AIBU to think being a lone parent should be a protected characteristic?

[neednotknow]

I dont know if this is controversial or not but I see that there's a lot of discrimination against lone parents when trying to engage with services.

There's a sigma and the assumption that you've failed in life if you end up living as a lone adult with your child but there are lots of reasons why it may happen.

While people are entitled to have their personal opinions, I don't think organisations/businesses should be allowed to indirectly discriminate based on whether a child has two or one resident parents.

(I would include men and women in that definition.)

I'm respectfully open to debate on this. Its more a rail against bureaucracy than anything else.

Why @Bloodypunkrockers? Why?

Single parents can choose to not be single; and I said it was going to be a harsh comment.

Can you tell me how someone with a disability can choose not to be disabled? You’re the one who’s thought process is absolute shite.

[quote neednotknow]@SalsaLove I think it depends on how much money you have much as anything.[/quote]
Yes, I agree and it’s a shame. My parents divorced and my dad did just fine for himself but my mother struggled as women continue to do.

yea im sorry i dont have any non outing examples but i assumed it was a common premise given the last 15 years of media reporting on single parents.

Single parents can choose to not be single

Why would a parent want to disadvantage her children further, they have suffered some kind of loss through death of a parent who loved them or from a parent that is alive and no longer lives with them?

If a lone parent dates that takes resources from the children, the dynamics change and you have jealousy. Step father's have no genetic link to the children and anyone who knows the stats knows the type of men interested (NAMALT) in such families are maybe not the type you want around.

@Imtootired

I was thinking of getting a loan while on parental leave but you had to have been back at work for a certain amount of time. That unfairly impacts on women and single parents I believe

but that's about financial stability and ability to repay the loan, not about lone parenting.

@neednotknow

yea im sorry i dont have any non outing examples but i assumed it was a common premise given the last 15 years of media reporting on single parents.

You’ve got 15 years of media reporting to back you up but you can’t give a single non outing example? 🤨

@megletthesecond

I've pondered this in the past. It's not practical though. I'll still grumble about it . I'd like extra annual leave to make up for it being just me over school holidays. I am going to ask for a covid booster despite being just under 50. It's not OK that I'll be left vulnerable in the new year if my spring vaccine has weakened. Whereas 2 parent over 50 families will be automatically given a booster.

But the vaccine thing is based on age? I was told I’d be able to get a booster initially as DH is CEV, I’ve now been told I can’t as they’ve changed their minds and decided close contacts of CEV are no longer eligible unless over 50. My GP said I wasn’t able to get a free flu vaccine this year, despite the NHS writing to DH last year and urging anyone who lived with him to have one.

Situations can change very quickly and they may not WANT to start a new relationship, but the option to change that can happen for them. And guess what? Children grow up too! You’re not a parent of a child for very long if you think about it. 18 years is all.

Tell me how a disabled person who has a lifetime disability can have the option to change their circumstances after they’ve had a disability for 18 years?

@megletthesecond

I've pondered this in the past. It's not practical though. I'll still grumble about it . I'd like extra annual leave to make up for it being just me over school holidays. I am going to ask for a covid booster despite being just under 50. It's not OK that I'll be left vulnerable in the new year if my spring vaccine has weakened. Whereas 2 parent over 50 families will be automatically given a booster.

but that's about age not parent status

@Hihelp

Why *@Bloodypunkrockers*? Why?

Single parents can choose to not be single; and I said it was going to be a harsh comment.

Can you tell me how someone with a disability can choose not to be disabled? You’re the one who’s thought process is absolute shite.

Can you spell out how I can choose not to be single? Just explain how I make someone marry me, and stay with me? I’ll copy and paste it to the Dating thread in Relationships. They’ll be all ears too.

14:36Hihelp

Do you seriously think that a couple with their resources would be treated the same whilst in a vulnerable situation by "professionals" as a single Mum with a thirty five year old disabled child, even the government regarding housing and education requires parents to take responsibility for all children over 18, I think there is a cut off age in the early twenties and another option available if the adult child is applying for students loans.

Hihelp

Even though harsh, being a single parent is a lifestyle choice, even if you didn’t want it to happen. Because even when you break up, or your partner sadly passes away, you still have a choice to get married/start a relationship again.

What a load of fucking bollocks. Have a relationship with, and marry who exactly? Shall I just send a begging message to my community WhatsApp asking any single men If they will marry me? Maybe I could promise a daily blow job as an incentive.

No disabled people can't choose not to be disabled any more.
But its not as simple as just "choosing" not to be single anymore either.

@Hihelp

Why *@Bloodypunkrockers*? Why?

Single parents can choose to not be single; and I said it was going to be a harsh comment.

Can you tell me how someone with a disability can choose not to be disabled? You’re the one who’s thought process is absolute shite.

I'm a single parent

I would love a partner.

How do I get me one of those.

@neednotknow

yea im sorry i dont have any non outing examples but i assumed it was a common premise given the last 15 years of media reporting on single parents.

You’re saying “society judges lone parents”?

Or “lone parents are discriminated against”?

They’re not exactly the same.

@hihelp 'being a single parent is a lifestyle choice'

What planet are you on?

Being widowed is not a lifestyle choice. Having one's husband walk out one morning and not come back is not a lifestyle choice. How is one supposed to date while looking after small children, and without family support? Very few people want to take on someone else's DCs, for good reason.

@neednotknow

yea im sorry i dont have any non outing examples but i assumed it was a common premise given the last 15 years of media reporting on single parents.

How on earth can You not have any 'non outing' examples?

If this is common place then it has happened to lots of single parent so it will not be outing at all.

I can think of loads!!
Hospital appts where you can’t take kids with you
Meetings at school where children are not welcome (2 this month at my school)
School open evenings where you are only allowed to bring the child in question with you
Jobs where irregular shift patterns are expected (finding paid childcare on Christmas Day anyone? Let alone for a night shift)

It certainly has impacted on my job prospects.

I could have done so much better in my career if I hadn't had to limit opportunities to fit around school times and holidays

@AndThenInTheEnd

I can think of loads!! Hospital appts where you can’t take kids with you Meetings at school where children are not welcome (2 this month at my school) School open evenings where you are only allowed to bring the child in question with you Jobs where irregular shift patterns are expected (finding paid childcare on Christmas Day anyone? Let alone for a night shift)

But none of these are assuming that there are 2 parents.

They’re assuming that childcare is arranged.

Yes, a 2-parent family usually has that easier.

But it’s not discrimination. You’re not excluded by nature of your lone parent status, but by the ease of availability of alternative childcare.

@AndThenInTheEnd

I can think of loads!! Hospital appts where you can’t take kids with you Meetings at school where children are not welcome (2 this month at my school) School open evenings where you are only allowed to bring the child in question with you Jobs where irregular shift patterns are expected (finding paid childcare on Christmas Day anyone? Let alone for a night shift)

None of those discriminate against lone parents

The other parent could work away, or not be able to get time off. All can be solved with a babysitter or family help.

These are all examples of inconvenient life shit that everyone has to work and find a way around.

@AndThenInTheEnd

I can think of loads!! Hospital appts where you can’t take kids with you Meetings at school where children are not welcome (2 this month at my school) School open evenings where you are only allowed to bring the child in question with you Jobs where irregular shift patterns are expected (finding paid childcare on Christmas Day anyone? Let alone for a night shift)

Those are all examples of practical difficulties, and god do I hear you on those! But they’re not discrimination. They’re definitely things that the organisations involved could think through how to manage better - but they’re not discrimination.

@Hihelp

Why *@Bloodypunkrockers*? Why?

Single parents can choose to not be single; and I said it was going to be a harsh comment.

Can you tell me how someone with a disability can choose not to be disabled? You’re the one who’s thought process is absolute shite.

Religious people can choose not to be religious too Pregnant women can choose to stop being pregnant or to avoid pregnancy in the first place Your argument isn't sound

It’s discrimination by omission, I feel. Society is set up under the assumption that there are two adults in a family, so when you have one parent struggling to do all the work, childcare, life admin etc, of course she’s being set up to fail in some way. The lack of decent, wraparound childcare, the assumption that there would always be someone there to look after the kids during lockdown…there are a million examples of this kind of thing- there don’t need to be signs anywhere saying “Lone parents not allowed”. Just as you don’t see signs saying “Disabled people not allowed”, but steps up to a building with no ramp provision is discrimination by default for people in wheelchairs.

OP, as well as finding an actual example, what is the purpose for you, of having lone parent as a protected characteristic?

In a PP’s post, do you want it to be unlawful for a hospital to state no children at an appointment, because that (probably) disproportionately impacts lone parents?

What do you actually want?

Hmm. I can think of some ways in which I definitely felt disadvantaged by being a solo parent. Work trips away, for example - it's very hard for me to leave my daughter overnight, even with advance warning. It has definitely hindered my career. But I'm not sure I feel discriminated against as such.

Looking forward to @Hihelp explaining how I can just choose not to be single any more and magically find someone not only willing to date me but also be a parent to my child now that her father is dead. Sounds great.