To be surprised at some of the shoes parents but their kids in?

[Availableforbaking]

Donning my tin hat and prepared to be told I’m highly unreasonable but here goes!

AIBU to be surprised at some of the shoes parents put their young DC in? Recently looking at the pile of shoes by a bouncy castle and saw several pairs of very uncomfy looking “ballet pump” type shoes or plastic flip flops, very few “proper” Clarks or StartRite type shoes.

A friend just passed me a bag of hand me downs for DD with several pairs of shoes in it, most of them felt like they would be really uncomfortable, eg very hard backs etc. I can’t imagine putting DD in any of them and will probably put them in the shoe recycling bin.

Another friend bought her DD some really hard flip flops from Accessorize as her main summer shoes. They would have given me blisters in minutes.

I’m not judging anyone who is trying their best for their DC and genuinely can’t afford better - the friends I have referred to are both wealthy and can definitely afford shoes.

I know brand new Clarks / StartRite are very expensive and fully appreciate not everyone can afford them - indeed I keep a close look on secondhand sites myself and have found several pairs of Clarks / StartRite that are immaculate (literally worn once or not at all) for cheap prices. I take DD to get feet measured & check shoes fit her properly.

90% of mine & my DC wardrobe is cheap second hand but I do feel proper shoes are important.

I also appreciate shoes from other cheaper shops may be just as good as Clarks etc - I’m just more shocked at the style/type of shoes I’m seeing, like I say lots of hard uncomfy looking ballet type shoes that offer no support.

I have an adult friend who has terrible feet due to ill fitting shoes as a child (her mother let her wear heels as a child in the 80s!) so it’s something I’ve very aware of.

A snapshot of the shoes my children used to wear to parties would not be indicative of the shoes they wore all the time. The thought of telling any of mine to pop their sensible shoes on for a party makes me howl!
Also, what a weird thing to fixate on!

Most people can't afford 60-80 quid a pair of shoes every 6 months to a year for their kids. YABU.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

I work in a school and it drives me mad when girls (it's always the girls) are put, by parents who can afford to buy them shoes that actually fit, into shoes they literally fall out of when they run. We're the ones who have to swoop in with ice packs and plasters. It's not fair on the DC.

I agree with this. I was looking at uniform adverts on TV over summer, and girls showing shiny new slip on ballet/court shoes-flat with quite a low cut at the front, I can never keep shows like that on for walking. I simply don’t know how it can be safe for girls to run around, kick a ball, skip, dance or all the things we want kids to do to keep moving. They need a strap across the foot at the very least. But really that low cut in British weather? They are going to get soaked socks/tights within minutes in being outside after rain It is ridiculous

I used to cringe at toddler groups when new walkers were put in rigid Clarks shoes indoors to play. Barefoot is best for developing and growing feet. Young children's feet grow so fast that the exact sizing some places give is irrelevant.

DS prefers sandals right now (he’s 21 months old) and Crocs are not only cheaper they last longer than Clarks. For trainers I’m going to try Bobux next - they get rave reviews on MN.

A friend out her DC in little havaiana thong flip flops all summer. I would see them walking along the road with the DC stumbling and tripping, stubbing toes and struggling with them, and yet mum continue to put them on the child all summer.

But you know, her kid, her choice

I hate flip flops because I've seen one too many child try to run in them and then the front of the sole get caught bends backwards causing them to splat on their face.

Clarks shoes are pretty poor now. Not worth the money. Startrite are tons better. I often use Startrite Outlet to get bargains.

I agree, OP. Proper shoes are crucial for growing feet. My DS’s father buys crappy ones and I put them beside the Startrite ones and there’s no comparison. The crappy ones look worn quicker, they’re not wide enough (even though my DS has average width feet), the space for the toes is the wrong width, they have no room for growth….

Shoes for my DC is one thing I won’t compromise on. I save money elsewhere but always get good shoes for them.

I have an adult friend who has terrible feet due to ill fitting shoes as a child (her mother let her wear heels as a child in the 80s!) so it’s something I’ve very aware of.

I wore and was trained to dance in heels in 80s as a young child. It is part of some joint issues. My spouse has more issues from wearing too small formal shoes too often as a child though.

My kids wore swim shoes when they were small when they needed to wear shoes, but didn't need to wear formal ones. A physio recommended them - inexpensive, protect the feet when it isn't a good option to be barefoot, but the flexibility of them mean the many joints and muscles of the foot move more than they do in normal shoes (and no toe gripping needed like flip flops). My older kids don't now, but we still do the 'can you stretch your toes all the way' test for any shoes.

I know some kids need the extra support, but I don't get the idea that kids need "proper" supportive shoes always. If your child can run around barefoot with no discomfort, then usually shoes are more around protection than support. For most, I would think those muscles and joints should support themselves.

Those of you who buy shoes from supermarkets or similar, do you measure feet at home? Or take them to a specialist shop to get measured then buy from elsewhere?

In a shop, I have my children try the shoes on - doesn't matter which type of shop it is. All I can recall have benches or seats these days, but I can remember trying shoes out on the floor as a child.

Online, yes I've measured their feet at home. We have whiteboards, they'd stand on them, I'd draw around their feet, we'd measure, then they'd try to draw or write with their feet, we check the size guide many websites have. It's worked well.

I'd be more worried about kids in party clothes with dreadful black heavy shoes, it's a party, time to break out the sparkles and glitter.

FWIW DD wears kickers to school as she's got very narrow feet and other than when doing sport which she'll wear decent trainers for she'll be found in her favourite yellow sliders. She can run, jump, skip and dance in them without managing to injure herself.

Clarks and startrite are crap, they've just done a fantastic marketing job over the years convincing the naive parents that their kids foot health will go to hell in a hand basket if they've not been to their local shop, queued with all the other gullible parents and payed over the odds for shoes which are no better than those they could have bought on Amazon or at the local supermarket.

(European shoe makes are the best for kids with narrow feet)

ballet pumps are great shoes, many of the shoes people describe as "proper" are terrible shoes, based on misguided research of the 70's and 80's about how the foot develops. Support is not something a normal developing foot necessarily wants

Interested to know what you base this theory on sirfred
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I've bought a variety of shoe brands over the years for my DC. Quality isn't necessarily related to brand. So I'd buy real leather for example, but not necessarily Clarke's. Some of the supermarket boys shoes were actually quite impressive. That said, my DC had textbook feet so no issues with sizing.

I did find that I had to buy boys shoes and pimp them up for DD though. Girls shoes are appalling quality in comparison to boys across most brands.

I have flat feet, my parents couldn't have afforded Clarks etc, my grandparents would buy my school shoes a good local shoe shop where I would be measured. DS has startrite , bobux, Geox, pediped and similar, feet measured and fitted at a local independent shoe shop, honestly costs a fortune. I think DH thinks it's a bit mad, but I've suffered from plantar fascitis as an adult and lower back and hip pain associated with having flat feet. I do agree though Clarke's are dreadful quality now.

@Sylvvie

Most people can't afford 60-80 quid a pair of shoes every 6 months to a year for their kids. YABU.

Most people can afford to put £10 a month aside for something as important as shoes. Maybe lots of people just choose not to.

I only wore Clark’s as a kid. I have awful bunions.
I put my dc in ‘barefoot’ shoes that are flexible and lightweight. I like bobux for the cutest Chelsea boots and trainers and vivobarefoot. Now they’re getting a bit older most trainers are ok too. For parties they have ballet pumps but they’re worn for an hour or 2 every month or so. For school we get brogues or t-bar shoes. I hate the choice for girls and the fact that their feet get wet in most styles! Most clarks shoes are quite restrictive and inflexible I find though they are bringing out new ranges which are more promising.

All that said dc1 still looks as though she may develop bunions. So it’s probably hereditary more than anything. Their cousins on dh’s side wear flip flops, crocs, ballet pumps, cheap shoes etc and gave gorgeous feet as teens so who knows.

@Availableforbaking

Those of you who buy shoes from supermarkets or similar, do you measure feet at home? Or take them to a specialist shop to get measured then buy from elsewhere?

Don't be fooled by the marketing ploy that you need to get your childs feet expertly measured by professionals. The measuring is really just a guide where to start. Sizes between brands and even shoes within brands can vary widely.

You can do the rough measurement at home, then when in the shop (or ordering online) try them out yourself, there are youtube videos that will show you what to check when trying on shoes. Check where the toes are, if you can fit fingers in at the heel, feel if the width is too loose/tight etc.

@girlmom21 at one point in my own life it was a choice between being able to pay the bills or feed my kids.

I don't know what world you live in but poverty, literal poverty where you have to make decisions like that ^^, is a reality for many people.

@Indoctro

Do your boys have wide feet? As they are the only shoes my son with wide feet will wear!

I'm more shocked by parents putting their children in shoes like Clarks and Startrite trainers with chunky soles - they're totally inflexible and not great for developing feet. A 0.5 inch thick sole looks reasonable to us but in comparison to the height of a child and their foot size, it's like us walking around in platforms!

The best shoes for children (medical foot issues aside) have thin flexible soles and wide toe boxes. Unfortunately fashion seems to win, so most kids shoes have chunky soles and narrow rounded toes. Shoes are rarely foot-shaped which is ridiculous when you think about it.

Not everyone can afford Clarke’s or start rite sadly

Shoes and car seats are the two things I spent money on.

Clarks was a disaster, the sales assistant had no idea about fitting. Start rite worked for cruising/first walker shoes but not later.

We are lucky, we have an independent shoe shop with a huge range of brands for children and excellent fitters. DD never had blisters apart from the one day the new teen insisted on slip ons. instead of lace ups for school.

I don't mind cheaper party shoes she wears for 2-3 hours, flip flops for beach and pool and when she was younger trainers from Deichmann's. own brand.

Now it is a mix of Geox for school, decent trainers for outside school and the odd fancy shoe for going out.

@sirfredfredgeorge

ballet pumps are great shoes, many of the shoes people describe as "proper" are terrible shoes, based on misguided research of the 70's and 80's about how the foot develops. Support is not something a normal developing foot necessarily wants.

many "clarks" shoes as second hand shoes are likely worse than ballet pumps as they shape to the foot, if you want to go second hand shoes, then going for barefoot / minimalist brands are the way to go - as they are flexible enough to fit any shoe.

The response to the peak "bad shoe" of the 80's that your friend has, is not more support, it's less.

I’m really interested in this. I have terrible problems with plantar fasciitis and the “solutions” seem to fall into two totally opposing camps: either (a) buy very structured, very supportive shoes; or (b) buy completely flat, barefoot-style shoes as muscles need to strengthen themselves.

I have no idea which of these is actually better, or where to find/how to assess the evidence. Of course the shoe manufacturers tell you whatever will sell most pairs of their shoes!

As a result, I feel totally perplexed buying shoes for my DC - structured supportive Startrite types, or barefoot “zero-drop” shoes? If anyone knows of any actual, independent evidence on this, I’d love to hear it.

Interested to know what you base this theory on sirfred

You can find loads of papers from the era which discussed flat feet and the medial arch not forming in children, and therefore all the "clarks" people started supporting the arch. This is despite the arch forming in kids irrespective of the shoes they wear.

So the supporting bit for kids shoes not necessary.

The other thing is "width", clarks are obsessed with measuring widths, but despite this, throughout the era, shoes were almost always too narrow - so more bunions and similar forefoot problems made worse by this, shoes were almost always too narrow.

Here's a review paper discussing some of the issues
www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0966636215004993?via%3Dihub#bib0310

And here's a (biased, but obviously it's difficult to find anything without a bias) general discussion point.
drchloetillman.com/feet-support-and-orthotics/

The real advantage of barefoot shoes though is that you can buy second hand ones, and it's easier to measure as they only come in one width (really wide so there's plenty of room!)

Not really the point of the thread, but there have been a couple of PPs saying that their DC measure I width feet in Clarks so are too wide for Clarks as they only go up to an H there. Have you tried Start Rite? Their widths are different from Clarks (I didn't know this until an independent shoe shop that stocked them along with other brands told me), so an "H" width in Start Rite is wider than a Clarks "H". Unfortunately that doesn't solve the problem of getting wellies or sandals to fit, since even Start Rite don't do those in extra wide.

Having DC with non-standard feet is a bloody nightmare and costs a ridiculous fortune. Maybe I'm very naive, but I don't really understand why they are not subsidised in the way that glasses are, when it is medically terrible for kids to be forced into ill-fitting shoes that hurt their feet. We can afford to get them (with gritted teeth both for the cost and the enormous hassle involved), but not everyone can.

I'm not convinced on the barefoot argument at all.
I barely wore shoes until I started school at 5 then spent years having to wear specially made insoles and to correct how I walked. Despite all that as an adult I get PF if I go barefoot too often. Although we are made to be barefoot, I don't think we are made to be barefoot on hard flat ground like we have on pavements, in our homes and other buildings.