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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give away SDs pet?

141 replies

turtletaub · 26/09/2021 21:51

SD (12 years old) has a tortoise that she begged for 1 or 2 years ago and no longer looks after despite the constant nagging to feed it, give fresh water, bathe it. It's hardly a high maintenance pet, and everyday I am the one making sure it's ok. She's not interested. It would simply die if I stopped looking after it.
My partner agrees that we should rehome it, but it's sure to cause some huge devastation (she's almost 12). I think it's the right thing to do though. It's not without warning - we have said we will rehome it previously if doesn't take care of it and hasn't given it water for 2 weeks. Am I being the cruel step mum?

OP posts:

Whstdoyouthink · 26/09/2021 22:51

Hmmm tricky. It’s not unlike every 12 year old I know not to look after their pet etc

Oncemoreuntothebreachagain · 26/09/2021 22:52

Can I just point out that actual tortoises are not “easy to look after”!
I have two and they require careful care and lots of space. Mine have their own room and a huge outdoor enclosure. I suspect this one is being looked after in unsuitable conditions. Is it in a vivarium? The thing is they will seem fine right up to the moment they just die, so that tortoise is suffering right now. Do the right thing and get it rehomed!

TarpaulinEyes · 26/09/2021 22:59

@Limejuiceandrum

Really weird that you would even think it’s anything to do with you It’s her father’s responsibility

Personally, I would let it die. See how that works out for them both

Gosh you sound nice.

Tortoises should be hibernating soon. Once down for winter hardly going to be much looking after taking place.

pombombedom · 26/09/2021 23:02

I would also agree tortoises are not an easy pet to look after. They need fresh weeds picked daily, a suitable outside inclosure with a heat and uv light and free roaming access to the garden. After a certain age they should be hibernated over winter. They should be bathed and always need access to fresh water.

I'm not saying it's the case here as you haven't said anything about your set up but It's staggering how many tortoise owners keep them in a small wooden box and feed off dried food or bagged lettuce, I've even seen it on petting farms!

If your not prepared to take on the poor animal yourself (and I wouldn't blame you) please make sure it's rehomed via a reputable charity.

ISpyCobraKai · 26/09/2021 23:06

She shouldn't have been bought it in the first place, "1 or 2 years ago" weird that you can't remember.
I'd say rehome it so it can get get proper care.

liddlelambsydivey · 26/09/2021 23:08

I'd insist he start monitoring whether or not she's caring for it. If I saw no-one had fed/watered/whatever, I'd tell him to do it. If you have to remind him very often, he really ought to rehome it. In the short term, I'd rather complain to him than do the job for him. He has to bear the responsibility, here. His child, his responsibility.

He can make her take care of the animal, take care of it himself, or tell her she's obviously not mature enough for a pet, yet, and find another home for it.

mellicauli · 26/09/2021 23:10

Yup. You are the only grown up in this relationship. Probably why his first wife left him. I would leave with the tortoise.

Staryflight445 · 26/09/2021 23:16

No you shouldn’t re hone it. That’s not a great lesson to teach at all.

It’s kinda the adults fault in this situation, trusting an 11/12 year old with the maintenance of a pet.

Far too young.

Plumtree391 · 26/09/2021 23:18

It's not unusual for kids to want a pet and a parent ends up looking after it.

Why don't you just keep it, they are low maintenance pets and very sweet.

DistrustfulDinosaur · 26/09/2021 23:19

Please surrender to a reputable reptile rescue. Tortoises aren't a pet to be undertaken lightly, due to their long lifespan and specialist care needs. What species and what is SD feeding it atm? Does it have UVB lighting?

myheartskippedabeat · 26/09/2021 23:25

@turtletaub
Are you anywhere near Lincolnshire/Notts
We'd love to give it a home

user1473878824 · 26/09/2021 23:25

@Limejuiceandrum

Really weird that you would even think it’s anything to do with you It’s her father’s responsibility

Personally, I would let it die. See how that works out for them both

Wtf

Cherrysoup · 26/09/2021 23:29

The original shop may well take it back.

Kanaloa · 26/09/2021 23:32

I think your partner is being a bit unreasonable. It’s always been my belief that if I was to allow one of my kids to get a pet, then I’m taking on responsibility for a pet. That’s why my kids aren’t allowed them, because I wouldn’t just give them away if they didn’t look after them.

I would either make pocket money or screen time dependent on pet care like any other chore or would shoulder the responsibility myself as the child’s parent and the true owner of the pet. There is a reason children aren’t allowed to buy an animal in Pets at Home.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 26/09/2021 23:37

A hibernating pet would make me so nervous.

What do you do with them in the months they are asleep? How do you know it's time?

ShinyThingsDistractMe · 26/09/2021 23:37

10 year olds and under really don't want to look after their pet they just want it there. I currently have a small fishtank hat DS aged the 5 begger for a fish. I know I'd be the one doing the water changes and feeding but I was ok with it.

I think he needs to explain to his daughter that it needs to be rehomed. Obviously you'll actually arrange it, but that's a discussion for him to have with his daughter.

Kanaloa · 26/09/2021 23:38

@GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou

A hibernating pet would make me so nervous.

What do you do with them in the months they are asleep? How do you know it's time?

Not all tortoises hibernate. For those that do they go in a special box, you turn their lights on an off to a schedule then in the box.

You can also pay for hibernation services if you’re nervous, where someone else will check them during hibernation and keep them for you until wake up time.

Plumtree391 · 26/09/2021 23:39

@DistrustfulDinosaur

I've had two, one as a child and another I took in as an adult because it's shell was damaged. I took it to the vet and it was fine. This was many years ago.

They both lived outdoors except for hibernation when they went into a box in the shed. They enjoyed the garden, ate dandelions and things but they were fed by me too.

The one I had as a child died after so many years. The other one got out of the garden and wandered off. A man round the corner found and took her in to live with his four tortoises in his more secure garden as we were going to move. After that he wanted to keep her so we let him. We hadn't really intended to have one in the first place but I took pity on it because of its injury.

I'm glad they aren't imported any more, the way they were shipped over in crates was horrific.

It's quite a special hing to have a tortoise as a pet nowadays. I think there is more understanding of their specialist needs too, we were pretty ignorant back in the day.

I think tortoises are gorgeous and friendly. My second one used to come indoors and wander around for a while most days.

Derbee · 26/09/2021 23:40

Tortoises are not easy pets. They require a lot of specialist care. It will also likely outlive your SD, so it really wasn’t a sensible choice of pet.

I really hope you don’t rehome it to strangers on the internet. Please contact The Tortoise Trust or another reputable organisation to rehome

Happymum12345 · 26/09/2021 23:40

Don’t give away her pet. She’s behaving like a child - because she is one. She was also a child when you got her a pet. This is what tends to happen. Remind her to look after it by using charts, praise, encouragemen etc.

RAFHercules · 26/09/2021 23:42

Poor tortoise.
You need to make DH sit down and talk yo her about how she is neglecting it and how she needs to take responsibility to make sure its looked after properly (ie removing via a proper animal rescue centre).

Holidaytan · 26/09/2021 23:42

I would love a tortoise if you’re looking for a new home for him. I’ve a number of much beloved pets.

Mamanyt · 26/09/2021 23:42

@Brollywasntneededafterall

Not sure tortoise needs a lead tbh!! We as a family have wanted one for about 20 years op.!! Happy to offer up a new home!!

Hey, @turtletaub, calling your attention to this! THEY WANT A TORTOISE!

Floralnomad · 26/09/2021 23:47

You’ve said it doesn’t require much care so just look after it and if she asks for anything again you can point at said tortoise and say NO . It’s mainly you and your partners fault for buying a child a pet , 90% of the time the child gets fed up within days .

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 26/09/2021 23:50

Thanks, Kanaloa! I would go with the hibernation services otherwise I would probably bother the poor thing making sure it's still alive. :o

They are such fascinating creatures, aren't they?

OP I would rehome him. I'm a pushover but I draw the line at not taking care of pets.

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