So angry at dh. Aibu?

[Whatwentwronghere]

Just put our 3yo to bed after a day filled with tantrums and stress.

He had been laying down in bed on top of the duvet on his phone while I got her sorted. I came in and lay down on the bed across the bottom.

I just lay on my front facing away from him and started to drift off. I never nap and find it so hard to sleep in general, definitely bordering on insomnia. So I'm lying down and feel myself drifting off.

Cue dh, '*my name, my name, wakey wakey'.

I ignored him.

2 minutes later her puts his foot on my bum and shakes it to wake me up.

Aibu to be absolutely furious at him? He's at football tonight so it makes no difference to him if I'm awake or not.

I'm just so angry at how inconsiderate it is. If he fell asleep, like he did at lunchtime on the sofa, I don't disturb him.

Now I'm wide awake but exhausted. Ugh.

If you were BOTH of work today, I’d like to know why you are exhausted from looking after two young dcs and he isn’t.

The answer will probably an obvious ‘because you do it all and he does fuck all’….

From experience, if you are exhausted you need to
1- make rest your priority
2- stop doing it all
Because the problem woth saying ‘I’m tired’ and still doing everything is that he likely not going to believe you and think. ‘It can be that bad @Whatwentwronghere is still managing it all’.
Whereas I’m sure that if HE is tired, he will go to bed and tell you he can’t do A and B because he is exhausted.

@rwalker

You say you need nap and you were across the bottom of the bed .He probperly was just checking .

Then he is a twat if he doesn’t know about his DW sleep issues and how a small nap like is so precious.

He should know that ‘just checking’ wasn’t Ok.

Deep breath, PJ's on, get into bed OP. You won't sleep if you're angry, just let it go and get some rest.

“I needed that sleep badly, and you woke me up. Tomorrow night you can deal with dc, while I have an undisturbed nap. I can’t carry on, I’m exhausted”

If he's on annual leave, why wasn't he dealing with the kids so you could have a proper day off before going back to work tomorrow?

He's a twat.

Now, go and get in bed and maybe try some of those sleep apps - I suffer from insomnia too but they really help me drift off.

Why wasn't he doing bedtime if you both work and he's on leave?

And yes, shaking you and saying "wakey wakey" is definitely not just checking you're OK, it's trying to wake you up. He might have been thinking you wouldn't sleep later if you slept then, but if that's the case, why not say so and instead tell an obvious lie?

You say he doesn't pull his weight in parenting and housework either? Why am I not surprised?

YANBU OP! I have sleep issues too so know how you feel.
Apart from the fact that your DH is a useless layabout the way he woke you up was so rude.
How does he NOT know whether you want to be woken up or not?!?! When you live with someone you're aware of what they normally do.
I'm actually raging on your behalf xDD

Also putting his foor on your bum - who does he think he is? Seriously. Next time put your foot on his face

As a fellow poor sleeper I feel your pain.

if you stop having tantrums you will feel less tired-they drain you

He probably just misjudged the situation and didn't think properly. Could he have thought that you wouldn't want to be asleep and that you would be annoyed at yourself as you had things to do?

Let it go. Tell him that if you do fall asleep again to let you sleep as you're so tired.

Yabu. You'd have been far more pissed off at 2am when you're sat in the wide awake club.

It would have been far kinder to have left you in peace and just closed the door quietly. All you want is a bit of understanding - I completely get it. Sending you a little hug. Try and get an early night

Getting woken up when you don't want to be is absolutely rage inducing!
Insomnia is evil. I feel your pain!

If you have the house to yourself can you go to bed and relax even if you don't sleep, you might get another nap?

Yanbu. Tell him not to do that again & if he's on leave, can he give you a couple of free hours in the day to rest? Even if you don't sleep, wat h some shite in bed (but pretend to dc that you're out of the house!)

Yes, it was selfish. It sounds like you may need to set ground rules while you can and put yourself first more often. If you don’t do it now you’ll have a lifetime of these little resentments.

My DH would have woken me to tell me he was leaving and to try to get me into a better sleeping position.

Mine would get his head to play with if he did that. A) it’s not fucking Heathrow, he doesn’t need to announce his departure B) I’m an adult and of I fall asleep in a bad position that’s my choice, waking me up and expecting me to get back to sleep in a different position isn’t going to go well.

The only time either of us wake the other from a nap is, if it’s a late one and it’s close to bedtime. Or if an hour’s nap goes epic. We have both agreed we can wake each other then. Adults waking other adults from a nap is ridiculous.

id be furious. Checking that someone asleep is OK, does not mean waking them up, especially if they have trouble sleeping in general. Id honestly be fuming. Id get him back

@SummaLuvin

You say you were laying across the bottom of the bed, to me this would indicate you weren't settling in for the night and unintentionally nodded off. Also, if that was your intent it is inconsiderate of your DH, how will he sleep when you are across the bottom over the duvet?

This is how I would have judged it, too. Like dozing off at the dining table or something. If you mean to sleep, you’d normally do it at the head of the bed with the pillows!

I don't suppose the OP planned to go to sleep. She was probably just having a rest and, because she was so exhausted, dropped off. A more considerate partner would have perhaps checked quietly that she was all right and maybe put a blanket over her.

tolerable your comment re the OP "having tantrums" is out of order in my opinion. I think it is quite understandable that this upset her - she has two very young children, a job, a partner on leave who appears to have been relaxing all day and then going to football. Who wouldn't be fed up with it?

I was across the bed purely because when you open our bedroom door the bottom of our bed runs in line with the left side of the door frame. He was laying slightly diagonally with his knees up so the best place for me was just there. It was just nice and cool, I'd scrunched the quilt up a bit between my head and arm and was just so comfortable and relaxed for once.

I'm pleased I vented on here because it's made me feel like it was a shitty thing to do and it's not me over reacting.

I understand the points about me being in the wrong place for a deliberate nap but I think knowing me as he does, he should have recognised that what I needed most of all was rest - even if it is in a stupid place.

As for him in general, he does make my life harder. Little things like dd will not have him put her to bed because he tells rubbish stories, dishes still dirty after being done by him. Incidents like this evening certainly highlight what his priorities are

An exhausted sleep-deprived me (not anatural napper) who'd conked out across on a bed would have 100% gone for the jugular at "wakey-wakey" to some prick "D" shithead on his way out to fucking football

Little things like dd will not have him put her to bed because he tells rubbish stories, dishes still dirty after being done by him

This is called strategic incompetence. It's so you don't keep asking him to do these things. Fuck him.

He's a flippant, unhelpful twat and YANBU. Hope you get some sleep tonight.