Were you happier before or after

[Neverseenfirefliesinmylife]

Kids?

And if you have more than one, happier with just one or happier with more?

Please be honest

After, now they’re primary aged.

When they were babies/toddlers the highs were higher and the lows were, well, low but also sleep deprived! So even then better, but more hard work than I ever conceived off.

There are many ways to experience love and purpose in life. My kids have done that for me.

@BakingOfTheFoodCats Why did you choose to have another, if you don’t mind me asking? How did things change?

I say after. Before DD I was certainly less stressed out, but now I have her I feel a lot more fulfilled and as though my life has a bit more purpose to it.

Also I think circumstances have a LOT to do with it, namely how much support you have. I had very little and my husband was a massive disappointment and never pulled his weight. I think I could have enjoyed it so much more if I'd felt part of a team, as opposed to being the only one saddled with all the burden.

This

100%

Not sure I can compare before and after levels of happiness as it's just so different. There were things about life before that I loved doing that I can't do now. But then now I have a life that I could never have had without my kids and I am happy with my life bar a few things.

What I can say is I was probably in a happier less stressful place after my first. Easy baby who became a wonderful toddler, just absolutely loved been with her, life was easy. Then bang my 2nd. Life is much more up and down, way more stressful. I am happy, but sometimes through gritted teeth. Love my 2nd to bits but far more challenging little personality!

I had very little and my husband was a massive disappointment and never pulled his weight. I think I could have enjoyed it so much more if I'd felt part of a team, as opposed to being the only one saddled with all the burden.

^ sorry to read your experience and you are not wrong. Support is everything and a partner who shares the load can make a tricky time still feel overwhelming positive.

Having had a much wanted baby later in life I'd say after. Had a nice life before but feel complete with my child in my life and so grateful to have her.

Oh my goodness before! No contest! I love my kid with all my heart, but ten years into parenting I still yearn for my pre-child life.

After!!!!

After. Happy with 3 & dc. 1 was very hard. 2 a joy & 3, relaxed & content

I can’t imagine my life without her, I love her more than anything. But would I do it again? Not a bloody chance. I lost myself, and I don’t think I’m ever coming back. Happiness and love are not the same thing, not for me anyway

The same, I think. Happy living a carefree life, going out with friends and doing some travelling. Then happy after doing the same but with added drudgery and less of the carefree. There’s more daily fun though.

Neither. Different forms of happiness. DC are amazing and I wouldn't be without them. But I also loved our life pre-kids and glad we got the opportunity to have both. And as DC get older, we're going back to that lifestyle. No right answer I'm afraid!

@JaninaDuszejko

Oh, and having lots of kids (we have 3DC) is better than just having one, my DC are such a gang and suffered far less in lockdown than their friends who are only children.

... in your opinion

Hard to compare directly it's such a contrast. But I think on balance, after. I'm more centered and content. Me and dh have grown and become closer thru the shared experience because we've both really come through for each other at different times. I can say this now they are primary school age I look back on the baby toddler years a bit like the way people do on the East end in WWII - all marveling at the blitz spirit and all that. Totally worth it though.
Also have 2 and I Did. Not. Think... it was possible to love anyone as much as I did dc1 (duh!) and he was so fab, but dc2 really brought out a whole other side to dc1 that just wasn't tapped into before, the role of big brother just totally expanded him in lovely ways. I worked really hard on teaching them to get along with each other, fair ways to share, understanding each others pov, enotional literacy etc) which was exhausting but the investment was totally worth it (I was highly motivated as I didn't want them to experience an awful sibling relationship like I did), they are solid together and I am so delighted with them both.

After. They drive you mad and make you skint and stressed, but there’s nothing like it. Me and DH were a unit before, but it only felt complete once our kids joined us.

@Happymum12345 One child was harder than two or three?

Before. I had a job, savings, planned career etc. Now I feel sad that I can’t take them places and show them the world. Our life is not how it should have been. They’ve missed out on a lot, yes they’ve had a few advantages, but they’ve had grief and loneliness and missing out on family that I’d change if I could.

Definitely after. Nothing in the world compares to the joy they bring me. When everything else is shit and then one of my children laughs or says something silly, all is good in the world again. I was quite selfish before kids so I think I’m a better person now than I was and stronger than I knew.

I was happy before kids, DH and I were married for 6 or so years before we had children and did lots of travelling and partying - we had a blast really. But by the time we decided to have kids, we really wanted them so would have been devastated not to have any. So in my case very happy before and very happy afterwards, but the few months it took to conceive our eldest were a bit fraught not knowing whether it would happen for us, so that time was less happy..

Yes, I found one, so much harder. Perhaps it was because they were my first. But by baby 2 and 3, it was definitely easier. They play well, keeping each entertained and I’m more relaxed.

After. However I was very lost before kids. If I had took a different direction I can see how people could be very happy and satisfied without kids. I was even happier after my second. But I may have been even happier without them at all

I have 4 and it’s not easier than having one, when me and my daughter are alone and the others are in school it’s like a weight has been lifted only needing to look after one. I always find it odd when people say one is harder then 2/3/4

My kids are by far the most important thing in my life and if they’re healthy and happy then so am I. I love them far more than anything in the world, including my DH.

But Jesus wept, life was easier before kids. Though I wouldn’t swap them for the world, I’m done at 40. No more because I want to enjoy the rest of my life and do things for me. Another baby would mean I couldn’t do that.

After. It’s so cheesy but my heart could literally burst for my children. There are tough days and I’m always exhausted. This is probably one of the most intense parts -1 baby, 1 toddler - but they bring so much joy to my life.

It's hard to answer. I've only ever known 'after' as an adult so difficult to compare to the preceding teen years . However at almost 40 with adult/older children I do find myself contemplating one more so I haven't been that put off.