Why are women with husbands so jealous and hurtful towards other single women?

[beigebrownblue]

Ok. I'm divorced.

I have absolutely ZILCH desire to hook up with a man.

None. Nil. Nichts. Nada.

I have been taking myself out once a week to eat at a local restaurant. Not cheap, but it is the only break I get.

I have noticed that the woman who is mangeress of the restaurant is really off with me and does not seem to be able to accept my presence.

I dress down. For a long time I've not wanted to be noticed by anyone actually. Often I read a book.

Her other half cooks in the kitchen.

Why is it that she insists on being territorial with me, on this one?

Are women so threatened nowadays?

Yes, perhaps her other half has history, but why blame a customer?

This thread is so odd.

Its definitely a thing. My best friend was heavily involved in the local kids rugby team. Ds wanted to give it a go so we signed up and used to help out. A couple of women were very hostile towards me, right up until the point they found out I was in a long term relationship with my best friends brother. He just worked Sundays so never attended. Then they were lovely to me. Like literally, they heard me and my best friend arranging for me, dp, her and her husband to meet for a pub quiz. Their shock that I had a dp was noticiable as was their change in attitudes. Observed by other people.

As I said earlier, I have read a thread on here where single women were called all sorts. Apparently, they are sad and lonely and think nothing of hounding women's lovely dhs until the dh just can't say no anymore 🙄 Posters even admitted they wouldn't really blame their dhs for having an affair, because they know the man had just no longer being able to resist what's been 'offered on a plate'.

But I don't think it's common or happens alot, but some women don't like single women (or women they think maybe single) being anywhere near their husbands.

I am not sure if that's what's happening with Op, though. I used to run a restaurant with (now ex) dh, wouldn't have occurred to me that he was going to run off with any of the single female customers. He was a dick, don't get me wrong, but that was the least of my worries.

If someone is concerned their partner is going to have an affair, I am not sure why they would be so concerned about single women. Plenty of affairs are conducted between people who are both attached, anyway.

I agree with you OP, I have seen a lot of territorial gestures since I divorced, nothing to aggressive (most of the times), you slowly stop being invited, the school mums no longer sit with you if they have their husbands around and from time to time you get a woman barging into a weather conversation forcefully introducing herself as a Mrs The Guy You are Talking To.

But I also have some strange inappropriate banter coming from my usually respectful friends’ husbands or friends from the moment they knew I was on my own.

Most of my divorced friends, who take care of their appearance, say the same. So I guess people who say different are not divorced or if they are, are less sensitive to subtle territorial gestures from some women.

Personally, regardless of the service and quality food, I wouldn't go somewhere where I felt one of the owners was unwelcoming towards me, I'd feel on edge and find somewhere else.

Your attitude on here is quite hostile. Maybe you are therefore hostile to the manager but not to the chef and she's picked up on that? You haven't said anything nice about her, so I think it's probably a safe assumption.

Maybe she just doesn’t like you! I’m sure Many of us who have husbands that regularly deal with single woman in their jobs don’t give it another thought!

Dont want to throw the thread off on a tangent but this was a quite on a recent thread. It wasn't the only person talking about older single women this way

As PP said, by this stage, they're desperate. Not for my man, for any man. They don't desire him in particular. It's just, "a man" finally. I find it really strange a few PP are pretending these women don't exist. They are pretty common.

Then there was the ones who says it's mot really the dhs fault, it's the 'dangerous' single women who are so easy the dh couldn't keep saying no.

The attitude definitely exists.

*Maybe she just thinks your a dick

This 😂 *
The way you say this like it applies to all women with husbands, makes me think that you are the one with an attitude towards women who are still married. Like we must all be unhappy, how will our husbands ever resist you and we all must be jealous wives with nothing better to do.
Let me know if you ever come to Australia, I'll lock my husband away just in case 🙄

@GrandmasCat

I agree with you OP, I have seen a lot of territorial gestures since I divorced, nothing to aggressive (most of the times), you slowly stop being invited, the school mums no longer sit with you if they have their husbands around and from time to time you get a woman barging into a weather conversation forcefully introducing herself as a Mrs The Guy You are Talking To.

But I also have some strange inappropriate banter coming from my usually respectful friends’ husbands or friends from the moment they knew I was on my own.

Most of my divorced friends, who take care of their appearance, say the same. So I guess people who say different are not divorced or if they are, are less sensitive to subtle territorial gestures from some women.

How can you agree with her?😂😂😂 do you know her, th restaurant or the managaress and her husband?

Op you’ve still not explained why you think the chef fancies you and ha cheated on her and she’s jealous of you?

It won't be all women; only insecure people.

Bloody hell. Have you tried McDonald's OP? They'll happily ignore you once served.

I went to a cafe the other day and the girl behind the counter was not very friendly, which is reason enough for me not to back. I didn’t however jump to a assume her behaviour was based on my relationship status. How odd.

Sounds like you feel you’re so gorgeous that you are desirable to all men. Maybe the female manager gets a bad vibe from you and just doesn’t like you?

The other thread people are referring too and pretending it's the same thing is ridiculous, I'll tell you why.

One scenario, a man was contacted by his ex (who he hadn't seen for essentially 20 years or kept in contact with) to go for coffee, and what was interesting was the entire 20yrs with no contact she was married, but suddenly single for the first time, wanted to meet up with her ex for coffee. That is completely different. That's someone the guy has had sex with for years wanting to meet up again, out of the blue.

This?? The restaurant woman and OP are complete strangers. The restaurant woman apparently is prickly with OP. And whilst having no idea that OP is single, the restaurant woman thinks OP is a threat to her marriage, thus explaining the prickliness

Any attempt of "OP, maybe it's because you're going in there and taking a table for an extended period of time, especially as you're taking a book to read with you, and she'd rather get on with using the table for a couple who will have 3 courses each and a bottle of wine"...is meet with bizarre responses that have little relevance such as "I'm eating the most expensive thing on the menu every time I go in, for nutritional value". And?? It's still not the same as the 6 courses a couple would be ordering.

Yes, it's shitty that she's making her annoyance visible, but: It's. Not. Because. You're. Threatening. Her.

Any pretty obvious suggestion of "maybe she's just an arse, take your money somewhere else where the staff are pleasant". Gets these "internalised misogyny' chirps, which are so out of context, it's pretty apparent OP has found a "buzzword" and doesn't quite know that it means.

Or, OP keep going to the same restaurant, with the same poor service, convinced it's because you're a divorcee, when they have no idea that you are a divorcee. Because if you go somewhere else, the system wins, right

I'd go with she just doesn't like you much. If you're dressing down maybe she thinks you're a scruff in here restaurant.

Divorced people can be treated badly though. 'Mike' and 'Sue' get divorced and Sue notices fewer invites to parties which she puts down to them thinking she's after their husbands. Perhaps they'd just prefer to invite Mike because he's more fun than Sue. Perhaps they don't want singles. Perhaps they think she'll spend the evening telling everyone what a shit Mike is. Who knows our interactions are always changing no just divorce, marriage/babies/age lots of things change how we see others and how they see us.

Samantha Brick anyone?

Some married women can be total arseholes. Also some single women can be total arseholes.

This thread is really pointless.

*Divorced people can be treated badly though. 'Mike' and 'Sue' get divorced and Sue notices fewer invites to parties which she puts down to them thinking she's after their husbands. Perhaps they'd just prefer to invite Mike because he's more fun than Sue. Perhaps they don't want singles. Perhaps they think she'll spend the evening telling everyone what a shit Mike is."

Yes, this definitely does happen. But I think people's experiences of this sort of thing aren't comparable because it's about personal relationships and the dynamics of friendships changing, which sort of occur naturally when couples separate.

This is not at all what's happening with OP encountering a stranger who has zero idea of OPs relationship status.

OP, try thinking of it like this (bizarre example, but I honestly can't many it any simpler):

I go to a restaurant and the woman serving glares at me the whole time. I come home and tell my friend how this woman clearly hates Buddhists, like me, to behave like that. The friend enquires, what makes you think that? Did you tell her you were a Buddhist? "No." And yet her whole behaviour was because you were a Buddhist.... when she had no idea you were a Buddhist. "Yes."

Do you see how illogical that is.

Friends, acquaintances, hobby club managers, etc. and their treatment of single women are all irrelevant, because the only thing the manager knows about this particular steak-eating bibliophile is the name on her credit card.

Maybe you are dressed down so she thinks you're bringing down the glamour of the place? You said it's a nice place.

One scenario, a man was contacted by his ex (who he hadn't seen for essentially 20 years or kept in contact with) to go for coffee, and what was interesting was the entire 20yrs with no contact she was married, but suddenly single for the first time, wanted to meet up with her ex for coffee. That is completely different. That's someone the guy has had sex with for years wanting to meet up again, out of the blue.

I linked that, because it shows attitudes towards single women. That's all. I didn't say it was the same situation. I was talking, generally, that attitude can exist.

Not sure that's what's going on in this situation. But lots of posters are pretendinh that attitude doesn't exist at all. I was pointing out that it does.

And on that thread, as you are aware, op didn't know if she was single. She knew she had divorced at some point. Not that she was single, she was assuming she was.

@AhNowTed

Samantha Brick anyone?

@AhNowTed my thoughts exactly! 😂

Perhaps women shouldn't go where they want to go.
And also should vary their route.
As dictated by other people?
That is crazy.

I can’t speak for anyone else but I’m surprised that you want to continue to frequent a place where one of the owners can’t accept your presence (your words).

It’s nothing to do with misogyny, more the fact that you are a consumer who can choose to take your custom elsewhere, but you continue to financially support a business where one half of the ownership seems to deliberately make you uncomfortable. I wouldn’t waste my time analysing or thinking about this, I would just spend my money where I was welcome.

I'm not so sure about this woman in this case, she might just be a miserable lady.

I am single, have been for years and years and I definitely noticed this when I split form my ex. The dinner party invites stopped etc. I wouldn't mind but I'm not anything to look at and I very much doubt their husbands would even look at me in that way.

I also found it bizarre that people would think I'm interested in their husbands, they were/are hardly Tom Hardy lookalikes and I've sat and listened to them moan about them loads and how rubbish and annoying they are

It's interesting that you think she is like this because of you - and that your title says 'women' as if you feel you have this sort of experience a lot. Reading between the lines I am wondering what the real message behind your post is.

And on that thread, as you are aware, op didn't know if she was single.

She did. OP clarified that as several people were saying "do you even know that she is?"

Anyway, let's not derail this thread, which is, OP pretending she's being treated in a way that revolves around her relationship status, by a complete stranger who doesn't know her relationship status.