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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School trips divorced parents

142 replies

Cally23 · 23/09/2021 10:36

Hi,

I'm trying to get my exh to agree to pay 50% of school trips. We have 2 dc in primary and trips are affordable and basic. But there is one residential coming up not sure how much prob around £200. I'm worried about secondary school though.

I don't want to set up presidence that I pay for it all. I'm only on basic income. My ex is a high earner and has a second income from his partner (irrelevant but still, shows the imbalance)

He thinks child maintenance pays for everything and should cover no more. I get £500 pm for 2 kids. Does this cover the £2k ski trip in secondary?! Or do parents just not send their kids to these trips? Don't want them to miss out but don't want to panic and make a fuss if really, not many go on all these pricey trips.

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 23/09/2021 10:41

It's not unreasonable to expect him to pay half, however given what you have written about his attitude, it seems unlikely you will get it from him.

As for £2000 secondary school trips, the majority of children don't go on these. They are out of reach for a lot of families. I would rather spend that on a family holiday, if I had it.

chantico · 23/09/2021 10:43

Whilst I agree it's beyond shoddy not to support your DC to the best of your ability, when it comes to things like optional things like school ski trips, there will be lots of pupils who do not go because it's unaffordable

You may find that the person who can be most persuasive is the DC themselves once teen. I don't mean by expecting them to become deeply involved in financial matters, but straightforward pester power

giggly · 23/09/2021 10:44

My ex pays half for all big item things like trips. He even gives me money towards holidays that I take them in as he is unable to.
He only does this as he was a dick for years and feels guilty.

BingBongToTheMoon · 23/09/2021 10:45

Technically he’s right, maintenance is supposed to cover everything.
MORALLY though, he should pay half, but I doubt he will.
All you can do is ask I’m afraid.

vivainsomnia · 23/09/2021 10:47

As for £2000 secondary school trips, the majority of children don't go on these
This. I could have afforded it but refused to pay in principle for a trip that would cost have a fraction of it going as a family. My kids totally agreed and many of their friends did too. It's not a due in anyway.

£500 is really not bad, and yes, I think should cover cheaper school trips. More expensive ones can be discussed at the time. Man things can change by then.

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 10:50

Thank you all. Sort of comforting to know not all kids go on these big trips. I just had a look at the secondary school trip list by year and had a panic.
Sorrento...what?

Still though even the £50 here and there for London museum trips will add up for both kids. Just not certain how many of these a year they do realistically. Can anyone tell me or does it vary per school.

It's an average secondary school and imagine a wide school section of families.

OP posts:
Hillarious · 23/09/2021 10:51

£2,000 for a school trip? Not particularly inclusive.

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 10:52

Still, also things like school clubs etc...its so unfair it should all fall on my plate. Yes morals do come into this and I feel he can easily and should pay 50% but I'm against someone who doesn't see it that way.

OP posts:
PumpkinsAndCats · 23/09/2021 10:52

My ex pays for nothing at all and doesn’t even pay maintenance so I think £500 sounds good for two children and it is suppose to cover everything of course you can ask for him to contribute but he can say no and legally there is nothing that can be done about that.

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 10:53

@giggly oooh therefore I should be due millions in dick/guilt tax Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 10:55

@vivainsomnia thank you. I hoped most parents felt this way. It is outrageous and exclusive...but who knows what teens these days demand? I don't spoil but appreciate how awful it is to feel the minority excluded as a child.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/09/2021 10:56

Pay for what you can afford and then be clear that they will have to ask Dad to pay for x y z as you don't have enough.

SpottedOnMN · 23/09/2021 10:56

My ex pays more maintenance than that and half of all school and scout holidays (not day trips). Maintenance just covers the basics.

Just10moreminutesplease · 23/09/2021 10:56

Technically all he has to pay is maintenance. But good parents pay more than the bare minimum for their children.

The thing with these big trips is that they’re optional. Ideally your ex will want them to attend the same ones as you do, and will pay accordingly. But there’s not much you can do if he says no.

Akire · 23/09/2021 10:56

It’s only handful kids that go on these trips, hard if it’s their peers who are well off and going and only ones who can’t. if you were still together would it have been an outright no? Or would it have been affordable? Think it’s fair huge expenses for both parents to be asked. May be irrelevant if you can’t even afford half but least puts responsibility on both parents rather than just you saying No.

TowelStripes · 23/09/2021 11:00

I agree with you 100% but wanted to point out I don't think you meant "presidence". It is "setting a precedent", I think. Sorry to be a dick but I am pointing it out knowing I'd like to be told if I was using a word in the wrong context.

LindaEllen · 23/09/2021 11:01

He should want to contribute a little extra when things come up that call for it. BUT. £2,000 on a skiing trip is bloody ridiculous. Not everyone can just cough that up, or even half of it.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 23/09/2021 11:04

If it puts it into perspective the ski trip at my daughters school covered years 8,9 and 10 from a potential number of 450 children approximately 30 would go. It really is that few that go on these trips

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 11:04

@Akire it would have certainly been an easier discussion. Divorce brings complications to everything! I wouldn't say everything would have been a yes, particularly as it seems the very expensive trips are not expected for the majority. However, it would have been easier to budget together and maybe save in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 11:04

@TowelStripes fanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 11:05

@BaronessEllaSaturday that makes me feel so much better, thank you. My mind was blown looking at the trip list on the site thinking how on Earth do most families afford this.

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 23/09/2021 11:05

Most children don't do most trips in secondary, certainly something like a 2k ski trip.

Some trips are more clearly educational (eg an MFL trip to France, or a trip to battlefields for History). Some are more 'fun' such as skiing.

I agree with PP, get your teen to use pester power when a trip comes up they are particularly keen on. (And you try to save if at all possible to help pay for a trip somewhere at some point.)

londonrach · 23/09/2021 11:05

Yanbu re sharing the cost of trips however most parents wouldn't send children on such an ski trip. I had two parents together but they never could afford 2k on ski ING so I didn't go or tbh most trip. The same more wealthy children went ever year.

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 11:08

OK maybe not the school ski trip but yes, the trips to France or historical ones. Nit sure how much these are and again, how many go on these things. Just don't want them to miss out on everything.

OP posts:
Cattitudes · 23/09/2021 11:09

If you are on a very low income then the school may be able to subsidise the trip especially if you get pupil premium. Most children though don't go on the £2000 trip.