AIBU to think we're all a bit bloody traumatised?

[FarmerXmas]

Not sure what the solution is, but AIBU to think we've all had a sustained period of uncertainty, difficulty and grief?

Maybe considering where we go from here, politics wise, society wise, education wise etc, if people just think that to themselves first, quietly, it would be a good thing.

Boris is good at turkeys, though, so there'd be something to eat.

I don't feel traumatised by the pandemic personally, but I have alot of sympathy for those who do. I'm sure for plenty it has been a harrowing couple of years. Our doctors and nurses for example, people who've lost loved ones, the clinically vulnerable. Etc

I have been very fortunate in that I haven't lost anybody to covid and had a very mild illness when I caught it myself. I haven't lost anything and for that I'm grateful.

Some have lost a tremendous amount though. Friends, family, livelihoods. It's easy to see how people could end up traumatised.

"Thank God our parents/grandparents/great grandparents were a little more resilient and just got on with things following WW1/WW2.

There were a LOT of traumatised people after the wars, but no-one cared and there was no treatment. Mental ill health was perceived as weakness.

What a thing to aspire to hmm"

I can now see that some of my grandparents behaviours were in fact a likely reaction to the trauma of the 2nd WW. They were more damaged by what happened than we knew - but their mental health never really recovered.

The pandemic has been a massive world changing event - I have experienced what I would describe as trauma from the long term fear and uncertainty. But I have had serious family illness to deal with as well - all made worse because of covid impacting health care generally.

I'm glad some people feel fine about it - but there's alot who don't

The increase in violent crime during the 60s and 70s is largely blamed on the Trauma of living through the war years. (The perpetrators were children of the war and hadn't seen battle themselves, but they'd lived with traumatised parents). To say that people were unscathed/more resilient is absolute nonsense.

I'm not traumatised, no. I'm pretty annoyed that I've basically lost a year of my life not being allowed to do anything and that my son was denied a face to face education and socialisation with his peers for so long. But I'm not traumatised. I've never been scared of Covid but I'm lucky to be relatively young and healthy, and I have not lost any family or friends to Covid.

I can definitely understand why some people are traumatised.

DH died from cancer during Covid.

He received the news alone, in hospital by telephone. He or I never met his consultant who was shielding and I didn't get to even hold his hand for 6 weeks after that. It was three months in total that I wasn't able to see my dying husband.

He did come home for the last 3 months and I had to balance rules that we shouldn't have any visitors, fear that if I allowed visitors it could kill him and the fact that he was dying anyway.

The worst part was closeish to the end when he was re-admitted to hospital over a weekend. By that point I was allowed to visit one hour a day. And the neglect and appalling treatment I saw, for him and other patients was truly traumatic. I came home after one visit and sobbed like I hadn't through the whole thing. I came to realise that actually I'd been "protected" from the horror by not being able to visit. There was a man with no use of his hands who was just left his meals with no help to actually eat them and DH who by this point had been in bed for 6 months with only minimal tissue damage came home after 5 days with horrendous bed sores which were the cause of his worst pain in his last weeks.

Through all this was trying to work, taking on supporting a family and running the large house we'd previously run together, fighting the system everytime I tried to get him help and worried sick that I wasn't doing enough to support DC's MH.

I think I can claim some trauma, although I'd rather not and hope to just get on with things.

Similarly when I was a wee girl in the 70s nobody talked about world war 2. Like literally nobody. It was a horrible fucking thing that people couldn't cope with calling to mind
I coped very well talking about it in my history lessons in the 60s and had no problems with it in the 70s either. What an odd thing to say. Social media enables mass hysteria and I'm grateful it wasn't around then. Oh, and no, neither I nor my extended family are traumatised at the moment over recent events - we were fortunate not to lose anyone over lockdown which makes a big difference - but I'm still dealing with walking in on a dead sister a few years back but am not interested in getting on a mass-trauma bus.

Have from "that generations were so resilient and just got on with it" seen suicide rates from the great depresion just before the war? That's where we are imo. Not war really. There was a considerable jump in in numbers in the last credit crunch (08-10) too.
You can be reailient as fuck but everyone has their limits.
And reaching them isn't some jumping on a bus....

@GreatPotato

DH died from cancer during Covid.

He received the news alone, in hospital by telephone. He or I never met his consultant who was shielding and I didn't get to even hold his hand for 6 weeks after that. It was three months in total that I wasn't able to see my dying husband.

He did come home for the last 3 months and I had to balance rules that we shouldn't have any visitors, fear that if I allowed visitors it could kill him and the fact that he was dying anyway.

The worst part was closeish to the end when he was re-admitted to hospital over a weekend. By that point I was allowed to visit one hour a day. And the neglect and appalling treatment I saw, for him and other patients was truly traumatic. I came home after one visit and sobbed like I hadn't through the whole thing. I came to realise that actually I'd been "protected" from the horror by not being able to visit. There was a man with no use of his hands who was just left his meals with no help to actually eat them and DH who by this point had been in bed for 6 months with only minimal tissue damage came home after 5 days with horrendous bed sores which were the cause of his worst pain in his last weeks.

Through all this was trying to work, taking on supporting a family and running the large house we'd previously run together, fighting the system everytime I tried to get him help and worried sick that I wasn't doing enough to support DC's MH.

I think I can claim some trauma, although I'd rather not and hope to just get on with things.

I think it is quite traumatic to read that let alone live through it. I don't think anyone could argue with you feeling traumatised. You sound like you have coped with it in a remarkable way but I hope you are looking after yourself and getting some support. I am so sorry that you, your husband and family have been through that.

@Stripyhoglets1

"Thank God our parents/grandparents/great grandparents were a little more resilient and just got on with things following WW1/WW2.

There were a LOT of traumatised people after the wars, but no-one cared and there was no treatment. Mental ill health was perceived as weakness.

What a thing to aspire to hmm"

I can now see that some of my grandparents behaviours were in fact a likely reaction to the trauma of the 2nd WW. They were more damaged by what happened than we knew - but their mental health never really recovered.

The pandemic has been a massive world changing event - I have experienced what I would describe as trauma from the long term fear and uncertainty. But I have had serious family illness to deal with as well - all made worse because of covid impacting health care generally.

I'm glad some people feel fine about it - but there's alot who don't

I was born after the war but it still affected me. My father seemed fine, it was only at night when he had been drinking that he would talk about what he had seen during WWII. He died due to his drinking when I was a child. Yes he seemed fine, yes he worked hard, no he didn't seem traumatised. Maybe it would have been healthier if he felt he could get help but he didn't. He died, 3 children were left without a father and a widow was left to cope.

So yes I agree with you, there was a lot of hidden trauma.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

I'm nearly 70, maybe my memory is going but I don't remember the 70s and 80s being as bloody miserable and depressing as now

I'm of a similar age, and one thing I do remember is that we didn't have social media and rolling 24/7 news then either

Nobody suggests Covid hasn't been a problem, but a certain amount is undoubtably down to the constant winding-up and the competition for the most dramatic headline that's been going on

We were never cut off from friends and family, we were never isolated in our homes. We could be together and share what we had. So no I was never as isolated or depressed in the 70s and 80s as I have been in the last 2 years.

I'm sorry @GreatPotato

What you and your husband went through is traumatic in the best of times. I know - I lost my mum to cancer and other friends and family. But I've never had to run and hold a family together at the same time.

But what you describe is just awful. So awful. It is upsetting just reading this. I'm sorry.

@pontypridd

I'm sorry *@GreatPotato*

What you and your husband went through is traumatic in the best of times. I know - I lost my mum to cancer and other friends and family. But I've never had to run and hold a family together at the same time.

But what you describe is just awful. So awful. It is upsetting just reading this. I'm sorry.

Thank you and @ancienthran. Actually having written it down, it's only really just hit me that actually, that was an awful lot to deal with and of course there's more and it's ongoing.

But my point was that whilst "everyone" may not be traumatised, some people had a very nice lockdown (as I did for the first 3 months) but across the population there is significant additional trauma as result of Covid.

Its been a difficult time but "trauma", for 99% of people is overegging it amd detracts from people who genuinely have suffered a trauma.

We aren't all uniquly traumatised.

@Porridgealert I think there are a few separate issues there. The media fuelling panic buying absolutely is irresponsible, and needs to stop. (And I notice that now the fuel crisis is over, papers are reporting likely toy and turkey shortages for Christmas, FFS. )

Similarly, people whipping themselves into a state on SM in ways which exacerbate poor MH and self destructive behaviour is obviously unhealthy, and it would be great if people felt more able to step away.

News reporting on current events though... it's not like we can (or should) censor it, and I don't think there's anything wrong or unhealthy about following the news, even if it is bloody depressing. I'd rather know, and I'd rather other people knew so that we can hopefully try to change our behaviour in response to reporting on (for example) the climate, racism, misogyny, COVID hospital admissions and so on.

Lastly, even if none of the crises people have mentioned affected you personally, they very much have affected others. Someone who has been affected by food shortages, COVID, bereavement, hospital overcrowding, Brexit, redundancy etc etc isn't going to feel better if they just step away from the internet.

Your post is heartbreaking @GreatPotato, anyone would be traumatised by that experience. I’m so sorry that happened to you and your husband. It certainly puts what most of us have been through into perspective. 💐

I think there’s been some positive things to come out of this but I think it has shown a lot of cracks in certain types of situations/relationships/economies/personalities etc. I think if you aren’t overly adaptable and spent the last 18 months just wishing everything was exactly as it was before it’s probably been incredibly stressful.

But, unfortunately we don’t seem to be taking the opportunity as a society to carry forward the many positives. The economy wants stability found in what went before so we are being encouraged to follow suit.

YANBU. Bruised is a good word.

Exactly..well said! They’ve even built homes on the bit of green belt near me.. sacrilege

You can kind of understand the censorship/propaganda in ww2. Can you just imagine if we’d had social media then? It doesn’t bear thinking about.

Some people have had a dreadful time, others a frustrating and disappointing time. Others have been hunky dory. I think I’ve seen them all on MN.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to cope with crowded places and people’s coughs and colds again. After being completely spooked by cev texts of doom, consultant’s calls and even the GP calling if someone sneezes now I’m completely terrified.

YANBU
I've lived through some incredibly difficult times, including my DFIL's suicide, my husband's serious clinical depression. My best friend going through life-threatening cancer. An extended period of real financial insecurity.

But the last 18 months have been far, far more difficult for me and for us as a family. I am a coper, a glass half-full girl and if I described what I have done over the period of the pandemic, you would think "so what?" - it won't sound v impressive and is certainly nothing compared to what some front-line NHS staff will have been through.

But my work situation has been ultra-stressful, home life has been mentally draining and I have, for the first time in my life, felt on the verge of breaking down mentally altogether. I am not a fearful person and in the past, was nearly always the one saying "don't worry, it's all going to be OK".

I think part of the issue is that when a crisis hits, it's natural and healthy to come together and take action (like in a war, for example). Instead we were called to keep separate, stay isolated and rather than take action, many of our lives were filled with less activity. All for v good reasons but it made the crisis uniquely difficult to deal with psychologically for many of us.

Many friends - previously "strong" mentally healthy individuals - have also found themselves in uncharted territory in terms of their feelings of exhaustion, anxiety and depression.

Most people are more cheesed off with everything than traumatised!

Trauma seems relative,to a certain degree. The hell that I have experienced in my life has been sort of lifted by episodes of happiness and that keeps me going.
I had one uncle who survived Auschwitz. Another who survived working on the Burma Railway. How could anyone compare ? I don’t think they did.
Not having petrol to take children to school or not finding a toy for Christmas is nothing. I think some people are spoiled.

Trauma? No. Just crack on, we are all being advised we ought to be feeling all sorts of things these days. It's all manageable. Trauma was losing my brother unexpectedly last week.

After total shambles better the Grinch than BJ. He got saved but BoJo and co ‘saving the day’ is the source of most of the trauma