Page 6 | To give away SDs pet?

turtletaub · 2021-09-26T20:51:29+00:00

SD (12 years old) has a tortoise that she begged for 1 or 2 years ago and no longer looks after despite the constant nagging to feed it, give fresh water, bathe it. It's hardly a high maintenance pet, and everyday I am the one making sure it's ok. She's not interested. It would simply die if I stopped looking after it. My partner agrees that we should rehome it, but it's sure to cause some huge devastation (she's almost 12). I think it's the right thing to do though. It's not without warning - we have said we will rehome it previously if doesn't take care of it and hasn't given it water for 2 weeks. Am I being the cruel step mum?

Catflapkitkat · 27/09/2021 12:35

We got our beloved guinea pigs from a local ad because a teenager had begged for them and was no longer caring for them properly.

There were tears when we collected them but apparently they had been given lots of warnings, deadlines.

To ease the re-home we offered the teenager (with Mother's permission) our number and said they could visit with their parent if they wanted to. We never hear from them. We would also see the teenager in the local supermarket - we would get a 'Hi' but they never asked about their former pets.

Rehome

Plumtree391 · 27/09/2021 12:41

@SuperstarDog

My Dad absolutely lavished attention on his tortoise well over and above its basic needs.

That’s lovely. 😊
And the sanctuary sounds perfect too. I think you can tell a lot by how people treat animals.

That is lovely. Your dad was ace.

I'm over 70 and in my young days many people had pet tortoises including me, which I've already talked about. I was quite conscientious but am so glad that more is known about tortoise care these days.

They really are gorgeous animals.

I would have one again if it were not for the fact that it would outlive me. I suppose I could make arrangements in my will. Hoping to move house and will think about it then, probably won't but it's a nice idea. I am not someone who goes away a lot and would take good care of a tortoise.

HoppingPavlova · 27/09/2021 12:43

I never got any of my kids a pet I was not prepared to take on as the primary owner/carer. Kids are kids, the novelty lasts a week or two then the responsibility aspect wanes. I’d rehome it and acknowledge it as a huge parenting fail.

SuperstarDog · 27/09/2021 12:45

What’s going on with all these kids who don’t care about or for their animals. I know it happens as I read about it all the time but I find it horrible.

We’ve always had cats and dogs, just dogs now and my children have never lost interest. They love them, I pick my kids up from school and the first question is always ‘how’s the dogs?’ They play with them and one of them takes them for a walk within 10 minutes of being home. They are my kids favourite thing and that’s been the sand for every animal we’ve ever had. I can’t imagine having kids who lose interest, they’re not toys.

AnneElliott · 27/09/2021 12:45

No you shouldn't re-home it. If you honestly got a pet on the assurances of a 12 year old then you are naive - of course all us parents know we end up doing the work! That's why yuu only get one if you're prepared to look after it.

aSofaNearYou · 27/09/2021 12:46

@HoppingPavlova

I never got any of my kids a pet I was not prepared to take on as the primary owner/carer. Kids are kids, the novelty lasts a week or two then the responsibility aspect wanes. I’d rehome it and acknowledge it as a huge parenting fail.

A lot of people say this but personally I think it depends how you discuss it with the child. If you made it clear to them beforehand that they would be responsible for the pet, and they then lost interest, I wouldn't consider it a parenting fail, I would consider it them being badly behaved (age dependant obviously but 10 is old enough).

SuperstarDog · 27/09/2021 12:48

*same

SuperstarDog · 27/09/2021 12:51

I meant to say, my kids are just normal kids. They can be lazy about other things and put off doing homework and other stuff, but never have they moaned about doing dog walks or feeding, picking up poo. They just love their pets.

EvilPea · 27/09/2021 13:13

@SuperstarDog

I meant to say, my kids are just normal kids. They can be lazy about other things and put off doing homework and other stuff, but never have they moaned about doing dog walks or feeding, picking up poo. They just love their pets.

Mines the same. (Although we rent so we don’t have the zoo I’d love!) It’s part and parcel of having these creatures in your life, it’s always been a family decision any pet we’ve got, as it does impact everyone in some way.

Op this is a tricky one. Either accept the tortoise as a household pet now or rehome it
I am always uneasy with the rehoming of pets as it makes them seem disposable, but some times it is unavoidable.

bigbluebus · 27/09/2021 13:20

I'm astonished at the number of people who think that if you get a child a pet that it's a given that they will lose interest and you will end up looking after it.
My DS wanted guinea pigs when he was 5. He was told about what he would have to do to care for them and how often and told that it would be his responsibility (obviously with adult supervision/overview to start with). Feeding them, putting them out in their run in good weather and cleaning the hutch out and handling/stroking them was non negotiable. It was built into his daily routine. If we were going on holiday he had to go and ask a neighbour to look after them for him and choose them a thank you present (although we obviously paid for that). If he had a party or after school playdate he had to discuss what the arrangements were for the GPs (ie he had to ask us to sort them out rather than just assuming we would). They were his pets and he knew they were a commitment for the entirety of their life.
He learned a lot about life, death and animal husbandry in the 3 years he had them.
Your SD needs to realise this is a living creature not a toy she can leave in the cupboard when she no longer wants it. She is definitely old enough to understand that. Either she takes the responsibility seriously or it gets rehomed.

SuperstarDog · 27/09/2021 13:30

Glad to hear of more children who love their pets and haven’t lost interest EvilPea and bigbluebus. 😊

I’d wipe the floor with my kids if they lost interest to be honest, but I’ve never had to as they genuinely love their animals. The ‘novelty’ has just never worn off for them and I love how they treat them. I remember when we first got dogs, the sheer excitement from the kids and my son still to this day says, I can’t believe how lucky we are, they’re just the best. They’re just such a part of all our lives.

I’d also have lots more animals if we could EvilPea... hopefully in another few years for us as we plan on moving. I just love animals.

Kanaloa · 27/09/2021 14:44

A lot of people say this but personally I think it depends how you discuss it with the child. If you made it clear to them beforehand that they would be responsible for the pet, and they then lost interest, I wouldn't consider it a parenting fail, I would consider it them being badly behaved (age dependant obviously but 10 is old enough).

Do you realise how long tortoises can live? Or how specific their care needs are? They are not a hamster who lives for a few years and needs cleaning out and food, this is an extremely long lived exotic pet that needs specialised care and to be honest a totally unsuitable pet for a 10 year old in any case.

It’s unreasonable to expect a 10 year old to understand that type of commitment. It’s lovely that some pp’s kids like walking their dog etc but it isn’t a given, and as a parent you need to be aware that you are the one taking the real responsibility - that’s why most pet shops won’t sell a pet to a minor, even a goldfish.

Kanaloa · 27/09/2021 14:47

And what was the thought process for when this child went off to uni? Where she would not be allowed to cart along a pet that would very much still be living?

Honestly it’s just ridiculous to compare a child playing with the family dog to expecting a 10 year old to comprehend a lifelong commitment to a pet.

SuperstarDog · 27/09/2021 14:55

Honestly it’s just ridiculous to compare a child playing with the family dog to expecting a 10 year old to comprehend a lifelong commitment to a pet.

I’m not comparing it. It’s a stupid fucking idea to get a tortoise for most people. However if you get one, as the parent, you commit to looking after it and very much tell your child that caring for it is non negotiable. Honestly, I couldn’t deal with such an irresponsible twat as a partner and I wouldn’t know what to do with a child who didn’t give a shit about their pet. I’d be rehoming them all.

aSofaNearYou · 27/09/2021 14:59

*Do you realise how long tortoises can live? Or how specific their care needs are? They are not a hamster who lives for a few years and needs cleaning out and food, this is an extremely long lived exotic pet that needs specialised care and to be honest a totally unsuitable pet for a 10 year old in any case.

It’s unreasonable to expect a 10 year old to understand that type of commitment. It’s lovely that some pp’s kids like walking their dog etc but it isn’t a given, and as a parent you need to be aware that you are the one taking the real responsibility - that’s why most pet shops won’t sell a pet to a minor, even a goldfish.*

Yes, but I wasn't addressing the tortoise case specifically, I was commenting on the general attitude that it's fine and to be expected for a kid to lose interest in their pet and the adult to take over care. I don't agree with that, I believe they should be expected to honour their commitment.

I wouldn't let them have a tortoise for the reasons you've described, but the length of time the pet will live hasn't actually become relevant yet as it hasn't been very long. I would see her losing interest in the tortoise at this point as the same as her losing interest in a hamster.

TheNoodlesIncident · 27/09/2021 16:16

@GingerFigs

I am stunned at the number of people saying that it's ridiculous to think that kids of 12 can't be expected to stay interested and look after a pet. When I was a kid we had cats and rabbits and a whole host of other random animals and we were expected to look after them!! And we did. Maybe I'm just weird 😂

Same @GingerFigs, we would not have been allowed to simply ignore the pets because we "lost interest", we were well aware of our responsibility towards them so we just got on with it.

We had rabbits that we didn't actually want either (we wanted cat or dog) but the previous owners were giving up keeping them so were getting rid. So Dsis and I looked after these rabbits for years and years (eldest one was sixteenish when he died). Rabbit care in the 70s was appalling too, I'm horrified to remember how we kept ours (but we didn't know any better).

I'd rehome this tortoise with the specialists, they are too precious to be mucked around with.