To give away SDs pet?

[turtletaub]

SD (12 years old) has a tortoise that she begged for 1 or 2 years ago and no longer looks after despite the constant nagging to feed it, give fresh water, bathe it. It's hardly a high maintenance pet, and everyday I am the one making sure it's ok. She's not interested. It would simply die if I stopped looking after it.
My partner agrees that we should rehome it, but it's sure to cause some huge devastation (she's almost 12). I think it's the right thing to do though. It's not without warning - we have said we will rehome it previously if doesn't take care of it and hasn't given it water for 2 weeks. Am I being the cruel step mum?

[MissCruellaDeVil]

@Limejuiceandrum
It's not a very nice "joke", to imagine a poor defenceless animal starving to death?

[CheshireChat]

This thread reminds me of my tortoise which I found out long after we'd adopted him that the species was so endangered we would've been seriously fined for owning him (all happened abroad) .

[Seemssounfair]

If you don't want the tortoise give it to a reputable rehoming centre to find an appropriate new owner.

Don't agree again to bring a pet into your home for a child, even a step child, unless you are both happy to have the pet and do the pet care yourselves once the novelty wears off. It gives me the rage when parents think pets are disposable once their child is no longer interested.

[GingerFigs]

I am stunned at the number of people saying that it's ridiculous to think that kids of 12 can't be expected to stay interested and look after a pet. When I was a kid we had cats and rabbits and a whole host of other random animals and we were expected to look after them!! And we did. Maybe I'm just weird 😂

[Furries]

Yet another case of “didn’t think it through, it’s now inconvenient, best to get rid of”.

WTF do people ever buy pets “for their kids” when anyone with two brain cells knows that kids are very rarely going to take full responsibility for said pet. And that is not a slight against kids, they’re not set up for that level of slogging responsibility.

I mean, did you your family not even grasp the fact that tortoises have quite a long life expectancy?! Let alone knowing what their realistic needs are.

Ah well, who cares, not convenient now so let’s get rid. Awesome life lessons in play there.

Whatever happens, your partner needs to be the one to deal with it. Sorting out the logistics and the fallout that comes with it. Stand firm on that one. And don’t get another bloody pet unless it’s one that YOU want and that you’re prepared to look after.

[Mantlemoose]

@Limejuiceandrum

Really weird that you would even think it’s anything to do with you
It’s her father’s responsibility

Personally, I would let it die. See how that works out for them both

That horrible!

[EccentricaGalumbits]

@GingerFigs

I am stunned at the number of people saying that it's ridiculous to think that kids of 12 can't be expected to stay interested and look after a pet. When I was a kid we had cats and rabbits and a whole host of other random animals and we were expected to look after them!! And we did. Maybe I'm just weird 😂

Or maybe, like most (all) kids, you just didn't notice or don't remember all the things your parents did behind the scenes to help.

[GingerFigs]

@EccentricaGalumbits I am sure you are right!!

[Awayfromhome448]

@Limejuiceandrum that's awful. Vile.

I'm happy to offer a good home, I'm in Coventry. Feel bad for the tortoise

[SpindleWorld]

What type of tortoise is it? Some need really specialised care.

They also sell for eye-watering amounts.

[ShaneTheThird]

Actions have consequences as do inactions. It's an animal that needs to be cared for. If the person (SD) who claims ownership isn't meeting it's basic needs it needs to be removed somewhere where it will be.

[Furries]

@ShaneTheThird

Actions have consequences as do inactions. It's an animal that needs to be cared for. If the person (SD) who claims ownership isn't meeting it's basic needs it needs to be removed somewhere where it will be.

Disagree. The adults, that agreed to the pet for the child, need to continue their adult responsibilities and accept that they brought an animal into their home which needs to be cared for.

Don’t bring an animal into your home unless you’re prepared to look after it for the rest of its life - or, in the case of a tortoise, also consider that it might outlive your bloody kids!

[Codswallop20]

@Limejuiceandrum

Really weird that you would even think it’s anything to do with you
It’s her father’s responsibility

Personally, I would let it die. See how that works out for them both

Well aren't you a massive knobhead!?!?

[SpidersAreShitheads]

@Limejuiceandrum - I have to confess I laughed at your comment, think it was the sheer ridiculousness of it and how unexpected it was.

Obviously I'm very happy that it WAS just a sarcastic comment/joke, I did suspect that was the case but wasn't 100% sure til you clarified.

And obviously I'm not laughing at the idea of actually letting an animal die, that would be cruel beyond words. OBVIOUSLY that's not funny.

But silly and unexpected comments just make me cackle.

[HuhWhatNow]

Give her one last chance and remind her it's not been fed since the last time.

When she doesn't give a fuck and neglects it, find a new home for it and tell her it's dead. Yep. I'd be that cruel. Sometimes it needs a good hard metaphorical slap in the face for her to realise that animal neglect and abuse has real consequences.

[Furries]

@HuhWhatNow

Give her one last chance and remind her it's not been fed since the last time.

When she doesn't give a fuck and neglects it, find a new home for it and tell her it's dead. Yep. I'd be that cruel. Sometimes it needs a good hard metaphorical slap in the face for her to realise that animal neglect and abuse has real consequences.

Really? So all animals “neglected” by kids - which the parents agreed to getting - should be shunted off to new homes?

No, the parents agreed so it is their responsibility. The child should receive some sort of restrictions for not giving care duties, but shunting pets out of the house is not the answer. The adults took it in (without thinking it through) so they should step up to their responsibilities.

It’s sad, but often not surprising, how so many on here see pets as being “disposable”.

[RobertaFirmino]

Aww, poor tortie. If he has to go, make sure he's going to someone who will really love him, not just someone who's seen that train advert and thinks he's the in thing.

[nyktipolos]

Personally, if you are ever buying a pet for a child, the adults should be prepared to do the care. If your dp bought it is should be him.

Kids are not going at making these decisions, they are (generally) to impulsive.

We recently adopted a dog, ds picked her out but we knew she would be quite high maintenance so the final decision came down to me and dp. As we are the ones doing the care.

I would be really judging dp for getting this out and allowing it to not be cared for.

[Taiyo]

I think when a parent agrees to a pet, they are also agreeing to take care of the pet. My daughter has a few pets but for the most part, I am the one taking take of them and making sure they are ok and supporting my daughter to also take care of them. If dad was the one who agreed to the pet, he should be taking care of it. It only takes a few minutes each day.

[LopsidedWombat]

Everyone I know who's bought their child a pet is surprised when they're the ones who end up doing all of the care. If you do end up rehoming the tortoise then make sure her dad knows in no uncertain terms that he's not to allow her any more pets as it ends up falling on you. He also better not make you out to be the bad guy who wants to rehome her tortoise, he must take responsibility for this if it was him who allowed her to get it in the first place from what I can tell.

[MitheringMytryl]

Definitely don't take responsibility for rehoming it! This is between her and her father. Let him deal with all of this. You really don't need to be the bad guy here.

But yes, since you asked, I do agree that it needs to be rehomed. She clearly can't look after it.

[Porcupineintherough]

Tortoises live for over 80 years @Furries so it's normal for them to be rehomed even if their original owner keeps them for a lifetime. Tortoise wont care as long as it goes to a good home.

[Kanaloa]

@Porcupineintherough

Tortoises live for over 80 years *@Furries* so it's normal for them to be rehomed even if their original owner keeps them for a lifetime. Tortoise wont care as long as it goes to a good home.

For me it’s not really about the tortoise, who as you say is unlikely to care. It’s more about the message you’ve sent to the child that pets are disposable when you’re bored of them.

Firstly I think it’s hugely irresponsible to get a pet ‘for’ a child and expect them to take full responsibility for it - an adult should be aware that if they are buying an animal the responsibility lies with them and them alone. And then if you are going to go ahead and buy a famously long lived animal as a gift for a 9/10 year old, surely you would be aware that this is likely to happen?

[SuperstarDog]

Poor tortoise. I’ve got no time for people that have animals and don’t look after them. It says a lot about them as a person so I’d be rehoming the uncaring partner and step daughter. If I didn’t have time to take care of the tortoise I would rehome it too as someone will love it.

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

So she was 10 when you got her the tortoise? Anyone getting a pet for a child should do so only if they are prepared to take responsibility for it. Children lose interest in pets very quickly.

Your partner needs to step up and deal with this situation.