Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my husband to wear nail varnish?

706 replies

nailvarnishhubby · 27/09/2021 11:17

My post is long but basically am I wrong to not want my husband to wear nail varnish?

A few months ago I noticed my husband had begun colouring in his little finger with a sharpie pen. He said it reminded him to be creative. He then asked me for nail varnish which I let him have. He knew that I was not comfortable with any of this. I don't need a husband who wants to wear nail varnish. Fuck that. Anyway I gave him the nail varnish.

Then I had people coming over and I asked him to take it off because to be honest I didn't want people gossiping about why my husband is becoming effeminate. If I saw one of my friends partners wearing nail varnish out of the blue I would assume they had come out or were coming out as gay/trans.

He removed the polish. I think I probably asked him not to do it any more and that was that. Just now our 18 month old daughter was playing with my make up palette eyeshadow, using it as a face paint. I joined her and begun rubbing my cheeks and forehead and said let's do daddy as we always do stuff like that together. He suddenly said 'you won't let me wear nail varnish but you'll let me put on make up?'

I'm say here like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! I asked him again do you have something to tell me etc. I've told him that I'm not up for finding out 20 years from now that he's in the closet.

My AIBU is - culturally and in our circles it's not normal at all for a man to wear nail varnish or anything like that. It would be a huge thing if my husband suddenly started wearing nail varnish. I would find it unappealing sexually and be humiliated in public - am I wrong to thing there's something more to this and reconsider our relationship? He's saying it's not a big deal and lots of heterosexual men wear nail varnish. He's 38 we've been together 14 years this is pretty much out of the blue.

OP posts:
ColorMagicBarbie · 27/09/2021 22:49

Oh, you're brave, OP. Have to say it'd be huge turn off for me too tbh.

DancyNancy · 27/09/2021 22:50

OP I have not read the full thread. But you are not transphobic or any 9ther kibd of phobic to be curious about his want to wear nail polish. Actually Maybe you're phobic of being used as a cover as you say.
I think metal/punk male fans are commonly wearing nail polish but if my husband suddenly turned around to wear it I would find it very strange and would want a clarification on the reason etc too.
I do like the baby nail sharpie colouring to remind me to be creative though!!!!!

EishetChayil · 27/09/2021 22:51

You sound incredibly annoying, OP.

ColorMagicBarbie · 27/09/2021 22:52

@Ifailed

Your husband's appearance is none of your business, as is yours to him. butt out.
Sexual attraction is pretty fundamental to marriage for most people.
snowspider · 27/09/2021 22:54

You can't get much less sudden than putting sharpie on one nail and then nail varnish on one nail. At that rate no one would ever be able to try anything new.

imagen · 27/09/2021 23:01

Moisturiser is for vanity, as is nail varnish. The only difference is people can't see it, so no need to feel embarrassed of the man you claim to love.

Everyone who washes their face should be using moisturiserConfused

That is one thing that is not gendered at all

HermioneKipper · 27/09/2021 23:14

@WhereIsMumHiding3

Hermoinekeeper I smell bullshit here. I have a lot of female friends and not one has ever mentioned or ever have I seen a single one of their partners/husbands or teen sons wear nail varnish.

Aren't you a delight?! (sarcasm)

You do realise there's a range of people different to you out there, outside your little world?! It's very worrying how insular and narrow lives some people lead that they cannot imagine if "Doris their friends husbands cousin doesn't do it then nobody can?! "
Baffling to see such ignorance on display

I have been to university, I work in the city of London, I have travelled the world, I have lived abroad for 5 years and speak two languages. I do not live in “a little world” and am really not ignorant.

I know a lot of people, see dads at the school gate, on my commute, in the office and socially. Normal, British dads in their thirties do not wear nail varnish. It’s just a fact.

I’m astounded people are pretending otherwise.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 27/09/2021 23:14

@imagen

Moisturiser is for vanity, as is nail varnish. The only difference is people can't see it, so no need to feel embarrassed of the man you claim to love.

Everyone who washes their face should be using moisturiserConfused

That is one thing that is not gendered at all

For vanity.
StellaCinnamon · 27/09/2021 23:17

Normal, British dads in their thirties do not wear nail varnish. It’s just a fact

Absolutely.

proudwomansexmatters · 27/09/2021 23:24

Hmmm. The way I see it is this:

People can wear what they want and it's up to them.

However

If you have a heterosexual relationship and your husband has always been typically masculine, then it would be weird for him and your relationship if he started wearing makeup and nail varnish.

I would not like it if my husband did this. He reserves the right to dress as he pleases. I reserve the right to decide whether this is something that I perceive to be an issue.

Sorry to hear of it op. Would he be open to a very frank conversation?

youkiddingme · 27/09/2021 23:24

My son in law wears nail varnish. This ancient old biddy doesn't. Isn't it time we stopped perpetrating irrelevant gender stereotypes? Nail varnish is for anyone that wants to wear it.

Ralph871 · 27/09/2021 23:36

OP Take no notice of all these comments calling you homophobic or claiming this is normal.

It is NOT NORMAL and I think you know that.

My 38 year old husband likes a good pink shirt, sandalwood fragrance and face cream but if he turned around tomorrow and said he wanted to start wearing nail varnish (regardless of colour) I would be horrified as it is not normal for the kind of people we are (not emo/goth teenagers or trendy London non binary type folk) - regular couple in our thirties who believe boys are boys and girls are girls and yes by all means be gay but don't do a Phillip Schofield then expect me to think you're brave because let's face it you are a cunt.

I believe this really does warrant a bit of further probing but go with your gut because something isint right. Either he is hiding something and trying to tell you or he has a brain tumour, either way it needs investigating.

HappyDays101010 · 27/09/2021 23:45

don't do a Phillip Schofield then expect me to think you're brave because let's face it you are a cunt

Grin
StoneofDestiny · 27/09/2021 23:52

Nope - wouldn't want my husband in nail varnish, lipstick, high heels or eye makeup. Thankfully he has no inclination to wear that either. Not saying it's wrong, but it's a bit disingenuous to say it's commonplace or anywhere near the 'norm'.

wildasthewind · 27/09/2021 23:54

nothing wrom at all with men and nail varnish even make up , wish my hubby would wear it

YourFinestPantaloons · 28/09/2021 00:00

I absolutely don't believe anyone 'wishes' their husband would wear make up.

I wouldn't like it either, it smacks a bit of attention seeking

Sillawithans · 28/09/2021 00:05

Fuck that ok, I'm with you on this one. My vagina would shrivel up and die if my partner did this.

snowspider · 28/09/2021 00:19

I've found this baffling and illuminating, it seems such an incredibly slight thing. To me it's like putting a hat on.

scarpa · 28/09/2021 00:33

@Ralph871

OP Take no notice of all these comments calling you homophobic or claiming this is normal.

It is NOT NORMAL and I think you know that.

My 38 year old husband likes a good pink shirt, sandalwood fragrance and face cream but if he turned around tomorrow and said he wanted to start wearing nail varnish (regardless of colour) I would be horrified as it is not normal for the kind of people we are (not emo/goth teenagers or trendy London non binary type folk) - regular couple in our thirties who believe boys are boys and girls are girls and yes by all means be gay but don't do a Phillip Schofield then expect me to think you're brave because let's face it you are a cunt.

I believe this really does warrant a bit of further probing but go with your gut because something isint right. Either he is hiding something and trying to tell you or he has a brain tumour, either way it needs investigating.

"Boys are boys and girls are girls" - do you mean we all have to act within your defined boundaries of what a man or woman is unless you are a *checks notes* emo/goth teenager or a trendy London non binary type folk?

Just wanted to check the rules, please confirm:

Sandalwood fragrance, okay. ✅

Pink is okay, but assume only only appropriately masculine garment like a shirt ✅

Tiny amount of paint on hands - ABSOLUTELY not, possible sign of brain tumour such is the sheer deviance of it ❌

I imagine the apocalypse is due any minute, all due to a fingernail's worth of removable paint carelessly applied by OP's wild masculinity ruining husband.

scarpa · 28/09/2021 00:36

@StellaCinnamon

Yet Op has no issue putting make-up on him for entertainment purposes with their 18 mo daughter who knows nothing of such things. No one has yet explained why OP doing this and him allowing her too is ok and not a red flag yet him choosing to paint one single nail is the gateway to being effeminate or possibly gay

But…how can you possibly think this is remotely comparable? Hmm

...because it is? Visible change to appearance done for vanity or self expression or fun.
snowspider · 28/09/2021 00:39

I think my husband.

My 38 year old husband likes a good pink shirt

but but but

is peaky mm comment

scarpa · 28/09/2021 00:42

Just sent my husband this thread for a laugh and he promised to paint his nails this weekend just to dangerously threaten the very rules of boys being boys.

He has, thank fuck, never owned a pink shirt nor worn sandalwood fragrance, though.

ThinWomansBrain · 28/09/2021 00:48

Sadly he's dead now, but I used to have a friend who didn't wear coloured varnish, but invariably had the most beautiful french manicure. He died about 25 years ago, so was definitley less common then, but he always looked amazing.

BathMatToe · 28/09/2021 00:55

Why did you need to ruin a makeup pallete?

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 28/09/2021 00:58

HermoineKipper

I'm very sad to hear you went to university, travelled and learnt so little to still have such a narrow minded view of the world and you call anyone different to you 'not normal'

Normal, British dads in their thirties do not wear nail varnish. It’s just a fact... in Hermoinekippers little world

There have corrected you . HTH

Horrid display of ignorance and small mindedness on this thread by few PPs late at night .