AIBU to think we're all a bit bloody traumatised?

[FarmerXmas]

Not sure what the solution is, but AIBU to think we've all had a sustained period of uncertainty, difficulty and grief?

Maybe considering where we go from here, politics wise, society wise, education wise etc, if people just think that to themselves first, quietly, it would be a good thing.

Don't feel traumatised in the slightest.

But what are these disasters we're lurching between? I wouldn't even have known there was a food crisis if social media hadn't told me. The shops round here were fully stocked. There wouldn't have been a fuel crisis if the media hadn't announced there was going to be one and the public went off their heads. And already its getting back to normal where I am. Flu shots don't normally start til end Oct and my whole family's been jabbed already. So what are these crises?

@GreatPotato

I think this is one of the reasons the petrol thing has sent everyone mad. We were just getting used to being able to go places again and then facing the prospect of not being able to go places again.

True. Plus I think most people are profoundly distrustful of the government now. The last 18 months have been a series of harsh lessons on the importance looking after ourselves, because they bloody well won't!

Trauma is really subjective. I was chased by a man with a gun. Whilst I was frightened I was not traumatised.

Ex H attacked me psysically and sexually so badly one night I thought was going to die. Broke my bones. I was traumatised. Had to have EMDR, rape crisis intervention etc. Still startle easily and get flashbacks.

I once overdosed on ketamine and had to go to hospital. Again I was scared but I never really think about it now.

I don't always think its necessarily the situation that causes trauma. It is your brains reaction to it. Some stuff you'd think I should be traumatised by don't impact me at all. Nobody is the gatekeeper of what is 'enough' trauma.

Off the top of my head Porridge environmental crises (my home town had severe flooding before the Covid thing kicked off) which is ruining lives across the world, division in society re Brexit, independence, politics in general, corrupt politicians, attitudes towards vaccination/lockdown, fuel and food shortages, the balls up in Afghanistan and the very real suffering that is occurring due to pulling out, women's rights going backwards all over the world with gender politics and tightening abortion laws. And that's before you get into all the other world conflicts and human rights abuses going on. It just feels relentless.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously ah, but none of those have significantly affected Porridge, you see. So they're not actually real.

But what are these disasters we're lurching between? I wouldn't even have known there was a food crisis if social media hadn't told me

That sentence does sound a bit ‘let them eat cake’

It’s great if you don’t feel traumatised - I get it, from my personal example earlier; screwdriver bloke absolutely didn’t traumatise me, scary bus crash did. I wouldn’t characterise my experience of the last eighteen months as traumatising to me personally but it’s certainly coloured my personality and left some scars. There were points it was incredibly hard to process.

I can absolutely see how people have been left traumatised whether working on the front line (covid is an awful disease to witness at its worst) or from being isolated/feeling isolated. I believe there are strict regulations on isolations as punishments in prisons for good reason. I can see it’s effects on society even if I’m not experiencing it personally.

So I can attest that Labour might not have any commitments on housing, but the bloody Conservatives do. Where do you live that there's no building going on?

Wrong sort of houses in the wrong place though. It's easy to say it's nimbyism - but a lot of middle aged folk want to see their children get on the housing ladder and they don't need 5 bedroom 'executive' detached which are the ones being built.

I'm nearly 70, maybe my memory is going but I don't remember the 70s and 80s being as bloody miserable and depressing as now

I'm of a similar age, and one thing I do remember is that we didn't have social media and rolling 24/7 news then either

Nobody suggests Covid hasn't been a problem, but a certain amount is undoubtably down to the constant winding-up and the competition for the most dramatic headline that's been going on

Forced isolation is a form of torture, so yes. It's completely reasonable that it will leave some kind of trauma impact on the brain.

What I find tricky is that there doesn't even seem to be an acknowledgement that for the most part, the DCs education has been so incredibly disrupted.

DD1 is Y11 so Spring 2022 will be the first time GCSEs will be taken as an exam, and no one really knows if any of the exam will take into account not just the lockdown time, but the subsequent isolation after a positive case in her bubble etc.

So sad for DD2 who has missed out on school trips, the Y5 trip to London which is almost a rite of passage.

But at least she gets to sit on a chair in assembly

@Peregrina

So I can attest that Labour might not have any commitments on housing, but the bloody Conservatives do. Where do you live that there's no building going on?

Wrong sort of houses in the wrong place though. It's easy to say it's nimbyism - but a lot of middle aged folk want to see their children get on the housing ladder and they don't need 5 bedroom 'executive' detached which are the ones being built.

I'd be very happy for them to go build somewhere else. But they're sold before they've even been built so someone needs them.

We all have to deal with, lots like me, have had counselling, over stuff.
Unfortunately no other half, great friends, struggling with eye issues, luckily can afford private, and hope things are sorted by Christmas.
Everything else I try to cope with, early retirement, so no work to worry about.
Sometimes we have to accept we can’t change stuff

Exactly, the problem IS 24/7 rolling news, social media etc.

Sorry I don't agree. For those who lived during the War, listening to the BBC news on the hour was absolutely sacrosanct. Or at least it still was in our household during the 1950s. I think by the mid 60s my parents had realised that some days nothing much did happen, and we didn't have to have the news on each hour, for which we had to be silent and listen.

Whether 'trauma' is the correct word or not, clearly it has been stressful, worrying and upsetting and there are widespread and considerable impacts across the population which will take time to wear off.

I feel like it has changed my emotional relationship with the idea of the future, certainly.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously. Your listing a lot of issues, nationally and internationally but I would dispute how much trauma (I agree, not the right word but can't think of another off hand) they're causing us generally. We can't do anything about abortion rights in Texas, or human rights issues in Dubai. I do what I think is the right thing in my life but I don't dwell on things because its pointless and not helpful to them or me. I think a reason why so many people suffer from mental health issues (me included) is because we think about things too much. That probably sounds heartless and I don't mean it that way, but we bombard our brain with too much stuff we can't do anything about.

As for domestic issues, I try not to listen to SM too much - it made me ill during lockdown. And the press lies all the time to drive up its viewing figures so I always take everything they say with a pinch of salt. Politicians and politics might be a disaster in general but they're a permanent irritant and not a daily disaster. I don't think about Boris or Keir that much if I'm not on SM. Food shortages didn't really happen around me - although no fizzy water. And fuel shortages seem over here and we're generated by the press. Independence hasn't been even given permission by Westminster, Brexit has happened and vaccine scepticism has been around for all sorts of vaccines. They're not really disasters we're lurching between. (Although lack of HGV drivers is annoying and shows a complete lack of preparation by the govt.)

@JesusInTheCabbageVan. I'm not dismissing people's concerns or denying that they happen, but I think things get hyped up and start to take on a bigger importance than they are. Petrol companies had no shortage of fuel and petrol was being transported to garages regularly. The press hype up a comment about BP and suddenly we have a self-induced fuel shortage. During the first lockdown all the supermarkets said there was plenty of food but people went mad and there was no toilet roll , no tinned meat etc. Again self-induced. But none of them are a disaster. There's food and there's petrol.

I guess what I'm saying is that disaster, chaos, mayhem are words that get bandied around so much. We buy into it because it feels good to get angry, and SM stirs that up even more, but it's not helpful to our mental health and its not really reflective of real life.

@Orangejuicemarathoner

I’m genuinely sorry for what happened to you and those with whom you work. But do not EVER think you have the right to sit in judgment on whose experiences do and don’t qualify as trauma according to your personal diagnostic criteria or those of your charity group. It’s not a competition as to who suffered more and you don’t get to invalidate the experiences and psychological effects suffered by others because you don’t deem them as serious as yours. Belittling those experiences and effects with little comments about “cleaning your groceries” is just nasty.

Quite frankly, how dare you.

@Porridgealert

But what are these disasters we're lurching between? I wouldn't even have known there was a food crisis if social media hadn't told me. The shops round here were fully stocked. There wouldn't have been a fuel crisis if the media hadn't announced there was going to be one and the public went off their heads. And already its getting back to normal where I am. Flu shots don't normally start til end Oct and my whole family's been jabbed already. So what are these crises?

I agree. I’ve seen one short queue at a petrol station on Friday and no empty shelves where I live. I thought at the beginning of the first lockdown that people were completely obsessive when I saw on social media that people were washing their groceries. I don’t know anyone who did it.

I think this is one of the reasons the petrol thing has sent everyone mad. We were just getting used to being able to go places again and then facing the prospect of not being able to go places again.

I agree. For the time being at least, a lot of people’s brains are going to interpret unpleasant or worrying things with a panic response. It’s understandable and our brains will learn more “normal” responses in time, but I can absolutely see where panics over fuel, food etc are coming from.

I’ve been there on the anxiety thing. I know that my reactions and feelings, when anxious, are chemicals in my brain being out of kilter or skewed and irrational thought patterns. Many, many months of intensive therapy taught me to be able to see those things for what they are, and to manage them. I’ve learned the coping mechanisms, and to be able to rationalise the irrational. Covid has driven a coach and horses through everyone’s lives and some people are experiencing mental health problems for the first time of their lives. It’s going to take a while to recalibrate and learn to live with the shock, worry, grief and - yes - trauma many have experienced.

Thank you @GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin
Just reading your post helped me.

So I can attest that Labour might not have any commitments on housing, but the bloody Conservatives do. Where do you live that there's no building going on?

It's great if they are building more homes, but are they family starter homes, or large 4 bed homes or flats? The wrong sort of housing is being built, which isn't even affordable. They are being built for landlords, or people already on the property ladder. That won't fix the housing crisis.

Plus they are not building the infrastructure, schools and health services that are needed in the area as the population increases which pisses the locals off. Most likely it is guided by profit first and foremost, not providing a good home and local services that actually helps people in need. That's the issue in my area.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I'm not sure if it even matters whether this is defined as 'real' trauma or not - it's still been a deeply distressing 18 months and we are still living with relentless bad news and fear. Lurching from disaster to disaster is not doing anyone's state of mind any good.

Exactly we're permanently off kilter mentally waiting for the next crisis to emerge

@FarmerXmas thanks for the reply, sorry for late response, been out all day.
I'm having a go at it myself, and seem to be doing ok just feeling the sensations in my body, while 'witnessing' it. It's a hell of a long process but I think I'm getting there.
Check out Irene Lyon, somatic experiencing on YouTube.
Best of luck to you.

I honestly do feel traumatised after last year and I can imagine many others do too. It was the horror of those first months, seeing the nightingales being built and hearing of all the people dying in hospital alone, saying goodbye to their families by text, or those who died at home of treatable conditions because they couldn't get medical help or were too scared to even try.

I lost my grandma to Covid. We hadn't been allowed to visit her for weeks. It's heartbreaking to think of how lonely and scared she might have been and to remember those last few phone calls when she knew she'd never see us again. After she died, I wanted so badly to see my poor mum but we weren't allowed at the time and couldn't go to the funeral either.

I think so many people have experienced grief and been forced to deal with it alone. It's still very hard to think about that time.

@pontypridd

Thank you *@GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin* Just reading your post helped me.

You’re very welcome. It will get better in time