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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I know I am but I’m still going to vent

125 replies

CallASpade · 29/09/2021 06:16

Currently on holiday in a very wet part of Scotland with my husband, baby and in-laws. The holiday was the in-laws idea. We initially declined to come for various reasons - holidays with a baby of this age don’t really feel like holidays, the baby sleeps very badly when away from home, felt like it would be a lot of work for not much reward.

The in-laws begged us to agree and promised to help with childcare while on holiday so it was a break for us too. We agreed on that basis, which was silly really because the one reliable thing in life is that offers of childcare are often made by people who will never actually follow through on that offer when the chips are down.

As predicted, the baby is sleeping abominably. We’re all sharing a room which means we disturb one another, and when she wakes up she can see us so she gets up fully instead of going back to sleep. She has been waking for the day at 4am daily.

We have asked my in-laws if they could just have her for a couple of hours from 6am to 8am so we can get a bit more sleep before getting up for the day. They keep on agreeing to this and then just… not getting up. The past three mornings they’ve come in at 9 / 9:30am saying how well they’re sleeping here and how unusual it is for them not to wake at 6 like they normally do.

They’ve then had the cheek to be overtly disappointed and a bit snarky about us not being up for activities like 12 mile rainy hikes and dinners out because we’re shattered from being disturbed all night then getting up at 4am.

The fault is obviously mine for allowing myself to be talked into a trip on the basis of promises that I knew I probably couldn’t rely on, but AIBU to be annoyed that they couldn’t even set an alarm for one morning to ensure they got up and gave us a break on the trip they insisted we come on?!

Thank fuck we’re going home today.

OP posts:

toothpicklover · 30/09/2021 19:19

I’d offer to take the baby for a friend let alone a family member. I think they are being selfish pricks tbh.
Hope you are home and at least now you’ve got ammunition for if they ever ask you again

EggsellentSmithers · 30/09/2021 19:20

We went on a similar trip when DD was 5m old for DH 40th. I mean it was nice. But it’s definitely nit a holiday at that age.

As a PP said, 3+ is better and especially when you aren’t a slave to the afternoon nap. Mine is now nearly 5 and we probably would have done a bigger trip this year if it weren’t for dreaded Covid. Planning Paris (I somehow have a cultured child!) and Disney next summer and dont for see many problems to be honest!

You have my sympathies. My MIL is lovely. But they are of an age (boomers) who often don’t agree listening to a child and I really struggle with that aspect.

OakPine · 30/09/2021 19:31

Did they specifically say that they would do night time childcare? That's a lot different to saying they would help out with childcare.
Perhaps they thought that they'd be taking the baby out for walks in the afternoon, not getting up at 6am.
You sound a bit entitled tbh.

mrsm43s · 30/09/2021 19:47

Come on! Expecting them to get up and do childcare from 6-8am is wholly unreasonable. You must know that?

When they offered childcare, I expect they meant a couple of evenings, so that you and DH could go out for dinner or similar.

I understand that it is sleep, not dinner, that you need. It's not reasonable to ask them to do childcare at 6am, but it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask them to do a couple of hours at 2pm so that you and DH could go back to bed for a couple of hours to catch up on sleep.

mrsm43s · 30/09/2021 19:48

Sorry it is unreasonable to ask them to do childcare at 6am

ERFFER · 30/09/2021 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

endofagain · 30/09/2021 19:55

I would just go home. Babies don't like holidays.

YouMeandtheSpew · 30/09/2021 19:56

When they offered childcare, I expect they meant a couple of evenings, so that you and DH could go out for dinner or similar.

Well, OP and her DH asked if they’d take the baby from 6am to 8am and they agreed.

ERFFER · 30/09/2021 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iolaus · 30/09/2021 20:06

Is there a possibility you could go the other way around (at least for one night) - they look after the baby from 7-8pm and you both go to bed then - you must be shattered and at least that gives you a longish period of sleep (bonus points if the cot is in their room all night so they get the early morning too)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/09/2021 20:06

Yes it’s the promising it and then it not materialising that’s so awful, I agree. And almost rubbing it in about “we’re sleeeping so well” would infuriate me.

I do remember our first holiday with DS1 and PIL came, we had a lovely hotel in Ibiza, and every day I felt utter rage when everyone waltzed off to the buffet and got their plates of food and I was left wrestling a screaming DS into a high chair, when he wanted to be out and crawling around the dining room, or when they all settled down for a nice snooze in the sun,

This is exactly what I envisaged from a holiday with my parents and family when Ds was 1.5, and why I turned it down! I knew it would be everyone else getting lovely relaxing meals while I followed a toddler about, no quarter whatsoever being given for baby/ toddler friendly meal times (“oh we can’t possibly get the table before 8, we’ll want a few drinks first”) and everyone else having lovely siestas after a morning in the sun - and aforementioned relaxing meal - while I wrestled Ds in a hotel room.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/09/2021 20:08

Oh and my exh (then h) was rubbish and I knew wouldn’t have relieved me at all (“well I came on holiday with your parents, as them to help you” as if ds wasn’t his child), and I had dd6 at the time too.

cookingisoverrated · 30/09/2021 20:16

They're your husband's parents.

WTF has he not gone in and deposited the baby with them in the mornings. You are only there because they promised to help. They're not. Why is he not all over them on this?!

JudgeJ · 30/09/2021 20:21

@LivingLaVidaBabyShower

Sounds miserable can you or your DH take turns sleeping on the sofa?

Also thank you for this.
I am pregnant with my first and its a good reminder to never go on holiday with my mil...

Maybe your partner/husband will refuse to go on holiday with his in-laws too!

CharityDingle · 30/09/2021 20:30

Well let that be the last holiday you ever have with them. And if they start to badger you again, read back on this thread before saying a firm NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BoredZelda · 30/09/2021 20:57

People who had well sleeping babies don't get it. They just don't.

Rubbish. I had a well sleeping baby. That never stopped me being aware of the issues my friends with non sleeping friends were facing. Believe it or not, some people are sleep deprived for other reasons and know how it can impact on a person.

Explosivefarts · 30/09/2021 21:09

Not unreasonable to ask them to take baby to let you get sleep . Asking at 6am is very unreasonable

WithMyEncyclopedia · 30/09/2021 21:28

@Explosivefarts

Not unreasonable to ask them to take baby to let you get sleep . Asking at 6am is very unreasonable

But they agreed!

We have asked my in-laws if they could just have her for a couple of hours from 6am to 8am so we can get a bit more sleep before getting up for the day. They keep on agreeing to this

Bangolads · 30/09/2021 21:40

My on didn’t sleep through the night until he was 12. Other people just rolled they’re eyes like I was making it up 🤦🏼‍♀️

CyclingIsNotOuting · 30/09/2021 21:41

This brought back memories of when my parents were desperate to go on holiday together, we didn’t want to because of the flight.
They promised to take it in turns with the baby, as we didn’t have a seat for her and DH and I couldn’t face having to pass her between us for hours.
Did they help us out? Did they fuck. I was exhausted by the time we arrived. Absolute joke. So hard not to be angry at the very start of the trip.
YANBU.

Fleshmechanic · 01/10/2021 03:37

Knock loudly at 6am to properly wake them up. Go in and say "good morning, here they are! Thank you so much for helping out, it means a lot" and then plop the baby in their hands and close the door. Set your alarm for 9:30, lock the door and put your phones on silent. They offered, they invited you, they've had kid/s, leave them to it. Either that or go home. Being tired is no fun, especially on holiday with a baby which is hard enough as it is.

SinoohXaenaHide · 01/10/2021 04:04

@Fleshmechanic the op went home from this holiday 3 days ago.

Blackkoala · 01/10/2021 07:49

The OP indicates that the in-laws usually get up at 6am but for whatever reason didn’t do so on this trip, so all the people going on about how unreasonable it was to expect them to wake up especially foe ‘nighttime’ childcare are being a tad hysterical.

Annieconn · 01/10/2021 07:53

Don 't believe everything you hear about other babies sleeping through the night. Also I never went on holidays with babies or young children, as knew I had everything I needed at home and routine. I had some brilliantly, v funny holidays as my kids got older and I'm a single parent. E.g. On holidays abroad on a morning at the pool couldn't see the kids anywhere, ages 10 and 12. Started running around in a panic only to discover they were in the pool with the pensioners doing water aerobics lol

bringincrazyback · 01/10/2021 12:01

@Blackkoala

Agreed.

I also feel that as the OP only agreed to the holiday on the basis that childcare help would be available, the ILs should have come through with their promise, especially as they normally wake at 6.
At the very least, not being pissy that OP and family are tired, and being more understanding about the reason for that, would be nice. If I was in the ILs' shoes I'd feel too guilty to let OP and family continue to struggle on after I'd promised childcare.

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