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Original poster

Did I do the wrong thing at my wedding

122 replies

Austin0210 · 27/09/2021 14:02

I finally was able to get married on Saturday after postponing loads of times due to covid!

The day finally came and it was perfect apart from when it came to the evening reception. I did my first dance with my husband and then it went into the party after. I think my dad was expecting us to have a father/daughter dance but every time I had asked he didn't seem that interested so I left it… the night continued and he sat on a table with his girlfriend alone for pretty much the whole night. I asked him to dance with me numerous times throughout the evening but he said no each time (I finally got him up to dance for all of 30 seconds whilst his gf was in the toilet, when she came out he left me to go sit down)

Am I a dick for not organising a dance? When I went to his table to speak to him his gf asked what happened to the dad dance, I just explained that he didn't seem interested so I didn't organise it.

I feel horrendous like I should have made sure I purposely asked the dj to request that we danced. I loved my wedding day but I can't stop thinking about that which is clouding how I feel about the day. I'm so disappointed he wouldn't dance with me, his reason for not dancing is he wanted to take it all in and didn't want to spoil my fun which again makes me so sad because I wanted him to come and dance, it's so stupid. He's usually the life and soul of the party but he wasn't drinking as his gf warned him not to embarrass me!! She still had a drink though…

So the question is, should I feel bad? I don't know how to make it better..

(Back story, me and my dad don't see each other a lot, his gf isn't my favorite person and knows hardly anything about me, the happiest his gf was was when her daughter turned up and they sat together… my brother, grandkids etc were there for my dad to socialize with but sat alone)

OP posts:
CanofCant · 27/09/2021 14:05

I don't think you did anything wrong at all. Don't let your misplaced guilt spoil your memories of your wedding day!

RiotAtTheRodeo · 27/09/2021 14:07

Don't let this cloud your memories of the day. Your dad sounds like he chose to only half participate in your day, you're not all that close and he didn't show an interest in the dance when you suggested it prior to the day. Let him sulk if he wants to sulk.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 27/09/2021 14:07

I don't think you did anything wrong, at all. Also, I think your dad's partner should be ashamed of herself for trying to make you feel guilty on your wedding day.
You tried to ask your dad about having a dance before the wedding, he didn't seem interested, you tried on the day, he didn't seem interested, what else were you supposed to do?

It almost sounds as if he was trying be a martyr and it also sounds as if his partner was facilitating that.

I'm sorry that they felt the need to act in this way but they made the decision to, you didn't do anything wrong, in my opinion.
The worst thing is now they'll know they've managed to get under your skin.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 27/09/2021 14:07

My dad wanted a father/daughter dance, so he asked the DJ. As it happened, the DJ played the song as I was in the toilet 🤦‍♀️ My dad obviously couldn’t find me but enjoyed listening to the song anyway. I came out of the toilet and then asked the DJ for that same song again and my dad laughed and told me the DJ had already played it (but he played it again).

If your dad wanted a dance, he’s just as capable of asking you for one or organising it with the DJ himself.

Congratulations on your wedding!

GreatPotato · 27/09/2021 14:08

I suspect dad is perfectly happy with things as they were and gf is enjoying a bit if stirring

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 27/09/2021 14:08

I’ve been to lots of weddings. Very few do the father daughter dance. It’s a bit American to be honest.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/09/2021 14:08

I think it's quite telling that he danced for the short time the gf wasn't there. If your dad was happy not to have a dad/daughter dance I'd just accept that that's what he wanted and maybe the gf riled him up saying it wasn't right?

Lady1576 · 27/09/2021 14:15

Nothing unreasonable here. If he wanted to dance with you on your wedding day, he had lots of opportunities but sat (moping?) with his gf instead. I’d say, based on your account here, that he has behaved badly if anything, not you. Father of the bride should be looking out for you and how to make your day better. Looks like he wasn’t capable of that, which is ok - not everyone thinks like that or comes naturally to looking after others, but you definitely haven’t done anything wrong. May have been a difficult day for him due to his own issues, but nothing for you to worry about. He could have been enthusiastic in discussions leading up to the day, and/or swept you off your feet on the day. He’s a grown up and you do not need to pander to his insufficiencies on your wedding day. It sounds to me like he doesn’t deserve you.

Ichangemynameagain · 27/09/2021 14:18

Had your dad said anything to indicate he wanted one? Or are you purely going off what his GF said (who it sounds like you don't get on with much anyway)?

It sounds to me like she is trying to stick the knife in.

REP22 · 27/09/2021 14:25

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You asked him (more than once) and he declined. I agree that the gf's influence was probably a dampener and an obstacle to his fun and for that I am sorry. You did all you could by asking him. Please don't beat yourself up, you did the right thing. I'm sorry that his refusal and the gf's presence spoilt a part of your day.

I also agree that the "daddy/daughter" dance is an Americanism which doesn't always travel well over here (like the bride/groom smashing a piece of the wedding cake into their new spouse's face. Awful). It's a nice thing if it's what you want - and I'm sorry that you didn't get to have that with your dad - but that was down to him and not you. Please don't let it totally sour your memories of a lovely day; you're not to blame.

Many congratulations on your wedding and very best wishes to you. x

waybill · 27/09/2021 14:28

@LibrariesGiveUsPower45321

I’ve been to lots of weddings. Very few do the father daughter dance. It’s a bit American to be honest.
I've never been to a wedding where the bride and her dad danced with each other.
Fubitch · 27/09/2021 14:28

Literally never seen this in my life and its sounds bloody awful. Whats it all about?? Is it another possession passing ritual?? Genuinely never heard of this. However, you asked and he said no. Who cares?? Don't let his stroppy behaviour ruin your day. I'm guessing you don't see that much of him as he's not that great??

Original poster
Austin0210 · 27/09/2021 14:29

Wow, thank you so much for all of the replies so far.

So I messaged my dad "GF said during the evening what happened to a father/daughter dance. I didn't think we were going to do one because you didn't seem keen, so I'm sorry I didn't organise that x"

He replied "I should of grabbed u for a father/bride dance but u were having so much fun I didn't want to spoil it so it's fine 😁"

Which has cleared the air a lot, I'm not sure whether the GF added fuel to the fire or maybe she was the reason he didn't get up to speak with people around the room (my friends/family/husband's family/friends went to the table to specifically meet him because he didn't get up)

I still feel rubbish about it and I know I won't ever get that moment back with disappoints me, I also hate making anyone feel left out. Hence why I was on the dance floor the whole night!

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 27/09/2021 14:31

I didn't know it was a thing

GoodnightGrandma · 27/09/2021 14:32

I didn’t know it was a thing either

CornishGem1975 · 27/09/2021 14:36

I've never ever been to a wedding there this was a thing. It's an American thing as far as I know? I wouldn't worry about it all.

Stickyblue1987 · 27/09/2021 14:37

I haven't been to a wedding where there hasn't been a father/ daughter dance. If no father around the bride has organised with a grandfather/ brother/ uncle. I'm in the uk.

Don't let the fact that you didn't have one cloud your lovely memories. It's easy to get sucked into worrying about one thing. Perhaps your dad did expect one, but you did try to get him up to dance and it sounds like he sulked a bit.

McFarts · 27/09/2021 14:38

There was nothing stopping your Father asking you to dance! and you have repeatedly asked him, stop stressing about it.

Original poster
Austin0210 · 27/09/2021 14:40

I think it's an American tradition but I have been to quite a few weddings where they have done them in the UK. It's usually after the husband and bride have their first dance. Personally I wasn't massively fussed about having a designated dance with people watching with my dad but just a dance in general would have been good, he's usually the first one on the dance floor and the last one off!

OP posts:
QOD · 27/09/2021 14:41

i think i answered wrong - you did nothing wrong!

MrsMariaReynolds · 27/09/2021 14:42

@REP22

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You asked him (more than once) and he declined. I agree that the gf's influence was probably a dampener and an obstacle to his fun and for that I am sorry. You did all you could by asking him. Please don't beat yourself up, you did the right thing. I'm sorry that his refusal and the gf's presence spoilt a part of your day.

I also agree that the "daddy/daughter" dance is an Americanism which doesn't always travel well over here (like the bride/groom smashing a piece of the wedding cake into their new spouse's face. Awful). It's a nice thing if it's what you want - and I'm sorry that you didn't get to have that with your dad - but that was down to him and not you. Please don't let it totally sour your memories of a lovely day; you're not to blame.

Many congratulations on your wedding and very best wishes to you. x

Oh look, more anti-Americanisms 🙄

For the record, as an "American" bride I did neither. I made sure nobody danced at my wedding, as I thought it was too naff at a champagne cocktail reception... And I've been to many American weddings where there wasn't a cake smash or Daddy-dance in sight.

Anyhoo--you did nothing wrong, Op. Congrats on your marriage ❤️ Please don't let this cloud your good memories of the day. Sounds like dad's gf is a bit of a pot stirrer.

ArcheryAnnie · 27/09/2021 14:43

I have never been to a wedding where there was a father/daughter dance (and I don't like the idea, anyway - lovely to dance with your dad, but not as a weird ritual!)

But even if father/daughter dances were a thing, you did nothing wrong. He didn't step up, and you can't force these things.

I'm glad you've had a chance to clear the air, but seriously, you did nothing wrong. It's not a big deal, so please put it out of your mind and concentrate on all the good memories of the day.

PlonkyWillyWonky · 27/09/2021 14:45

Bloody hell, I've been married for an eternity
Dad walks me down the aisle
Dad gives a speech
That's it
I'm not having a slow dance with my dad
That's for him & my mum to join us on the dance floor

1AngelicFruitCake · 27/09/2021 14:53

Only seen a father/daughter dance once and i cringed a bit. Your Dad sounds very dramatic. Put it out of your head and focus on the special parts of your day x

starfish4 · 27/09/2021 14:54

If he really wanted to dance with you, he could have asked you. Weddings can be tiring and he was probably quite happy people watching. Seriously try not to dwell on it.