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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the school nurse shouldn't have sent me this letter...

394 replies

emkana · 06/12/2007 21:33

which has a programme in it how to deal with dd2's "bedwetting" WTF? She doesn't do "bedwetting", she's only 4.4 and still in pull-ups, which I thought was widely accepted as quite normal?

OP posts:
3JinglesandnoBells · 07/12/2007 17:31

minority, I don't think it's pull ups...probably, if this is a factor, then it's probably disposables in general, as, indeed they ensure a child doesn't actually feel wet even after a wee....

juuule · 07/12/2007 17:33

Pull-ups make them wet?
Again with mine it whether they wore pull-ups or cloth or no nappy at all didn't seem to make an ounce of difference to when mine were dry at night. Youngest is in cloth nappy and still wet at night at 4y6m.

KITTYmaspudding · 07/12/2007 17:41

Juuule, you see you have a great deal of experience, therefore it does not cross your mind to make judgements about something you know little of or is only hearsay.
You know how many different reasons for things there could be. You know that it is not as simple as say disposable nappies.
Say disposables did make some difference to the timing of toilet training?
Say it did make children toilet train later?
Does that really matter?
Anyways, I'm glad there have been so many people on here who have put the lazy bedwetters and their parents to rights

minorityrules · 07/12/2007 17:44

Not all children, there will always be children that bedwet

Because children never have a dry nappy/pullup, parents mistakenly think the children aren't ready. It takes a few days/weeks for it to click for the majority of childrens, same as daytime wetting.

I have been through the enuerisis clinc with my youngest daughter and pull ups are the first thing you are told to get rid of

Leaving kids in pull ups doesn't give them the chance to learn how to be dry at night. A regular wet pull up isnt an indicator of a bedwetter

EniDeepMidwinter · 07/12/2007 17:46

hurrah

pull ups are the work of the devil

juuule · 07/12/2007 17:48

Earlier or later it doesn't matter at all, Kitty. There seems to be such a wide normal range for them to become dry at night in their own time that I really don't think it's something that parents should stress about too quickly or stress their children about it.

ChiTownLady · 07/12/2007 17:48

Well this is a pertinent thread for me as my ds 4.8 has never had a dry nappy at night. I started night training him 3 weeks ago and its basically entirely hit or miss - 2 nights dry, 3 wet - never more than 2 nights dry in a rw - so I argue vehemently with moondog and others who claim its a piss of pixx (to coin a phrase)
The whole thing has been highly troubling to DS he is waking in middle of night - not at the point of having weed but several hours later when it is cold and stinks and he is freezing in tears. Not only is it added sheets I have had to buy another duvet as we have had to take one to wash.
In hindsight I wish I had left him in nappies - but am now stuck.

Its great for you if your child has reached the physiological landmark of being able to hold their wee or wake up with sufficient notice. Its not a competition. My ds didnt walk until he was 2, but was and is far more articulate than his friend ( same age ) who walked at 9/10mnths. Does that make me Lazy for not forcing to get me son to stand up!!
Sorry am starting to rant now but some of these posts are absolutely ridiculous.

TheIceQueen · 07/12/2007 17:53

"There's an incredibly strong genetic component to bed-wetting at night after the age of about 5"

That's interesting seen as though my DB and I were both relatively "late" in the grand scheme of things - don't know about DH as his mum passed away before I met him so never had a chance to ask her. DS1 being 7 and still wet and all that.

I think the reason that many believe that "in the old days" many children were dry and night before school is because - like now, it's not really something that you discuss with parents in the playground.

Now that information is more freely available in more "anonymous" (eg online) areas it's apparent that a lot of children aren't dry before starting school. There's also obviously been more research into it and this is what findings conclude - that bed wetting up to the age of 7 (and more!) is still pretty common.

Of course some of us are "lucky" that we have children (or in my case "a" child) that is dry and night early - but others have children that do still wet the bed at and older age.

Nightynight · 07/12/2007 17:54

well I will take care not to admit in public that any of my children were still bedwetting after 4 then - clearly that would brand me a lazy, infantalising mother.

Late bedwetting runs in dx's family, since long before pull-ups. But it wasnt so noticeable before pullups, because nobody really went round talking about it especially at school. ds1 is now nearly 10 and he is not realiably dry. He doesnt wear pullups any more, but he has a plastic sheet on his bed. I am not * worried. He will get there in the end.

[hm]judge, judge, judge.

TheIceQueen · 07/12/2007 17:55

ChiTown - have you considered buying a duvet protector? Admittedly they do make the bed quite warm - and also pretty "rustly" - but it does save on the duvet washing (as we learnt to our cost over 1yr ago). In the summer when it's warmer we just used duvet covers (without a duvet inside).

coppertop · 07/12/2007 17:56

I was still wetting the bed at 11yrs and certainly didn't want to go around telling anyone. Long before the days of disposable nappies and pull-ups too. I was just a very deep sleeper. Nothing woke me up.

KITTYmaspudding · 07/12/2007 18:15

chitown, I have duvet, pillow and mattress protectors, many of them!!!

My dp says he didn't wake to go to the loo until he was about 8. I have actually come across a lot of adults who say the same, it crops up in conversation when I tell them about dd1. Obviously there were no disposables 'infantilising" these people. (That's such a bad choice of word)

Tamum · 07/12/2007 18:20

Completely agree with QoQ, people just used not to talk about it. If there are many people with moondog's attitude around it's a wonder anyone does now. FWIW I never trained mine, I just took off the pull-ups (which strangely didn't seem to be the issue) off and they stopped weeing in the night immediately. Obviously, since I put no effort into it at all that was just a combination of chance and lucky genetics. If anyone can be accused of "lazy" parenting it's people like me who didn't have to do anything.

Blandmum · 07/12/2007 18:22

Isn't it all down in part to the ability to control ADH levels? If the kids can't make enough, they wet the bed?

If they can, they don't?

Like you Tamum, mine were reasonably easy. Ds still has the odd slip up at 7, but it is very rare. And that is just down to luck I think

edam · 07/12/2007 18:23

Yeah, 'infantilising' is bothering me, too, Kitty. I think it sounds misogynistic. As if mothers are evil harridans who suffocate their children, refusing to let them grow up. There is nothing wrong in allowing each child to develop at their own speed - in fact, many would argue it is a sign of good parenting, not bad. Particularly when it concerns an aspect of development that is not, in fact, behaviour but physiology.

There are so many threads objecting to judgmental comments from childless people about parents, why on earth is it suddenly OK for some parents whose children happen to do x or y early to slate parents of children who don't?

Tamum · 07/12/2007 18:31

Yes, quite edam. I don't understand at all why nighttime training should be any different from potty training really- take your lead from the child, don't humiliate them, that kind of thing?

I expect you're right mb, I think genetically is reasonably complex- it may well all end up controlling the same pathway but with possible genetic effects on the different stages.

Prunie · 07/12/2007 18:36

"Don't humiliate them" is pretty standard parenting advice, I'd have thought...
I'm reminded by this thread of the end of Cockatoos by Quentin Blake:
"Some people never learn."

Prunie · 07/12/2007 18:49

THe more I think about it, the more I realise that quote is a bit incomprehensible on this thread! Anyway if you've read the book you should it.

CoteDAzur · 07/12/2007 19:24

Advice from my grandmother: Wake him up at some hour of the night when he is still dry, take him to toilet to wee. Set your alarm clock to 15 minutes later every night, until you start waking him up at the time when he is supposed to wake up in the morning.

hatwoman · 07/12/2007 19:48

at Prunie - Cockatoos is one of my favourite ever books. I love Quentin Blake

TheIceQueen · 07/12/2007 19:49

omg that would take us anything up to 1 1/2 months - given that DS1 can (even with doing a wee immediately before climbing into bed - and not having had any thing to drink since 2hrs earlier) be wet as little as 1hr later (and that is presuming that we did get "stuck" on a particular time!).

hatwoman · 07/12/2007 19:49

if I had to choose between Cockatoos and Zag-a-zoo I would be conflicted...

(am pmsl ay my typo - I had written Cockatoss. )

scattysanta · 07/12/2007 19:50

I'd say whether your child is dry at night or not is between you and your child (I'm sure a school age child would not appreciate their mum discussing this with other mums in the playground).

Also like Christopher Green says in 'toddler Taming' a problem is only a problem if its a problem (or something like that).

EmsMum · 07/12/2007 20:15

Agreed, scattysanta! My DD might have been dry sooner if we'd chosen to categorise it as a problem sooner than the healthcare professionals do. But earlier she had encopresis - now that was a problem and more than enough stress all round. And then DH had various health issues which disrupted sleep and that was enough of a night time problem. Sometimes you just have to find ways to avert something being a 'problem' till you can deal with it.

Under which circumstances DriNites are a godsend rather than the work of the devil

Prunie · 07/12/2007 20:29

Zagazoo is my standard gift for new parents of boys...it's so brilliant! I cry a wee bit at the end...so lovely.
And The Green Ship makes me blub as well.
Those cockatoos in the wine cellar crack me up every time.

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