To ask DP to move out because of his cat…

[CatWoesman]

DP and I have been together for 2 years.

We decided 5 months ago to move In together.

DP was renting a flat whilst I own my house, so we decided that for now, DP would move in with me and we would look to buy a place together next year.

So far, living together has been great, I love having him around and we are getting on so well.

There’s just one BIG problem.. his cat, Betty!!

He’s had Betty since she was a kitten, she’s now 7 6 years old.
She’s always been an indoor car (her choice) and I’ve always been pretty fond of her.

When I suggested he move into my house, I of course expected Betty to come too.

She’s never been an issue, always well behaved at DP’s house so I didn’t expect any issues from her at mine…. 🙄

The first week of her moving in, she began to pee outside of her cat tray.
She had a trip to the vets, several £100’s later and it was determined that there was no medical reason why, and that it must be behavioural.

We bought her some cat friendly plug ins Incase she was feeling a bit stressed with the move.
We bought an additional cat litter box so she could take her pick.

None of these things have worked and Betty is continuing to piss all over my house.
It started off as just on my landing, but now it’s wherever she fancies.

Not only is she pissing, but she’s also taken to scratching my sofa (which was brand new only last year) and is regularly sick which seems to always be on my rug.

My house is really starting to stink because of her.
I had a friend over a few days ago and she commented on how bad it was.(it really is bad, not matter how much cleaning we do)

We’ve since taken Betty back to the vet and again paid for more tests (including another urine sample) but all is well.

She was nothing like this at DP’s house so I can only assume she doesn’t like her new home.

It’s been 5 months now and she’s still not settling down.
She gets lots of attention, we both wfh several days each week so she has company, she has several cat beds to sleep on (one which she used as a toilet so we threw away) and always has ample supply of food and fresh water.

I’m not going to be that person that asks DP to rehome his cat, nor would I ever want or expect him to.
But honestly I don’t want her in my house anymore.😣

DP is good, he cleans up after her and I know he feels bad about her behaviour, but I don’t feel there’s many more options other than asking them both to leave.

I’ve never personally owned any animals as I think this is the reason why.

I’ve always been very house proud and now
I’m extremely embarrassed by the smell.

I’m at my wits end.

So the clarify you are more attached to your new sofa than your DP? I guess him moving out would be the sensible action.

@Aquamarine1029 I agree that your partner needs to be replacing the items ruined by the cat and looking into a solution be it a feline behaviorist or a contained room or a new place.

@Sidehustle99

So the clarify you are more attached to your new sofa than your DP? I guess him moving out would be the sensible action.

That was my first reaction.

But then if MN is to be believed, the OP would the worst person to the world and her DP is supposed to be putting the cat first and foremost and move out so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@Kindleandacuppa

Do you clean with Zoflora OP? My friend swears that there is ammonia or something in Zoflora that causes cats to mark their territory by peeing anywhere it is used, not sure if there is truth in it as I've never used it myself

True, and true of lots of cleaners. Stick to bio laundry detergent or special pet stain enzyme cleaner (Eg Simple Solution), with an optional chaser of surgical spirit when dry.

Ask your vet for referral to a behaviour specialist
All else fails medication is available and works well

I couldn't cope with that, but surely if the cat's moved again she'll be just the same elsewhere?

I have a cat that does protest wee's if he can't go out for any reason. We managed to solve this by spraying Feliway spray on the areas that he has weed on & this appears to have worked.

Same with scratching - spray of feliway seems to have sorted out not to scratch there & re-directed to a scratching post with catnip on it.

Have you tried different litters? Our kitten hates the wood pellets but we’ve not had an accident with Catsan.

Also restrict cat to one room for at least three weeks, go and sit with her regularly.
Do not put food and water or bed near litter tray.
Protect floor and remove all traces of accidents thoroughly.
If she still doesn’t get it then maybe your partner does need to remove her.

She's a stressed kitty. As others have said confine her to a smaller area for now. She will find the extra space overwhelming and hasn't yet got enough of her's or you DP's scent. Cat's scratch to scent mark so she is trying to spread her smell around. Keep the doors to outside shut too as it will be very scarey for a cat used to inside only. Simple Solution from Pets at Home or Amazon will get rid of urine smell x

I would think that it is the sudden move to a much bigger and unknown territory that will have upset her.

Cats are extremely territorial. They like what they know and often don't do well when removed from their territory, even if the move was from a tiny one bedroom flat to a relatively cavernous (to them) house. The much bigger territory will very likely be viewed with suspicion and fear. The garden and the great outdoors will be a big unknown, and some cats who haven't been used to going outside can find that scary.

You've maybe fallen into the trap of thinking that the cat will automatically love the bigger territory, but that often won't be the case at first. You've probably gone for too much too soon by giving her the run of the whole house and garden right away. It may well have terrified her, and it smells nothing like home to her. Hence the inappropriate peeing, which is probably a mix of nervousness and marking of her new territory.

Restrict her to a small room at first, with her food and water, her bedding and her litter tray (with used litter in it, so that it smells familiar to her).

She's overwhelmed. The big new space is too much for her. Start again, with her in one room, with her tray, bed, toys, plugin, and things that smell of her. Keep her in there for a week or so at least before making her space bigger. It won't hurt her as long as your DP is giving her love and attention. Oh and make sure she has some high places to climb - cats feel more secure if they can be up somewhere with a view of the room.

She's definitely stressed, poor girl.

Have the vets suggested SSRIs? Yes, really - can be used in anxious cats, and my friend's cat saw a huge improvement with both anxious grooming and random weeing. Ditto seeing a behaviourist - assuming she's insured with a half-decent company, they should cover it.

Also:

• enzyme spray anywhere she wees to discourage it happening again

• try restricting her to one (decent sized) room for a week or two and letting her feel secure in 'her' space (and you coming in to give her TONS of fuss)

• LOADS of play. I know she's not a kitten, but the goal is to stimulate her and keep her happy, and playing gives her a nice outlet where she feels 'in charge'. You absolutely cannot go wrong with a laser pen (and if you're lazy, you can get little laser robots for the floor that you just turn on).

• Does she have high up spaces to escape to? Cats like to be able to be high up in the room, it makes them feel safer. A wall-mounted cat bed or tall cat tree is a really good idea.

• Change litter in one of the trays (not both - cats are weird about too much change, as you've seen!) and see if that helps. Can highly recommend a really fine, sandy clumping one like Intersand - anything too rough or gravelly and my cats hate the feel of it on their paws. Also make sure the litter tray is being scooped every day - one of my cats won't use it if there's a single stray wee clump in there

I'd give some/all of this a go - call the vets for an appointment today and order some enzyme spray off Amazon tonight, get some new litter and a laser pen tomorrow, and try making her a safe room for a week or so that she doesn't leave (with the exception of the vet's, of course).

I'd warrant a combination of those things will help - good luck!

@BaconMassive

Poor Betty

Poor OP..

Bettys fine pissing and ripping up OP's home 🙄

I just asked my friend who is an animal behaviourist and she says what others have suggested about limiting rooms is spot on. The extra space is likely causing her stress so giving her less choice will greatly help. Put as many of her things from her old house in these rooms. Try to give her access to roughly the same sq footage she had in the previous flat.

Give her a room that if she is in then she is not bothered so you don't go in there to cuddle. You are obviously still allowed in the room but she has full choice in whether you interact with her or not (I said that's what all cats are like surely?! Like a human could get them to do anything they don't want to).

Also, if you don't already, start playing with her more. Lots of dragging things for her to chase and pounce on. Do this several times a day.

I completely understand. It's so hard when they are damaging your house. And you clearly love her so it must be horrible to see her so distressed

Also try anti-anxiety medication. Recall a similar thread a while back and this worked for people

Our cat only really likes to go outside if we are with her. She sits on the back doorstep surveying the scene. She got accidentally shut out a couple of months ago and took to peeing on any post that came through the letterbox on and off for about two weeks. They are really sensitive souls.

One room only sounds like a good idea. Also Get your DP to wear an old jumper or t.shirt and put it in the room so it smells of him.

My last cat at 20 years old used to shit all over the house. I lumped it because I loved her so deeply she was family and when she died I mourned for months but if it isn't your cat I can understand why you are so unhappy. It is a horrendous smell. Maybe you will all be happier with a live out relationship for now. As can be very jealous.

@DifficultBloodyWoman

Did she get introduced to the whole house immediately or did you confirm her to one room initially and slowly give her more space?

Cat are territorial and can become very stressed in new territory or territory that is larger than they are used to.

I’d suggest limiting her access to the whole house and just give her a few rooms for a while and see if there is any change in her behaviour. It might seem cruel to limit a cat to a small space but it is actually less stressful for them in the short term. If it improves her behaviour, then slowly reintroduce her to the rest of the house. And if it doesn’t improve her behaviour, then it doesn’t matter if you reintroduce the house slowly or quickly.

I was going to say exactly this. I let my old cat have free run of the house quickly because she seemed comfortable, but she soon started peeing in places she shouldn't.

As above, confine her back to smaller spaces, with a Feliway plugin, for a while and also (if she's a climber), give her somewhere high to get to, as they feel safer, or give her places to hide away if she wants. We've got a cat tree like this

Our newest cat was treated like this and although she did pee outside the box a few times (she was properly terrified), she soon came around. The only accidents she has now are stress induced ones.

We use this spray Spray on the furniture if they scratch it. They do prefer their huge cat tree scratching post, but sometimes the dining chair is just closer.

I had this with a cat when I moved from smallish flats where I lived for the first few years of her life (although she was never an indoor only cat) to a large three-storey house. She started pissing the carpets which she had never done before. We then had a baby so put baby gates on after a while, and that in fact helped the cat, who was then confined to downstairs only. As she got older she got confined in just the kitchen at night as she would get lost and confused, she had a cat flap and a heated box to sleep in there.

You're not pregnant are you? One of mine did this for several months when I was expecting.

Could be the stress of the house move too.

He needs to move out?

How about the CAT moves out, and the human stays?

Her life has been very limited prior to the move. I agree that it's too much for her, she needs to stay in one room so she feels safe and secure for now, then very slowly and gradually introduce her to other rooms and then finally the garden. I appreciate this must be a nightmare for you, but hopefully once she feels safe and more secure, things will improve.

@KingsleyShacklebolt

He needs to move out?

How about the CAT moves out, and the human stays?

Some of us don’t abandon our pets.

I totally agree that she is overwhelmed. The smells and sounds that she is getting from the garden would be adding to this. Cats are sick deliberately to empty their stomach for a quick getaway, she's stressed when she does that. I agree with confining her.

She needs to be confined to one room- it’s clearly what is wrong. She doesn’t feel safe in your house, too exposed, too big, back door open to weird smells.

Confine her to the spare room with lots of toys and hiding places.