AIBU to think being a lone parent should be a protected characteristic?

[neednotknow]

I dont know if this is controversial or not but I see that there's a lot of discrimination against lone parents when trying to engage with services.

There's a sigma and the assumption that you've failed in life if you end up living as a lone adult with your child but there are lots of reasons why it may happen.

While people are entitled to have their personal opinions, I don't think organisations/businesses should be allowed to indirectly discriminate based on whether a child has two or one resident parents.

(I would include men and women in that definition.)

I'm respectfully open to debate on this. Its more a rail against bureaucracy than anything else.

@hihelp Did you miss the part of my post where I explicitly said I didn't feel I was discriminated against? Or did you just decide I was an easy target? You're putting words in my mouth to suggest I was ever comparing it to being disabled or part of any other kind of minority group. I wasn't, and I wouldn't. They're not the same at all.

The part of your post I object to is where you suggested that being single is a "lifestyle choice". It really isn't, in many cases, and it's pretty insensitive to suggest it is.

Im a single parent.

I have never been discriminated against because of it in any way

nor have my children

Im actually finding this thread nauseating.

No one can tell anyone in this thread how single parents have been discriminated against even by anecdote. You don’t have to disclose anything in your CV regarding age, marital status or children. If you get on a bus, no one will know you’re a single parent. Which benefits are single parents denied? Or what perks in a job are single parents told they can’t do because of being a single parent? Who gets called a “single parent” as a slur or used as a slur in an argument?

Absolutely nauseating. Hiding the thread now. Don’t wish REAL discrimination on any of you.

I've been called a single parent as a slur and had people try to use it against me. I've had landlords tell me they'd rather rent to a married couple.
I'm not sure that means it should be a protected characteristic though.

@Hihelp

Im actually finding this thread nauseating.

No one can tell anyone in this thread how single parents have been discriminated against even by anecdote. You don’t have to disclose anything in your CV regarding age, marital status or children. If you get on a bus, no one will know you’re a single parent. Which benefits are single parents denied? Or what perks in a job are single parents told they can’t do because of being a single parent? Who gets called a “single parent” as a slur or used as a slur in an argument?

Absolutely nauseating. Hiding the thread now. Don’t wish REAL discrimination on any of you.

Awww. Don't go

I'm still waiting for you to tell me where I can get a man

Plenty of lone parents are in a much better situation than they would be if with an abusive or disinterested partner. Or a partner who was a financial drain through gambling/drug use. Some lone parents get a decent amount of financial and practical support from the other parent. Some are struggling with bereavement, traumatised children and significant financial strain. It's not a one-size-fits-all issue.

@Hihelp

Im actually finding this thread nauseating.

No one can tell anyone in this thread how single parents have been discriminated against even by anecdote. You don’t have to disclose anything in your CV regarding age, marital status or children. If you get on a bus, no one will know you’re a single parent. Which benefits are single parents denied? Or what perks in a job are single parents told they can’t do because of being a single parent? Who gets called a “single parent” as a slur or used as a slur in an argument?

Absolutely nauseating. Hiding the thread now. Don’t wish REAL discrimination on any of you.

I can't think of a single protected characteristic which you need to put on your CV and about half of them, including large numbers of disabilities, are invisible to the naked eye. Doesn't mean they can't be the source of direct or indirect discrimination.

Yes, I think it should be a protected characteristic.

@Shakeyourface

Lone parents are discriminated against when going for jobs - I have been asked ‘if I can manage’ the role and childcare. Also in housing, many landlords and agents refuse to rent to single parents

How do they know You are a single parent?

Lone parents are discriminated against when trying to find property to rent. I absolutely have had this issue over the years with landlords.

@KurtWilde

Lone parents are discriminated against when trying to find property to rent. I absolutely have had this issue over the years with landlords.

Lots of people are discriminated against when renting property. Landlords are just trying to minimise the chances of their house getting trashed or the rent not being paid on time. Lots don’t want kids in their property full stop. Lots won’t rent to groups of men but would happily rent to a mixed sex household or a group of all women.

Actually I'm going to rephrase that. Some landlords discriminate against lone parents and I have absolutely had an issue with this myself.

I was trying to leave my abusive exh and had 4 landlords tell me they'd rather let to a couple/family. Like a lone parent with children isn't a family! I could afford the rent and bills on my one wage but it didn't make a scrap of difference.

@Milkbottlelegs when they say they'd rather rent to a 'family' they are clearly stating they're fine with children in the properly they just want them to have both parents.

Landlords are just trying to minimise the chances of their house getting trashed or the rent not being paid on time

@Milkbottlelegs lone parents are not more likely to not pay their rent on time or let their children trash the house. Your statement could apply to literally anyone, couples, families, anyone. That's the risk a landlord takes with ANY tenant.

@Hihelp

As someone who is doubly discriminated against for various reasons, I find this absurd. I can’t help the reasons why people like me are discriminated against.

Even though harsh, being a single parent is a lifestyle choice, even if you didn’t want it to happen. Because even when you break up, or your partner sadly passes away, you still have a choice to get married/start a relationship again.

Some people can’t change their skin colour, race, disability.

What? The death of a husband or wife isn’t a lifestyle choice. What an entirely ignorant comment.

For some of us, people are not disposable and replaceable.

Ugh.

No. Life choices play a large role in many people's decisions to either become lone parents in the first place, or to become lone parents by ending the relationship with the child's other parents. MN is full of threads about people leaving their child's father, sometimes for very good reasons, but often for things that are more of a judgment call (e.g., "I don't love him anymore" or "I'd rather be with someone else.") That's not a value judgment, and it doesn't mean they've "failed" at anything. But being a lone parent often reflects a series of choices and preferences, and shouldn't be treated the same as being born a certain race.

And I don't understand how either lone parents or their children are discriminated against anyway. I've never seen any business or government service require two parents per child for anything.

Even though harsh, being a single parent is a lifestyle choice, even if you didn’t want it to happen. Because even when you break up, or your partner sadly passes away, you still have a choice to get married/start a relationship again.

What. The. Fuck.

If all your examples are 'outing' rather than being applicable to general scenarios with single parents, then it would suggest that these examples are specific to you and not a result of being a single parent.

I was a lone parent for 9 years and never really faced any discrimination. Plus I think it would be too difficult to say definitively what counts as a lone parent if it were a protected characteristic. I guess it would have to be the person eligible for child benefit. However, even if you weren’t eligible maybe you could somehow still argue you were a LP? So many loopholes that I don’t think it would work.

@KurtWilde

Landlords are just trying to minimise the chances of their house getting trashed or the rent not being paid on time

@Milkbottlelegs lone parents are not more likely to not pay their rent on time or let their children trash the house. Your statement could apply to literally anyone, couples, families, anyone. That's the risk a landlord takes with ANY tenant.

I’m not disputing what you are saying. I’m saying they discriminate against lots of people, they don’t single out single parents.

@Milkbottlelegs and I'm saying when a landlord turns you done and says 'sorry we'd rather take on a couple or a family' they are 100% discriminating against a lone parent.

Can I help you?

Yes, neednotknow - you could help the whole thread along if you clarified whether you think it’s lone parents who are discriminated against, whether it’s actually the children of lone parents who are discriminated against, and what form this discrimination takes.

Because at the moment it’s turned into a bit of an unpleasant thread, and clarifying what you actually meant would be useful.

[quote KurtWilde]@Milkbottlelegs and I'm saying when a landlord turns you done and says 'sorry we'd rather take on a couple or a family' they are 100% discriminating against a lone parent. [/quote]
But in the same way that they discriminate against lots of groups. Would you like to make being part of an all male house share a protected characteristic too?

@AndThenInTheEnd

I can think of loads!! Hospital appts where you can’t take kids with you Meetings at school where children are not welcome (2 this month at my school) School open evenings where you are only allowed to bring the child in question with you Jobs where irregular shift patterns are expected (finding paid childcare on Christmas Day anyone? Let alone for a night shift)

My husband was never around for any of these apart from Christmas Day. He wouldn't have been back from work in time for me to do night shifts either.

@Milkbottlelegs I know many same sex adult households. Also my sons friends rent a house together, 4 guys, and my daughter's uni friends all rent together - all female. No discrimination there. In fact countless uni students rent places, all male, or all female. No discrimination there. I understand that's 'anecdotal', as is my experience as a lone parent (with no reasons why I wouldn't be suited to and perfectly able to pay rent on the property other than being a lone parent). But it does show that it happens, and I'm not the only person on this thread to have seen it in practice.

I remember I once won a free game of bowling for a family of 4. Great. Me and my 3 DC turned up all excited to play, took the winning ticket along, and they said sorry this is for a family of 4 game. Yep, a family of 4, here we are. And they said no sorry, two adults and two children. And they were determined to send us away. I spent 20 minutes explaining to the manager how they were discriminating against a lone parent and her children. They finally agreed to let us play but the entire experience was tarnished because without a husband there we weren't viewed as a family.