To think public schools/boarding schools have fewer problems with bullying?

[PostingOnMN]

AIBU? To have the opinion that top public schools and boarding schools have fewer problems with bullying than non-public schools or boarding schools? Top boarding schools I mean places like Cheltenham Ladies College, Perse Upper School, or even Eton College?

Also as someone who is black or BAME I guess, meeting people who attended those schools while I was at university, I felt completely comfortable around them and their parents were really nice! Even though they had travelled to foreign countries, had multiple homes around Europe and even holiday homes in the UK! They were really down to earth and didn’t comment on my skin colour at all or make me feel any different, which is something I cannot always say. I also went to a summer course in Eton College and the teachers there were really helpful and even recommended me for a different course and helped me prepare! I found the same thing at a well known university in London.

I’m now wondering if I would like to send kids to schools like that but wondering if I’m being naive based on limited experiences?

Not from what I have read, but glad to read you had no bad experiences.

My ds went to a famous public school and has always been around people of all races; the fully integrated societies within these schools are one of their strengths. Most of the top schools tend to be very fair and open. Great emphasis is placed upon manners and leadership and bullying is not tolerated.

I think your final sentence answers your question.
The teachers are no better in many ways state schools can give excellent preparation for real life. Although the confidence and networking might give you another level.
Bullying exists in any hierarchy.

Thanks @Yarboosucks however it seems like most people feel that I am being unreasonable and seem to have the opposite opinion

From my experience, yes you are being naive I’m afraid. It also sounds like you met these people after they had left school, when generally people are nicer and less likely to bully than they were at, say, age 13.

Because they are often boarding places, the most monstrous bullying can go on and there’s no parental eye to catch it (and think how long it can take a parent to get the truth out about bullying). Of course there are housemistresses and housemasters, but it’s not the same thing at all. (I went to a big public school, as did my siblings and our cousins.)

Lots of benefits, I know, but the lack of oversight and the bullying and social disorders/substance abuse that went on (and still does) with no chance of a break from it at the end of the school day put me off for life.

I boarded, there wasn’t a major problem with bullying it was nipped in the bud pretty quickly. Where there was, it tended to be directed towards the girls on a bursary rather than different ethnicities. They would suspend you for bullying, where you didn’t get on (just clash of personalities rather than bullying) they used to put you in a dorm together so you learned to get on and be polite to people you perhaps wouldn’t naturally chose to socialise with.

Wow, I guess because I never experienced boarding school myself @MitfordBlisters I can only base my opinions on people I met after we all left school, like @Notthemessiah said. Thank you for sharing your experience though. Do you think day students face similar things?

Any school can have a bullying problem occur.

The measure of the school is how they deal with it.

Private schools can certainly expel pupils far more easily than state schools can. But it still requires leadership with principles and standards, and a willingness to act,

You’re extremely naive. The bullying may take different forms/be about different issues, but it’s still there. My DH was bullied mercilessly at one of the top public schools in the country.

I boarded at the school the DoC was purportedly bullied at and I was bullied the fuck out of and those teen years haunt me to this day.
Hopefully, things have moved on since the '90s, but I heard a lot of racist and xenophobic views in my time there.

Bullying happens in all schools

Agree with PP though a lot of these schools have massive problems with substance abuse particularly boys schools. A lot of kids with big allowances and nothing to spend it on. From my primary school of 20 kids there were 3 expelled from senior school for dealing drugs, one of my friends brothers is an addict from school.

My school it was eating disorders, probably 10% of my year had anorexia or bulimia, it became almost competitive and a lot of them still have issues around food 25 years on.

There was bullying at my all girls boarding school which wasn't dealt with..some of it was even done by the staff to the girls.

Friends of mine at nearby boys boarding schools (a couple of which are very well known) also suffered horrendous bullying.

All schools, private or state, have bullying to a greater or lesser extent. It is how it is dealt with that makes the school a good one or not IMO.

I'm sure bullying happens in all schools. As a day pupil, you can escape overnight

No

Sorry to clarify I mean no, as in that is 100% not the case.

Unbelievable bullying at boarding schools, and what's more you have to live with your bullies, and don't have someone who loves you to make sure you are seen and give you a hug.

State schools have a mandate to prevent peer on peer abuse and it's becoming increasingly important. I don't know if that's the case in independents.

I've been so impressed with the way Y7 DD's school have come down hard on the beginnings of racist bullying experienced by her best friend. It makes it so much easier for both girls to stand up to it. I'd never send mine to a private school (professionally too, I've worked in one).

@Panicmode1

There was bullying at my all girls boarding school which wasn't dealt with..some of it was even done by the staff to the girls.

Friends of mine at nearby boys boarding schools (a couple of which are very well known) also suffered horrendous bullying.

All schools, private or state, have bullying to a greater or lesser extent. It is how it is dealt with that makes the school a good one or not IMO.

I wonder if you went to the same school as me. The staff bullied me worse than the other girls.

Hahahahahahah this has to be a windup

I was hideously bullied in private school. From what I hear the bullying in our local girls independent schools is relentless. It’s not physical but lots of nastiness, alienating girls, getting into arguments and other friends siding with the bully

Happens everywhere.

lol I said I have limited experience with these kinds of schools, that’s why I’m asking for more opinions @Starrycolors23

I don’t know about now but bullying was crazy at our boarding school

A hierarchy and poor kids at the bottom of it got the brunt daily and couldn’t escape to go home

Might have improved I hope so.

If the experience of just about everyone I know who attended schools of this type is anything to go by I would say that the opposite is true.
I actually cried when a University friend related his experiences at a famous public school, and the teachers don't sound to have been a lot better than the pupils to be frank.