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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed at my partner for cutting our 13 month old's hair?

117 replies

somewhereonplanetearth · 26/09/2021 20:52

Our 13 month old son had beautiful curls. He got lots of compliments on them and I loved running my fingers through to them.

My partner always said if we cut his hair it can grow back stronger and it would be easier for us to massage his head with coconut oil to get rid of the dry skin.

I agreed that my partner could take him for a hair cut, but I told him not to cut it too short.

He then came back like this. Before and after picture is attached.

I'm really sad and angry at my partner 😭

Even my mother says he looks poorly like that, like a sick child.

AIBU?

to be really annoyed at my partner for cutting our 13 month old's hair?
to be really annoyed at my partner for cutting our 13 month old's hair?
OP posts:
CoalCraft · 26/09/2021 21:26

I think YANBU OP, I would be upset too, but then I wouldn't have okayed any haircut at all.

MyPatronusIsACat · 26/09/2021 21:28

MyPatronusIsACat

Why are some people (mums) so obsessed with keeping their baby/toddler son's hair long? Confused

@deepsabeeskit

It's funny isn't it? And it's always boys where the hair is rarely brushed, tied or clipped back - so its tidy and out of their eyes. Whereas most girls at least lots if people tie or clip it out of their eyes.

This. ^ Some mums seem soooo desperate to keep their son's hair long. They always gasp in awe at the long, wavy hair on 'their boy.' But mums don't do the same when it's a girl. I mean they will make a bit of a fuss of it, but won't obsess over it like the mums of boys do.

So odd.

MyPatronusIsACat · 26/09/2021 21:29

@WhenISnappedAndFarted

Why's it okay to do it on a boy and not a girl?

Is that because girls are meant to have long hair and boys are meant to have short hair? Hmm

If you say so.

OuiOuiBonjour · 26/09/2021 21:36

There's a bit of a difference between a standard boys' short back and sides haircut and a buzz cut leaving the child with next to no hair. I'd be unhappy too OP.

Luckily hair grows and hopefully it will have grown back enough by the time the weather gets cold that his little head won't be freezing. We lose alot of heat through our heads.

He is too young to have an opinion about his hair so that's a good thing too as he won't be upset. I personally feel your OH seems a bit overinvested in your LO's hair length and styling. The child's only just 1! Maybe you should take him for haircuts from now on. Just make sure when he's old enough, he's allowed to have a choice and opinion on his own hair rather than being forced to put up with what a parent wants.

esloquehay · 26/09/2021 21:42

When my twin girls were 15 months, I cut their hair really, really short. You might have thought I'd scalped them by my family's reactions. 🙄

Flufferty · 26/09/2021 21:46

It's more practical and it looks fine

user1471518295 · 26/09/2021 21:46

You are that upset about a haircut? You really need to get out more. I have friends with children who are sick who are making less fuss than you. It is hair. It will grow back. He doesn't have an incurable disease, and is not missing a limb. This is one of the few times where I will say get a grip.

StillMedusa · 26/09/2021 21:47

I'd be gutted too OP (and no I'm not a mum who has a thing for long haired boys) That's a right scalping. I don't think any child, boy or girl looks better for having almost no hair!

But.. it will soon grow and at least you know not to let your partner take him to the barbers again !!!

PlanDeRaccordement · 26/09/2021 21:48

It’s just hair and it will help with correcting the dry scalp condition (cradle cap?) you mentioned. Which will mean your DS will be more comfortable as a result. I wouldn’t be upset with my partner over this as DS comfort comes before my preference in looks.

Skyla2005 · 26/09/2021 21:50

I think it looks better now I don't like it when boys have long hair it looks scruffy and like they think it's cool but it's not

Lou98 · 26/09/2021 21:52

Sorry but I do think YABU.

It's only hair, if he has a dry scalp then it does make it much easier to treat if the hairs short.

I've never understood being so precious over hair personally, I think being 'sad and angry' at your partner is ridiculous

Poppinjay · 26/09/2021 22:03

My partner always said if we cut his hair it can grow back stronger

Hair is dead. Cutting it doesn't change how it is produced at the follicle in any way.

It may make it appear thicker because it is all the same length but it isn't thicker or stronger.

Your DH is a dick. If he was going to go against your wishes, he should at least have been up front about it. He doesn't care if you trust him.

Nefelibata86 · 26/09/2021 22:04

Can anyone confirm that cradle cap does need treating? Particularly if it’s not itchy

Hankunamatata · 26/09/2021 22:08

I think he looks really cute with the cut. So much easier to take care of esp if your rubbing oil into scalp.

PlanDeRaccordement · 26/09/2021 22:12

@Nefelibata86

Can anyone confirm that cradle cap does need treating? Particularly if it’s not itchy
Here is NHS page on cradle cap. www.nhs.uk/conditions/cradle-cap/
GinLimeandLemonade · 26/09/2021 22:16

I'd be annoyed too 😬

But at least at that age there's plenty of kids who have that little hair. My son had the same when he was that age.

It'll grow 😊

SaraSidleWillows · 26/09/2021 22:18

Jesus, the sexism on here! Girls and Boys can have Short hair, long hair, in between hair... since (as someone mentioned) their sex is indistinguishable when wearing a nappy at 13mo, it’s literally not different.

Even if it was, what genitals you are born with do not determine what styles of hair you are allowed to wear, what jobs you can do or what toys you can play with.

Frazzled2207 · 26/09/2021 22:20

I’d be gutted and pretty cross and upset

Total rubbish about “growing back stronger”

Meatshake · 26/09/2021 22:21

Oh that would have broken me for a couple of days!

I love longer hair on little boys though. Not a fan of the overly short buzz cuts. Reminds me too much of the cuts the boys got whenever the school nurse sent a class nits letter 😂

RaginaPhalange · 26/09/2021 22:26

I get why you would be upset but its hair it will grow back.

When I was about 3 my dad took me to get my hair cut and my mum told him get them to cut just above her shoulders and I came back with it just above my ears. It was horrid, nursery photos were the day after. My mum was fuming with him.

theThreeofWeevils · 26/09/2021 22:30

grown back enough by the time the weather gets cold that his little head won't be freezing

...or he could always wear a little hat. The drama!

yikesanotherbooboo · 26/09/2021 22:34

My mil did this as a 'favour' to me. In reality she didn't approve of DS's long curls. I was upset. It is a little different here because your baby's father has had it done and he has equal parental rights to you. Whatever, it's happened and it's only hair.

OuiOuiBonjour · 26/09/2021 22:35

@theThreeofWeevils

grown back enough by the time the weather gets cold that his little head won't be freezing

...or he could always wear a little hat. The drama!

I take it you've never encountered a toddler who hated wearing hats Hmm.
Igneo · 26/09/2021 22:42

It’s great your dp took your kid for a haircut.
Try leaving it another 6 or 9 months and then your kid refuses to have their hair cut. Let this be one of the parenting things your dp leads in and be grateful you don’t have to deal with it yourself!

WTF475878237NC · 26/09/2021 22:47

You talked about it beforehand and presumably agreed but he overuled you. I'd be upset about that. Does he generally just say one thing and do another?!