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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that you are not a true Christian

194 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 30/09/2021 22:32

If you do not want to help someone who you claim is important to you? When you know they are struggling emotionally and with health issues?
I know someone like this and it surely goes against all their values?

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 01/10/2021 07:28

It depends upon the circs eg dropping your elderly relative who lives next door and can’t manage without you seems unChristian. Dropping (or not helping) a toxic friend who is horrible to you is just common sense (of course not talking about you OP, that’s just an example!)

Ahh, but that would contradict the Sermon on the Mount, would it not?

'You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.*

Lougle · 01/10/2021 07:32

If someone is drowning but you can't swim, you'd be a fool to jump in after them and it wouldn't help them anyway. Sometimes people who are drowning will push their helper under the water in their struggle. So it's better to throw something into the water and encourage them to grab it.

That's what it's like sometimes, with emotional issues. I've been close to drowning many times when helping someone emotionally. I had to learn that it wasn't helping them and it was killing me.

FatCatThinCat · 01/10/2021 07:35

Are you my mum? She's always pulling out this argument because she refuses to accept that as a Christian I am still allowed to erect healthy boundaries to protect myself and my children from her narcisistic nonsense.

dworky · 01/10/2021 07:36

Sounds as if someone entitled doesn't like the word 'no'.

Polkadots2021 · 01/10/2021 07:43

@MiaMarshmallows

If you do not want to help someone who you claim is important to you? When you know they are struggling emotionally and with health issues? I know someone like this and it surely goes against all their values?
OP I wouldn't waste your worry, a lot of Christians (no offense to Christians in general) are just enjoying the label to look good because at the core of it they're pretty nasty self interested people. I bet everyone's met that Type.

Example: rescued my youngest from watching the Lego crucifixion movie on YouTube yesterday (Google it, it wins bad taste award of the century). Narrowly managed to avoid him watching it-hd was searching for Lego Batman and it popped up.

Holy crap talk about bad taste and wow, lots of Christians are truly batsh*t if they think that's ok!!

In sum someone saying they're a Christian doesn't mean they are a good person. It could be narcissistic virtue signaling to hide the nasty. Or they could genuinely be nice.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/10/2021 07:55

Christians have got form for burning people at the stake, murdering people who believe in a very slightly different form of Christianity to them, enslaving non-Christians etc....

Frymetothemoon · 01/10/2021 08:11

The most spiteful, selfish and downright nasty person I know says she is a Christian. Go figure!

SnoopyLights · 01/10/2021 08:15

I'm not religious at all.

But nobody should be expected to be 100% available to other people 100% of the time just because of their faith (or vocation or job or relationship to someone else).

Someone can care about you and still not be in a position to help in the way you want just because you have strong feelings about what you think their religion should make them do.

ElizaDarcysDeeds · 01/10/2021 08:17

I think you have a superficial understanding of Christianity if you assume it means always being emotionally available to all people all the time.
It's a common misconception. But Christians are allowed to have boundaries too.
Jesus didn't help the moneylenders to reposition their tables in the temple even though that might have made them feel better and might have been what they asked for. He threw them out.
I'm sorry you're struggling but directing energy towards creating a gotcha on the basis of someone's religion, won't help you.

Standrewsschool · 01/10/2021 08:20

@user1495884211

Just because someone is Christian doesn't mean that they have infinite resources, either physical or mental, to give.
This
Twatterati · 01/10/2021 08:45

@FatCatThinCat

Are you my mum? She's always pulling out this argument because she refuses to accept that as a Christian I am still allowed to erect healthy boundaries to protect myself and my children from her narcisistic nonsense.
Mine too! Seeing the responses on this thread have really helped me to see how unreasonable she's been.

Sorry yours is the same, it's so hard.

OP - seems a fairly clear consensus and it is actually ok for people to say no and have boundaries.

CounsellorTroi · 01/10/2021 08:48

You could also say its not Christian to be judgemental. So all told I think YABU. Best concern yourself with your own faith (or lack of) and let God deal with the person irking you!

Indeed. “Judge not lest ye be judged yourselves”. - J Christ

aSofaNearYou · 01/10/2021 08:49

@VladmirsPoutine

That's pretty mild going, you'd be alarmed at the things people have done in the name of Christianity.
This.

I think it's a pretty weak attempt to paint Christianity as nothing but positive when people say so and so isn't a "true" Christian. It would be more accurate to say they're not a "good" Christian. Most Christian's are just like everybody else in terms of their decency, and on top of that, awful things have been done in the name of Christianity in a very major way.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 01/10/2021 08:51

Being a Christian just means you believe in a God, it does not make someone a good person!

NotAnotherPylon · 01/10/2021 08:54

OP hasn't returned, but anyway...

Christians come in all shades of good and bad. They are human beings and don't suddenly become Good Samaritans or saints the day they become Christians. But I do find a shocking degree of hypocrisy in some Christians I know. A lot of talking the talk and very little walking the walk. I suppose some people are just scared of going to hell, rather than being overly concerned with helping their fellow man.

SpasandStripes · 01/10/2021 08:56

@Alwayswonderedwhy

Being a Christian just means you believe in a God, it does not make someone a good person!
I think it means more than just believing in “a god”. Some other religions might have an issue with that!

Being a Christian means accepting you are not a good person and you need Christ in your life.

aSofaNearYou · 01/10/2021 09:03

Being a Christian means accepting you are not a good person and you need Christ in your life.

Charming.

CounsellorTroi · 01/10/2021 09:06

I’m not religious but never been bothered by the “we’re all sinners” bit. To me it just means you are human and not as good as you could be.

Bellendejour · 01/10/2021 09:07

MIL is a Christian. She’s also horrible, racist, classist, judgemental, selfish, obsessed with money and generally awful.

Going to church and being a nice person are not necessarily interlinked.

I understand why you would think they should be, but horrible people are horrible people and I think embrace the judgy elements of religion and general smug snobbery of say (just for example MIL) a church in a well off area where they all think they are better than others and are #blessed for a reason rather than the humble, kind, non-judgemental teachings of Christ.

I’d rather deal with some straight up non-Christian cunty person because at least you don’t have the added hypocrisy.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 01/10/2021 09:08

Religion kills.

Rosebel · 01/10/2021 09:11

@user1495884211

Just because someone is Christian doesn't mean that they have infinite resources, either physical or mental, to give.
This is it. Christians aren't some amazing breed that help everyone no matter what. Maybe they are trying to deal with problems of their own and just don't have anything to give at the moment..
SpasandStripes · 01/10/2021 09:11

@CounsellorTroi

I’m not religious but never been bothered by the “we’re all sinners” bit. To me it just means you are human and not as good as you could be.
Exactly. It’s not as if some are better than others. We all mess up.
CounsellorTroi · 01/10/2021 09:12

@JasonMomoasgirlfriend

Religion kills.
Some adherents of some religions kill.
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 01/10/2021 09:13

So my statement stands.

IntermittentParps · 01/10/2021 09:14

@VladmirsPoutine

That's pretty mild going, you'd be alarmed at the things people have done in the name of Christianity.
Yes, this.