To ask DP to move out because of his cat…

[CatWoesman]

DP and I have been together for 2 years.

We decided 5 months ago to move In together.

DP was renting a flat whilst I own my house, so we decided that for now, DP would move in with me and we would look to buy a place together next year.

So far, living together has been great, I love having him around and we are getting on so well.

There’s just one BIG problem.. his cat, Betty!!

He’s had Betty since she was a kitten, she’s now 7 6 years old.
She’s always been an indoor car (her choice) and I’ve always been pretty fond of her.

When I suggested he move into my house, I of course expected Betty to come too.

She’s never been an issue, always well behaved at DP’s house so I didn’t expect any issues from her at mine…. 🙄

The first week of her moving in, she began to pee outside of her cat tray.
She had a trip to the vets, several £100’s later and it was determined that there was no medical reason why, and that it must be behavioural.

We bought her some cat friendly plug ins Incase she was feeling a bit stressed with the move.
We bought an additional cat litter box so she could take her pick.

None of these things have worked and Betty is continuing to piss all over my house.
It started off as just on my landing, but now it’s wherever she fancies.

Not only is she pissing, but she’s also taken to scratching my sofa (which was brand new only last year) and is regularly sick which seems to always be on my rug.

My house is really starting to stink because of her.
I had a friend over a few days ago and she commented on how bad it was.(it really is bad, not matter how much cleaning we do)

We’ve since taken Betty back to the vet and again paid for more tests (including another urine sample) but all is well.

She was nothing like this at DP’s house so I can only assume she doesn’t like her new home.

It’s been 5 months now and she’s still not settling down.
She gets lots of attention, we both wfh several days each week so she has company, she has several cat beds to sleep on (one which she used as a toilet so we threw away) and always has ample supply of food and fresh water.

I’m not going to be that person that asks DP to rehome his cat, nor would I ever want or expect him to.
But honestly I don’t want her in my house anymore.😣

DP is good, he cleans up after her and I know he feels bad about her behaviour, but I don’t feel there’s many more options other than asking them both to leave.

I’ve never personally owned any animals as I think this is the reason why.

I’ve always been very house proud and now
I’m extremely embarrassed by the smell.

I’m at my wits end.

Betty is 7.5 years old… not 76 🤦🏻‍♀️

I love cats, have 4 myself, and I would not be able to tolerate this. I feel terribly for the cat, but she is going to absolutely ruin your house. Poor thing is clearly unhappy about the move. Your partner needs to find his own place.

@Aquamarine1029

I just don’t understand why she’d be unhappy.
She’s moved from a small 1 bed flat to a 3 bed house where there’s much more space for her to roam around.
She has a front and back garden, the back door
is always open and she can roam into the garden if she chooses.

She’s a really loving cat and It upsets me to have them both leave, but It’s making me more upset about my lovely home being ruined.

I love cats but I absolutely could not cope with that!

I think you could speak to a cat behaviourist (if such a thing exists?) It is unusual for cats to pee everywhere and they're usually very clean animals.

If no joy though the cat would have to go.

For now I would confine her to a room with a hard floor and reinforce use of the litter tray use the plug in too. Whilst you are doing that thoroughly clean everywhere else with a proper pet urine remover, some carpet cleaning companies can do that with a strong product. If she was previously in a smaller space, more rooms might need to be introduced slowly.

Did she go out before? If she is now going out could another cat be bullying her?

It is so awful when they don’t use their trays, we had two elderly unwell cats who did this, they ruined furniture and carpets and the smell was terrible.

How awful. I adore cats though don’t have one at the moment. He needs to move back out.

You’re not paying for vet bills are you?

I wonder if the back door always being open is an issue, maybe she feels scared another cat could come in? You can have a cat flap with an electronic collar so only your cat can get in.

Did she get introduced to the whole house immediately or did you confirm her to one room initially and slowly give her more space?

Cat are territorial and can become very stressed in new territory or territory that is larger than they are used to.

I’d suggest limiting her access to the whole house and just give her a few rooms for a while and see if there is any change in her behaviour. It might seem cruel to limit a cat to a small space but it is actually less stressful for them in the short term. If it improves her behaviour, then slowly reintroduce her to the rest of the house. And if it doesn’t improve her behaviour, then it doesn’t matter if you reintroduce the house slowly or quickly.

Can you try restricting her to just one or 2 rooms ? It could be that she has too much space and that’s what is upsetting her.

Maybe ask MNHQ to move this to the Litter Tray topic?

Cross post with Woman!

[quote CatWoesman]@Aquamarine1029

I just don’t understand why she’d be unhappy.
She’s moved from a small 1 bed flat to a 3 bed house where there’s much more space for her to roam around.
She has a front and back garden, the back door
is always open and she can roam into the garden if she chooses.

She’s a really loving cat and It upsets me to have them both leave, but It’s making me more upset about my lovely home being ruined.[/quote]
Who knows what the little thing is really thinking and why.

Several years ago, a friend of mine was separating from her husband, and he was going to keep their cat until she got settled into her new home. Friend got settled, got the cat, and all hell broke loose. The once happy cat was pissing everywhere, shitting everywhere, and like your situation nothing was physically wrong with the cat. My friend tried everything, behaviorist, etc, nothing worked, so she had to give the cat back to her ex. The cat was back to normal as soon as she was returned to her original home.

It's sad, but your partner and his cat have got to go. It is already going to take a lot to get your house sorted.

It could definitely be the case that your larger home is freaking her out. There's lots of angles to consider, but how much more of this are you willing to tolerate?

I suspect the Litter Tray would be more useful ...

Especially if we get a photo of Betty.

@applechips

Cross post with Woman!

Great minds think alike!

I'd definitely think about restricting her to a couple of rooms if possible.
If you can still smell the pee so can she, it will encourage her not to use her tray. Give carpets a thorough clean and move littertrays to where ever she likes peeing most. Move scratch posts infront of sofa and consider getting more. I'd also ditch the plugins as in my experience they do sweet f all. Good luck

For now I would confine her to a room with a hard floor and reinforce use of the litter tray use the plug in too. Whilst you are doing that thoroughly clean everywhere else with a proper pet urine remover, some carpet cleaning companies can do that with a strong product. If she was previously in a smaller space, more rooms might need to be introduced slowly.

This is what I was going to suggest. Confine her to one room, see if she starts using the litter tray again. I would imagine that she is stressed so giving her a safe space might help.

So indoor small flat to big house with outdoors?
She is probably finding that too much. Take her back to what she knows. One room, no outside access (cats are territorial so she can probably smell strange ones outside). Plenty of DEEP filled litter trays. Cats also feel safer up high so if you can create a raised bed, on top of a wardrobe or dresser then that will help. It's behaviourial not medical by the sounds of it.

Your partner should be the one paying for professional cleaning and/or replacement of flooring and furniture.

[quote CatWoesman]@Aquamarine1029

I just don’t understand why she’d be unhappy.
She’s moved from a small 1 bed flat to a 3 bed house where there’s much more space for her to roam around.
She has a front and back garden, the back door
is always open and she can roam into the garden if she chooses.

She’s a really loving cat and It upsets me to have them both leave, but It’s making me more upset about my lovely home being ruined.[/quote]
The garden is scary. It has breeze, noise, birds, other cats, fox smells, noise of children, rain, etc.

The bigger house is scary. It's not her home, it doesn't smell of her or enough of her owner, the litter tray is in the wrong place, there are visitors she doesn't know, there are strange sounds in and out, different cleaning products, none of her old safe places.

Where is her scratching post?

Where is her safe bed that nobody ever bothers her and everything is predictable?

Where is her routine and her security and the top/back of the old wardrobe where she could hide if she wanted to be left alone and could jump to and from it with an easy bound?

Poor Betty

I agree absolutely with what PPs have said about confining her to one room - preferably one that's not carpeted until she uses the cat litter reliably. try getting a citrus spray for carpets and furniture - cants dont like citrus. you should also be able to buy specific cleaners from a pet store that are specifically designed to break down animal wee to kill the smell.

When I have dealt with cats like this I actually use a big (wolfhound size) crate with bed tray, food and water. Keep cat in there unless I am physically sat with them for at least 3 weeks.

Try Cats Protection for resources and guidance on how to support Betty in her new home and see if that helps.

Like you there is no way I could tolerate it in my home and I have pets

One of my cats has started doing this
No house move
No illness or underlying health problem
No new cats, pets or people
No changes to litter, litter trays, food, routine etc

It is driving me mad but we love her, she’s ours. If I was you though she’d have to go . You’ve been more than accommodating