to ask if your children ever get the wrong end of the stick

[chocolatecrispiebun]

When my daughter was about 10 or 11 they'd had a talk in school about sex/sexual health. When she came home I asked her about it and what she'd learnt. She said "I can't remember it all but if you catch flush you have to put yoghurt on your ovaries"

My ds always calls chicken fillets, chicken phillips! And Father Christmas is Farmer Christmas. I haven’t got the heart to correct him!

My young dd thought all the parents went for a jog around the park after dropping the kids off to school, as we kept mentioning the 'school run'

My DS (2) thinks that all waste products are poo. So an actual poo is a 'brown poo' and a wee is a 'water poo'.

He's the same with gas. 'Mouth farts' are burps. His penis was also his 'tail' for ages. We've tried teaching him the proper words but he is steadfast.

He's also convinced that all cats are sad for reasons unknown, perhaps because they don't smile. He often gets really worried about our cat ('oh nooooo, he's tooo saaaad, smile him mummy! Give him some meat!' wailed repeatedly) and it's rather difficult to persuade him otherwise

I also remember as a child being thoroughly confused by the phrase 'let the dog see the rabbit,' which my grandfather used a lot. I thought it was something to do with tolerance- as in, they may be a dog and a rabbit, but they can still be friends. I only recently learnt what it means

Told DS 4 that I would ground him (just joking about) and he went in to hysterics, absolutely inconsolable - he thought I had said drown instead of ground 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

A family member of mine, when he was about three, was told by his parents that they were having a turkey for Christmas dinner. When he saw the Christmas dinner table all laid he asked where the turkey was going to sit.

I explained who Rosa Parks was to my then 4 year old. Most embarrassing when we got on the bus and he told a black man that he wasn’t allowed to sit at the front.

@VeganVeal

My DS, 7, went to this grandfathers funeral and afterwards I asked him if he was ok he said yes but was surprised that when they lowered the coffin into the grave that the priest said ,

'In the name of the father, the son and into the hole he goes'.

I'm cracking up laughing!

He's the same with gas. 'Mouth farts' are burps. His penis was also his 'tail' for ages. We've tried teaching him the proper words but he is steadfast.

I remember thinking that a penis was a kind of tail, and wondering why it wasn't on the back side like a dog's.

DD used to say ‘moffy’ for foggy - got confused between Misty & foggy!!

I once asked my mum what ‘nest’ was, i meant thrush!!! I knew it was something to do with birds 😆

@Bonusjonas

I explained who Rosa Parks was to my then 4 year old. Most embarrassing when we got on the bus and he told a black man that he wasn’t allowed to sit at the front.

🙀

My dd often gets the wrong end of the stick.

During home learning they sent home questions/thoughts of the day. This was around the time when black lives matter was being discussed alot on the radio. The question was about being kind, but dd wrote a whole page on how we need to be kind to black people, not telling them they can't get on our bus and just because they look different to her doesn't mean they are scary.

Then another time when farming was the topic, went on a big tyrade about how cows dont want to be touched and have their milk stolen. We had just been discussing vegan diets as we knew a few people who had gone vegan.

Its made me dread thinking what on earth she has been writing and saying at school 🙈 it is hard when they hear bits of news but can't process what it means.

These are all brilliant! I keep laughing at "Grandma are you dead?" and the little boy putting all the toiletries for the bathroom in the actual toilet!

My son kept asking me to sing the grandad song. I was saying I don't think I know any grandad song, can you sing a bit. After days of this he eventually sang "the grandad Duke of York, he had 10000 men..."

I thought I'd done an ok job of explaining evolution but then DD began starting every sentence with "When I used to be a monkey..."

@JustAReflektor I love "when I used to be a monkey"

My 4 yr old kept asking me 'is it time for flakes yet mummy?' I tried to work out what she meant. Was she hungry? Do you mean cereal DD? No mummy I want pj masks. She had heard Netflix as 'netflakes' 😀

My youngest pronounced "penis" as "peanuts" when he was little. All very cute until their Aunt came to take him and his sibling out to watch "peanuts, the movie" took me ages to figure out why he was do reluctant, he loved the all the Charlie brown cartoons. Poor kid can't imagine what he thought he was going to see 😂

Years ago, when DD was about 3 everything was 'mine'. She didn't say 'my cat', my dog'. She'd say 'Can I have mine juice?', 'mine cat', 'mine dog'. We called it her 'Mein Kampf' phase. Anyway... Her older brother (then around 11) was heavily into Minecraft. And she'd hear me talk about Minecraft with DS. I must have done most of the talking and the saying of the word 'Minecraft' because she always referred to the game as Mummy's craft... thinking I was actually saying 'mine' craft... as in 'mine cat', 'mine dog', 'Can I have my juice?' 'mine craft', 'mein kampf'.
I can still hear her in my head asking her brother if he's going to play Mummy's Craft.

@Bonusjonas

I explained who Rosa Parks was to my then 4 year old. Most embarrassing when we got on the bus and he told a black man that he wasn’t allowed to sit at the front.

I had this conversation with then 6yo ds. Asked him, "do you think it's fair if black people have to sit at the back?" And he said an adamant, "No! It's not fair. I like sitting at the back too!"

I remember when my son was young I made a casual reference to "the long arm of the law" and somehow gave him a terrible fear that just a long arm was going to appear from behind a tree or something and grab him.

And just remembered another one of my son's. My dh had a childhood friend called Terry Longbottom who lived in dh's hometown so my son had often heard him referred to but never met him. When he did finally meet him he kept standing behind him and staring and it was only that evening when he said "I thought he would have a really long bottom" that I realised what he'd been doing.

In maybe year 2 DS was learning about anatomy he came home convinced the correct term for his penis was his 'peanut'

When my brother first started school, he came home and asked our mum if he could take some money the next day as they were going to be selling puppies! My mum was sure this wouldn't be the case but gave him some small change to take. I can only imagine his disappointment when he was given a poppy !

shreddednips - my Latin is very rusty, but I seem to remember that the original meaning of "penis" is "tail". So you may be nurturing a future classicist there!