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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Benefits of having only 1 child?

117 replies

TheOneTed · 01/10/2021 00:09

Shamelessly posting on AIBU for traffic.

I'm TTC and it's been nearly a year. I know others have been trying for far longer than me, but I'm starting to lose hope.

I already have one DD so know I am very lucky to have her. Please can people share positives about having one child? I always said I'd TTC for a year and then stop as I don't want it to become a huge stressful process and I am already late 30s.

Thank you in advance :)

OP posts:

Ragwort · 01/10/2021 17:08

I love having an only DC. He is 20 now & I am so happy that we have managed to raise a confident, outgoing young person. He has never struggled to make friends, he is much more confident than many youngsters with siblings I know, perhaps because he's never had 'ready made' playmates he's always been able to make the effort to join clubs etc. He's just moved miles away for a new job, knows no one but has immediately joined two or three different clubs (he researched opportunities before he even left home).

I agree with all the other reasons people have made but also for me it would have been hard to find the time/energy to emotionally support more than one DC ... I have found parenting quite challenging and the thought of more than one DC to support is quite scary. Just things like finding enough time to help with homework, read a bedtime story etc.

And the one thing my DS always says when he comes home 'it's always so calm and peaceful here' . Living in a busy, noisy household would just not suit me.

Chilver · 01/10/2021 17:09

Time, money, flexibility, focus....
Time: to try more activities; to read with them individually; one to one time; relationship time; time to chill and explore things with them
More money spent on activities, schooling, holidays etc
Flexibility - easier to say 'yes' for impromptu sleepover and playdates; don't need to buy a bigger car/ can take more 'things' on holidays in the car; they fit into your life, not you into theirs (although its a balance of both really!)
Focus - more focus on their individual needs; school requirements/ activities etc; on your own work, life etc

toomuchlaundry · 01/10/2021 17:15

A friend of mine has 2 siblings, all in their 50s, no DC amongst them, so having more children doesn't guarantee grandchildren.

We have an only. It is great

MummyJ12 · 01/10/2021 17:18

With one child; you’re a parent. With two; you’re a referee.

I speak from experience! 😂

FriedasFingers · 01/10/2021 18:54

The ‘non-sharing’ stereotype is just that. Never seen it personally, and think it’s a bit of a lazy trope tbh. Along with ‘only-lonely’ and general disparaging only child = weirdo opinions.

Daisy829 · 01/10/2021 18:58

Not read the whole thread so this may have been said already but as they get older & get invited for sleepovers you have a free night without having to find someone to have the other child

optimistic40 · 01/10/2021 18:59

I found everything a lot easier with only one (my eldest was an only for six years). But if you really long for another, there seems no harm in leaving it a bit longer?

Jenufer · 01/10/2021 19:00

You will probably never see how foul your child truly is if you only have one, as they save their foullest behaviour for their siblings.

Original poster

TheOneTed · 01/10/2021 19:38

This thread has now really made me want to book a holiday!!

I think the points around giving the best version of themselves and finding parenting hard is interesting. I found the newborn stage hard, and am pretty terrible on little sleep. I can imagine for the first year or so being quite impatient and mot "my best self" at times just due to lack of sleep and I'd hate to become a shouty mum to by DD and any future DC.

OP posts:

Spindrifting · 01/10/2021 19:58

@Jenufer

You will probably never see how foul your child truly is if you only have one, as they save their foullest behaviour for their siblings.

That has cracked me up. Though I am wondering what hidden horrors we would see from DS had he a sibling to be awful to.

my8thMNusername · 01/10/2021 20:02

Thank you for this OP as I love reading other reasons to why it's amazing to have one! Nobody could ever trump my daughter

Serenitymummy · 01/10/2021 22:39

I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said on here so I'm just another to reiterate really. I always wanted two but my own health saw to that. I feel so blessed to have my one ds and he is the absolute best. He's 9 now and we have the best time, we share loads of interests and I just have so much fun with him and dh. He has jobs he does around the house so we all help each other out and it works so nicely.

The other benefits of course are being bale to just focus on one, we went to Disneyland Paris a few years ago and if I'd had that second kid we couldn't have done it, or would have been lugging a baby and a pushchair around and it just wouldn't have been fun. Financially better off as we only have one to manage, he can do whatever clubs and activities he likes as we don't have anyone else's schedule to work around. He's matured quicker than other kids his age so is never any trouble. We have no problem taking him out to nice restaurants which I know we wouldn't be able to if we also had another. Eurgh to going back to nappies and constant exhaustion. Once you're out of a crap phase that's it, you don't have to be up against it again when the next one goes through it. Wouldn't change it for the world.

Hankunamatata · 01/10/2021 22:43

I'm an only and loved it.
Parents were very interactive with me.
I did loads of activities that parents couldn't have afford with more than one.
Brilliant bond with both parents as we were a tight trio.
Love being alone and reading.
Enjoy my own company.

Wellie89 · 02/10/2021 21:44

We have only child, I couldn't imagine it any other way now.
I like that he's him not 'The kids'. We are a family of 3, not us and them.
Holidays and days out are simple as just him and us, not several different ages to accommodate.
After school clubs don't involve a complicated schedule of pick up and drop offs.

No sibling squabbling!

Glitter0 · 19/04/2024 05:52

@TheOneTed I’m in your position now and wondered if you ever had another or are yoi feeling content now with your only?

sunshineday223 · 20/04/2024 15:37

Hi @Glitter0 wow, how strange.. you messaged this yesterday which was my (new) daughter's 1st birthday!

So yes.. we did have a second. I sort of left it up to fate. Said we'd try for 6 months and if nothing, we'd stick with one. I got pregnant in month 5.

No regrets, she is wonderful, a great buddy for my 4 year old (they are besotted with each other) and we've survived (for the most part, the sleep deprivation etc!)

However, I do think if I'd stuck with one, we would still be very happy and having a lovely time. We are currently restricted by naps and doing activities that a 1 year old can enjoy too. Whereas if it was just the 4 year old we'd be having many more full days out!

There are positives and negatives for both options, and trusting your gut is the best thing to do (easier said than done!)

Glitter0 · 20/04/2024 15:40