to ask if your children ever get the wrong end of the stick

[chocolatecrispiebun]

When my daughter was about 10 or 11 they'd had a talk in school about sex/sexual health. When she came home I asked her about it and what she'd learnt. She said "I can't remember it all but if you catch flush you have to put yoghurt on your ovaries"

When my grandma died I explained to DS (5years) that we visit the grave because that's just where her body is, but her brain and her soul and her heart, and all the good things about her are in heaven.

And he said "her brain is in heaven but her body isn't?! How does her brain walk about if it doesn't have legs there?!"

And spent about a week after checking in "is her skin in heaven then? Is her blood in heaven then? Are her ears in heaven then".

Total wrong end of the stick 😂

DS2 taught himself about reproduction from books, but at age 9 he said he couldn't work out how the sperm gets into the egg. He was crazy about David Attenborough at the time, so I said, "You know all those David Attenborough programmes you watch? When animals are mating? What do you think they're doing?" He said, "Well, I know they chew each others ears a lot."

@CallMeRisley

My class at school were disappointed when Pastor Derek arrived to take the assembly- turns out they had thought it was “Pasta Derek” and her was maybe going go do some kind of cookery demonstration with free samples of pasta

I LOVE "pasta derek" 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Either the first 'Clap for Carers' or one of the first happened to coincide with World Autism Day. So DS (aged 11 at the time) mixed the two up and would dash out to clap saying 'It's World Autism Day again!' for weeks until I twigged what was going on and had to explain.

(he has autism but that was not something he really had understood at the time).

@AllergictoWerewolves

When my son was little he told my Mum that "Daddy was getting a new computer because he had a boner at work"....

What did he mean?

The Eiffel Tower shall always now be called the Eyeball Tower thanks to DC2

My son aged around 9 or 10 had sex education lessons at school. He seemed to grasp what needed to happen but was adamant that the woman would only become pregnant if the couple slept in the same bed after "the act". After probing further it was revealed that the coy euphemism often heard on soap operas "she's pregnant... they must have slept together" had a lot to answer for! I assured him that the sleeping (or not) part has nothing to do wish conception - didn't want him relying on that as a teenager!

Last Xmas ds asked what I wanted... I text him:
Flannel checked pj's..
Xmas morning I opened a flannel.
And some tartan pj's!!
Ds was so chuffed he had accomplished my requirements he had actually bought 2 flannels..
Ds is 26!!

When DS was 2/3ish he went on and on and on about Tonkin Lenkicks. Finically worked out he meant contact lenses

He also called the co-op shop the ‘free go’ shop. Still not worked out what that was about!

My niece announced loudly in public that me and my husband must be virgins (a word she’d only recently learned the meaning off) because we don’t have children 😂

@MeAndDebbieMcGee 😂😂

When Dd was little, it turned out that whenever we’d said “you never know” (as in, no one knows, you might get a surprise etc) she’d heard “ you never know”. One day she said it back to us. Poor thing thought we were saying that she never knew anything!

Ds used to say “all by my own” as a conflation of “on my own” and “by myself” which was very sweet.

@TheLovelinessOfDemons I assumed “a bonus at work”

My nephew told his teacher that his dad had got syphilis. But, nephew told the teacher, it was only on Wednesdays when he (the dad) went out after nephew's bedtime to visit the lady.

After much probing from a very concerned teacher it turned out that BIL used to go an visit his aunty Phyllis on Wednesday evenings.

DD asked me what my phone number was. I told her. She replied "are you allowed that many numbers mummy?" "Yes, Poppet"
"wow, I can't wait to have that many numbers"

Until fairly recently DD thought all electricity pylons were the Eiffel Tower (which she had seen on an episode of Peppa Pig).

My eldest, when small, was very disappointed at the piles of smelly old clothes on trestle tables that was the reality of a much anticipated “Jungle Sale. And he always felt sorry for baby Jesus, who was “Away in a manger, no crisps in his bed”

My little girl misheard candy floss as candy floff and that's what it's been ever since.

Same for arcaves - arcades.

When we were little mum asked us to suggest baby names, writing them on a board in the kitchen. My sister, age 5, wrote Vagina. (Virginia)

When discussing the school elections with DC5. ‘And Phillip and Lisa were dissected class representatives Mummy!’ (Elected).

DC3 ‘here I not, ready I come’ (ready or not, here I come).

My DS, 7, went to this grandfathers funeral and afterwards I asked him if he was ok he said yes but was surprised that when they lowered the coffin into the grave that the priest said ,

'In the name of the father, the son and into the hole he goes'.

When my son was small we lived very near a cemetery/ crematorium so we saw a lot of funeral processions. He asked me what they were and I explained it , as I thought very well. A couple of days later we saw another funeral procession and he said, “I know what this is now mummy don’t I?” “ yes” I said feeling very proud of my obviously good and thorough explanation. “ it’s when you die and they chuck you on the bonfire “ oh dear perhaps not as good as I thought after all!

Dd1 thought that the fireworks every November were to remember the World Wars. There is a logic to it.

DS became really aware of food poverty when he was about 8yo. Really sympathising with people in that position, understand of how it could happen etc. He had started watching the news so was getting a lot of information there.

So I suggested that we go to the supermarket, he could choose food/toiletries items up to the value of about £25, and we could put them in the collection crate on the way out. Talked about it. Went through the suggested list of items, he added it all up, thought about what he liked eating, decided on some mini bags of haribo that he imagined a mum taking with her to pick up children from school etc.

So we did all that, and then instead of walking towards the checkout, he pushed the trolley straight towards the collection point. Turns out he thought that the supermarket would pay for the items as that would be the right thing to do! Which prompted lots of discussions about food waste and corporate responsibility (in an age appropriate way!).

I honestly thought he’d understood the whole process, he’d wanted to talk about it so much.