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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP off sick but going for day out.

124 replies

CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 18:24

My boyfriend has had covid for the past two weeks; he's been quite poorly with it so as a result I've done everything around the house, monitored and organised building work we've got going on as well as working full time as a teacher. I've driven an hour's round trip to get his prescription as well as any other bits he's needed collecting and cooked every single thing he could possibly need. My anxiety has been sky high because of the whole thing.

He has told work he's too unwell to return to work until next week at the earliest which I agreed with as I don't want him to rush back too soon. He's just announced he's going out shopping and for lunch in a town an hour away on Friday to meet some friends.

Am I allowed to feel annoyed? I'll be in work whilst he's off sick having a day out. I'm prepared to be told I am!

OP posts:
kitkatsky · 29/09/2021 18:25

I don't think you're unreasonable no. Can you make yourself feel better by giving him a couple of house things to do in the morning before he goes?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/09/2021 18:28

He clearly doesn’t need special treatment if he’s nearly ready to go gallivanting. Back to normal.

FishesWithWishes · 29/09/2021 18:29

That's 100% gross misconduct if his work find out he's lost his job.

Bombaloorina · 29/09/2021 18:32

For God’s sake.

Please stop mothering doing everything for him.

He doesn’t appreciate it. And you’re resentful as hell. Oh, and he doesn’t even need it.

Just stop. And maybe re-evaluate whether you want to be with someone so willing to take the piss out of your ‘kindness’.

icelollycraving · 29/09/2021 18:33

Bit stupid to go out if he’s off sick. I’d certainly stop all the special treatment.

MatildaTheCat · 29/09/2021 18:36

@FishesWithWishes

That's 100% gross misconduct if his work find out he's lost his job.
Don’t worry he can say he was testing his eyesight. That’s a very credible excuse.

OP give him a load of chores to get done and put your feet up.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 29/09/2021 18:36

Unless he has a manual job and wouldn't physically be able to cope with an all day shift, I think he's taking the piss. Otherwise, if he's not well enough to go to to work he's not well enough to have a jolly with his mates. Also, isn't he worried someone will spot him and tell his boss? No way would I go off sick and risk being seen outside shopping and having lunch with friends!

Caligal · 29/09/2021 18:37

Actually I’m am not sure it is gross misconduct.

If someone Is sick you can’t tell them what they can and can’t do. Of course I’m not obtuse I know it would look terrible and they might have a conversation about why he felt well enough to do that but not work, but it’s not gross misconduct- I work in black alert safeguarding and if I am anxious to the point of being unable to concentrate I would consider calling in sick as I suffer from panic disorder. It doesn’t mean I can be told I am sacked if I see a friend for a cup of tea in a cafe for mental health support or go for a long walk or for a swim to help with the anxiety.

Someone in HR can confirm though...!

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/09/2021 18:38

If his work find out his job will be at serious risk.

He better hope his mates don't post anything on social media.

Level75 · 29/09/2021 18:38

It's extremely unlikely to be gross misconduct. Being too unwell to work doesn't mean he's too unwell to go out for a bit for lunch. You don't go from bedridden to 100% well straight away - it's a scale.

You can clearly stop looking after him so much though.

Level75 · 29/09/2021 18:39

Oh, and in terms of credentials I'm in employment solicitor. Doubt those bleating on about it being a sackable offence are.

cunningartificer · 29/09/2021 18:40

If he’s been ill for a couple of weeks it’s not unreasonable for him to test the water by going out to do something gentle before back to fill in full time work. Or would you want him to have work as his first trip out? It sounds as though you’re tired and overwhelmed. Perhaps take a bit of time for yourself and reduce the chores for a while.

queenMab99 · 29/09/2021 18:42

He was ill, he needed you to take care of things. He is feeling better now, he can do more, a trip out for lunch is not like doing a full days work, but it may tire him out and he has the weekend to recouperate and see if he is ready for work. Is he driving to Barnard Castle?

SusieBob · 29/09/2021 18:42

@FishesWithWishes

That's 100% gross misconduct if his work find out he's lost his job.
No it's not, don't be daft.

People who are ill are allowed to go out of the house.

Sirzy · 29/09/2021 18:43

You don’t go from ill enough to be off work for a few weeks to fine to return overnight, a few small trips towards the end of the week before going back makes a lot of sense really.

Watchingyou2sleezes · 29/09/2021 18:44

@FishesWithWishes

That's 100% gross misconduct if his work find out he's lost his job.
Why is it? He can be out and about as part of his recovery. I'm a hard nosed bastard of a boss and I wouldn't give him his marching orders for this...
Doomscrolling · 29/09/2021 18:47

A lass I worked with was on disciplinary for that. Her area manager had a day’s holiday and saw her in the pub where she was having lunch when “too ill to come in.”

SirusTheVirus · 29/09/2021 18:47

You shouldn’t really have had the builders in either if he had COVID! Did you make them aware?

It’s not gross misconduct for him to go for lunch but I’d certainly stop the running around after him!

Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 18:48

I feel like I've had a mixed reviews here! I absolutely don't want him to be going straight back and had suggested a phased return perhaps. I could also understand him going for lunch locally but just to go from bedbound to driving all that way I find mad. I also don't think if I was off sick j would do it on a work day!

OP posts:
FishesWithWishes · 29/09/2021 18:49

It's misconduct

Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 18:50

@SirusTheVirus

You shouldn’t really have had the builders in either if he had COVID! Did you make them aware?

It’s not gross misconduct for him to go for lunch but I’d certainly stop the running around after him!

Don't worry we told them! They've been doing outside jobs until he had finished isolating.
OP posts:
Wazzzzzzzup · 29/09/2021 18:53

@Level75

It's extremely unlikely to be gross misconduct. Being too unwell to work doesn't mean he's too unwell to go out for a bit for lunch. You don't go from bedridden to 100% well straight away - it's a scale.

You can clearly stop looking after him so much though.

Exactly.

He was sick, he is bit better, wants to get out of the house but doesn't feel like ready for work yet.

What's the drama about? This is absolutely ok? He can also now join in on the house stuff.

MichelleScarn · 29/09/2021 18:53

Was there not a long thread where the the general consensus was its of course absolutely OK to be out and about if off sick?

FlyingScott · 29/09/2021 18:55

YANBU

I agree you don’t suddenly become well enough to return to work overnight, but having a day trip when he’s supposedly off sick is just taking the absolute piss and cannot be justified.

Akire · 29/09/2021 18:56

If he’s well enough go out Friday he well enough cook clean and return the favours to you while you are working hard for rest of the week. Agree you can feel better without feeling up to full day. Covid fatigue is a major thing.

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