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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this guy leaving me money is so strange?

428 replies

brooksandvicki · 27/09/2021 17:32

Was out last night and met a guy, brought him home and had a one night stand. Had a good night and he left this morning, I then went to work. When I got home I noticed there is a twenty pound note on the side he was 'sleeping'. He obviously does not think I'm a prostitute but why in the hell would he leave that?

AIBU to think this is very very strange?

OP posts:
OuiOuiBonjour · 27/09/2021 18:38

I'm sorry, I guess I really am naive...

The people that are saying that it's for the MAP, are you suggesting he's intentionally removed the condom? Stealthing I think it's called?

If so...I'm just so horrified that someone could do that Sad. Wasn't there a case recently when someone who did that was convicted of rape as the woman consented to protected sex not unprotected sex?

user1481840227 · 27/09/2021 18:38

Ew if he did it because he has some kind of weird kink I'd be so tempted to tell his mother lol

It's like an unsolicited dick pics, people don't have the right to involve you in their kinks without their consent, and a lot of women have sexual trauma and it could deeply upset them to feel degraded in that way.

Pedalpushers · 27/09/2021 18:39

Seriously, I know several girls this has happened to and guys who have done it. A 20 pound note on the nightstand is standard code for 'just in case you need MAP'.

Pedalpushers · 27/09/2021 18:40

@ouiouibonjour usually the context I've seen is where both parties were drinking and the man thought they'd used a condom but wasn't 100% certain.

toocold54 · 27/09/2021 18:41

Not all prostitutes hang around street corners lots of them call themselves escorts and go to high class events and parties so there is a possibility he thought you were a hooker as he could get them regularly - I don’t think that’s an insult to you.

Or more likely he either left it by accident or thought he’d let you pay for the taxi, drinks etc so was paying you back.

ImprobablePuffin · 27/09/2021 18:42

Either he's a complete dick insinuating you're cheap, or he's dropped it and didn't realise.

Either way you're not going to know the actual reason unless you ask - whether you choose to do that is completely up to you.

But MN will only jump to the worst conclusions as always.

OrangeTortoise · 27/09/2021 18:42

I wouldn't contact him personally.

LittleGwyneth · 27/09/2021 18:42

You people think he left it for the MAP and assumed that the OP would some how magically work that out? If he wanted her to get the MAP he would have text her or spoken to her about it.

And FYI if he did leave it in case she felt the need to get the MAP, it would have been a perfectly responsible thing to do. But the OP has already confirmed that they used condoms.

The low level slut shaming on this thread is out of this world.

LittleGwyneth · 27/09/2021 18:43

@toocold54 You are suggesting he thought she was an escort, went home with her, didn't discuss any payment terms and then, believing she was an escort, thought that an entire night together cost... £20?

FabulousIAm · 27/09/2021 18:44

Plot twist: It fell out of your pocket, he saw it in the morning, and thought you'd left it for him and now is on dadsnet asking what it all means...

JohnHunter · 27/09/2021 18:44

Some posters here have such a curious view of men.

Surely it was either left in error or is a pretext for you having to contact him again?

"I think you left £20 here last night?".

"Okay well you can pay for drinks next time, then! Same time next week?".

Pedalpushers · 27/09/2021 18:45

@LittleGwyneth that's exactly what I think because as I've said, I've seen that exact situation happen several times. Man panics because he can't remember 100% about using condom, is too awkward to bring it up, leaves money and scarpers.

RandomCatGenerator · 27/09/2021 18:45

@LittleGwyneth

You people think he left it for the MAP and assumed that the OP would some how magically work that out? If he wanted her to get the MAP he would have text her or spoken to her about it.

And FYI if he did leave it in case she felt the need to get the MAP, it would have been a perfectly responsible thing to do. But the OP has already confirmed that they used condoms.

The low level slut shaming on this thread is out of this world.

How so @LittleGwyneth?
SecretKeeper1 · 27/09/2021 18:45

@Peanutsandchilli

Nice guy leaves a potentially innocent nice gesture, and immediately everyone's up in arms and claiming he's a bastard?

I will never understand women on here.

Same. I’m stunned by how many women cannot get a grip and confront a situation. Simply ask the questions you want the answers to, it’s really not hard to ask for clarification.

“He’s done something I don’t like”
“He said something I don’t understand”
“I think I might have upset her”

Blah blah. Just ASK!

(Not aimed at you, OP)

fabulouslyglamorousferret · 27/09/2021 18:46

@MeridasMum

He's vile. He knows you're not a prostitute but is insulting you by leaving what he thinks you would be worth if you were. Disgusting piece of shit. So you know him? I'd shame him to everyone I know for that behaviour
Jesus Christ - you're a ray of sunshine aren't you! 😱
FedNlanders · 27/09/2021 18:46

I would assume it fell out his pocket!

RickJames · 27/09/2021 18:46

Hmm, men are pretty useless when they have had a few drinks and know they are about to have a shag.. he probably just left it being gormless. I've found money, travel cards, once a bag of 2 ounces of weed, some ecstasy tablets, underwear, t-shirts, all sorts, after a night of passion (we're talking student days here lol). I always gave them back.

Just message him normally and mention that he left a 20 behind.

Although I did once have a fling where he loved it if I bossed him about, he paid for everything and then I'd sternly demand 50 quid for a taxi the next morning. We both knew the game though so it was sweet/ funny.

I can't believe he would have done it as a prostitution thing if you hadn't joked/ fantasised together about such a topic. That would be so low.

LST · 27/09/2021 18:47

I reckon it fell out of his pocket and he put it on the side and forgot about it.

Have you text him?

Surpriseat42 · 27/09/2021 18:47

I grew up with leaving money by the bed being very normal (as a tip for the assumed cleaner / housekeeper) and many of my parents friends still do this when stay a night . Wonder if he could used to this and was just being polite

BobbiPinsOn · 27/09/2021 18:47

he is a dickhead OP

CovidCorvid · 27/09/2021 18:48

I reckon he doesn’t want to see you again (sounds like no loss) but he thinks you will be devastated so to ease his guilt he’s left you money? 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
brooksandvicki · 27/09/2021 18:49

@RickJames

Hmm, men are pretty useless when they have had a few drinks and know they are about to have a shag.. he probably just left it being gormless. I've found money, travel cards, once a bag of 2 ounces of weed, some ecstasy tablets, underwear, t-shirts, all sorts, after a night of passion (we're talking student days here lol). I always gave them back.

Just message him normally and mention that he left a 20 behind.

Although I did once have a fling where he loved it if I bossed him about, he paid for everything and then I'd sternly demand 50 quid for a taxi the next morning. We both knew the game though so it was sweet/ funny.

I can't believe he would have done it as a prostitution thing if you hadn't joked/ fantasised together about such a topic. That would be so low.

Sorry that really did make me laugh out load 'I would sternly demand money for a taxi the next morning' 😂 love it!

Well the WhatsApp is sent so we wait

OP posts:
fabulouslyglamorousferret · 27/09/2021 18:50

@LittleGwyneth

OP this thread is driving my utterly bonkers. You had a fun night with someone you liked, enjoyed some good sex, and some money fell out of his trousers. People on this thread are doing gymnastics bending over backwards to turn it into something horrible. Just text him. Don't let internet meanies ruin something nice for you.
I'd hate to have such a negative, cynical outlook on life 🤣🤣
Indoctro · 27/09/2021 18:52

Hmmm I hope he hasn't left it to be nasty prick. Hopefully it's just a mistake.

pompomsgalore · 27/09/2021 18:52

Well I for one can't wait to find out his reply.