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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are women with husbands so jealous and hurtful towards other single women?

527 replies

beigebrownblue · 26/09/2021 19:57

Ok. I'm divorced.

I have absolutely ZILCH desire to hook up with a man.

None. Nil. Nichts. Nada.

I have been taking myself out once a week to eat at a local restaurant. Not cheap, but it is the only break I get.

I have noticed that the woman who is mangeress of the restaurant is really off with me and does not seem to be able to accept my presence.

I dress down. For a long time I've not wanted to be noticed by anyone actually. Often I read a book.

Her other half cooks in the kitchen.

Why is it that she insists on being territorial with me, on this one?

Are women so threatened nowadays?

Yes, perhaps her other half has history, but why blame a customer?

OP posts:
myheartskippedabeat · 26/09/2021 23:19

Why the bloody hell do you go there then?????

blacksax · 26/09/2021 23:23

Good job I don't take mumsnet seriously, isn't it.

I don't think anyone is taking this thread seriously, as it happens.

waybill · 26/09/2021 23:24

@ItsSunnyOutside

This is such a weird thread Hmm I can't work out if it's for real.
I wouldn't bother trying.
LikeACatInTheDark · 26/09/2021 23:26

Did she brandish the pepper grinder threateningly while telling you the chef is her husband?
Was he swirling love hearts on the top of your cappuccino?
So many questions...

Original poster
beigebrownblue · 26/09/2021 23:26

@Allycott

Yeah it's a thing. I'm divorced for ages now. Dint want or even need a partner - but it's amazing how suspiciously you are treated by the wives of guys when you meet a couple lol. I'm like "hello - look at me - what makes you think I want to take one half of this boring set up?"
Me too. Thanks for this post.
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2021 23:30

So OP goes weekly to a local restaurant to eat the expensive steak because she needs it nutritionally and cannot eat at home. The staff are pleased to see her in her casual clothes and the chef comes out to talk to her despite the book she's reading. All good. Except the manager is a bitch who goes on about her marriage to the chef because "patriarchy". Right.

nanbread · 26/09/2021 23:30

This is possibly the most loopy set of posts I've read in a while

Waits to be accused of internalised misogyny

Staffy1 · 26/09/2021 23:33

Isn’t it unpleasant with her being offish? There must be other places that do a nice steak. If not, perhaps you could mention a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and see if that changes her attitude towards you.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 26/09/2021 23:37

This post is so weird for several reasons.

How is this woman even supposed to know you're single?

Have you ever even spoken to her husband?

Does she not just have a standoffish demeanor, like lots of other people?

What's so bad about a person eating in a restaurant on their own? If it were a problem for the restaurant they'd have a minimum cover requirement.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/09/2021 23:37

I can't work out if this is a troll, a strange incel who's proving a point, a bored teenager or a very very drunk person.

Who bangs on about internalised misogyny while tarring all married women with the 'jealous cow' brush? It's so odd.

Mamanyt · 26/09/2021 23:37

Unless she actually says to you, "LOOK, you man-stealing divorcee, I've read about your type before!" you have no reason to think that your marital status is her problem with you. Or that she even does have a problem with you. Maybe you remind her of her cousin, whom she hates. Maybe she just has a "resting bitch face." Either ignore it, so long as she serves you, or ask her, gently and politely, if she has a problem with you for some reason, and can it be resolved.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 26/09/2021 23:38

Also not really understanding where the misogyny is coming into play.

AnnieSnap · 26/09/2021 23:40

I think your assumption is a bit of a leap. You can’t read this woman’s mind. Maybe she simply has poor social skills. Maybe she has some major stress going on in her life. If she is consistently ‘off’, I’d just go to another restaurant!

Kite22 · 26/09/2021 23:43

You keep saying No, I don't linger.
but have also said Often I read a book

So which is it ? Confused

I have to agree with this:
You sound like a PIA customer tbh, sitting there for hours at night not ordering much.

Allycott · 26/09/2021 23:43

But the fact that I've been "identified" as being single makes the wives behaviour worse! Any marriage/partnership worth its salt should be able to withstand social exchange from a variety of sources. Seriously - if a woman sees me as a potential threat then that says more about her than me!

Rosebel · 26/09/2021 23:46

You sound incredibly angry, all this crap about men wouldn't be treated like this or men can do that. I'm not sure that any of that is true.
I think you need to chill out. If you want to eat there then put up with the manageress. If you don't then eat elsewhere
Absolutely nothing in any of your posts suggests she is jealous of you. You sound like hard work.

alligatorpeardrop · 26/09/2021 23:50

This reply has been deleted

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Samuraisammy · 26/09/2021 23:59

I think some women do make others uncomfortable for no real reason but I’m sure men do to other men.
What I’m not sure though is how you know so much about this couples lives who are actually running a professional business. I’ve never been to a cafe myself and known who’s hubby is working when and how.
And personally think it’s odd going to the same place every week, maybe that’s what’s making her feel uncomfortable? Or maybe she’s picking up the negative vibe from you... I had one colleague convinced other women were being off with her and jealous and it could have been further than the truth.

BiscuitKitten · 27/09/2021 00:04

@SleepingStandingUp

So OP goes weekly to a local restaurant to eat the expensive steak because she needs it nutritionally and cannot eat at home. The staff are pleased to see her in her casual clothes and the chef comes out to talk to her despite the book she's reading. All good. Except the manager is a bitch who goes on about her marriage to the chef because "patriarchy". Right.
Excellent and amusing summary!
DoofusRick · 27/09/2021 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

azimuth299 · 27/09/2021 00:09

This is such a confusing post.

Every week you go to the same restaurant, and order the steak with peppercorn sauce, which is the only thing on the menu that you like, and you also need it, medically(?) - beef deficiency maybe?

Everyone loves you except the 'mangeress' who is a bit off with you. You assume that this must be because her husband fancies you, and think that we should all know about this misogyny that you face(?)

In the face of adversity, you will continue to go to the restaurant because you still love it, and nowhere else will provide for your beef-only diet?

Have I got that right?

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2021 00:10

Definitely a male. Who’s probably roaring with laughter and congratulating himself for sending all the silly wimminz on mumsnet into a tizzy

Or angry-wanking in his mum's spare room.

ShrikeAttack · 27/09/2021 00:14

This thread is horrible. You may not have related to @beigebrownblue's tone or style, but I can guarantee that single women/mothers are frequently and often sidelined by couples.

I bloody know it does because my friends tell me so, it happens all the bloody time.

To the extent they tell me (apropos of fuck all) that I am unusual for having lots of single woman friends.

And they tell me that coupled-up men hitting on them is depressingly normal.

The vitriol on here kind of proves it.

Why so much anger at OP?

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2021 00:19

Why so much anger at OP?

Because OP is very clearly a wind-up merchant. Single women are sidelined and sometimes treated poorly. I would bet a considerable amount of money OP isn't a divorced woman eating peppercorn steak for nutritional reasons while being berated by the manager.

Wildheartsease · 27/09/2021 00:22

I would first assume this to be an economic than an emotional thing OP. You are taking up a table for two and buying/tipping for one.

(I'm not sure why you would imagine she fears her husband might run off with you!)

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