To be surprised at some of the shoes parents but their kids in?

[Availableforbaking]

Donning my tin hat and prepared to be told I’m highly unreasonable but here goes!

AIBU to be surprised at some of the shoes parents put their young DC in? Recently looking at the pile of shoes by a bouncy castle and saw several pairs of very uncomfy looking “ballet pump” type shoes or plastic flip flops, very few “proper” Clarks or StartRite type shoes.

A friend just passed me a bag of hand me downs for DD with several pairs of shoes in it, most of them felt like they would be really uncomfortable, eg very hard backs etc. I can’t imagine putting DD in any of them and will probably put them in the shoe recycling bin.

Another friend bought her DD some really hard flip flops from Accessorize as her main summer shoes. They would have given me blisters in minutes.

I’m not judging anyone who is trying their best for their DC and genuinely can’t afford better - the friends I have referred to are both wealthy and can definitely afford shoes.

I know brand new Clarks / StartRite are very expensive and fully appreciate not everyone can afford them - indeed I keep a close look on secondhand sites myself and have found several pairs of Clarks / StartRite that are immaculate (literally worn once or not at all) for cheap prices. I take DD to get feet measured & check shoes fit her properly.

90% of mine & my DC wardrobe is cheap second hand but I do feel proper shoes are important.

I also appreciate shoes from other cheaper shops may be just as good as Clarks etc - I’m just more shocked at the style/type of shoes I’m seeing, like I say lots of hard uncomfy looking ballet type shoes that offer no support.

I have an adult friend who has terrible feet due to ill fitting shoes as a child (her mother let her wear heels as a child in the 80s!) so it’s something I’ve very aware of.

Kids might wear ballet flats to a party but otherwise will wear trainers everywhere but school or, if they are like my kids were, will go barefoot anywhere in and around the house on all but the very, very coldest days. Their feet will be fine, my love, no need to worry. Thinking they need "proper" little orthopaedic shoes is a very old fashioned idea and it's just marketing for Clarks and Startrite.

Well maybe the older kids/adults ones are more durable 🤷🏻‍♀️. No idea, I haven’t bought them. They are rubbish for my primary aged girls. The stitching comes away really easily. And mine aren’t particularly hard on their shoes.

Next shoes lasted a month. Supermarket shoes ripped his feet to shreds. Clark's very comfy and hard wearing.

Sounds like a party attended by kids wearing party shoes? I really can’t see the issue with that, I wear high heels for parties but I certainly don’t wear them everyday as I’m sure those children don’t.

YABU to be so judgy.

@DoYouLikeOwls

Next shoes lasted a month. Supermarket shoes ripped his feet to shreds. Clark's very comfy and hard wearing.

Haven’t tried Next or supermarket shoes so can’t compare. I just know that Clarks have been poor quality whenever we’ve bought them. We buy Bobux or Geox for school now. They’d be wearing sparkly ballet flats at a bouncy castle party though!

Clarke’s shows are awful, terrible quality and downright ugly. I spent £50 on a pair for DD and they fell apart, the £10 Asda no scuffs lasted so much longer.

I would agree with this. My daughter went through the soles of 5 pairs of shoes in her first two terms of school because of how she walks in her walking frame. We started with expensive shoes (granny insisted on buying Clark’s) and had a whole range. The ones that lasted longest were the non branded from an outlet store. They didn’t have great support but she didn’t need that as she has AFO splints to support her feet. The only other soles that coped well were DMs.

ballet pumps are great shoes, many of the shoes people describe as "proper" are terrible shoes, based on misguided research of the 70's and 80's about how the foot develops. Support is not something a normal developing foot necessarily wants.

This is untrue. There has been so much more research into footwear since the 80s. It also isn’t just about the foot, it is about the whole body. Well designed shoes encourage a proper gait and protect posture. When you watch girls walking or running in ballet pumps, and then in trainers, you will see a marked difference in how they move. This impacts on their whole body. That’s my biggest issue with putting girls in fashion shoes, pumps, sandals, crocs etc, they inhibit how they move. Running about in ballet pumps or sandals is uncomfortable, especially on harder surfaces. They are designed to look pretty when sitting about, not to encourage them to join in with physical stuff. And don’t get me started on shoes with proper heels for primary aged girls. 😡

Unless you couldn't afford otherwise (and I appreciate many can't), shoes should be bought to fit your child's feet, not 2nd hand .

Glass houses & stone throwing spring to mind

I agree with you 100% if your buying from supermarket etc they don’t do width sizes either. I think there’s really cute shoes in Clarks and start rite , some are ugly but not all. I also buy bigger sizes in the sale of outlet to put away. I don’t think you should take the risk with kids feet I don’t get it. I do think Clarks fitters are shit though it’s better to go to an independent shoe shop that stock Clarks or start rite.

Kickers are crap too, again they fall apart. DD's Kickers are in at least their third year. They are starting to look scruffy now but I won't be replacing them with the equivalent as DD is now in Year 11. They are the best value shoes I've ever bought for DD and we have always bought Clarkes/Startrite school shoes previously.

DS had Clarks shoes all the time he was growing and we never had a problem with poor quality. They were always sturdy and lasted ages (he was a slow grower so shoes generally lasted about 9m-12m).

The only issue we had was that he had exceptionally wide feet and often there was a choice of one pair only.

I somewhat agree. Some of them might be suitable for a party / dress up clothes / beach, but not hard pavements and every day wear.

The shoes girls wear in particular shock me m. Ballet flats or T bars in the winter Cold, impractical, and sending the message of looks being more important than being able to run, climb etc.

Im terms of the price - provided you can afford proper shoes - I find that the savings are in the quantity. My kids typically have one pair of proper shoes per season (summer/ winter), with DC2 sometimes inheriting from DC1 so we don’t buy new. On top of that we get wellies which last about a year and can be reworn by DC2. Now DC1 is in school there’s also school shoes. So even with Start Rite prices of £50 / pair, that’s between £100 and £150 / year for DC1 and between £0 and £100 / year for DC2. I understand not everyone can afford this and some people currently live in serious poverty, but I don’t think it’s something middle class parents should be outraged about on a forum where occasionally we get topics like “is £600 for a birthday present too much”.

Interesting to hear some of the shoe brands people rate.

We have always used Clarks and never been disappointed with the styles or quality, but respect that’s not everyone’s experience

shoes should be bought to fit your child's feet, not 2nd hand

Nothing wrong with second hand kids shoes. As an example, when my daughter gets new splints, her entire shoe collection has to be replaced. She can grow out of splints really quickly and often her shoes have been worn a handful of times. Kids grow out of shoes so quickly, there can be a lot of good wear left in them. Unless someone has stuffed their kid’s clown feet into poor quality shoes which misshapen easily, second hand shoes will be fine.

To be honest I didn't know Clark's were still open. Myself and my friends stopped using them years ago in 2000 as they were not fashionable, overpriced with generally not great service. Clark's were massive in the 80's just shows how places come back into fashion.

Hate the ballet flat type shoes too.

I do think it slightly depends on your shape foot, as if you’ve got a broad foot they stay on!

My Dd has a very high instep (and broad feet) and it’s really hard to get shoes she’s comfy in - and like me she values comfort! I’ve spent a lot on her shoes over the years, and she never has as many pairs as some friends, as they often have lots of cheap ones.

Clarks have improved now and no longer have marked boy/ girl sections. Dd does tend to choose the styles formerly marked as “boys” as they support your foot and keep it dry - even her first shoes (12 years ago) were from “boy” section - obviously chosen by me at that time!

It was a party though, my kids particularly the girl has shoes she'd wear to a party, they are just party shoes though not everyday shoes and yes not the most durable or comfortable shoes.

Clarks are pretty crap, I stopped buying from there when we went in for school shoes and they pulled a "stunt" where they asked my daughter her favourite colour (a game on an ipad) I wondered what they were up up but then when they brought out the 3 shoes I'd requested (black school shoes) they'd also brought out 2 pairs of pink trainers/shoes. I was FUMING. I said we didn't ask to try those on we are here for school shoes. Of course my daughter had seen them and I had to say sorry we don't need new trainers!! As if over £40 for school shoes isn't enough to spend. So I stopped buying from there it irritated me that much. The other thing is they measure their feet and then select the size that just fits so you are back 4 months later!

While we're talking about shoes, can anyone recommend a brand for school shoes for very very skinny feet with high arches?

Clarks shoes are shite. HTH

I was always told to put dds in clarks/start rite.
Over the many years of parenting I have loosened up. And also recognise that forking out 50 quid for kids shoes is an absolute privilege not available to many.

Those of you who buy shoes from supermarkets or similar, do you measure feet at home? Or take them to a specialist shop to get measured then buy from elsewhere?

My DD (11) tends to choose shoes from the boys section, she needs practical shoes she can safely cycle in and she plays football and basketball at lunch so strappy girls shoes would be no use!

@madmomma

I'm not sure about the high arches, but DD has very skinny feet and I bought her Ricosta school shoes. They fit absolutely brilliantly and she's walked miles in them with no issue.

Clarks have improved now and no longer have marked boy/ girl sections.

They may have taken down the signs, but there is clearly a boy and girl section. Nothing has changed in the way they market or sell shoes for boys or girls. They separate them on their website too.

Those of you who buy shoes from supermarkets or similar

Are you taking the piss now? Most places that sell kids shoes have a shoe measure.

My girls wear dms for school only things that last and they wear do boots in winter. In summer they have lovely practical sandals but live in sliders, couldn't get worked up about it.

As an aside the whole Clark's / start rite thing is such bullshit, my mil was obsessed with it and it used to drive me mad. It's an old fashioned hangover from when you couldn't get shoes in places like supermarkets or M&S or wherever.

The quality is mostly shite, the girls selection is totally unpractical for school and quite frankly I can go to a shoe shop and for my kids shoes better than a 16yo with an iPad.

@Availableforbaking

Those of you who buy shoes from supermarkets or similar, do you measure feet at home? Or take them to a specialist shop to get measured then buy from elsewhere?

I’ve never bought supermarket shoes (except wellies) but have seen that they have measures available for people to use.