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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did I do the wrong thing at my wedding

122 replies

Austin0210 · 27/09/2021 14:02

I finally was able to get married on Saturday after postponing loads of times due to covid!

The day finally came and it was perfect apart from when it came to the evening reception. I did my first dance with my husband and then it went into the party after. I think my dad was expecting us to have a father/daughter dance but every time I had asked he didn't seem that interested so I left it… the night continued and he sat on a table with his girlfriend alone for pretty much the whole night. I asked him to dance with me numerous times throughout the evening but he said no each time (I finally got him up to dance for all of 30 seconds whilst his gf was in the toilet, when she came out he left me to go sit down)

Am I a dick for not organising a dance? When I went to his table to speak to him his gf asked what happened to the dad dance, I just explained that he didn't seem interested so I didn't organise it.

I feel horrendous like I should have made sure I purposely asked the dj to request that we danced. I loved my wedding day but I can't stop thinking about that which is clouding how I feel about the day. I'm so disappointed he wouldn't dance with me, his reason for not dancing is he wanted to take it all in and didn't want to spoil my fun which again makes me so sad because I wanted him to come and dance, it's so stupid. He's usually the life and soul of the party but he wasn't drinking as his gf warned him not to embarrass me!! She still had a drink though…

So the question is, should I feel bad? I don't know how to make it better..

(Back story, me and my dad don't see each other a lot, his gf isn't my favorite person and knows hardly anything about me, the happiest his gf was was when her daughter turned up and they sat together… my brother, grandkids etc were there for my dad to socialize with but sat alone)

OP posts:
thelastgoldeneagle · 27/09/2021 17:11

You didn't do anything wrong. You dad, OTOH, is a selfish immature twit, making the whole day about him and sulking.

Congrats on your wedding!

thelastgoldeneagle · 27/09/2021 17:13

At Scottish weddings it's a thing. The bride and groom have the first dance then they split up, the bride usually dances with her dad and the groom with the bride's mum, then they ask the groom;s parents to dance, and so it multiplies! But this is Scottish country dancing, not 'slow dancing'.

TheProvincialLady · 27/09/2021 17:16

You sound a much nicer person than your dad and his girlfriend. You did absolutely nothing wrong and they are stinkers for behaving as they did.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/09/2021 17:31

Towards the end of the first dance it is normal for the bride and groom to start working their way through their parents starting with the bride dancing with her father. It has happened in some form at all weddings I have been to.

Something like this (copy/pasted) -

The bride and groom share the first dance.

The father of the bride then dances with the bride. The groom may also dance with the mother of the bride.

Next, the bride's mother and father dance together. The groom dances with his mother, and then the groom's parents dance together.

The dance floor then opens up to the bridesmaids and groomsmen. At many weddings, the groomsmen take turns dancing with the bride and the bridesmaids take turns dancing with the groom.

After that, it's a free-for-all. Everybody out on the dance floor!

Feelslikealot · 27/09/2021 17:33

Who is to say that even had you organised one he would have got up? If he really wanted to do it he should have told you when you asked.

FeeLock · 28/09/2021 17:37

@Austin0210

I'm with @PlonkyWillyWonky here. Your father's 'responsibility', so to speak, is to make sure your day is perfect; his partner's responsibility is to facilitate it. I think you've been poorly served by both of them.

All good wishes for a fabulous future. Flowers

gogohm · 28/09/2021 17:40

The father daughter thing is an American import, never saw it until I lived there. Nothing wrong with it but I doubt he was concerned at all. I suspect it's just he felt he had to stay for the whole thing and actually the party but wasn't to his taste.

Dnaltocs · 28/09/2021 17:42

I’ve never seen the bride and her Father dance in a pre planned way. Your dance with your Father was short just as he wanted.
Sad your Fathers girl friend seems to be controlling.
Best wishes for a healthy, happy marriage.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 28/09/2021 17:43

Your wedding was 3 days ago.
And this is what you’re worrying and thinking about Sad

2lsinllama · 28/09/2021 17:50

Husband had a dad/daughter dance with the first of his girls to get married but not with the second. He wasn’t bothered either way, it was the bride’s choice. It’s a relatively new thing I think. If Dad isn’t bothered then let it go and enjoy the memories of your day. Agree with PP, Dad’s gf is a stirer

Summerfun54321 · 28/09/2021 17:54

This is the first I’ve even heard of a dad/daughter dance, maybe he didn’t know it was a thing either!

Mummabear89 · 28/09/2021 17:56

I'm not hugely close with my dad but I knew that it would mean the world to him for us to have a father daughter dance and so I found a song that made me think of him and when it was my wedding day we danced together to it and he had tears in his eyes because of how touched he was. It's all down to your relationship with your dad though so if it wasn't right for you both then don't let it worry you. Try to talk to him about it if it's making you feel that guilty

Lennybenny · 28/09/2021 17:58

Sounds like the gf has pushed a few buttons tbh.
You had a fab day. He's a grown up and so are you. Enjoy the fact you were happy with everything else!

runthatbymeagain · 28/09/2021 18:04

Congratulations on your wedding. You sound like you organised a beautiful day and included everyone. Weddings stir up all sorts of emotions and that is particularly true if a parent has spent less time in his child’s life than he might have wished he had. (Which sounds as if it may be the case here).
The person to focus on in all of this is your new spouse who loves you and wants to be with you for the rest of your life. Spend your emotion on this and not on regretting something you can’t change. Don’t let sadness over your father’s detached attitude to the wedding spoil the early days of your marriage. Give it time, then take your dad out for coffee, just the two of you and tell him how much it meant to you to have him there.

me4real · 28/09/2021 18:04

I don't think you did anything wrong @Austin0210 , you invited him to dance numerous times. His girlfriend sounds like a stirrer and possibly controlling (or why would he only feel able to dance while she was in the loo?)

My step mum is like that 'it's awful you hardly ever see your dad' while making sure we see him as little as possible. Has also isolated him from other family members and his own friends.

Echobelly · 28/09/2021 18:07

I don't think it's particularly usual in the UK, YANBU. It probably still wouldn't occur to a lot of people to do one.

JustLyra · 28/09/2021 18:10

I've only ever been to two weddings where there hasn't been a dance between the bride and her Dad/Grandad.

It's always amusing on here when people brand things Americanisms without a single thought of how many of the traditions went to America from Scotland and Ireland and are still common in those places.

JustLyra · 28/09/2021 18:12

It sounds like your Dad's GF is a shit stirrer. It says a lot that he danced while she was in the bathroom.

BSideBaby · 28/09/2021 18:12

What on earth is this now? A dad dance?? I've been to a lot of weddings in the past (but none recently) and have never heard of this.

Presumably it's another import from the US to go with baby showers and gender reveals. Horrible.

WeAllHaveWings · 28/09/2021 18:20

@BSideBaby

What on earth is this now? A dad dance?? I've been to a lot of weddings in the past (but none recently) and have never heard of this.

Presumably it's another import from the US to go with baby showers and gender reveals. Horrible.

My mum talked about her first dance with her dad and that was over 60 years ago. While it might not be common in England, it has always been a tradition in Scotland to warmly invite parents to the dance floor and then bridesmaids etc before the floor opens to all.

It certainly isn't "horrible" or in the same vein as gender revels, baby showers or even worse choreographed first dances.

Musmerian · 28/09/2021 18:27

This. I think it’s a bit creepy.

Lweji · 28/09/2021 18:30

It's a shame, but it looks a bit like a communication problem.
You didn't ask why he didn't want to dance and he didn't say why he kept refusing.
In any case, do not let it ruin the memory of your wedding. It looks like you had fun and it went well. Treasure those 30 sec.

JustLyra · 28/09/2021 18:30

@Musmerian

This. I think it’s a bit creepy.
What is remotely creepy about someone dancing with their parent?
Anycrispsleft · 28/09/2021 18:35

When I went to his table to speak to him his gf asked what happened to the dad dance

his gf isn't my favorite person

Sounds to me like the feeling is probably mutual, and she was just stirring as regards the dad dance.

Dillydollydingdong · 28/09/2021 18:35

It was your dad's fault, not yours. You asked him several times but he said no. Maybe he didn't want to leave the gf on her own. Maybe he just didn't feel sociable? Forget it!