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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the school nurse shouldn't have sent me this letter...

394 replies

emkana · 06/12/2007 21:33

which has a programme in it how to deal with dd2's "bedwetting" WTF? She doesn't do "bedwetting", she's only 4.4 and still in pull-ups, which I thought was widely accepted as quite normal?

OP posts:
fortyplus · 07/12/2007 00:19

That's all excellent advice. I always made ds1 have a huge drink when he came home from school so he wasn't too thirsty later in the evening.

cornsilk · 07/12/2007 00:37

Well my ds2 wet at night for ages, without pull ups, no late drinks, no light in bedroom, no Tv, same bedtime routine every night, always toilet after we'd read his story. I know it wasn't because we couldn't be bothered to 'train' him.

Moondog - are you qualified in /work in this specific area of child development?

TheIceQueen · 07/12/2007 00:56

DS1 (who was 7 in September) is still wet everynight - after having over 1yr where he REFUSED to wear nappies of any description, the last month or so he has agreed to wear a nappy at night again.

Took him to the Dr. just after he turned 7 to be told "try a bedwetting alarm if it doesn't work come back"........on enquiring where I could get one I was told "You'll have to buy one" !

We haven't actually bought one - as I'm skeptical as to whether it will work for DS1....he sleeps like a log and even an alarm clock - volumed turned right up, or DS2 (4) howling at the top of his voice as he needs a wee (he ironically is dry and has been since the summer) don't stir him....

TheIceQueen · 07/12/2007 01:01

"Of course they'll carry on if you put them into pull-ups"

right - ok then explain to me - why having a saturated bed EVERY night for over 1yr (meaning that I was changing duvet cover, pillow case, and sheet every day for that time)......DS1 still wasn't dry at night, despite lifting, increasing fluids, limiting fluids - you name it - only thing we haven't tried is the bed wetting alarm.......and I'll be damned if I'm going to pay £40+ for something that might not even work,

Tori - we've tried all of that with DS1 - none of it works, for starters he doesn't even like fizzy drinks LOL. Surely the "no drinks after 6pm" depends on the child's bedtime??

TheIceQueen · 07/12/2007 01:04

Mind you DS2 (just turned 4 and dry since the summer) can drink a HUGE glass of water immediately before bed and still be dry in the morning !

TheIceQueen · 07/12/2007 01:10

"Trouble with pull-ups is that they offer no incentive to child to be dry as it's easy to piss away at all hours with no repercussions."

right - that's why even with a nappy on DS1 wees so much that more than often it leaks and he's still wet (but doesn't wake up)

Actually the more I've read of your posts on this MD the more ignorant you seem of the issues. "towel over the sheet" - oh woopee do so I'd have a duvet cover, sheet, pillow case AND a towel (not to mention PJ's) to wash everyday....

Oh yes I'm really loving the fact that my DS1 currently looks like he'll be going up to YR3 still wetting the bed everynight, while his little brother was dry before he even started nursery

If it's so bl**dy simple why don't you come here and "teach" DS1 what to do????

fortyplus · 07/12/2007 01:39

This reminds me of my attitude to people who couldn't get their children to try a variety of foods... ds1 would eat anything. So I firmly believed the hype that if you introduce new tastes gradually the child will accept them. Couldn't see a problem at all...

...then I had ds2 who refused everything except bananas, weetabix, fromage frais and marmite sandwiches until he was nearly 3. Even if I persuaded him to take a bite of something new he would hold it in his mouth and refuse to swallow.

Didn't feel quite so smug and clever then, did I?

So... moondog... just be bloody grateful your kids were dry at night early on and stop criticising those whose children's physiology is different!

I had ds1 eating everything but wetting the bed regularly till six years old. ds2 stubborn little git who wouldn't eat but dry at night from two. I know which one I preferred...

SpikeandDru · 07/12/2007 07:06

Sorry to anyone who thinks that bedwetting children are a product of lazy parents BUT my DS aged nearly 5 is still soaked each morning - pull ups or not.

I have been through weeks and weeks of putting waterproff stuff on the bed so he knows he is wet - it makes not a sod of difference - he wakes soaked. Physiologically his body is just not ready to be dry yet.

I hate using pull ups but am on the point now of going back to them. I agree that children need the opportunity of trying without them but that does not necessarily mean they will be "dry in a few days" - sorry but life just isn't always that simple - if it is for you then great - lucky you.

We don't do fizzy drinks, DS has only half a cup of water in the 2 hours before bed, drinks adequate amouints throughout the day and wees before getting into bed. The only variation is in how wet he is.

Mattress protectors are great but not fantastic and doing a daily wash and dry session while trying to work as well is not always easy. I am not a lazy parent - I am a Mum with a child who still wets the bed. I have no doubt that he will grow out of this with time. In the meantime I'll cope with it in any way I see fit - even if that does mean periods of using the ghastly pull ups.

yurt1 · 07/12/2007 07:23

BTW has anyone tried those new pyjama shorts (rather than bed wetting pants)?

SpikeandDru · 07/12/2007 07:28

Not tried them yet but may well be trying them very soon. The look more acceptable and less nappy like than the normal pull ups.

yurt1 · 07/12/2007 07:37

yes, ds1 doesn't care about what they look like (and probably wouldn't wear anything new) but I thought they looked better, perhaps thinner and more comfortable too?

KrIsTTYmas · 07/12/2007 07:38

Perhaps moondog does not have enough experience. It is very easy to make very silly, sweeping generalisations about people and what is best when your own experience is actually very limited.

mm22bys · 07/12/2007 07:56

From another viewpoint - a parent whose DC is dry "early" actually has LESS on his / her plate than one who is training "later" - no waking up in the middle of the night when DC complains he's wet, no changing sheets in the middle of the night, no extra washing of bedclothes.

So this parent is anything BUT lazy! Most parents are desperate for the DC's to be dry and a lot do have to do extra to "teach" a child - extra alarms, extra protective layers, etc.

And I am talking about NT children, not to mention those with SN children who do have so much more to handle on an every day, hour to hour basis.

Before judging, please put yourself in other's shoes - there but by the grace of god and all that....

edam · 07/12/2007 09:14

Kristy, I think you are right. Moondog was making sweeping statements, about NT and SN children, out of ignorance. Ignorance of the normal range of physiological development and, more seriously, ignorance of the causes of bedwetting in SN children.

Still, not the first time a health professional has been dogmatic and condemnatory in an area which is outside their professional knowledge.

mistletoemiggins · 07/12/2007 09:25

in reply to Tori - "Advice from the peadiatrician I worked with was."

  1. No fizzy drinks. - he doesnt
  2. No light in the bedroom at night because it stimulates vasopressin release which stimulates urine production. pitch black
  3. No TV in the bedroom for the same reason. never having one
  4. No drinks after 6pm but lots to drink in the mornings and early afternoon. we do this
  5. Don't limit fluids until late pm as this just makes the urine more concentrated and the bladder doesn't empty fully. It irritates the bladder and can lead to urinary tract infections. do this
  6. Try to find out if there is anything at home or school that is bothering lo. Children who are worrying about something take longer to get to sleep because they are thinking about it, just because eyes are closed doesn't mean they are actually
asleep, they do pretend. This means that they are exhausted when they eventually fall asleep and sleep more deeply. DS is always asleep within 5 mins of lights out - just like I am
  1. Sensible bedtime and routine including going to the toilet before bed. early bedtime and always toilet last thing
8.Be consistent. we are

so no hope for me then
thats what I mean - we do all this and DS still has full pull ups in the morning

smartiejake · 07/12/2007 09:34

DD2 was in pull-ups till around 6.5 and still had accidents occasionally. She is now 9 and it has happened twice in the last year, both at times when she was ill.
To suggest a 4year old has a prob with bedwetting is plain ludicrous!

smartiejake · 07/12/2007 09:34

DD2 was in pull-ups till around 6.5 and still had accidents occasionally. She is now 9 and it has happened twice in the last year, both at times when she was ill.
To suggest a 4year old has a prob with bedwetting is plain ludicrous!

KrIsTTYmas · 07/12/2007 09:46

edam... moondog is a HEALTH PROFESSIONAL?
Omg that's shocking

Zog · 07/12/2007 09:51

Yes, MD made her point in a sweeping way, but I'm afraid I know quite a few parents who will freely admit to not even trying to train their kids because they don't want the hassle of changing the bed. Of course there are many and varied reasons why a child will still be wetting the bed at 5+ but parental laziness is a factor.

Zog · 07/12/2007 09:52

sorry, meant to say is a factor in some cases.

KrIsTTYmas · 07/12/2007 09:57

She(moondog) has made a lot of people feel shitty here,unusually luckily I do not include myself, (although I do have a propensity to beat myself up over the slightest thing.)
I have enough experience to know that there are more reasons why a child is wet later than 'expected' than can be extracted from a 'heatlth professional's' note pad.

manchita · 07/12/2007 09:58

mistletoemiggins, I think you just need to ditch the pull ups. They are sodden because he is used to having them on all night.
If I were you I would get a plastic sheet, no drinks before bedtime, toilet before bed, and take him to the toilet hourly before you go to sleep.
You are never going to have a dry pull up or an accident-free night so just get stuck in.
Obviously lots of praise for getting up at night which will happen eventually.
I agree with moondog- I had a friend who potty trained her children very late and it was just laziness/ didn't want the mess.

AngharadGoldenhand · 07/12/2007 10:00

What about having an online discussion with someone who deals with bedwetting professionally?

It could help a lot of people and dispel some of the myths. Possibly someone from the ERIC website.

How about it MN?

FlamingTomato · 07/12/2007 10:02

Funny, because my mother wet the bed until she was 11 - no nappies for her! Every night. And her father used to lash her with his belt for it. If her mother tried to stop him he used to lash her too.

I don't think they were lazy about it, tbh, but maybe I'm wrong

FlamingTomato · 07/12/2007 10:02

great idea Angharad