Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Did I do the wrong thing at my wedding

122 replies

Austin0210 · 27/09/2021 14:02

I finally was able to get married on Saturday after postponing loads of times due to covid!

The day finally came and it was perfect apart from when it came to the evening reception. I did my first dance with my husband and then it went into the party after. I think my dad was expecting us to have a father/daughter dance but every time I had asked he didn't seem that interested so I left it… the night continued and he sat on a table with his girlfriend alone for pretty much the whole night. I asked him to dance with me numerous times throughout the evening but he said no each time (I finally got him up to dance for all of 30 seconds whilst his gf was in the toilet, when she came out he left me to go sit down)

Am I a dick for not organising a dance? When I went to his table to speak to him his gf asked what happened to the dad dance, I just explained that he didn't seem interested so I didn't organise it.

I feel horrendous like I should have made sure I purposely asked the dj to request that we danced. I loved my wedding day but I can't stop thinking about that which is clouding how I feel about the day. I'm so disappointed he wouldn't dance with me, his reason for not dancing is he wanted to take it all in and didn't want to spoil my fun which again makes me so sad because I wanted him to come and dance, it's so stupid. He's usually the life and soul of the party but he wasn't drinking as his gf warned him not to embarrass me!! She still had a drink though…

So the question is, should I feel bad? I don't know how to make it better..

(Back story, me and my dad don't see each other a lot, his gf isn't my favorite person and knows hardly anything about me, the happiest his gf was was when her daughter turned up and they sat together… my brother, grandkids etc were there for my dad to socialize with but sat alone)

OP posts:

Lollypop701 · 28/09/2021 20:03

Irish background… the bride and dad dance is not like the bride n groom dance. It’s more formal.. I did quick step, led by dad. I have never been to America! Op sounds like your df is being browbeaten by his partner. You asked and it didn’t happen. Not your fault and we all have regrets about weddings afterwards… I wish the videographer stayed to the end! Don’t stress and just stay in contact with df

Stovetopespresso · 28/09/2021 20:14

ooh you should make a joke of it next family gathering and put on some soppy music and dance with him ❤ I am so sentimental about stuff like that though!

didn't do one with my dad mind.

Pinklemonade1 · 28/09/2021 20:26

You have nothing to feel bad about! If he wanted to dance with you, he should have got up and asked you. End of. Don't let this cloud what should be happy memories of your special day.

Buffs · 28/09/2021 20:50

I’ve never heard of a father daughter dance. You absolutely should not feel bad if anything I feel your dad could have made a bit more of an effort to dance, socialize and look like he was thoroughly enjoying himself for your sake.

JoeyMuzzo · 28/09/2021 21:05

Your dad might have had heamorrids or herpes outbreak or something else painful and private that he didn't want to tell you about It might be why he wasn't that fussed to dance that particular night

CambsAlways · 28/09/2021 21:05

I’ve never heard of it and I’ve had two marriages

BoredZelda · 28/09/2021 21:13

I made sure nobody danced at my wedding, as I thought it was too naff at a champagne cocktail reception

You stopped people dancing at your wedding? That’s unnecessarily mean spirited. If people want to dance, let them.

While it might not be common in England, it has always been a tradition in Scotland to warmly invite parents to the dance floor and then bridesmaids etc before the floor opens to all.

Totally different thing though. The bride doesn’t dance with the father. The parents come up and dance together.

JazzTheDog · 28/09/2021 21:16

I'm Scottish and we broke slightly with the tradition of taking the bride's parents up after the first dance by going straight into a Gay Gordon's and my dad partnered me, DH partnered his mum and my mum and FIL were together. It was great fun due to half the wedding party being English and not knowing a Gay Gordons.

SallyWD · 28/09/2021 21:35

Please don't feel bad. You haven't done anything wrong. You asked your dad several times if he wanted to dance and he said no. I didn't even know a father /daughter dance was a thing! I've been to so many weddings (I'm 46) and have never seen this before. My dad would curl up and die if I suggested we have dance together.

BoredZelda · 28/09/2021 21:43

I’m Scottish and we broke slightly with the tradition of taking the bride's parents up after the first dance by going straight into a Gay Gordon's and my dad partnered me, DH partnered his mum and my mum and FIL were together. It was great fun due to half the wedding party being English and not knowing a Gay Gordons.

Best wedding I was at was my friend who had a proper full on ceilidh for the whole evening and the guests came from a number of different countries. You haven’t lived unless you’ve tried to shepherd the Swedish through an eightsome reel. 😆

We started ours with the grand march, which is so much fun.

But I can’t talk about Scottish dancing without sharing this from Danny Bhoy about the dangers of the ceilidh.

Bertiebiscuit · 28/09/2021 21:53

My god your dad is a passive aggressive sulky man baby - poor you - no wonder you feel bad, he plainly knows which of your buttons to press - get some counselling, set some limits on your interactions with him, and get on with your married life - he's just awful tbh

Tigger1895 · 28/09/2021 22:03

Girlfriend obviously said don’t leave me alone and dad didn’t. You aren’t at fault.

ERFFER · 28/09/2021 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessNutella · 28/09/2021 22:43

It sounds as if you tried very hard. Your dad needed to step up to the plate, not you.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 28/09/2021 23:43

OP, wedding are stressful and everyone knows this. Be kind to yourself and focus on the happy memories. Things you can't change are not worth fretting over, besides, you've fretted enough, move on and focus on the future.
Maybe take your dad out for meal or drink but don't bring the dance up again with him. If it makes you feel better, make it up to him in other ways.
Our wedding was magical, but I was falling into the same trap of over analysing after. Easily done but not productive at all.

Gingersay · 29/09/2021 00:28

I'm scottish and my mum is in the wedding business so we go to a lot of weddings (folk invite us looking for freebies). I have never seen a formal father/daughter dance.
Where we are the tradition is Bride and groom, best man with moh, then fob with mog and fog with mob. Then the bride with best man and groom with moh and the parents swap, for second song, then it's a free for all!
At my wedding I did dance with my dad but it wasn't arranged the band sung one of his favourite songs and I grabbed him for a wee boogie.

Fleshmechanic · 29/09/2021 00:43

Been to a few weddings and never seen a dad/daughter dance. I didn't think it was something we did in England? You just have the first dance and that's it. Sounds totally weird like he didn't want to in any way but is disappointed he didn't do it. You repeatedly asked! He said no over and over again. Just try and put it out of your mind. Sounds like a fruit loop.

Rache49 · 29/09/2021 05:27

You asked your Dad a number of times during the evening and he didn't seem keen . Did he have that same reluctance prior to the Wedding? You did get a bit of a Dance. It's not really a thing over here in the UK ( or it wasn't when my Sister got married) it happens or it doesn't. Don't feel bad, you asked him and he said no. Maybe he is shy or reticent in public so be gentle with him .

Rache49 · 29/09/2021 05:34

Boredzelda My Sister had a Ceilidh at her evening do when she got married Amit meant everyone was able to join in with hilarious results so after the Bride and Groom's first dance it was a free for all as not many folk do formal dancing or know how to waltz. A Ceilidh works for everyone.

ohfook · 29/09/2021 06:13

Are you in the US? I'm in the U.K. only ever seen one father daughter dance and it was with the groom and his new stepdaughter. I may be wrong but I thought it was just a thing in America.

Margerine78 · 29/09/2021 10:52

OP, you sound so sweet and empathetic. You DID sort a dance by asking your Dad many times so do not feel bad!

Could it be the gf is stirring? Seems weird your Dad declined so much if he wanted a dance, unless he's the sulking passive-aggressive type,
in which case it's his problem.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/09/2021 23:49

Perhaps the story here is your father has yet again disappointed you and proved himself indifferent/detached, but you’d rather blame yourself than accept how crap he is because it hurts less?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5