Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I do the wrong thing at my wedding

122 replies

Austin0210 · 27/09/2021 14:02

I finally was able to get married on Saturday after postponing loads of times due to covid!

The day finally came and it was perfect apart from when it came to the evening reception. I did my first dance with my husband and then it went into the party after. I think my dad was expecting us to have a father/daughter dance but every time I had asked he didn't seem that interested so I left it… the night continued and he sat on a table with his girlfriend alone for pretty much the whole night. I asked him to dance with me numerous times throughout the evening but he said no each time (I finally got him up to dance for all of 30 seconds whilst his gf was in the toilet, when she came out he left me to go sit down)

Am I a dick for not organising a dance? When I went to his table to speak to him his gf asked what happened to the dad dance, I just explained that he didn't seem interested so I didn't organise it.

I feel horrendous like I should have made sure I purposely asked the dj to request that we danced. I loved my wedding day but I can't stop thinking about that which is clouding how I feel about the day. I'm so disappointed he wouldn't dance with me, his reason for not dancing is he wanted to take it all in and didn't want to spoil my fun which again makes me so sad because I wanted him to come and dance, it's so stupid. He's usually the life and soul of the party but he wasn't drinking as his gf warned him not to embarrass me!! She still had a drink though…

So the question is, should I feel bad? I don't know how to make it better..

(Back story, me and my dad don't see each other a lot, his gf isn't my favorite person and knows hardly anything about me, the happiest his gf was was when her daughter turned up and they sat together… my brother, grandkids etc were there for my dad to socialize with but sat alone)

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 27/09/2021 14:56

You gave him the opportunity for a father-daughter dance, he said no.

Forget about it.

CallMeRisley · 27/09/2021 14:58

Did your dad walk you down the aisle?

AGreenerShadeofKale · 27/09/2021 15:00

I didn't know it was a thing op.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/09/2021 15:02

Can't think of anything more cringeworthy than a father daughter dance.

Topseyt · 27/09/2021 15:04

You didn’t do anything wrong.

I wasn’t aware that father/daughter dance was a thing. Never heard of it. When we got married 28 years ago my Dad walked me down the aisle and then gave his speech at the reception. It wouldn’t have occurred to either of us to dance with each other at the party. I danced with DH for the first dance. My parents danced with each other when they weren’t circulating to catch up with family and friends, as did DH’s.

No issues at all. Ignore the girlfriend. She is talking bollocks.

GreatBritishShartOff · 27/09/2021 15:07

You are in the right bish

Ughmaybenot · 27/09/2021 15:12

I’ve been to a lot of weddings and never seen a father/daughter dance (apart from one, in North Carolina) so it wouldn’t have occurred to me to organise one either! As it is, my dad wasn’t at my wedding because he’s a cunt, but you know, if he was nice 😂
Anyway, all’s well that ends well as he seems absolutely fine from the message. Clearly GF was just stirring! Don’t dwell on it and let it spoil any memory of your wedding.

MindyStClaire · 27/09/2021 15:15

Does he actually like dancing? I don't particularly, so during that part of a wedding I'm usually sitting with DH and a drink and chatting with whoever is having a break from the dance floor - perfectly happily! Could he have been doing the same?

Sounds like all is fine anyway. Smile

HesterShaw1 · 27/09/2021 15:22

I've never heard of a dad dance. Is this a thing?

My dad would have died of embarrassment, and probably tripped over.

Don't worry about it.

SuperApple · 27/09/2021 15:30

If it were my dad, as long as I'd had a wonderful day, he'd be over the moon. That's the main thing and I'm sure that's what your dad would want for you.

SummerintheCity2021 · 27/09/2021 15:32

Never heard of it. What type of dance is it? It wouldn’t have been something me and my dad would have liked.

SquareYellow · 27/09/2021 15:35

I find the whole father daughter dance a bit weird anyway and leaning to the side of the American dads looking after their daughters virginity/purity ceremony etc

tcjotm · 27/09/2021 15:38

You did nothing wrong and your dad seems happy you had a good time. His GF is being a trouble-maker.

Don’t dwell on this OP. The people that matter are happy.

Bitofachinwag · 27/09/2021 15:43

It's not A Thing so nothing to feel bad about.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2021 15:50

The way he only danced with you when gf went to the loo and then immediately went back to her when she returned shows that him just sitting there was his side not a reaction to you. As you said there was other family for him to interact with including his son/your brother but he didn’t make an effort there either.

That could be because gf is controlling or it could be of his on volition. I don’t think you were the catalyst.

BlueMongoose · 27/09/2021 15:56

@Lady1576

Nothing unreasonable here. If he wanted to dance with you on your wedding day, he had lots of opportunities but sat (moping?) with his gf instead. I’d say, based on your account here, that he has behaved badly if anything, not you. Father of the bride should be looking out for you and how to make your day better. Looks like he wasn’t capable of that, which is ok - not everyone thinks like that or comes naturally to looking after others, but you definitely haven’t done anything wrong. May have been a difficult day for him due to his own issues, but nothing for you to worry about. He could have been enthusiastic in discussions leading up to the day, and/or swept you off your feet on the day. He’s a grown up and you do not need to pander to his insufficiencies on your wedding day. It sounds to me like he doesn’t deserve you.
This, 100%
thinkingaboutLangCleg · 27/09/2021 15:57

I asked him to dance with me numerous times throughout the evening but he said no each time (I finally got him up to dance for all of 30 seconds whilst his gf was in the toilet).

You did nothing wrong, far from it. You did your best, and he couldn't be bothered.

Congratulations, and enjoy all your happy memories!

Bounce55 · 27/09/2021 16:28

He might not have wanted to commit to a dance for fear of upsetting his GF and then she's tried to stir the shit pot by mentioning it.
Or he might have needed a bit of Dutch Courage to dance with you and if he was told not to drink that's maybe why he didn't dance.
It's done now, if it's still bothering you then maybe speak to him when he's on his own and get it resolved

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/09/2021 16:30

Why a Father-Daughter dance? Sounds like hell and best avoided.

Lotusmonster · 27/09/2021 16:31

Seems like a pretty minor occurrence in the grande scheme of the whole day tbh. Wouldn’t preoccupy yourself with it.

Polkadots2021 · 27/09/2021 16:55

@Austin0210

I finally was able to get married on Saturday after postponing loads of times due to covid!

The day finally came and it was perfect apart from when it came to the evening reception. I did my first dance with my husband and then it went into the party after. I think my dad was expecting us to have a father/daughter dance but every time I had asked he didn't seem that interested so I left it… the night continued and he sat on a table with his girlfriend alone for pretty much the whole night. I asked him to dance with me numerous times throughout the evening but he said no each time (I finally got him up to dance for all of 30 seconds whilst his gf was in the toilet, when she came out he left me to go sit down)

Am I a dick for not organising a dance? When I went to his table to speak to him his gf asked what happened to the dad dance, I just explained that he didn't seem interested so I didn't organise it.

I feel horrendous like I should have made sure I purposely asked the dj to request that we danced. I loved my wedding day but I can't stop thinking about that which is clouding how I feel about the day. I'm so disappointed he wouldn't dance with me, his reason for not dancing is he wanted to take it all in and didn't want to spoil my fun which again makes me so sad because I wanted him to come and dance, it's so stupid. He's usually the life and soul of the party but he wasn't drinking as his gf warned him not to embarrass me!! She still had a drink though…

So the question is, should I feel bad? I don't know how to make it better..

(Back story, me and my dad don't see each other a lot, his gf isn't my favorite person and knows hardly anything about me, the happiest his gf was was when her daughter turned up and they sat together… my brother, grandkids etc were there for my dad to socialize with but sat alone)

My dad wouldn't have been interested either, sorry OP, hes an idiot. Forget him and remember all the amazing parts of your wedding.

What I find sad is that you're panicking you did the wrong thing and focusing on your dad when it was a) your day and b) he should have bent over backwards to make you happy and he clearly didn't. You sound lovely OP don't let it ruin anything.

SirYawnsAlot · 27/09/2021 16:59

Sorry but it sounds like your Dad was playing the martyr here. If you read it back:
You asked him to dance several times at your wedding reception.
He cut short his dance with his bride daughter to get back to his girlfriend.
He made no effort to mingle so people came to his table to say hello.

When asked he said he didn't dance because you were having fun.
I think he is the one who was in the wrong.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 27/09/2021 17:00

I think it all sounds fine, OP. I did have a little dance with my dad at mine but it was all informal during the course of the evening, and I've never seen it done as an arranged "second dance". Did he give you away? I got to spend actually a bit of time with my dad on our own at the wedding as he came in the car with me on the way to the church, a much longer journey than I got with DH to the reception later!

SaltySheepdog · 27/09/2021 17:06

He sat there for another totally different reason, don’t give this any more thought.

drpet49 · 27/09/2021 17:08

* I’ve been to lots of weddings. Very few do the father daughter dance.*

^I was about to post the same thing. It’s not the thing here.

Swipe left for the next trending thread