to ask if your children ever get the wrong end of the stick

[chocolatecrispiebun]

When my daughter was about 10 or 11 they'd had a talk in school about sex/sexual health. When she came home I asked her about it and what she'd learnt. She said "I can't remember it all but if you catch flush you have to put yoghurt on your ovaries"

When I was younger I thought basking sharks were actually called bastard sharks.

When DS was small he thought rhyme time at our local library was called Rhino time.
I remember the lady asked him for an animal for Old McDonald and he said 'rhino' clearly trying to shoehorn them in somewhere. She gave him a funny look but to be fair she did try to do it. I think she went with 'snort snort here' etc

Even worse he could not pronounce Rhino time and I would be pushing him there in his buggy with him announcing to the whole world 'mummy and me is going to Wino Time! Yes we love Wino time!'

My cousins had a soda stream (which was obviously the same as being the queen because you could have ginger any time you wanted). My amazement at this miracle machine was only compounded when they started talking about adding concentrate to the water. Like, if you think really hard you get all the ginger all the time??! Fucking sign me up.

He also used to love dinosaurs and that led to him being quite confused about the meaning of extinct

We had a lot of conversations like this:
'Mummy dinosaurs are extinct aren't they?
Yes DS
'But mummy are cows extinct?'
Err no that's one in a field right there
'Mummy are cats extinct'
Well no because grandma has a cat doesn't she?
'Mummy are dogs/ chickens/ any other animal you can think of extinct?'
Answer always 'no'
He could keep this up for hours with loads of different animals

It was impossible to explain to him that if a 3yr old had heard of it it's probably not extinct. In the end I had to teach him some that are extinct to shut him up like dodos and sabre toothed tigers.

The worst was when he was confused between dead and extinct and he asked my mum, whose own mum (his great gran) had just died 'is nana extinct?'
Fortunately she did see the funny side

My 2yo DS thinks the words 'stings' and 'stinks' are the same, no matter how many times we try to explain and over pronounce them to him. He's therefore very insistent that bees and wasps smell very badly, and clamps his fingers on his nose every time he sees one

My little sister (then 3) had us all baffled after our Nan died. She kept asking when could we go to Kevin's. We didn't know anyone called Kevin.
Pressed further on why she wanted to go to Kevin's, my ds said "well nanny's gone to live with Kevin now." Kevin = heaven.

My class at school were disappointed when Pastor Derek arrived to take the assembly- turns out they had thought it was “Pasta Derek” and her was maybe going go do some kind of cookery demonstration with free samples of pasta

@Letsnotargue

When I was young my parents explained that we didn’t buy South African apples because we didn’t agree with apartheid. It took me years to work out why that didn’t make us as bad as them as I thought we didn’t want to buy apples from foreign people.

This reminds me of when they taught us about racism in my quite racially mixed school, when I was about six years old.

What I took from whatever they said was that black people were embarrassed to be black, and so we shouldn't mention it and should try to be kind to them.

I am pretty much 100% sure that they did not say that at all, but I was quite committed to the idea that I needed to do this and I think it actually negatively affected my interactions with some of the kids around me.

@mowly77

My 3 year old calls motorbikes “naughty bikes.” It’s so perfect I don’t want to correct her.

DS used to call traffic jams "happy jams" when he was small. And when he was around 18 months his big sister gave him a buttercup she'd picked and he ate it. I didn't realise till he handed me the empty stalk and announced he was "ninished."

A friend’s DS used to call a laptop a doptec and gloves were glubs

When I was around seven or eight I asked my parents if, when going to topless bars, people drove their topless, or did they take their shirts off when they got there. I just thought it was a place where anyone could relax with their shirt off.

Dd told me last night that i'd violated my dad ( i had an argument with him!).

I was in St Ives with my sister, her husband and my then 3 year old niece. I was walking in the Downalong area which is full of old fishermen cottages and explained that once upon a time, this area used to be inhabited by fishermen. She than said "and now real people live here."

Sorry to clarify I was walking with my niece.

I have broken my right arm and have to type with my non dominant hand only. This slows me down and I keep thinking I've typed things when I haven't.

When my son was 6 he came home from school all wide eyed saying his friend said the C word today.
Me"what?!!"
Him"yeah!! He said COW!"

Also my 4yr old actually thinks the month June is called Ginger! “April, May, Ginger, Lie, August” that's stuck and June will forever be Ginger.

Aw these are great!

That Jesus was a zombie that wanted brains.......because he rose from the dead and only zombies can do that........

When my son was a toddler and we used to read ‘The very hungry caterpillar’ he used to think the “stumma cake” sounded delicious 😋 ‘On the next day he had a stomach ache’ 😂🤣

My 6 year old son:

‘so when a daddy puts his willy into a mummy’s baby-hole it makes a baby grow?’

(Not sure where he learned this, playground talk I assume).

I nodded a bit stunned and he continued:

‘So did Daddy do that to you to make me?’

(Me nodding and trying to distract him).
He looked very thoughtful for a minute then delivered the killer blow:

‘What did it feel like? Did it feel nice making me?’

😳😳😳

He also thought coronavirus was called granolavirus for a few months.

And moisturiser was ‘monster eyes’ (took me ages to figure out why he was scared of the Nivea tub 😂)

When he was younger he attended an Easter event at a local church, where they had real chicks and a sermon. He got things a bit mixed up and solemnly told me:

‘Jesus hatched out of an egg but some bad men put him in a cave so he went scuba diving and got eaten by sharks’

My daughter thought Happy meals were called wasted Happy meals. She must have heard me saying another wasted Happy meal at some point.

We had Farmer Christmas in our house, and that's stuck forever now.

My eldest thought the dual carriageway into town was the George Harris Way

That came to light when she went down it in one of her driving lessons

She said she’d always wondered who George Harris was

Another of my daughter's from when she was small. Her and her friends all loved this online childrens' game called Club Penguin. The game was free but if you joined and paid a monthly fee you could get coins and extra things which she was desperate to do as some of her friends had this. When I asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said "there's only one thing I want and it's a Club Penguin Membershit"