I need perspective on this situation with DSs GF

[CrazyHorse]

For background I have two DC - 16yo DD and 18yo DS. Both of them have part time jobs at the company. The company has several stores, and DS has also been working at a store an hour away, where he met his new GF (it's been a few weeks). Other people from our town store have also worked there, so a few of them have got to know each other, but DD has never worked with DSs GF, and has never actually met her.

Last weekend 18 yo DS invited his GF to stay over Friday evening until Sunday. He told us this. As he was working on the Saturday, she would be spending the day in his room, as there are no buses or trains between out town and her town, so she needed DS to drive her.

The thing is, she's so shy she's never said hello to us. The times I've tried to engage with her, eye contact is avoided and she walks off.

On Saturday DD and I were planning on going shopping at a big shopping outlet. DS had explained previously the only thing his GF likes to do is wear little dresses and go out for dinner and also go shopping, so this retail outlet sounded just up her street, andI suggested she could come with us. Through DS she declined to come with us (not surprising if she's shy) and DS said she was meeting up with a friend from
from our town she'd met through work, on Saturday.

On Saturday morning DD and I decided to go out shopping after lunch, partly as I wanted to clean the house. I had a shower, and wasn't sure if the GF had gone out while I was in the shower.It was a bit awkward as I wanted to vacuum, but also I didn't want to go in to DSs room check if she was still there, incase she was sleeping and disturbed her. Nobody wants their boyfriends mum peering at them while they're asleep. DD called into the room offering tea/coffee, but no reply so we figured she had gone out, although I didn't Hoover as I wasn't 100% sure.

I got on with house work, DD got on with her homework. She also practiced her instrument, as she normally would on a Saturday morning.

Apparently the GF hadn't gone out and did spend the day in DSs room (DH heard her moving around after I'd gone out, and called in offering lunch, but again no reply. ) I get it, she's shy, and didn't want to have lunch with her boyfriends dad, but a "no thanks I'm fine" wouldn't have killed her.

I have told DS if she left her shoes by the from door like his previous GFs I'd know of she was in the house or not.

So this weekend DD has gone to her part time job, and is now bing referred to as "trumpet girl", as the GF has told her friends who work there that DD disturbed her by playing the trumpet when she was at our house .

DD doesn't care that she's now known as "trumpet girl" but I think it's bloody rude.

Is it me? AIBU to be irritated by the GF? Should I say anything to DS?

[JacquelineCarlyle]

I'm glad you've spoken to him Op and he's taken it on board - she's totally out of order gossiping not just about your DD but also about you. She'd be lucky to be allowed back into my house for that behaviour!

Please do stand up for yourself and your home - this is the kind of thing that if you don't nip in the bud, could be very hard to sort at a later date (& they're much further down the line of dating!).

[DressBitch]

She sounds absolutely vile.

[Bluntness100]

Wow I’d be so so pissed about thr drunk thing. Way more than the trumpet this. What a judgemental little cow

And your son? She likes to put on little dresses? Wtaf?

[Spindrifting]

I’m no longer buying the shy, socially-anxious little mouse thing. She sounds like a nasty-minded gossip who doesn’t have the basic manners to emerge to say hello to her boyfriend’s family when she stays over but is happy to throw them under the bus for a few giggles with her workmates.

[Goldbar]

I'd be reluctant ever to have her back in your house after the 'drunk' thing! Even if you had had a bit much (which you say you hadn't), she has no business spreading details about what you do in your own home on social media. Ever. Such a lack of respect for your family's privacy!

[billy1966]

OP,

I mean it kindly but you have huge boundaries issues that you would have such a ignorant madam in your house.

Shy my arse.

Mocking your daughter?
Mocking you?

She is the absolute dregs.

And you are prepared to entertain her again in your home knowing that she has called you a roaring drunk in the privacy of your own home when she was a guest?

You really don't have any boundaries and you are not modeling self respect to your children.

Unbelievable.

Possible mother to your grandchildren?
🙄

[burritofan]

Sounds like DD needs to play her trumpet in the GF’s face as often as possible. What a rude person! She’s not shy at all, just thinks she’s above you all.

[VeganCheesePlease]

She sounds so rude. If she's staying in your house the least she could do is have breakfast or lunch with you or at very least have a chat chat you. Granted going out with your boyfriends mum and sister might be a bit daunting at the start but its also a good way to get to know each other so she could have made an effort there. She sounds like a little creep staying in the room all day and then doing that to your daughter in work!!

[longtompot]

My ds's gf is shy, but she would answer if any of us spoke to her. Your ds's gf sounds rude. I would say she isn't welcome to stay when he isn't there. She was very rude about your dd, calling her names to her colleagues.

[Sally872]

Good ds has taken it on board. But I would still say no more visits when he is not there. He could have picked her up after work on Saturday there is no need for her to be there all day Saturday making everyone feel awkward so they can have Fri and Sun together.
I would be annoyed at him for landing this on me even if she wasn't so anti social and rude.

[Howshouldibehave]

@BornIn78

I’d be telling DS that if his girlfriend can’t muster up the most basic courtesy of even saying “hello, then she can’t come over, much less spend the day in his bedroom ignoring the household then bitching about them afterwards.

This.

She isn’t shy, she is bloody rude.

[VeganCheesePlease]

Just saw the 'drunk' update. I wouldn't be having her back!! Even if you were a bit merry, its your home and your Friday evening!
And you sound genuinely lovely, so don't let her do this on you!

[househuntinginthesouth]

I was going to say perhaps she's just extremely anxious and she literally cannot answer back ( I used to be like this when I was a teenager, I would get so anxious the words just wouldn't come out) but having read the rest sounds like she's just rude, I'd refuse having her round anymore if she's going to be like that. Glad your DD isn't bothered by it though.

[Mooloolabababy]

After seeing the latest update op, there's not a chance I would be having her back in my house!!! So fucking rude of her!!

[Feedingthebirds1]

Good ds has taken it on board. But I would still say no more visits when he is not there.

After the OP's update I'd say no more visits full stop.

Come on OP, don't allow yourself and your DD to be treated like this. Stop being worried that DS will cut off access to any DGC and allowing yourself to be a doormat 'just in case'.

[cricketmum84]

Latest update just shows she is a twat. Not welcome in your home anymore. If DS wants to spend time with her he can go to her house.

[Brollywasntneededafterall]

I told ds his cf gf wasn't welcome anymore... He started going to her house but wasn't very welcome (her dps were serious hoarders and literally no space to sit down). It dwindled out soon after.
Stand your ground op... You do not have to accept Cfuckery no matter if she is a potential dil!!

[Bluetrews25]

She's really rude, not shy, as others have said (cancel the cheque)

Much as I understand your urge to drop-kick her into the wide blue yonder, please exercise a little caution - trying to encourage a break up at that age can backfire badly when it pushes them closer together. Don't turn them into Romeo and Juliet. You've handled it well so far.

[VenusTiger]

She doesn't sound shy, she sounds disrespectful.
Respect is mutual - you've welcomed her and she needs to reciprocate if she is to spend any time in your family home again.

[Happylittlethoughts]

Nope. Sneaky wee witch wouldn't be in my house ever again.

[bangonthedoorgroovychick]

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I'd never have dreamed of behaving in such a way.

She has very publicly mocked both you and your daughter. I'd never have her back in the house again!

Hopefully this will shine her in a new light in your sons eyes. If not I'd be sitting him down for another talk about the importance of respect in a relationship not just to each other but to each others families.

[Justilou1]

Wow! “Son… Your GF’s a nasty, divisive arsehole.” If she feels comfortable showing up to your place again after that drunk comment, then you know she’s not shy. She’s a bitch who wants to split your family and create a wake of drama wherever she goes.

[lalafafa]

she's taking the piss out of your whole family, spreading rumours, I wouldn't let her in again.

[Motnight]

She's not shy. She is a deliberately rude trouble maker.

[Moneysavvymam]

@GunsNMoses

Dd had a friend like this at school. We had about three sleepovers before I pulled the plug. It was exhausting. Every question asked of the girl was either met by wide eyed wonderment that I'd spoken to her or a whisper in dd's ear. They were about 13 at the time. I had better things to do than play games and if I were OP I wouldn't be playing them with this one either.

That is harsh. I was scared to death of other peoples parents (peers are not as scary as grown ups)
Also peoples houses have different dynamics. If I wanted a friend over from school we had to go in the bedroom and pretend they weren't there basically. My dad hated having people over so I grew up thinking 'you ignore the parents or get told off or told to go home'. Now I know that was rude I absolutely feel embarrassed. But I wouldn't go around in communal areas of my dhs house unless they were all out. I'd wait until everyone was out until I even ventured to the toilet.