Page 2 | School trips divorced parents

BungleandGeorge · 23/09/2021 11:11

Are you sure the trips are that expensive? Ours aren’t £50 for a London trip and £2k for skiing. Most people don’t have that much money hanging around so it’s a case of saving a little each month over a couple of years, contributions from family and money for Christmas/ birthday etc. I think a school holiday is often a great experience and something to look back on, and many people do stretch to send them on one. But also many don’t and some children won’t want to go anyway. The trips are often subject specific too so different kids are invited to different trips. If your child really wants to go perhaps say to ex to part pay for that instead of Christmas/ birthday presents? Hopefully if he realises that they are really keen he will dig deep!

sashh · 23/09/2021 11:11

Do you think he sees it as paying you? Try asking him to pay a regular amount to the children, into an account in their names, so they can pay for their own trips.

BungleandGeorge · 23/09/2021 11:13

Pupil premium is only for curriculum trips during school time isn’t it not holidays? Seems unfair to subsidise someone with a well off parent tbh, although benefits don’t include maintenance £500 is a fairly large amount

EvilPea · 23/09/2021 11:14

My secondary experience.
I’m being realistic not to scare you or panic you.
Save for the uniform it’s really expensive and you can’t cut corners like you could at primary, I think it cost mine about £700ish to start + smart phone that is new enough to cope with the all the apps they are expected to have. A local secondary is now expecting parents to buy chrome books as well.
Transport is another consideration. School bus here is £100 a month.

There’s also contributions, so £10 for this department, £10 for that. Ours also ask for a direct debit to be set up monthly of £10 to the general school.

Trips. The trips are expensive, really expensive (seems to be £70-£100). However they only put on one coach so there’s loads that miss out, not just because they can’t afford it, but because the parents missed the boat. Ski trip was £2000 and there’s a waiting list for cancellations!!

The bottom line is, you can only pay what you can pay.
Mine haven’t done one trip.
I’ve paid a few contributions but not all as I simply can’t.

If you can have a conversation with your ex about it, try. But pick the battle you want to win.

TeenMinusTests · 23/09/2021 11:18

So at DD's school they only take 90 max on the y7 Paris trip out of 250 in year group. We are lucky, we can afford trips, and said we would do any educational trips in subjects they were interested in.

DD2 only did this Paris trip (and that was for confidence not the language), plus a v cheap weekend at a local study centre for geography GCSE.

DD1, who had interest in history & languages was very lucky and did y7 Paris, y8 battlefields, y10 Nice and would have done y11 Barcelona but there weren't enough takers.

Neither did the more 'fun' ski trips, nor watersports trips as they would have broken legs or drowned. DD2 chose not to attempt Iceland y10 because of glacier walking (see earlier re breaking limbs) but it was cancelled due to covid anyway.

I think it isn't at all unusual for parents to say 1 trip in the 5 years to their DC.

trumpisagit · 23/09/2021 11:19

My y10 has done 2 day trips to London, and one geog day trip, in y8.

The majority will have only done the geo one, which only cost the coach cost.
A tiny minority have been skiing or language exchange.
My son didn't want to do these as his friends weren't going, anyway.

Threearm · 23/09/2021 11:20

Its a technically he is right, morally it's shit issue

Almostwelsh · 23/09/2021 11:25

Am I the only one here who thinks actually 500 pm for 2 children isn't a lot if he's a high earner?

Is he paying as much as he should?

And yes I know many people get less. This isn't relevant to other people's cases.

Iwonder08 · 23/09/2021 11:27

OP, it is reasonable for him to pay his half, however it has to be mutual agreement re the trip. You can't decide yourself that the child is going without consulting ex if you want him to pay

Howmanysleepsnow · 23/09/2021 11:27

DD was going to do the France MFL trip in y8 (£400). Out of 200 children, 20-30 were going. All other trips in the last 4 years (though 2.5 years really due to covid) have been free (subsidised by universities etc).

Cheeseplantboots · 23/09/2021 11:30

You’re not unreasonable, he should want to pay so his child can have the experience. We used to pay maintenance for my SD and as we had more money than her mum we paid for school trips and uniform too. I’d have hated her to miss out. We still help her out despite her being in her 30’s!

BungleandGeorge · 23/09/2021 11:40

@Almostwelsh

Am I the only one here who thinks actually 500 pm for 2 children isn't a lot if he's a high earner?

Is he paying as much as he should?

And yes I know many people get less. This isn't relevant to other people's cases.

It depends what’s meant by ‘higher earner’ but that amount he must be on over 50k I think

JudgeJ · 23/09/2021 11:46

@Cally23

Hi,

I'm trying to get my exh to agree to pay 50% of school trips. We have 2 dc in primary and trips are affordable and basic. But there is one residential coming up not sure how much prob around £200. I'm worried about secondary school though.

I don't want to set up presidence that I pay for it all. I'm only on basic income. My ex is a high earner and has a second income from his partner (irrelevant but still, shows the imbalance)

He thinks child maintenance pays for everything and should cover no more. I get £500 pm for 2 kids. Does this cover the £2k ski trip in secondary?! Or do parents just not send their kids to these trips? Don't want them to miss out but don't want to panic and make a fuss if really, not many go on all these pricey trips.

My ex is a high earner and has a second income from his partner (irrelevant but still, shows the imbalance)

If it's irrelevant then why mention it? Her income is absolutely none of your busiiness.

CharlieandLolaCat · 23/09/2021 11:50

Child maintenance does technically cover everything. That said, my partner is currently considering what he will pay for post divorce. To date, he's been paying half of everything extra including classes and trips and this is where I think he will end up. But he does expect to be consulted and not just presented with a bill. Which to me seems pretty reasonable - so maybe a conversation if you can?

sloutside · 23/09/2021 11:51

I think he should be paying towards trips which are educational in nature, essential for the curriculum etc.
However, if the ski trip is unaffordable then it's unaffordable and he shouldn't be expected to pay for that. It's a rip off anyway at that price. Not every child goes so yours won't be the only one "missing out". Skiing is something your child could do at any point in the future when they are earning enough themselves.
A geography or history field trip somewhere local is a different matter.

The 500 pounds a month doesn't sound like a lot, so he can't really expect you to pay for all of the extras out of that and should dip his hand in his pocket to contribute towards extra essential things

3scape · 23/09/2021 11:56

If he was a reasonable human being, supportive and caring then he wouldn't be an ex. £500 is both not a lot, if ski trips are the kind of lifestyle their father enjoys and significantly more than a lot of losers get away with "contributing".
School trips being voluntary are over and above. Obviously not everyone can afford them all but a caring parent would want to support their child to access these experiences. Totally reasonable to ask for a contribution.

Peanutsandchilli · 23/09/2021 12:19

I went to a private school, and even there the vast majority of kids didn't go on the ski trips. Now I've got three children in high school and there have been no trips offered to my year 7 and 9 children yet (because of covid), and my year 13 has been on two trips (one was a free reward trip to the zoo, and the other was a London residential for 2 nights). She was offered a few more but they all seem to be optional trips, and a lot of kids don't go, even on the cheaper ones. I think it's reasonable that your child maintenance should cover the cheaper ones, at least.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/09/2021 12:24

If he was a reasonable human being, supportive and caring then he wouldn't be an ex.

Ridiculous comment as you have no idea why they broke up.

Original poster

Cally23 · 23/09/2021 12:32

@EvilPea that is really helpful. Not thought about uniform, phones, and travel. Of course the £4 jumper in asda won't cut it but blimey...that much. How? Posh blazers?

But you are right ans I have 2. Both will need uniform, phones and bus travel. God knows what other tech by then too.

To all others so reassuring on trips. Thank you.

OP posts:

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 23/09/2021 12:35

My ExH pays £45 per week maintenance for our DD. In 15 years, he has never paid for a school trip (or anything else, for that matter). When I asked once, his wife had a go at DD, telling her that her father pays enough!
DD went on PGL type trips in year 4&5 which weren't too expensive, and I saved so she could go on the ski trip in year 9. It wasn't £2k though! More like £900 and I was fortunate to be able to source most of the kit she needed second hand.

The CMS says that maintenance is to pay towards all usual expenses; I don't consider school trips to be a usual expense, but since he does pay (albeit deducted from his wage, or he wouldn't..) I can't force him.

Plenty of kids won't go on all the trips, many won't go on any. Don't get too caught up in worrying about it.

Original poster

Cally23 · 23/09/2021 12:37

@ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower sorry for your bad ex. Well done re the ski trip though!

OP posts:

HugeAckmansWife · 23/09/2021 12:43

I don't think it's helpful to discuss whether 500 is 'good' or not. It's all in relation to earnings and if he is a high earner, could easily afford to contribute more (as he is presumably only paying 50% of bills...the partner is relevant in that context). The CMS isn't 'meant' to cover anything specific. They keep it deliberately vague.. Its worded as 'a contribution toward essential expenses'. It doesn't specify what those consist of or the expected % to be covered. Neither does it acknowledge that its pretty piss poor parenting to only provide essentials and no 'extras' like activities, trips, music lessons ec if you can actually afford it.

BungleandGeorge · 23/09/2021 12:48

I think it’s extremely unusual for a state school uniform to be £700. They’re expensive but the average more like £250/300 new unless you choose to have lots of spares. Second hand is usually available. Day trips generally around £30 at ours and they don’t do that many. If you use your nearest school transport is free if it’s not walkable distance (they are expected to walk a reasonable distance at that age though). It is expensive having an older child as they’re obviously adult sized for shoes, appetite etc but I wouldn’t panic too much!

FortniteBoysMum · 23/09/2021 12:54

Unfortunately in the eyes of the law maintenance is his only required contribution. Talk to him about the fact when it comes to the big trips you will need help towards them.maybe agree trips under x amount you will handle. Over that amount he needs to contribute.

Sunshineandflipflops · 23/09/2021 12:58

My ex pays quite a lot more maintenance than that for our 2 dc and when unexpected or 'one off' bigger expenses come up he will usually give me half. Things such as school uniform once a year, expensive music exams, etc.

I pay for everything else, including music lessons and school resources/dinners, etc but I would expect to as he gives me enough to be able to do that along with my wage.

As for secondary trips, mine haven't really done any, although that's mainly down to Covid. The only ones I can think of have been trips to a concert/play which aren't too expensive really. The abroad trip wasn't even to the country of the language they are studying at school so they didn't go. In my experience, they are only interested in going if close friends are anyway.