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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP off sick but going for day out.

124 replies

CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 18:24

My boyfriend has had covid for the past two weeks; he's been quite poorly with it so as a result I've done everything around the house, monitored and organised building work we've got going on as well as working full time as a teacher. I've driven an hour's round trip to get his prescription as well as any other bits he's needed collecting and cooked every single thing he could possibly need. My anxiety has been sky high because of the whole thing.

He has told work he's too unwell to return to work until next week at the earliest which I agreed with as I don't want him to rush back too soon. He's just announced he's going out shopping and for lunch in a town an hour away on Friday to meet some friends.

Am I allowed to feel annoyed? I'll be in work whilst he's off sick having a day out. I'm prepared to be told I am!

OP posts:
Wazzzzzzzup · 29/09/2021 18:57

@MichelleScarn

Was there not a long thread where the the general consensus was its of course absolutely OK to be out and about if off sick?
Of course it is because with some ilnesses there is no reason not to. Doctors can recommend short times out etc to help recovery, getting out and meeting someone can be good for MH. 1 lunch out absolutely doesn't mean someone is fit to do 8x5 hours at work.
FlyingScott · 29/09/2021 18:59

It’s not just lunch out though is it?
OP said it’s also a shopping trip somewhere that is a 1 hour drive away.

DragonDoor · 29/09/2021 19:00

Is he starting to feel any better? Friday is a couple of days away yet... so he could feel well enough to go out of the house for a few hours. I don’t see how it’s really going from ‘bed bound’.

From Friday onwards, if he has been well enough to go shopping and meet friends , then he will be well enough to pick up his own prescriptions, do chores, go to work etc.

ShaneTheThird · 29/09/2021 19:00

He is not unreasonable at all. He had covid. He doesn't feel ready to go back to work yet but is starting to feel a bit better and wants to leave the house to see friends for lunch. Normal and good for mental health.

What's crazy is how people are so entrenched in the capitalist regime that they don't take physical and mental recovery from illness seriously.

FellInLoveWithABanana · 29/09/2021 19:02

Going out shopping and for lunch is different to going back to work after being ill for weeks.

FlyingScott · 29/09/2021 19:02

What's crazy is how people are so entrenched in the capitalist regime that they don't take physical and mental recovery from illness seriously

😂 more like people such as the OP’s boyf are entrenched in self entitled naval gazing.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 29/09/2021 19:04

Two issues IMO, yes you're doing/have done too much for him and he needs to be pitching back in immediately.

The lunch out sounds fine albeit would be better if the friend could maybe travel to you and not vice versa.

Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 19:07

He really has been ill enough to be looked after which I absolutely don't resent..we were on the phone to the GP yesterday as his blood oxygen had dropped far too low.
I'm just struggling to see how it seems ok to go out for the day when he's supposed to be so ill.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 29/09/2021 19:10

He can feel well enough to go out for an hour or two but not well enough to do a full day at work...

ShaneTheThird · 29/09/2021 19:10

more like people such as the OP’s boyf are entrenched in self entitled naval gazing.

How is it navel gazing? He has had a serious virus that by the ops own admissions he was very unwell with. Not everyone is ready to jump back into work and they are entitled to go out and meet people for their sanity.

hollyhocksarenotmessy · 29/09/2021 19:12

HR person. He is allowed to go out while recovering, if he's still too unwell to work. I have to persuade some employees to go and get some fresh air and start doing normal things, as it helps their recovery, if they're off for a while.

It CAN be misconduct if someone is obviously 'pulling a sickie'. Being off for day saying you have D&V, then being spotted down the pub sinking beer and eating a big lunch is going to raise questions. But a few hours out after Covid, no issue.

OP, I think you feel your running around has not been appreciated. Focus on needing a conversation with him about that.

Wazzzzzzzup · 29/09/2021 19:15

@CharlieBrown65

He really has been ill enough to be looked after which I absolutely don't resent..we were on the phone to the GP yesterday as his blood oxygen had dropped far too low. I'm just struggling to see how it seems ok to go out for the day when he's supposed to be so ill.
Positive mental attitude. "I must be ok by friday ffs, this cannot go on forever. Ooooh lunch and shopping could be good" 😁
Regularsizedrudy · 29/09/2021 19:15

Sounds like you’re being taken for a mug

Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 19:16

@hollyhocksarenotmessy

HR person. He is allowed to go out while recovering, if he's still too unwell to work. I have to persuade some employees to go and get some fresh air and start doing normal things, as it helps their recovery, if they're off for a while.

It CAN be misconduct if someone is obviously 'pulling a sickie'. Being off for day saying you have D&V, then being spotted down the pub sinking beer and eating a big lunch is going to raise questions. But a few hours out after Covid, no issue.

OP, I think you feel your running around has not been appreciated. Focus on needing a conversation with him about that.

Maybe you're right and I don't feel appreciated for it. Its been a tough two weeks; anxiety has had me up at 4/5am most days as well as everything else.
OP posts:
Wazzzzzzzup · 29/09/2021 19:17

What's crazy is how people are so entrenched in the capitalist regime that they don't take physical and mental recovery from illness seriously

I don't know if it's a capitalism itself. Where I am from, for example, we stay home when we have antibiotics, children certainly don't go to school with them. The attitude in UK that you can only be ill only x day s otherwise you are taking a piss is quite weird.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2021 19:21

@Akire

If he’s well enough go out Friday he well enough cook clean and return the favours to you while you are working hard for rest of the week. Agree you can feel better without feeling up to full day. Covid fatigue is a major thing.
This. However, he shouldn’t be driving an hour away. Madness.
CraftyGin · 29/09/2021 19:22

Going out for a couple of hours is not the same as 8 hours at work.

You seem to resent looking after him when he was quite ill.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/09/2021 19:25

I've been off sick with a chronic condition. I've been going places. It's pretty obvious that I can't manage a 12.5 hour shift!

icedcoffees · 29/09/2021 19:28

Going out to socialise isn't the same as working all day.

But I really don't understand why you've been doing everything round the house and cooking for him for two weeks? Surely he's well enough to make a sandwich or heat up some soup?

Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 19:28

I absolutely don't resent it at all; I'm glad I've been able to look after him as he has been really unwell with it. I just think the driving an hour each way is a bit much seeing as last night he said he was too tired to get himself a cup of tea 🙈

OP posts:
SirusTheVirus · 29/09/2021 19:31

@FishesWithWishes

It's misconduct
No, it’s not!
Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 19:32

@icedcoffees

Going out to socialise isn't the same as working all day.

But I really don't understand why you've been doing everything round the house and cooking for him for two weeks? Surely he's well enough to make a sandwich or heat up some soup?

Honestly he has been so unwell with it. Yesterday he tried to do some house work and his blood oxygen dropped really low. Its why I'm so confused about the whole thing.
OP posts:
StargazerAli · 29/09/2021 19:33

I don't think I'd make a big deal of it. Tell him to have a good time and that you're happy that he's now fully recovered. On the plus side, you don't have to run around for him any more.

icedcoffees · 29/09/2021 19:33

If he's that unwell he won't be going anywhere on Friday, no matter what he's saying now.

Aliceinunderland · 29/09/2021 19:37

Have I missed something? He's been stuck indoors unwell for two weeks and is now feeling well enough to meet up with some friends? So what? I don't blame him and can't see what the fuss is about?

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