we would definitely struggle to support with these thing if/when necessary.
Oh yes this aswell. We have a pretty penny saved up for our daughter when she is older. Could not have afforded that for more than her. If we did, it would have been halved and will not have the same impact on her life
HaveringWavering · 01/10/2021 01:55

Private school is more affordable if you are only sending one child. If that floats your, and their, boat.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/10/2021 02:04

I'm an only child and had a brilliant childhood. I never once wanted a sibling.

TheOneTed · 01/10/2021 07:56

Thank you so much for the responses so far, they do help me feel more positive.

I know it's silly to think as my DD is only 3 , but I've always liked the idea of lots of grandchildren. I also worry we might not be close when she's older (I hope we will but you never know!) A second doubles the chances! I worry about being old and lonely 😅

OP posts:
PaperMonster · 01/10/2021 08:01

My ten year old is an only and loves it - her bestie is also an only. I have an article in one of her boxes about how much more successful onlies are when in adulthood but I can’t recall how success was defined!!

TheOneTed · 01/10/2021 08:03

Sorry I've just read that back and it sounds so negative, and also insensitive to anyone without children.

I think the extra time, money and 121 focus are all great. I was 1 of 4 (the oldest) and would have loved more attention and money! I also am very close to my SIL who has 3 and my DD is so close to them it's like they are siblings.

Also worrying about what things will be like in 20-30 years time seems anti silly really.

OP posts:
SaltySheepdog · 01/10/2021 08:04

I’ve got a 5 bedroomed house for my 4 kids, if I had one child I’d only need two bedrooms and could pay off my mortgage fast

TheOneTed · 01/10/2021 08:05

@PaperMonster that's nice to hear!

OP posts:
ClemDanFango · 01/10/2021 08:05

Once you’re over the challenging stages, you’re over them! Never have to do through them again.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/10/2021 08:08

I love only having one. Life is pleasant and easy.

Spindrifting · 01/10/2021 08:08

DH and I are both one of big, poor families in small houses, and to be frank, competing for sparse resources (space, parental attention, food, the knowledge that there was no spare money, so never to ask for anything) was so miserable that having one child was an obvious choice for us.

Staffroomdoughnut · 01/10/2021 08:13

All of the above plus more time to help with homework, reading etc. Not having to find activities that suit more than one age group. You may find people more willing to help with babysitting etc. My siblings weren’t interested in the same games as me partly due to the age gap and I’d have enjoyed more time having friends over or playing games with my folks but was fine playing on my own too.

PermanentTemporary · 01/10/2021 08:18

It wasn't 100% a positive choice to have my one ds, and I know he would have liked a sibling at various points, which at times was very hard. Now as an older teenager he seems fine with it and I must admit that the simplicity of just having one made life possible. Dh being so ill would have made more than one intensely difficult and when he died, it was good just to be able to look after ds. If I'm honest I'm also happy only do have seen one through primary school with all the parental input it takes!

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 01/10/2021 08:20

I was in a similar position at your age OP and set myself an age deadline. We only have one D.C. as a result.

There were many years I felt guilty as DS wanted a brother or sister but he's very happy being an only now.

  • being able to afford to move into an excellent school catchment area
  • some fantastic holidays to interesting places
  • regularly fo for weekends away
  • don't need to take out a mortgage at school uniform buying season
  • didn't need to buy a big car
  • plenty of room at home
  • able to give him plenty of 1-2-1 time and attention
  • no need to juggle the needs and priorities of multiple children.
  • easy to find a babysitter
  • no sibling squabbles to contend with

Don't get me wrong, I'd have liked a second and was upset it didn't happen for us, but, while the lack of a sibling playmate was tricky when younger on holidays/days out etc., we largely have a nice time as a family of three!

Vodka1 · 01/10/2021 08:32

You will naturally be closer to your eldest and proli give them the moon on a plate should they ask you too!

We didn't have any more babies until my eldest was 8 years old, and we decided that the best thing to do was knock out 2 in 2 years so they could grow up close and with each other blah blah blah.

I thought I may damage my eldest as although he had play dates and stuff he didnt have any siblings or cousins he could see regularly.

I was wrong, my 2 smaller ones fight all the time they don't play well and well on my worst days I've wondered if I'd like to rewind 5 years or fast forward 5!

I love them all the world that goes without saying but sometimes one just works.

With 1 we had more money, more time and a fuck ton of patience. We had more time together for family dinners, trips, managed to go shopping and 1 child is easier to pick up drop off from almost anywhere.

You will often find babysitters are hard to get hold off, family will go silent because suddenly you its not just one child for 2 hours but 2 or 3. No one wants to babysit a brood Grin

Things like school plays / sports days / come in and buy this paper your kid touched 3 days ago for £5 are much much easier to attend, if you have 2 kids in 2 seperate years or 2 seperate schools time is right and only so much annual leave you can take. Even if your a SAHM it can be a very repetitive chore.

Less mess!

There are SOO many pros to not having more than 1 child. There are cons too but you know this.

If you really really wanted one I wouldn't put just a years limit on it, unless its affecting you massively id go for a little longer but maybe less 'determination'.

It can only ever be what it will be but i hope you get your wishes and have a lovely life with one or two children.

dangermouseisace · 01/10/2021 08:34

I’ve got 3. I love them all dearly. But the benefits of 1 are, for me:

  • time. You can give so much quality time to 1 child.
  • activities. Mine can’t agree and we usually do nothing!
  • housing. So much easier. We are squished.
  • your life. I don’t have a “me” life. I am 100% running around like a crazy thing anc mine are teens. I have no capacity for anything other than work and kids and don’t sit down til after 9 each night.
  • money!
  • job. You just have to work round 1 not lots of different inset days, sick days, 3 sets of orthodontist appointments.
  • your chikd can have their mates over because they arent sharing a room.
There are so many upsides!
Booboosweet · 01/10/2021 08:37

I have one dd and we can give her all our attention. She's a very happy child.