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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am but I’m still going to vent

125 replies

CallASpade · 29/09/2021 06:16

Currently on holiday in a very wet part of Scotland with my husband, baby and in-laws. The holiday was the in-laws idea. We initially declined to come for various reasons - holidays with a baby of this age don’t really feel like holidays, the baby sleeps very badly when away from home, felt like it would be a lot of work for not much reward.

The in-laws begged us to agree and promised to help with childcare while on holiday so it was a break for us too. We agreed on that basis, which was silly really because the one reliable thing in life is that offers of childcare are often made by people who will never actually follow through on that offer when the chips are down.

As predicted, the baby is sleeping abominably. We’re all sharing a room which means we disturb one another, and when she wakes up she can see us so she gets up fully instead of going back to sleep. She has been waking for the day at 4am daily.

We have asked my in-laws if they could just have her for a couple of hours from 6am to 8am so we can get a bit more sleep before getting up for the day. They keep on agreeing to this and then just… not getting up. The past three mornings they’ve come in at 9 / 9:30am saying how well they’re sleeping here and how unusual it is for them not to wake at 6 like they normally do.

They’ve then had the cheek to be overtly disappointed and a bit snarky about us not being up for activities like 12 mile rainy hikes and dinners out because we’re shattered from being disturbed all night then getting up at 4am.

The fault is obviously mine for allowing myself to be talked into a trip on the basis of promises that I knew I probably couldn’t rely on, but AIBU to be annoyed that they couldn’t even set an alarm for one morning to ensure they got up and gave us a break on the trip they insisted we come on?!

Thank fuck we’re going home today.

OP posts:
Mybalconyiscracking · 29/09/2021 06:21

Stick the cot in their bedroom tonight?

ChilliWillies · 29/09/2021 06:22

Go in and wake them up at 6. Hand them the baby, and say ‘here you go, it’s 6am as you promised’ then turn around and walk out. Simple.

Original poster
CallASpade · 29/09/2021 06:22

Now that’s an idea

OP posts:
LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 29/09/2021 06:23

Sounds miserable can you or your DH take turns sleeping on the sofa?

Also thank you for this.
I am pregnant with my first and its a good reminder to never go on holiday with my mil...

MargosKaftan · 29/09/2021 06:25

People who had well sleeping babies don't get it. They just don't.

You now know. You did it. It was shit. They won't help.

TeddyBeans · 29/09/2021 06:26

I don't think YABU at all but yes, lesson learned to stick to your guns next time

Original poster
CallASpade · 29/09/2021 06:28

@MargosKaftan

People who had well sleeping babies don't get it. They just don't.

You now know. You did it. It was shit. They won't help.

This is so, so true. She’s nearly 11 months old and people just assume she will be sleeping through but she’s a shit sleeper and always has been. My MIL is always talking about how my husband and his sisters slept through from 2 months, which is obviously so comforting to hear Angry
OP posts:
maddy68 · 29/09/2021 06:30

If they haven't wokem up they can't really help can they ?

Ask of the baby can sleep in their room one night so you can get some sleep or can the for be put on the landing etc?

lannistunut · 29/09/2021 06:30

You need to learn your lesson here, they are not helpful.

Just accept them how they are, ignore them, and never do it again!

Still1nLove · 29/09/2021 06:30

Ask them to have the baby in their room one night?

I would be inclined to go home, it sounds miserable

FinallyHere · 29/09/2021 06:33

Could you ask them what they want you to do at 6am tomorrow, if they "sleep through their alarm" again?

Offer to wake them up?

On second thoughts, maybe best not as you will then all be sleep deprived and fractious. Maybe just chalk it up to experience and remember "never again".

How much longer are you supposed to be there ?

PermanentTemporary · 29/09/2021 06:33

Oh I feel you 100%. My in-laws and mum are all keen holidayers and would pay for us to go places with them and you feel like shit not only because it's awful but because you should be delighted and grateful.

I personally didn't enjoy a single trip away until ds was almost 3 - there was one trip that finally worked because it was built entirely round ds. Though even then, the in-laws were in a mezzanine attached to the sitting room so once they went to bed we couldn't even watch telly.

Have a great trip home. Channel your inner matriarch and the fact that everyone forgets what having a small child is actually like.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/09/2021 06:33

I’d leave early and make a comment about how it’s better for you as a family to be at home so the baby can at least sleep
In her usual surroundings, and that without any help this isn’t really a holiday but a hassle.

lannistunut · 29/09/2021 06:33

My MIL is always talking about how my husband and his sisters slept through from 2 months, which is obviously so comforting to hear

This could be bollocks tbh. Or they did CIO. Or it was true. So what?

Stop engaging with this stuff mentally, try to stop letting her in to your head.

I had someone in my life who dragged me down. I viewed her as a dementor... you have to work on your patronus defences! Now I hear 'blah blah blah' when she talks.

Seahawk80 · 29/09/2021 06:35

Yanbu! It sounds like you are going home so no point giving advice except save this thread and read it again if you are being persuaded next year! DS was an awful sleeper til 18 months and people don't get it Thanks

Original poster
CallASpade · 29/09/2021 06:37

@PermanentTemporary

Oh I feel you 100%. My in-laws and mum are all keen holidayers and would pay for us to go places with them and you feel like shit not only because it's awful but because you should be delighted and grateful.

I personally didn't enjoy a single trip away until ds was almost 3 - there was one trip that finally worked because it was built entirely round ds. Though even then, the in-laws were in a mezzanine attached to the sitting room so once they went to bed we couldn't even watch telly.

Have a great trip home. Channel your inner matriarch and the fact that everyone forgets what having a small child is actually like.

It is reassuring to know that we will enjoy holidays again 🤣 at this stage it’s just a lot of work and hassle without much joy! She’s a lovely baby and I love spending time with her at home, but holidays just don’t work for us yet.
OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 29/09/2021 06:41

Only because we stayed on a proper family site with a million activities so that the 6am to 7pm running was channelled,.and my dear FIL actually took ds away to do some of them!

Also because my in-laws don't mind tv for kids... my mum disapproves of the TV ever being on...

Xiaoxiong · 29/09/2021 06:41

In the short term, give the baby to them after lunch and go for a nap. If they say "what about our hike" you say you are too tired and since they didn't take the baby this morning they can take her now instead.

In the medium term, ask them to take the baby tonight and you wake up at 6am to take the baby off them. If they won't, pack up and leave early.

In the long term, don't go on holiday again with them until the kids are older and sleeping through.

Xiaoxiong · 29/09/2021 06:44

But YANBU. The worst is when people promise to help and then "forget". The disappointment is enormous, in proportion to your desperation and lack of sleep, I remember it well.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 29/09/2021 06:48

I am sympathetic and agree that you've learnt a valuable lesson but, in their defence, I wonder whether they were expecting you to knock on their bedroom door and hand a baby over?

I also don't really understand why you or your dp couldn't say, after the first missed morning, 'I thought you were going to get up today?' and hear their explanation. If they're your dp's mum and dad, why quietly seethe but not ask?

To me, it feels like it could be a misunderstanding. Not many parents are malicious enough to promise something and then brazenly not deliver, day after day. Maybe they're scratching their heads and thinking it's odd that you asked them to get up with baby but never came to get them.

SandysMam · 29/09/2021 06:49

I think it’s unreasonable to ask anyone to take your baby at 6am and unless this was the specific plan when you booked, YABU. Give them the bag for the afternoon so you can have a nap but don’t be angry with them for not taking her at 6am.

SandysMam · 29/09/2021 06:49

The baby not the bag!

toothpicklover · 29/09/2021 06:50

Why is your husband not asking them to take the baby?

rattlemehearties · 29/09/2021 06:58

after the first morning your DH should have clearly asked what happened. Are they making the point that the baby didn't wake them at 6am? Do they even know how often and early you are waking?

But all that aside, it sounds shit and you have my every sympathy. We had a similar trip staying with family with a poor sleeper (and a toddler that the baby kept waking) because it was the only way family would see the kids and it was not a holiday at all! Never again.

FortunesFave · 29/09/2021 06:58

God and to think my poor MIL used to wake up the second my baby squeaked and then lie there waiting for me to wake up 5-10 mins later....when I found out MIL was desperate to get up to DD I was like "Oh go for it! Hooray!"

I was so bloody lucky! Mil wouldn't overstep by not asking and just going in to DD...but the second I told her it was fine, she did all the wakeups with DD the whole time we stayed there.

I think you should defo just knock and enter and hand the baby over. They said they would do it!