Ugh - have just lost it with DCs SM...

[whycantwegoonasthree]

Sorry IABU because I've posted about this before:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4344824-AIBU-SM-and-DC-school-stuff?

But now I've lost it with both her and EXH - she's signed up to be fucking year rep for DC1s main sport, (on top of being class rep) AND has emailed youngest DCs form teacher without even cc-ing me, about something that I had already said to DC2 she needed to sort out for herself.

And I've lost my temper via WhatsApp and given her a real ticking off about not going over my head, and not going against parenting decisions that I've made with DCs and not even checking with me.

I've said that I think we probably need a parenting agreement where we agree how we do things, and also a roles and responsibilities outline as to who does what - and from my POV expressly who DOES NOT do what.

I hate the way I'm feeling and this is not how I wanted to be - I wanted to be so much cooler than this but the emailing the teacher thing alongside the additional rep thing just triggered me into an emotional reaction.

I feel shit - but have I been unreasonable to lose it?

3

@lolliespalooza

100% agree with sending an email to the school politely saying you think there may be some confusion from teachers due to you having a different name from DCs and reminding them

A) DCs have two parents - you (name) and ex (name).

B) Only these two people have parental responsibility.

C) Teachers should only discuss DCs with these two people.

D) DCs SM (name) does not have parental responsibility.

You might not be able to do anything about the Whatzapp if it is separate from the school and managed by other parents.

Excellent reply.

It’s lovely she’s interested but she needs to develop her own role. Not try and take yours!

If opportunities arise you should mention how nice it is that she is involved with your daughter's X or say something about her being a supportive stepmother to your daughter.

@whycantwegoonasthree

There doesn't seem to be any rules about who they will talk to - or maybe because she has the same surname it's deemed ok? Maybe the school is equally lazy and didn't check.

I do have a partner, there's no way on earth he would dream of emailing the school… ever.

@HiJenny35 I agree with you that class rep is a job I wouldn't want in a million years. It's a massive ball-ache. Point is, it's not a role she's entitled to have, I was uncomfortable with the first one, the second I am putting my foot down. And neither is it ok to email the school, ever. That's my job or ExH – and if he did it I would expect to have been spoken to first and cc'd. It was compounded here by undermining a parenting decision that had already been made. And it's not the first time.

I'm not about to ask her permission to attend sporting events either...

I'm not about to ask her permission to attend sporting events either...

Whoa! Hold on a bloody minute...! Sorry to go back to last night's posts but wtaf?! You were told to ask your exH's wife for permission to attend your DC's school sporting events?!?

@lolliespalooza

100% agree with sending an email to the school politely saying you think there may be some confusion from teachers due to you having a different name from DCs and reminding them

A) DCs have two parents - you (name) and ex (name).

B) Only these two people have parental responsibility.

C) Teachers should only discuss DCs with these two people.

D) DCs SM (name) does not have parental responsibility.

You might not be able to do anything about the Whatzapp if it is separate from the school and managed by other parents.

THIS!!!!!!!!

Have you put a stop to the class rep nonsense OP??

Coming at the rep thing from another angle...

OP you mentioned that she is taking one of the few opportunities for parental visibility...does this mean you'd want one or both of these roles for yourself?

If yes, then I get it completely and you should tell her you want to do it.

If not though, as annoying as it may be, could there be advantages for your children from having someone in their family as class rep?

Just think about knowing about plans ahead of time, being able to influence decisions etc etc.

Just think about knowing about plans ahead of time, being able to influence decisions etc etc

Would you like a non parent being the class rep in your child’s class? Really? Do you not think that’s odd?