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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are women with husbands so jealous and hurtful towards other single women?

527 replies

beigebrownblue · 26/09/2021 19:57

Ok. I'm divorced.

I have absolutely ZILCH desire to hook up with a man.

None. Nil. Nichts. Nada.

I have been taking myself out once a week to eat at a local restaurant. Not cheap, but it is the only break I get.

I have noticed that the woman who is mangeress of the restaurant is really off with me and does not seem to be able to accept my presence.

I dress down. For a long time I've not wanted to be noticed by anyone actually. Often I read a book.

Her other half cooks in the kitchen.

Why is it that she insists on being territorial with me, on this one?

Are women so threatened nowadays?

Yes, perhaps her other half has history, but why blame a customer?

OP posts:
MitheringMytryl · 27/09/2021 01:03

Wow, I haven't heard anyone use the term "manageress" in a very long time!

It's usually a term I hear elderly men use.

Snugglybuggly · 27/09/2021 01:06

I had a husband and I now have a partner but I've never been jealous or hurtful to single women... some of my best friends are single!

amitoooldforthisshit · 27/09/2021 01:08

in my country woman without husband is spinster and spinster is bad!

Flunked · 27/09/2021 01:16

@MitheringMytryl

Wow, I haven't heard anyone use the term "manageress" in a very long time!

It's usually a term I hear elderly men use.

Yes, manageress is such an outdated word! It really grates on me. No need to use it these days. I don't care how old OP is.

Last time I shared that opinion on here I had about 100 @'s telling me they loved being refered to as manageress/stewardess/authoress etc.

SunnyLeaf · 27/09/2021 01:17

This is ridiculous Confused

SunnyLeaf · 27/09/2021 01:17

But I guess that’s the point, how impressive or something

user1473878824 · 27/09/2021 01:29

Obviously, women are still not allowed to go to restaurants on their own without comment and stupid sterotypes.

As I said @beigebrownblue, I’m one of the many women on this thread who goes to restaurants alone. I’m guessing that you’re bothering them and trying to chat lots and not sitting quietly with your book, incurring the wrath of all jealous women.

Please stop going on about Sufferage, it makes no sense.

user1473878824 · 27/09/2021 01:30

Also bleating on about women not being able to eat meat or go out alone is weird. Not a SINGLE person on this thread has said that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/09/2021 01:33

Internalised misogyny...... do you even know what that means OP? Genuine question because I really dont think that you do!

As PP have said, your use of the term "manageress" rather gives you away.

rosamacrose · 27/09/2021 01:34

beigebrownblue
Perhaps we should not venture five minutes from our homes in case we get murdered?
Been reading thinking you're drunk and being a goady fucker but that last sentence deserves to get you fucking deleted.
Have some fucking respect.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/09/2021 01:36

I am on the fence....

Either

A) Pissed and will leave the thread tomorrow when she realises what a complete tit she has been tonight

or
B) Goady Fucker who will leave the the thread tomorrow when he realises that he didnt get the "Yes all men who can pull are bastards and all women are bitches" reaction he wanted for his sad little Incel sub reddit.

Porridgealert · 27/09/2021 01:47

OP, I think people are being very unfair to you. Ignoring divorced women isn't a new circumstance, though. When my sister got divorced 20 years ago, women at the golf course started to give her the cold shoulder. And my aunt was widowed in her early 70s and couples that she and my uncle had socialised with for years, stopped inviting her out. She was so upset because she thought they were her best friends. And I know from single friends that they don't get invited to dinner parties in the way couples do. Typically I think couples like to hang out with couples.

user1473878824 · 27/09/2021 01:47

@rosamacrose That really fucked me off too.

Flunked · 27/09/2021 01:48

I've worked in restaurants for years. The only time I dislike customers eating alone is when they want lots of attention from me and my staff. Often we are too busy to chat and it can be difficult to politely disengage from conversation. Just let us get on with our jobs!

I also dislike the lone diners who want to sit on a table for 4 (or more and then get pissy when told no), they order a starter only and a pot of tea with repeated requests for hot water but not a new pot on a Friday or Saturday night! Just... no.

HannaHanna · 27/09/2021 01:50

You are “passing the time” with a married man while his wife is there working. Perhaps she let you know that he is her husband out of simple courtesy. Consider that while you may find your chatting (up?) with this man to be normal and appropriate, his wife does not. If you aren’t on the prowl, what’s the big deal? Back off. She obviously does not like it and may well have good reason. Her certainly is aware she doesn’t care for him chatting with you; yet he continues.

I was single for a long time before I met my husband. I only rarely encountered situations where women seemed uncomfortable with my talking to their husbands. It’s easily remedied; stop chatting with their husbands or bring them into the conversation. That’s the polite thing to do.

steff13 · 27/09/2021 03:02

When she "made a big point" of telling you he is her husband, did she just say it, or did she pee a circle around him while maintaining eye contact with you?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/09/2021 05:52

@Porridgealert

OP, I think people are being very unfair to you. Ignoring divorced women isn't a new circumstance, though. When my sister got divorced 20 years ago, women at the golf course started to give her the cold shoulder. And my aunt was widowed in her early 70s and couples that she and my uncle had socialised with for years, stopped inviting her out. She was so upset because she thought they were her best friends. And I know from single friends that they don't get invited to dinner parties in the way couples do. Typically I think couples like to hang out with couples.
I'm long term single and this isn't my experience. Maybe they need to get some better friends.
Balonzette · 27/09/2021 05:56

Your title is so bizarre and defensive and the fact that you have made up this entire scenario about her being jealous of you because you're single is really odd. She might just not be very friendly?

Balonzette · 27/09/2021 05:59

My goodness 😂 I've just read your replies and it's got even weirder. What has misogyny got to do with a woman not being especially friendly to you in a restaurant and your own imagination telling you it's because she thinks you fancy her husband. This is all so odd. Just go to a different restaurant?

MitheringMytryl · 27/09/2021 06:03

@Porridgealert

OP, I think people are being very unfair to you. Ignoring divorced women isn't a new circumstance, though. When my sister got divorced 20 years ago, women at the golf course started to give her the cold shoulder. And my aunt was widowed in her early 70s and couples that she and my uncle had socialised with for years, stopped inviting her out. She was so upset because she thought they were her best friends. And I know from single friends that they don't get invited to dinner parties in the way couples do. Typically I think couples like to hang out with couples.
Really?!

I'm happily married but I have loads of single friends. So does my husband. It wouldn't occur to either of us to not invite them along to things just because they aren't married. That's something a dickhead would do.

Porridgealert · 27/09/2021 06:15

I'm long term single and this isn't my experience. Maybe they need to get some better friends.

You're experience is your experience. And their experience is their experience. You being rude doesn't change their experience, but does give me an appreciation of your friends' tolerance.

Porridgealert · 27/09/2021 06:20

"I'm happily married but I have loads of single friends. So does my husband. It wouldn't occur to either of us to not invite them along to things just because they aren't married. That's something a dickhead would do."

I have explained the experience of several people I know. You saying that you don't behave like that won't change their experience. You seem shocked that married people can be dickheads.

MitheringMytryl · 27/09/2021 06:22

I'm not shocked that married people can be dickheads. I was shocked at the way your sister and aunt were treated, and implied that the people treating them that way were dickheads.

No need to be so prickly.

Macncheeseballs · 27/09/2021 06:22

I like to do many things on my own and have throughout my life whether single or in a relationship. If I was going to a restaurant where a member of staff for what ever reason was giving me the evils/cold shoulder/heebie jeebies, I simply would stop going there. I'm not sure why it's such a big drama.

Porridgealert · 27/09/2021 06:28

@MitheringMytryl

I'm not shocked that married people can be dickheads. I was shocked at the way your sister and aunt were treated, and implied that the people treating them that way were dickheads.

No need to be so prickly.

Yes, sorry, you're quite right. I apologise.