So angry at dh. Aibu?

[Whatwentwronghere]

Just put our 3yo to bed after a day filled with tantrums and stress.

He had been laying down in bed on top of the duvet on his phone while I got her sorted. I came in and lay down on the bed across the bottom.

I just lay on my front facing away from him and started to drift off. I never nap and find it so hard to sleep in general, definitely bordering on insomnia. So I'm lying down and feel myself drifting off.

Cue dh, '*my name, my name, wakey wakey'.

I ignored him.

2 minutes later her puts his foot on my bum and shakes it to wake me up.

Aibu to be absolutely furious at him? He's at football tonight so it makes no difference to him if I'm awake or not.

I'm just so angry at how inconsiderate it is. If he fell asleep, like he did at lunchtime on the sofa, I don't disturb him.

Now I'm wide awake but exhausted. Ugh.

[legallyfakeblonde]

He was out of order to wake you like that, but for me a 3 year old having a phone blows my tiny mind. Which I admit is totally not what you've asked anyone to comment on

[ChimChimeny]

@legallyfakeblonde

He was out of order to wake you like that, but for me a 3 year old having a phone blows my tiny mind. Which I admit is totally not what you've asked anyone to comment on

I think it was the H on his phone...

Yet again a seemingly innocuous event results in more shitty behaviour coming out. He sounds like a Pratt who you'd be better off without

[mathanxiety]

An adult living in a house with another adult and small children needs to do a hell of a lot more than 'chipping in'.

You need time off, @Whatwentwronghere. You need a day to yourself once a week, with him taking all responsibility for the dressing, care and feeding of the children - don't leave anything ready, don't buy in extra food. He plans and executes everything. You get to spend time in your room undisturbed, reading, watching TV, doing some yoga, taking a long bath, leaving to go out for a walk or a run, whatever. Under no circumstances can he get help from you or send the children to bother you.

You need to respond to the strategic incompetence by demanding he do his fair share. Let him sink or swim.

[WhoIsPepeSilva]

Bet you he takes secret enjoyment out of small acts of sabotage.

Seems like this is part of a wider pattern @Whatwentwronghere.

I'd be looking very closely at my relationship and wondering if you have accidentally sleepwalked into a situation a lot of women find themselves in, an emotionally abusive husband who actually doesn't give a shit and in fact revels in making your life crap in a thousand small ways. You are always the bottom of the pile and expected to make room and be considerate to his every need while he shows little or no reciprocation.

He'd rather massively inconvenience you ("wakey wakey" "move, you're in my way" ) than mildly inconvenience himself by moving around you.

[Taiyo]

My Ex used to do this too and he was the same with the bullshit excuses why. He was a selfish bastard.

Just be careful. It may be nothing, it may be a red flag.

You deserve rest though. I hope you can get some.

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

I feel like this is less about him waking you up and more about him being laid on the bed on his phone while you got DC ready for bed after a day full of tantrums and stress...?

I read "on his phone" as meaning he was lying on top of his phone. Thought the OP was going to be about his phone waking you up. Then couldnt work out the relevance of where his phone was!

Side note but is reading things literally like that a sign of something? Happens quite a bit as if I don't understand something if worded in a certain way.

That aside - I then thought it was not nice of him to wake you up but if you laid across the bed when it's hard for him to leave then I think YABU. You should have laid down properly.

I'm sorry you're so tired though. They don't get it. We have a baby whom I look after pretty much 24/7. The other day DH watched him while I went to the shops. Baby is mostly BF but has a bottle maybe once a week. I told dh bottle was sterilised etc. Got back and baby hasn't had bottle yet. I offered to take baby but DH said no you go to sleep. I went to bed. First time he's had baby for a bit so I can sleep. Half hour later he woke me up as baby was hungry. I was a bit upset as this was a rare thing for me to catch up on sleep and baby hadn't had the bottle we'd discussed. I didn't see why he told me to sleep but then woke me so soon. I also felt worse for that bit of sleep.

So I think I kind of get it OP.

[HarebrightCedarmoon]

I would have been raging, OP, YANBU. He could've covered you with a blanket or gently moved you into a more comfortable position. I used to fall asleep while reading bedtime stories, DDs were still awake 🥱

[IrishMel]

It is understandable that you were annoyed at him as lack of sleep is awful and I would be cranky if he woke me too. But he probably meant no harm.. Does he help out or help get little one to bed and help in the night time. Make sure if he is home and you are tired you get an hour's nap as it can make all the difference if you find it hard to sleep at night.

[Pikamoo]

Argh I clicked the wrong button. YANBU! DH knows not to wake me even if I've fallen asleep somewhere "unsuitable". Why would you check on a sleeping grown adult who you knew was tired anyway?! Especially one whose been dealing with their kids all day! If they're collapsed on the floor then sure but lying on the bed? Thats just odd.

Personally I don't like to get actually into bed if I'm having a nap, I only get into bed when I'm showered and in my PJs.

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon Why did you not tell him to give the baby the bottle?

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

[quote LorenzoVonMatterhorn]@BunnytheFriendlyDragon Why did you not tell him to give the baby the bottle?[/quote]
Before I went to sleep or after?

Before - I went to sleep and I didn't think about it. He said get some sleep so I did.

After - I didn't realise until after he'd already woken me.

[Whatwentwronghere]

It would be too hard to walk away in our current situation but thinking about it, the strategic incompetence hits the nail on the head. I wouldn't want him to look after them for a weekend alone at the ages they're at now, he wouldn't have a clue and I'd be worried sick he'd overlook obvious dangers.

He's just dozed off while I've come down stairs for my lunch break so I've just shook his arm and asked if he's OK, then had the audacity to ask me why I did that. Well I was obviously checking if he was OK!

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Ugh I hate when people do that! MIL does it all the time. Like no matter what time it is. When we're at theirs we sleep in the living room, they'll stay up till at least midnight. I'll fall asleep on the sofa at like 9 and she'll wake me up to tell me I fell asleep. Yeah no shit, I'm nackered.

[TintinIsBack]

@Whatwentwronghere

It would be too hard to walk away in our current situation but thinking about it, the strategic incompetence hits the nail on the head. I wouldn't want him to look after them for a weekend alone at the ages they're at now, he wouldn't have a clue and I'd be worried sick he'd overlook obvious dangers.

He's just dozed off while I've come down stairs for my lunch break so I've just shook his arm and asked if he's OK, then had the audacity to ask me why I did that. Well I was obviously checking if he was OK!

Ha... didn't like the taste of his own medicine did he?

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

Unless I actually look dead I don't expect to be woken up. I'd have chewed his head off. In what way was he checking you were ok.
What a twat.
I'm irate today looking at all the DH posts and wondering why so many men are selfish, lazy stupid and so so happy I'm single and have a lovely DS with no father around.

[LookItsMeAgain]

Does he see what he did to you yesterday is what you've done to him today @Whatwentwronghere? If he didn't or doesn't then you could be doing it to him on a daily basis and the penny will never drop.

[pigsDOfly]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Unless I actually look dead I don't expect to be woken up. I'd have chewed his head off. In what way was he checking you were ok.
What a twat.
I'm irate today looking at all the DH posts and wondering why so many men are selfish, lazy stupid and so so happy I'm single and have a lovely DS with no father around.

I'm irate today looking at all the DH posts and wondering why so many men are selfish, lazy stupid and so so happy I'm single and have a lovely DS with no father around.

Well, reading a lot of the apologist responses on this thread, it isn't really surprising that so many men are selfish, lazy and stupid.

Clearly they can get away with it because so many women will make excuses for their unacceptable behaviour.

[AryaStarkWolf]

My DH would know better than dare wake me from a delicious nap!

[AryaStarkWolf]

@Whatwentwronghere

It would be too hard to walk away in our current situation but thinking about it, the strategic incompetence hits the nail on the head. I wouldn't want him to look after them for a weekend alone at the ages they're at now, he wouldn't have a clue and I'd be worried sick he'd overlook obvious dangers.

He's just dozed off while I've come down stairs for my lunch break so I've just shook his arm and asked if he's OK, then had the audacity to ask me why I did that. Well I was obviously checking if he was OK!

bahahaha wonderful....actions speak louder than words and all that

[DonaPatrizia]

Annoying but one of those things. You are making a lot of it because you are over-tired. This stuff happens, part of life, he's been a bit of a twerp but this doesn't make him a bad bloke. Unless this is a proxy for some much worse issue or a symptom of wider character defects you need to move on.
I'm sure you have committed minor irritating marital offences in your time, we all have!

[FortVictoria]

@Whatwentwronghere

It would be too hard to walk away in our current situation but thinking about it, the strategic incompetence hits the nail on the head. I wouldn't want him to look after them for a weekend alone at the ages they're at now, he wouldn't have a clue and I'd be worried sick he'd overlook obvious dangers.

He's just dozed off while I've come down stairs for my lunch break so I've just shook his arm and asked if he's OK, then had the audacity to ask me why I did that. Well I was obviously checking if he was OK!

Ha! Brilliant. And do this every single time he dozes off from now on :)

[Bertiebiscuit]

Why are you married to him I wonder - he isn't very nice is he

[Bunchymcbunchface]

I’d have gone right off on one. I value sleep hugely and never ever wake anyone as I’d hate it done to me, unless I know they’ve set an alarm that they’ve snoozed or something or have to be up at a specific time etc.

[Roxy69]

You don't need to ask, you know it's all wrong. This can't be the first time something like this has happened, your choice.

[pigsDOfly]

My exh would regularly turn on the light when he came to bed when I was ready asleep, knowing that I was exhausted and it would wake me up, as it always did.

Didn't matter how many times I asked him not to he continued to do it.

Sometimes these seemingly small irritants are part of a larger pattern of unpleasant, inconsiderate behaviour on someone's part.

I suspect that's this is so in the OP's case.