To ask DP to move out because of his cat…

[CatWoesman]

DP and I have been together for 2 years.

We decided 5 months ago to move In together.

DP was renting a flat whilst I own my house, so we decided that for now, DP would move in with me and we would look to buy a place together next year.

So far, living together has been great, I love having him around and we are getting on so well.

There’s just one BIG problem.. his cat, Betty!!

He’s had Betty since she was a kitten, she’s now 7 6 years old.
She’s always been an indoor car (her choice) and I’ve always been pretty fond of her.

When I suggested he move into my house, I of course expected Betty to come too.

She’s never been an issue, always well behaved at DP’s house so I didn’t expect any issues from her at mine…. 🙄

The first week of her moving in, she began to pee outside of her cat tray.
She had a trip to the vets, several £100’s later and it was determined that there was no medical reason why, and that it must be behavioural.

We bought her some cat friendly plug ins Incase she was feeling a bit stressed with the move.
We bought an additional cat litter box so she could take her pick.

None of these things have worked and Betty is continuing to piss all over my house.
It started off as just on my landing, but now it’s wherever she fancies.

Not only is she pissing, but she’s also taken to scratching my sofa (which was brand new only last year) and is regularly sick which seems to always be on my rug.

My house is really starting to stink because of her.
I had a friend over a few days ago and she commented on how bad it was.(it really is bad, not matter how much cleaning we do)

We’ve since taken Betty back to the vet and again paid for more tests (including another urine sample) but all is well.

She was nothing like this at DP’s house so I can only assume she doesn’t like her new home.

It’s been 5 months now and she’s still not settling down.
She gets lots of attention, we both wfh several days each week so she has company, she has several cat beds to sleep on (one which she used as a toilet so we threw away) and always has ample supply of food and fresh water.

I’m not going to be that person that asks DP to rehome his cat, nor would I ever want or expect him to.
But honestly I don’t want her in my house anymore.😣

DP is good, he cleans up after her and I know he feels bad about her behaviour, but I don’t feel there’s many more options other than asking them both to leave.

I’ve never personally owned any animals as I think this is the reason why.

I’ve always been very house proud and now
I’m extremely embarrassed by the smell.

I’m at my wits end.

The advice been given is mostly great about space but for removing cat pee smell the best thing ever Is called ' Urine Off ' ,I bought mine from Amazon,it breaks down the bacteria smelling parts of the pee with enzymes and it actually works!

Haven't RTFT, but has anyone mentioned looking at Jackson Galaxy's website? He's an American cat behaviourist (self-taught) but has loads of good advice. We've had several cats, some of them with 'issues', and we found a lot of his advice invaluable. I'm not sure you can buy them in the UK, but he also does a range of the cat equivalent of Bach rescue remedies for cats.

But I agree with what others are saying - poor Betty is overwhelmed and stressed. She's got too much at the moment, not too little. She was safe in her little 1 bed flat - a 3 bed house is huge and scary.

So make her world smaller again until she feels safe. A room that is hers, lots of toys, definitely a cat tree (cats like to be high up) and places to hide. And a litter tray with the litter she likes best. One of our adopted cats didn't like 'our' cat litter compared to the shelter and protested in ways you can just imagine! But we changed the type of litter, and then gradually changed her over to 'our' litter over time. (Also, one of our older cats took her under his wing and kind of 'taught' her how to be part of our cat family - it was really very sweet, and they're still the best of friends now).

Don't give up on Betty, OP, but also get your DP on board to help you solve this problem. It might not be quick or easy, but with luck you can have a happy cat at the end of it.

Stop cat treats, I read somewhere that they give cats urinary problems, if you do give those.

I bought some cat urinary capsules from Amazon, they’ve really helped with our elderly cat.

Feliway Cystease I give it to ours in half a cream cheese triangle, and she’ll eat it.

Also the only good way to get rid of the urine smell and stop her going to the same place is Simple Solution Extreme Pet Stain and Odour Removal

Thanks so much for all of the replies.

I had never really considered confining her to one room.
We’ve always just let her roam around, I guess we wanted her to feel like it’s her home too.

She does have a cat tree, and a scratching post.

We will start to close the back door for her.
We’ve been leaving it open (when we’re home) to give her to option to go into the garden.

Our rear garden is private and I didn’t think there was anything out there that would make her feel frightened.

So, I will try these suggestions for sure!!

I hope they work. I don’t want to evict DP or Betty but it’s making me miserable.

The Feliway Cystease is also calming I think

@Evenstar

For now I would confine her to a room with a hard floor and reinforce use of the litter tray use the plug in too. Whilst you are doing that thoroughly clean everywhere else with a proper pet urine remover, some carpet cleaning companies can do that with a strong product. If she was previously in a smaller space, more rooms might need to be introduced slowly.

Did she go out before? If she is now going out could another cat be bullying her?

It is so awful when they don’t use their trays, we had two elderly unwell cats who did this, they ruined furniture and carpets and the smell was terrible.

Exactly this. When I move cats to a different place, I take them out of the carrier and plonk them on the litter tray. One room first until you're sure she knows where the tray is.

You need to start all over again with her, she's obviously overwhelmed.

Your partner should pay to have your house professionally cleaned

She is stressed. Are there other cats in the garden? My cats were affected by the other cats in the garden or the smell of past cats. Whenever I cleaned their wee I put the tissues under the bushes in the garden and eventually the house and garden became 'theirs'. Cats have strong sense of smell so they use smell to find their way home.
The other thing is - what are you using to clean? Cats urine has crystals which need to be broken down. You can only break these down with specialist cat urine sprays etc.
You can also buy those mats for single beds if kids wet their beds, They are about £15 - I put these under cat litter trays to catch wee that is mean to be going in there but ends up missing.

Echoing PPs, confine her to one small safe space for a while, with all her comforts around her and a small dark covered space that is 'hers' to hide in - somewhere that you won't disrupt day to day.

We have things stored under our bed but deliberately leave a clear pathway from DPs side to the middle where Dcat likes to hide at the very slightest unknown noise or smell. If he can't for any reason get under there when he's anxious all hell breaks loose.

Hoping that she'll feel better when reduced to a smaller space, and in a while is ready to be reintroduced to the rest of the house x

We had a cat like this. When we adopted her, she just started pissing and shitting everywhere. Nothing we did remedied it. After a whole year of it, and thousands spent at the vet to find out fuck all was wrong, she suddenly started pissing on the kids pillows, RIGHT NEXT TO THEIR FACES.

Nope. Rehomed. Apparently has never once pissed outside of the litter tray in her home with a sweet, crumbly old lady. 😑

something else you can try is scent soaking. Its about having items that smell of your DP, her, and you. Thats what the peeing is about, its stress, but its also scent marking.

She'll want to merge her scent with yours, if you and your DP confine her to a space for a couple of weeks, give up a couple of old tshirts each, leave them in her space for her to lay on, baby blankets can work too, if you sleep with them for a few nights, then give them to her... leave them around her space, then use them to expand her 'territory' once you open up the house to her again.

The other thing is work out if she's a ground dweller, or a tree dweller.. if she's hiding behind stuff/under stuff, provide more down on her level, if she likes being up, you need more up space.. so cat trees, windowsills, backs of sofas...etc.

The other thing that might be distressing her is outside cats, shut the doors and make her secure in her indoor space first before you even think of expanding it out.

The other thing to do is follow the hunt catch, kill, eat, sleep routine. Play with her if she'll play, for at least 20 minutes before she's fed, she will likely then just go curl up and sleep somewhere :)

[quote CatWoesman]@Aquamarine1029

I just don’t understand why she’d be unhappy.
She’s moved from a small 1 bed flat to a 3 bed house where there’s much more space for her to roam around.
She has a front and back garden, the back door
is always open and she can roam into the garden if she chooses.

She’s a really loving cat and It upsets me to have them both leave, but It’s making me more upset about my lovely home being ruined.[/quote]
OK I think you should have put this in your OP as I was also baffled until you mentioned how much more space she has. Cats are territorial. It sounds like maybe all the extra territory is freaking her out and she feels the need to mark it as her own. If you're willing to spend money on vet fees to sort this out, can you not hire a consultation with a cat behaviouralist who might be able to advise.
In light of your updates this sounds fixable

PS - Here is Betty.

Oh,what a beautiful cat.Betty's world suddenly got massive and this causes her stress.Make her living space smaller and she will eventually settle in better.I wish the 3 of you all the best for a happy,pee-free home together.

A tortie! That explains everything then! You won't win against her you know OP

Oh she's beautiful. Good luck with some of the suggestions here OP - I hope Betty (and you) are happier soon!

I agree with others re it being possible that other cats or even the possibility of other cats could be stressing her out.

It is quite a lot to go from being a house cat to one with access to outdoors.

I hope you can find a resolution OP!

i would put her in one room, with her litter tray for a few days, so it is "her" room.

One of mine tried to pull this and shit on the floor, 2 days in a room solved that. Boundaries

she sounds stressed and I am not surprised why

@Flipflopfoodle

When I have dealt with cats like this I actually use a big (wolfhound size) crate with bed tray, food and water. Keep cat in there unless I am physically sat with them for at least 3 weeks.

This is a brilliant idea in the short term to slowly expand from!

We had this with dps cat. It was horrific. The worst phase was pissing on our bed if we ever left the bedroom door open so the whole thing was soaked. We got through so many duvets. And on rugs. It was utterly grim and the smell used to make me feel sick.

I think a key element was massive jealousy of me and in the end a relocation overseas meant the cat had to be rehomed temporarily. He then died and sad though it was, I have to confess I was very relieved.

Poor Betty. I wouldn’t care about the furniture or the flooring. I would just want Betty to be happy again.

I think you need to get a cat behaviourist out (or do a video call with them?)

This was a poorly managed move, with the very best of intentions.

I agree with a lot of what has already been said and I wanted to give another vote for Jackson Galaxy. His Youtube channel is brilliant and you will find lots of great advice about issues like this.
This is a very solvable problem.

Betty looks like such a pretty cat. Also I love the name.

I know this sounds really basic but I assume you've already checked the most common stressers ie. you haven't changed the type of litter tray (like from an open one to a closed one with a flap) or the type of litter? Also are you making sure the litter is far away from her food and water? Cats don't like using trays that are in close proximity to food.

I know this is quite a yucky suggestion but maybe try popping some urine in her litter tray (seriously, get your DP to pee in it a bit) A vet suggested that to us when we got a new cat who wouldn't use her tray and it worked wonders. I think sometimes they need the scent to direct them to it and if she's peeing elsewhere in the house, she'll be following that scent and not the one that leads to the litter.

I hope you are able to sort it out because rehoming a cat is always upsetting.

I agree you need to think like a cat not a human!