AIBU to think we're all a bit bloody traumatised?

[FarmerXmas]

Not sure what the solution is, but AIBU to think we've all had a sustained period of uncertainty, difficulty and grief?

Maybe considering where we go from here, politics wise, society wise, education wise etc, if people just think that to themselves first, quietly, it would be a good thing.

YABU in that everyone's experience of covid has been different. But of course what you say could be true for a lot of people, financially etc or in terms of loss of loved ones.

I'm not denying the severity of it.

For someone without many friends, disabled and unable to work etc, it's actually been quite peaceful. I did miss pubs when they weren't open though.

This thread ahows a lot about how some people got easily through lockdown😳

Absolutely NOT being unreasonable at all. I think we all need to try and be a bit gentle with each other at the moment, especially ourselves x

Haha I so agree with you ! 😉

@GreatPotato

DH died from cancer during Covid.

He received the news alone, in hospital by telephone. He or I never met his consultant who was shielding and I didn't get to even hold his hand for 6 weeks after that. It was three months in total that I wasn't able to see my dying husband.

He did come home for the last 3 months and I had to balance rules that we shouldn't have any visitors, fear that if I allowed visitors it could kill him and the fact that he was dying anyway.

The worst part was closeish to the end when he was re-admitted to hospital over a weekend. By that point I was allowed to visit one hour a day. And the neglect and appalling treatment I saw, for him and other patients was truly traumatic. I came home after one visit and sobbed like I hadn't through the whole thing. I came to realise that actually I'd been "protected" from the horror by not being able to visit. There was a man with no use of his hands who was just left his meals with no help to actually eat them and DH who by this point had been in bed for 6 months with only minimal tissue damage came home after 5 days with horrendous bed sores which were the cause of his worst pain in his last weeks.

Through all this was trying to work, taking on supporting a family and running the large house we'd previously run together, fighting the system everytime I tried to get him help and worried sick that I wasn't doing enough to support DC's MH.

I think I can claim some trauma, although I'd rather not and hope to just get on with things.

I’m so so sorry to hear about your husband @GreatPotato. I know nothing I can say will make it easier, but please know you don’t have to deal with the feelings alone. I also lost my Dad during Covid to cancer and we had a very frighteningly similar experience with the hospital and neglect of patients. My dad wasn’t fed or given any pain relief for a week towards the end of his life as he wasn’t taken off nil by mouth ‘by mistake’, and was too weak to ask or tell anyone as we weren’t allowed to visit so didn’t know. Absolutely traumatic for all involved and I’m sure we’ll be dealing with the aftermath for a long time. If you need to chat please send me a message and I’d be happy to talk xx

Thank you Beachy. That's really shocking, how did you find out your Dad wasn't getting his pain relief etc? That's a terrifying prospect knowing how much pain DH was in with it!

I don’t know where I fit in the realm of most people but for the most part the effects of COVID have been game changing. I now get to work 4 days a week rather than 5 with a hybrid working policy so wfh 2 days, office 2 days. For me this is a phenomenal change. I also enjoyed lockdown if I’m honest. An enforced break from the neverending cycle of work, socialising, not enough exercise. I enjoyed hanging out with my family, ate better, exercised more, saved more. Holidays less admittedly. Didn’t lose anyone close to me, the DC haven’t struggled. Am I traumatised? Absolutely not. Au contraire. Not everyone had a shit time of COVID. If anything what bothers me is increased taxes to pay for it all.

@DeborahAnnabel My friend has done well soon as her commute into work had been very exhausting and stressful and was giving her bowel issues along wth the exhaustion. They are still WFH and will probably stay that way if possible, so she's a lot better mentally and physically n general. She happened to get cancer but her treatment seemed to be ok and she's doing well now.

So sorry to all those who have suffered losses.

*done well too

No one has the right to tell others that their feelings aren’t valid. Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes unfortunately. Some trauma is more violent, or sudden and sometimes it can be more insidious and creep up on you.

There are three main types of trauma:

Acute, Chronic, or Complex

Acute trauma results from a single incident.

Chronic trauma is repeated and prolonged such as domestic violence or abuse.

Complex trauma is exposure to varied and multiple traumatic events, often of an invasive, interpersonal nature.

I think personally that project fear, the media, government and behavioural specialists have a lot to answer for. What they did was very abusive. Very.

I was recently told that my dad has a rare aggressive cancer and doesn’t have long to live. In my country there are border closures. I can’t travel interstate to be with my dad. To see him, to hold his hand. I could apply for an exemption. I might or might not be granted one. However, the reality is that I just don’t have enough money to afford 4 weeks in total of quarantine in a hotel on top of airfare and accommodation during my stay.

Before the pandemic when my grandma had a heart attack and was not expected to survive, I immediately booked a flight and arrived that same day. I was able to sit by her bedside, hold her hand and talk to her. I am very grateful that I had that time with her.

But now with the restrictions surrounding Covid (and yes they differ from country to country) I do not have that freedom to book a flight and be with my dad.

So, many people all over the world affected in different ways by the pandemic. Some people are trapped overseas and can’t get back home. Separated from family and friends.

It is the loss of freedom, being isolated and separated one from another along with uncertainty and fear that I think is impacting us all globally.

Some of us are fine and feel less of an impact. Some are not fine and feel more of an impact. Some of us have been through traumatic experiences.

I think we need a bit more kindness in the world.

@ImustLearn2Cook. I'm so sorry you're going through this. What an awful situation to be in. We all have an idea in our head how end of life will be for our loved ones and its heart-breaking when it doesn't work out that way. I wish your dad and you, and indeed all your family, the very best. x

@madisonbridges thank you

Covid has been very very difficult, for everyone. Not going to go into the many ways it has affected my family.
BUT, it is a period of history, like so many before, and so many that will come after- wars, disease, floods, natural disasters. This was our time to live through it, our cross to bear. Others have had and will have theirs, it's the way of the world. Life is fragile- news flash! Our grandparents and greatgrandparents knew this, thanks to 2 world wars and less advanced medical care. We need to get on with it,like they did.
I am not surprised by the pandemic. It was always going to hsppen, and will happen again. Our generation isn't special- there will always be threat to life! All we can do is do our best to live through it. And possibly the next pandemic/ threat to life. People seem to take life for granted nowadays, and yes, this has shown us we can't. Harsh reality. Sorry, but "poor us" won't help or change the situation.

@ImustLearn2Cook, sorry ,I didn't rtft, and didn't mean to be insensitive

he's here to save Christmas AGAIN.

Well he needs to bugger of and retire that would save Christmas in fact it would make a good Christmas present.

@GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin

But calling being made to stay home, or home schooling, or infection control innately traumatic is actually quite insulting. None of those things that have happened to most people are remotely traumatic.

The trauma a brain will have interpreted is nothing to do with homeschooling, petrol queues or staying at home, that’s disingenuous twaddle. It’s to do with loss of control, fear, and a perceived threat. As someone who has been clinically diagnosed with PTSD, I bloody learned this the hard way. Anyone who thinks they have the right to judge anyone else’s trauma as “not real” or “not justified” really IS insulting and can fuck right off.

And just so you’re aware, genuine trauma can be have absolutely nothing to do with violence.

Well said. I agree 👍

I'm pleasantly surprised by how resilient the residents of our small island are. We had the PM, the NHS, much of the media and many posters on MN putting the absolute fear of god into us for months on end.

And yet here we are now; working, studying, socialising, staying in, going out, caring for one another, laughing, whinging and ready to face whatever the looming winter will bring.

frogface69

Does there need to be comparison? Where is your compassion for anyone suffering in the least. I remember watching a documentary where the people who survived those camps felt guilty for moments of happiness they experienced . The full range of human emotion from cruelty, suffering to happiness I believe we will all experience in our lives at different points. I or you will not be exempt from those emotions we will all suffer heartache or grief or happiness its the full range of life experience and we will try and muddle through those periods and perhaps need to unravel the knots. I am completely open to compassion to anyone’s grief, heartache or sadness from any situation and I consider empathy my best evolvement within life experience. I don’t know if I can bring myself to read the news of the Sarah Everard conviction but I imagine if you wished for a direct comparison to the absolute hell of human suffering you would consider their trauma a valid covid based trauma or the sisters murdered on their birthday in the park selfied by police officers. I am afraid the dark corners of life are all around us and this is why we need to provide some therapy for the human condition. I feel the media bombards us with stories of trauma from around the world on a 24/7 basis and I still have empathy. I just don’t understand why healing the human condition by providing a salve would be shunned? We are meant as a human race to evolve to pure love it’s the highest state and all the fear is manufactured to divert that evolvement. There are enough resources on this earth for all but of course being controlled by fear some turn to greed on a micro level the behaviour of stockpiling representing this just as some have billions so that some will starve like I said we need to evolve to a higher state of compassion and empathy for fellow humans thats what we are supposed to evolve to I believe .

to everyone dealing with loss and trauma.

@casiloco

@Billandben444

Thank you - much appreciated.

So many people on this thread who have been through so much recently. No gradations of distress are helpful - we feel what we feel and those who have sailed through it all can think themselves very fortunate.

Sending and to all who feel even a bit bruised or traumatised on MN after what will have been a demanding time for all sorts of reasons.

Why are we all traumatised? To state that makes us all "victims". Nope... I don't feel traumatised. I continued to work, care for my oldies, go to my allotment, have contact with my friends. Life carried on, I just wasn't out as often as ordinary. But that has come back. So no trauma in this house re Covid.

@Mirw I'm hoping that you haven't bothered to read the full thread, otherwise you are coming across as an insensitive unempathetic arse.

We only found out after he’d passed away and requested his medical records to start legal action when we found all they had been giving him was paracetamol - he’d been having morphine at home (pain from sitting on tumour coming out..). Also found out he’d drunk a cup of his own urine and nobody had told us. By the time we were able to see him at the end he couldn’t even speak. I hope you’re doing okay @GreatPotato ❤️