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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP off sick but going for day out.

124 replies

CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 18:24

My boyfriend has had covid for the past two weeks; he's been quite poorly with it so as a result I've done everything around the house, monitored and organised building work we've got going on as well as working full time as a teacher. I've driven an hour's round trip to get his prescription as well as any other bits he's needed collecting and cooked every single thing he could possibly need. My anxiety has been sky high because of the whole thing.

He has told work he's too unwell to return to work until next week at the earliest which I agreed with as I don't want him to rush back too soon. He's just announced he's going out shopping and for lunch in a town an hour away on Friday to meet some friends.

Am I allowed to feel annoyed? I'll be in work whilst he's off sick having a day out. I'm prepared to be told I am!

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 29/09/2021 19:39

Too tired to make a cup of tea (bet he managed while you were out of the house working or running errands though), on Tuesday his blood oxygen dropped really low, but he sure he is gonna be fine driving an hour each way, shopping & having lunch on Friday?

I don't disagree with him phasing his recovery back to work, but I'm smelling a rat with the "too tired to make a cup of tea" from someone planning a not insubstantial day out on Friday.

Spidey66 · 29/09/2021 19:42

@Level75

It's extremely unlikely to be gross misconduct. Being too unwell to work doesn't mean he's too unwell to go out for a bit for lunch. You don't go from bedridden to 100% well straight away - it's a scale.

You can clearly stop looking after him so much though.

Exactly ,

If he was taking a sickie to go out, that's wrong, but towards the end of hi s sickness, and just get some lunch....fine.

Slightly different but I'm off sick at the moment, with a broken arm, near my shoulder, due for surgery tomorrow. I've been off work 2 weeks, going to be off for minimum off 2 months minimum.

Aside from the hospital I've been to the park with husband and dog, been for lunch and shock horror to the pub on one occasion. No way am i fit for work but the boredom, lack of exercise and fresh air was affecting both physical and mental health. I was getting anxious and panicky, struggling to sleep, i needed to get out and tire myself out a bit.

Towards the end of my sick leave, I will need to practise using my arm by going shopping etc. So shoot me.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 29/09/2021 19:43

If his blood oxygen dropped really low yesterday he may find that he's still too ill to go on Friday.

Just because he's made arrangements doesn't mean he'll be able to carry them out, or that he's been putting on being so ill he can't make a cup.of tea

Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 19:43

@Aliceinunderland

Have I missed something? He's been stuck indoors unwell for two weeks and is now feeling well enough to meet up with some friends? So what? I don't blame him and can't see what the fuss is about?
Not an issue meeting up with friends, although I wouldn't do it whilst off work with fatigue. Its the fact it's a two hour round trip to do so when last night he couldn't make his own cup of tea but this morning had me making a hot water bottle for him as I'm trying to get ready for work! I am more than happy to help out if he's Ill but he can't then be going out for lunch an hour away!
OP posts:
Chishelled · 29/09/2021 19:43

That's 100% gross misconduct if his work find out he's lost his job.

It really, really is not.

I was on sick leave and I went and met my colleagues for lunch a couple of times when off - I was still recovering, and lunch absolutely wiped me, but I was also at the stage where I was up and about having been on life support for a while.

How is he getting to the place that is an hour away? If his oxygen levels are still dropping from simple tasks then I would be very, very concerned about him travelling that far - particularly if driving.

Fairyliz · 29/09/2021 19:45

Perhaps he could have a trip out to do the supermarket shop not gallivanting around with mates.
I wouldn’t be happy with this.

JenniferWooley · 29/09/2021 19:45

@FishesWithWishes

That's 100% gross misconduct if his work find out he's lost his job.

It's really not!

I'm currently signed off sick by the doctor & I'm still planning on going on holiday next week my sick note actually says "it is recommended that Jennifer still goes on her planned holiday as this will be good for her mental health & wellbeing"

Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 19:45

@Chishelled

That's 100% gross misconduct if his work find out he's lost his job.

It really, really is not.

I was on sick leave and I went and met my colleagues for lunch a couple of times when off - I was still recovering, and lunch absolutely wiped me, but I was also at the stage where I was up and about having been on life support for a while.

How is he getting to the place that is an hour away? If his oxygen levels are still dropping from simple tasks then I would be very, very concerned about him travelling that far - particularly if driving.

He's driving, again which I've said I don't think he should. Locally wouldn't be an issue and I do think he should baby steps to full recovery. We'd planned to go on a short walk this weekend around our park and he'd said he thought that might be too much!
OP posts:
Inertia · 29/09/2021 19:46

Should he be driving if he has worryingly low blood oxygen? Is there not a risk of him feeling faint at the wheel?

SusieBob · 29/09/2021 19:47

@Fairyliz

Perhaps he could have a trip out to do the supermarket shop not gallivanting around with mates. I wouldn’t be happy with this.
Yeah, heaven forbid somebody who has been stuck indoors for 2 weeks do something fun.
ChargingBuck · 29/09/2021 19:49

We'd planned to go on a short walk this weekend around our park and he'd said he thought that might be too much!

So he doesn't want to rebuild his physical strength & get fresh air - even for a trial 10 minutes? He can drive 2 hours with low blood oxygen, but can't fill a hot water bottle?

You're being played OP.
Surprise us - normally, when he is fully well, how much of the domestic drudgery, builder-organising & mental load does he take responsibility for?

Lovemusic33 · 29/09/2021 19:50

If he’s been stuck in for 2 + weeks and is returning week next Monday then I don’t see the issues with him going out Friday with friends (it’s his last day off sick?). Being stuck in with covid really sucks, I couldn’t wait just to feel well enough to go out for a few hours.

XenoBitch · 29/09/2021 19:50

@FishesWithWishes

That's 100% gross misconduct if his work find out he's lost his job.
It is only gross misconduct if he is off sick, and working elsewhere. Lunch and shopping is not that.
Lotusmonster · 29/09/2021 19:51

See it as a positive milestone in his recovery and that your days of needing to be his carer have probably reached an end now. Treat yourself to a much needed carers treat or break, time to care for yourself for a change.

Original poster
CharlieBrown65 · 29/09/2021 19:53

@Lovemusic33

If he’s been stuck in for 2 + weeks and is returning week next Monday then I don’t see the issues with him going out Friday with friends (it’s his last day off sick?). Being stuck in with covid really sucks, I couldn’t wait just to feel well enough to go out for a few hours.
He hasn't set a date to return to work yet. From what I'd gathered this week he was too ill to go back next week but might do a couple of hours. Hence this coming as a surprise to me when he announced tonight he was doing a large drive in two days time when he's not been capable of doing anything today. I have no doubts that he's been ill and can only imagine isolating has been awful, although I have not done anything socially the entire time either due to fear of passing it on! I feel like I am getting mixed messages now from him.
OP posts:
Notmoresugar · 29/09/2021 19:55

He's taking the piss out of you and his employer.

Thatsplentyjack · 29/09/2021 19:58

So he's going out on Friday and back to work on Monday? I don't really see the problem. He's probably desperate to get out for a while. He can just do some things around the house now he's feeling a bit better.
"Monitoring building work" and cooking for 2 people for a couple of weeks can't have been that stressful Confused

ShaneTheThird · 29/09/2021 19:59

. I have no doubts that he's been ill and can only imagine isolating has been awful, although I have not done anything socially the entire time either due to fear of passing it on!

That's really not his problem though?

Chloemol · 29/09/2021 20:00

YANBU

If he is well enough to go out he is well enough to work

If he goes then he gets a full list of jobs to do over the weekend, before he goes, and no more molly coddling

If he moans about the list then he can’t go to the lunch etc as he mus5 still be ill

SusieBob · 29/09/2021 20:03

@Chloemol

YANBU

If he is well enough to go out he is well enough to work

If he goes then he gets a full list of jobs to do over the weekend, before he goes, and no more molly coddling

If he moans about the list then he can’t go to the lunch etc as he mus5 still be ill

So you can't imagine a situation where somebody would be able to wander round the shops for a bit and have lunch but struggle with say 8 hours in an office?

HmmHmmHmm

In the real world, doing that - assuming he's well enough to safely drive - is totally fine and getting out and about usually helps people feel better.

Wazzzzzzzup · 29/09/2021 20:04

I would be worried about the deiving. While hour isn't that much, with his issues, it can be WWAY too much.
He might not go tbh. I atill think this is just trying to be positive and looking ahead

Quartz2208 · 29/09/2021 20:05

He is clearly either manipulating you into doing things for him on in that delusional state where you beleive you can do something when you clearly cant.

He isnt well enough OP and I suspect by Friday he will come to the same conclusion

Aliceinunderland · 29/09/2021 20:06

Fair enough. I wouldn't be quite so accomodating from now on then as he's clearly feeling better! Would he do the same for you if you were unwell? If not, then perhaps the issue runs deeper than this single incident.

Standrewsschool · 29/09/2021 20:07

I can understand why you are feeling miffed. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was meeting friends locally, but driving an hour each way is quite a task.

Wazzzzzzzup · 29/09/2021 20:07

Fucking hell women😂
Have you actually never been so ill you really didn't have enrgy for anything? I had a very serious glandular feever and I was out of any action bar slowly going to toilet for a week and half. Still couldn't do much even after, but did go out to meet people otherwise I would lose it (annoying when you end up with special diet at the time due to liver issue). Sometimes you just genuinely cannot do basics and it doesn't mean you manipulated others!