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Original poster

Did I do the wrong thing at my wedding

122 replies

Austin0210 · 27/09/2021 14:02

I finally was able to get married on Saturday after postponing loads of times due to covid!

The day finally came and it was perfect apart from when it came to the evening reception. I did my first dance with my husband and then it went into the party after. I think my dad was expecting us to have a father/daughter dance but every time I had asked he didn't seem that interested so I left it… the night continued and he sat on a table with his girlfriend alone for pretty much the whole night. I asked him to dance with me numerous times throughout the evening but he said no each time (I finally got him up to dance for all of 30 seconds whilst his gf was in the toilet, when she came out he left me to go sit down)

Am I a dick for not organising a dance? When I went to his table to speak to him his gf asked what happened to the dad dance, I just explained that he didn't seem interested so I didn't organise it.

I feel horrendous like I should have made sure I purposely asked the dj to request that we danced. I loved my wedding day but I can't stop thinking about that which is clouding how I feel about the day. I'm so disappointed he wouldn't dance with me, his reason for not dancing is he wanted to take it all in and didn't want to spoil my fun which again makes me so sad because I wanted him to come and dance, it's so stupid. He's usually the life and soul of the party but he wasn't drinking as his gf warned him not to embarrass me!! She still had a drink though…

So the question is, should I feel bad? I don't know how to make it better..

(Back story, me and my dad don't see each other a lot, his gf isn't my favorite person and knows hardly anything about me, the happiest his gf was was when her daughter turned up and they sat together… my brother, grandkids etc were there for my dad to socialize with but sat alone)

OP posts:
herecomesthsun · 28/09/2021 18:43

just don't feel badx

congratulations

BeardyButton · 28/09/2021 18:49

The fact that he has made you think one neg thought on your wedding shows the fucker doesn’t deserve a father daughter dance. What is it with people acting up at weddings?! Some people cannot go one day without making things all about them. Not one day.

ellyeth · 28/09/2021 18:50

I don't think you did anything wrong at all. You asked him several times and he declined. If anyone should feel awkward, it should be him for not accepting your offer of a dance. It was his girlfriend that put this worry into your mind and it's possible the issue was between your Dad and her. Perhaps she is quite clinging?

It sounds like you have cleared the air with him and he says there isn't a problem. Anyway, you absolutely should not feel guilty about anything. Don't let it spoil your lovely memories.

Beline4u · 28/09/2021 18:57

You done absolutely nothing wrong!!

My father was out smoking for our dance, my sister danced with me. He ran in and gave off to me for not waiting. I left him on the dance floor. It's not up to us (their kids) to push our parents to make the effort.

TertiusLydgate · 28/09/2021 18:58

I have never seen a dad/daughter dance and I think it sounds schmaltzy and American-weird.

Just enjoy the memories of your day.

angela99999 · 28/09/2021 19:01

@DriveMeCrazy1974

I don't think you did anything wrong, at all. Also, I think your dad's partner should be ashamed of herself for trying to make you feel guilty on your wedding day. You tried to ask your dad about having a dance before the wedding, he didn't seem interested, you tried on the day, he didn't seem interested, what else were you supposed to do?

It almost sounds as if he was trying be a martyr and it also sounds as if his partner was facilitating that.

I'm sorry that they felt the need to act in this way but they made the decision to, you didn't do anything wrong, in my opinion.
The worst thing is now they'll know they've managed to get under your skin.

This.
You asked him to dance several times and he didn't. Has he said anything to you about it? He may not actually be bothered at all. Sounds like his GF is trying to cause trouble.
EmeraldShamrock · 28/09/2021 19:02

No not at all.
Don't spoil your lovely memories worrying about it.
There was a lot to organise and you did offer throughout the evening.

Congratulations. 🎊

BrilliantBetty · 28/09/2021 19:03

Sorry that you felt so uncomfortable/ sad about something so small as this.

I hope you don't always have these hiccups with your dad. Where you feel guilty whatever you do. A friend of mine often gets upset and feels bad for things she has supposedly done to upset one of her parents, i've known her her whole life and her parent is an emotionally abusive, cunning monster. If only she'd see it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/09/2021 19:03

Yanbu

I don’t think you did anything wrong!

Parents trying to make their children’s days/ events all about themselves is really not on. I really hope I’m not like that when mine are grown.

I also ageee that a father/ daughter dance at a wedding is not a thing. Fine if you want to / it happens organically/ you get around to planning it but it’s not a thing. Did your DH have a special dance with either of his parents? Only in that case would it be a bit odd.

Dudewheresmypetrol · 28/09/2021 19:04

I suspect its more than he didn't fancy dancing sober, and if he was annoyed with anyone it would be his partner who controlled his drinking. Not suggesting he has a problem, just that it sounds like he couldn't relax and enjoy it.

TatianaBis · 28/09/2021 19:05

@TertiusLydgate

I have never seen a dad/daughter dance and I think it sounds schmaltzy and American-weird.

Just enjoy the memories of your day.

Totally cringe.

No way would have I danced with my dad at my wedding.

TatianaBis · 28/09/2021 19:07

My younger sister did this after her wedding. Decided she chose the wrong dress and venue and should have chosen somewhere else. It was all perfect apart from that.

Imo it was the wrong groom, her dress and venue were fine. Wink

SmellyOldOwls · 28/09/2021 19:07

He doesn't sound annoyed at all. Don't like the sound of his gf though.

DarlingFell · 28/09/2021 19:12

Dad / bride dances at weddings - CRINGE !!!!! Americanised nonsense that no one wants to be forced to watch Confused

The bride and groom dance is just wonderful. All the guests love basking in the romantic glow of the newly weds, but to then expect your guests to endure another dance with your dad is just beyond the pale Grin

SometimesMaybe · 28/09/2021 19:18

This isn’t an “American import”. Why do people on this site always type that in such a sneery way?
In Scotland every single wedding I have been to does this whilst the groom dances with his mother. Not cheesy or weird or wrong but a lovely tradition.

Snipples · 28/09/2021 19:18

This is a thing in Ireland too. Every wedding I've been to has a first dance with bride and groom. Usually the parents/ bridal party join at the end and then dance floor opened as a PP said. And then a dance with bride and her dad. I think it's nice.

You've done nothing wrong here OP. Your dad sounded a bit reluctant so best off avoiding the dance if he wasn't keen.

Sillyname63 · 28/09/2021 19:20

I think his GF has a lot to do with your dad's mood on the night, I think it is a lot worse that she told him not to have a drink at his daughter's wedding, A tipsy dad is much more a British Tradition than a dance with your dad. I think you were very nice to invite members of his GF family to the evening to be honest. Don't leave it cloud your happy memories of the day.

mathanxiety · 28/09/2021 19:22

Even if your dad had danced with you, you would still have a relationship with problems.

The lack of a dance has perhaps underlined the fact that you're not as close to him as you want to be, and that it appears your dad is ok with that for whatever reason.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/09/2021 19:23

You are seriously overthinking, lamenting you’ll never get that time back again. I will never ever have that time with my father as he’d been dead well over a decade before I married and he died when I was a child. I am not asking for your pity, rather observe how silly you’re being. Be happy for what you have.

ANameChangeAgain · 28/09/2021 19:26

The only Daddy Daughter dance I saw was an old YouTube where they recreated Thriller - apart from that I didn't realise it was a thing, so don't worry.
Your dad and his gf sound like they made a good job of it being all about them by having you worry. You did your best.
Congratulations!!

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/09/2021 19:27

Congratulations on a lovely day.

Your dad should have been supporting you and concerned he was there for you - not you agonising over him sulking.

YANBU.

ERFFER · 28/09/2021 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

me4real · 28/09/2021 19:35

he wasn't drinking as his gf warned him not to embarrass me!!

Wow I hadn't spotted that bit until a PP mentioned it. So this is another aspect of his life she gets to decide- when and how much he drinks. My step mum does this too, sometimes she makes him drink with her I think, other times with us he's banned. She also controls what he's allowed to eat, including randomly banning some of his fave snack combinations.

JustLyra · 28/09/2021 19:45

The number of people still being rudely sneery and declaring an Americanism after so many posters have pointed out that this may not be a common occurrence in England, but absolutely is in Scotland and Ireland is unreal.

So many rude people on here. If it doesn’t happen in their little part of the UK then it apparently doesn’t exist at all

Motherdare · 28/09/2021 19:56

Yuk. Nobody wants to see a father daughter dance, it’s creepy and patriarchal.