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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give away SDs pet?

141 replies

turtletaub · 26/09/2021 21:51

SD (12 years old) has a tortoise that she begged for 1 or 2 years ago and no longer looks after despite the constant nagging to feed it, give fresh water, bathe it. It's hardly a high maintenance pet, and everyday I am the one making sure it's ok. She's not interested. It would simply die if I stopped looking after it.
My partner agrees that we should rehome it, but it's sure to cause some huge devastation (she's almost 12). I think it's the right thing to do though. It's not without warning - we have said we will rehome it previously if doesn't take care of it and hasn't given it water for 2 weeks. Am I being the cruel step mum?

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 26/09/2021 22:20

@PurpleDaisies

Personally, I would let it die. See how that works out for them both

You would let an innocent animal die to punish a child?

Allow a sentient living animal die a slow and painful death.

There is something wrong with you.

YourFinestPantaloons · 26/09/2021 22:22

YWNBU.

This is a lesson for her in what happens when you don't take care of animals

Ilovecharliecat · 26/09/2021 22:22

@Limejuiceandrum

Really weird that you would even think it’s anything to do with you It’s her father’s responsibility

Personally, I would let it die. See how that works out for them both

You'd let it die? What a horrible think to say
harriethoyle · 26/09/2021 22:22

Oh, second a PP - I'd LOVE a tortoise! Shout if you're in the North East!

Limejuiceandrum · 26/09/2021 22:23

@PurpleDaisies

From the dictionary

something that is amusing or ridiculous, especially because of being ludicrously inadequate

But yeah, if you only think jokes are there to make you laugh then that’s ok too.

PurpleDaisies · 26/09/2021 22:23

@YourFinestPantaloons

YWNBU.

This is a lesson for her in what happens when you don't take care of animals

It’ll also be a lesson in what happens when you do something really upsetting to a child.
Limejuiceandrum · 26/09/2021 22:24

It’s not the child that’s the problem here, it’s the dad.

Mybalconyiscracking · 26/09/2021 22:27

Never get a pet for a child that you are not prepared to put the time into yourself, they lose interest, that’s what happens. Not the animal’ s fault though, they shouldn’t ever suffer.

Singlebutmarried · 26/09/2021 22:29

Don’t you need some sort of licence for a tortoise as they’re a protected species?

May well be wrong but pretty sure my brother (a fully fledged adult) had to jump through a fair few hoops to get one. So rehoming to a random may not be the best idea.

Best contact a local reptile shop or similar and regime that way.

Porcupineintherough · 26/09/2021 22:30

OP if you are going to rehome it please do so through one of the tortoise charities like the Tortoise Trust rather than sell it on Gumtree or the like. There are plenty of people who would give it a loving home and be able to care for it properly (tortoises have quite specific needs but are often kept in quite unsuitable conditions through ignorance).

Bear in mind that tortoises live for 80+ years - that's a long time to look after something you dont really want.

The idea of letting it die to teach your dd a lesson is so horrific I'm going to choose to believe it wasnt serious.

Limejuiceandrum · 26/09/2021 22:30

I can 100% guarantee that the DH in this scenario is a fucking Disney dad who has managed to find some mug to do all the actual boring parenting for him.

Papergirl1968 · 26/09/2021 22:31

My DM has a tortoise, now aged about 65-70. The tortoise that is.
Just a couple of things to consider:
Ours doesn't drink. I guess it gets moisture from food like defrosted peas, melon, grapes, dandelion and other garden weeds. Not that I'm saying it's ok for SD to neglect yours, just that water, to my knowledge, isn't necessary. Ours isn't eating much right now, which is normal just before hibernation.
And it will be hibernation time soon. Ours sleeps roughly mid October to mid March. That gives SD a few months to grow up.
But i agree with pp. If she doesn't step up in the spring, either make it a family pet or DH should rehome it to a responsible home.
Does she live with you full time? If not, what happens to tortie when she's at her mum's?

dogsdogsdogs · 26/09/2021 22:33

you should never let a child get a pet and expect them to look after it for good. most children will lose interest. There kids and not old enough to be responsible for an animal for years and years. you should keep it as a family pet and if you don't want to do that give up to a rehoming centre / charity who will find a suitable home for it.

Branleuse · 26/09/2021 22:34

Can i have the tortoise

Papergirl1968 · 26/09/2021 22:35

PS we don't bathe ours either. Maybe it's a different type to yours though. It just potters around the garden, sleeps in a heavy duty box of straw in the garage in winter. I have heard though that the new thing is to hibernate tortoises in the fridge. Hmm

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/09/2021 22:36

Has your DP helped his daughter look after the tortoise?

When I was around her age I begged and begged my Mum for a hamster, she got me one and helped with with it for the first few weeks. Reminding me to check it's food, clean it's cage etc and I got into a routine and learnt the hamsters needed.

Children don't automatically know how to look after animals.

Porcupineintherough · 26/09/2021 22:36

@Papergirl1968 water is absolutely necessary for tortoises and should always be available. They dont drink much - as you say, most of their water comes from their diet - but they do drink and lack of sufficient moisture can lead to digestive problems.

ohnotanotherusername · 26/09/2021 22:38

If you are in the south east I will happily take it on.

backoffice · 26/09/2021 22:39

When you buy a pet for a “child”, you are really taking on all the responsibility. If you aren’t prepared to do that, don’t buys pet. An 11 yo knows fuck all about responsibility.

Her dad seems useless. If he isn’t looking after it and you don’t want it, regime it’s.

backoffice · 26/09/2021 22:40

*rehome!

Terminallysleepdeprived · 26/09/2021 22:41

Not wicked step mum at all. My dsd begged and begged for a rabbit. I hate the bloody things but we relented after months of her looking after school one for ages. Her interest lasted all of 2 weeks.

After 6 months of me having to deal with it we told her that she either started to look after it or we would get rid. It was rehomed the following month.

She is old enough to look after it or deal with the consequences. So follow through.

Mydogmylife · 26/09/2021 22:44

@Limejuiceandrum

Really weird that you would even think it’s anything to do with you It’s her father’s responsibility

Personally, I would let it die. See how that works out for them both

That is beyond shocking! How could you seriously condone the cruelty of letting any creature starve to death deliberately
PepperPepperMan · 26/09/2021 22:48

@Limejuiceandrum

Really weird that you would even think it’s anything to do with you It’s her father’s responsibility

Personally, I would let it die. See how that works out for them both

Ummmmm, really?
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/09/2021 22:49

I don’t see people blaming you for getting it. They’re blaming your partner. He’s the parent in this, it’s now his lookout. He stupidly trusted a 10 year old to care for an animal, seemingly without adequate supervision, she’s not, he’s letting you do all of it, you’re even the one debating the dilemma of what next.

Is he always so absent? So hands off? She’s taking her cue from him. She won’t change until he does.

Limejuiceandrum · 26/09/2021 22:50

@PepperPepperMan
No pepper. No, not really. Ffs.

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